“I…I…”
“Spit it out, Drew.” Her eyes welled with tears, and he reached to touch her, but she slapped his hand away.
“I’m just…I’m not sure I’m ready to marry you, and I think we need to take a break.”
“Since when are we getting married? We’re only eighteen!” Anna yelled, tears streaming down her face, leaving black streaks from her makeup. “Why are you doing this?”
Watching her cry made him want to kick his own ass. Maybe he’d let Luke do it since they’d already been at each other’s throats for days. “I love you, Anna, but I’m not sure I can be the guy you need me to be.”
“What does that even mean?” she shrieked. “I love you, and you love me. I need you to be that guy. Can you be him?”
He looked down at his hands, wishing the answer was yes. Since his parents’ separation, he doubted everything. He’d even started to doubt if he really wanted to be a doctor. Why couldn’t it be simple for the puzzle pieces in his brain to fall back into place? But he wasn’t even sure they fit anymore or that the picture hadn’t completely changed. “I don’t think I can.”
“Is there someone else?” She looked away at the ripples in the water, her voice quiet and so full of pain it ripped his heart in two.
“No, but…” How could he explain something he didn’t even understand himself? “My parents—”
“This is about your parents?” she sobbed. “We aren’t your parents!”
“But you know how much I hated it, how he hurt us. I need to know I won’t be my dad someday.”
Her gaze held his, and he nearly begged her to let him take it all back, but then he remembered what had happened a few days ago, and he hated himself even more.
“But I’m not asking you to know,” she whispered. Her tiny fingers caressed his face tenderly as fresh tears fell over her cheeks. “Please, Drew. Please don’t do this.”
She struggled against him, but he pulled her into his arms. “I love you. I’m sorry.”
She gave up her struggle on a hiccupped cry. “Stop saying that. If you did, you wouldn’t be doing this.”
“I’m so damn sorry.” Drew’s tears matched Anna’s, even though she couldn’t see them. He tightened his hold, stroking her soft blonde hair.
Laying them back into the truck, he pulled her into his chest, unable to let her go. He’d never really be able to let her go. Anna’s sobs eventually turned to slow breaths as he stared at the cloudless night sky.
Hours later, his eyes opened to the sun rising on a new reality.
Anna startled awake, eyes red and puffy as she jerked away from him. “I better go home. Mom and Dad will realize I’m not there soon.”
“Want me to drive you?” He was desperate to keep her near him. When would he see her again? That thought terrified the hell out of him.
Fresh tears streamed down her face. “No, I’m fine.”
Nothing about this was fine, but he kissed her forehead as his heart tried to beat though his ribcage to get to her. “Bye, Anna.”
She pushed away without a word, jogging to her car. The piercing burn in his chest had him taking steps to chase after her. Drew’s pulse sped out of control with the fear of losing Anna forever, but he stopped, head hung low and shoulders slumped. His hands hit his knees to steady himself before he hit the ground.
He listened to gravel crunching under her tires as she drove away from the river. Another tear ran down his face, and he slapped it away. He did this. He had no right to cry.
Drew loved Anna, but the stupid mistake he couldn’t take back had him convinced he didn’t deserve her. He’d failed her. Just like his father had failed his mother.
The kiss meant nothing. A girl started talking to him and Luke at a baseball after party then threw her arms around his neck and kissed him out of the blue. She was drunk, and so was he. Nothing else happened, and Drew pushed her away almost immediately, but for a split second he’d kissed her back, and he hated himself for it.
Her unfamiliar lips were foreign to his mouth, the taste, the pressure all wrong. Her kiss hadn’t made him feel a damn thing, but he’d put himself in the position to let it happen and never should have. What if that’s exactly what happened to his dad?
He’d never see that girl again, but he needed a minute to figure things out, to get everything straight in his head. He wouldn’t hurt Anna the way his dad hurt their family. He’d promised to make all her dreams come true, and he’d keep that promise even if it meant losing her.
Maybe he should’ve told her about the kiss, but he couldn’t bring himself to hurt her more than he already was.
The river in his rearview, more tears ran unchecked down Drew’s cheeks while he stared at her picture on the dashboard and hoped he hadn’t just made the biggest mistake of his life.
Chapter Eight
The two-story house where Anna grew up filled Drew’s view through the windshield. Perfect landscaping, a swing set peeking from the back yard with the river as a back drop.
Stalling.
He was stalling to walk up those porch steps and knock. How could something feel so familiar and so completely different at the same time?
Closing his eyes, he leaned his head against the steering wheel and pulled in deep breaths. In all the years Drew had known Anna, he’d never been this nervous around her. But the hope he had for their future was a dangerous thing. He’d laid all his cards on the table yesterday, and he wasn’t even sure she was at the table yet. The thought of losing her again scared him more than he could admit or he’d put the truck in reverse and run.
Man up and walk up to the damn door.
He wiped clammy hands on his jeans as he rang the bell and waited. Anna swung the door open wide, ponytail bouncing with a shy grin. Dressed in a sweatshirt and jeans, she was the exact picture burned into his mind for years. The sight still took his breath away.
“Hi there.” Her smile grew wider, and she moved to the side. “It feels weird seeing you ring the bell. I’m not sure you ever have before.”
“Is that good or bad?” he asked.
She shrugged indifferently but gave him a smirk over her shoulder.
Drew leaned against the back of the living room couch, studying her from her cute little bare feet to her silky blonde hair. “So where are the little critters?”
“Baby Jace is napping.”
He searched the room from left to right. “Elise? Charlotte? Your mom and dad?”
“Mom took the kids to lunch at the diner then the park. She dragged my dad with her. Literally dragged him from his chair and out the door. Since Jace sleeps most of the time and he’s the only one she left, I think she was not so subtly trying to leave us alone.”
“Just you and me, huh?” He shoved her playfully on the arm.
She shoved back so hard he nearly fell over the couch. “Don’t get any ideas, Mr. I’m-a-gentleman-and-don’t-kiss-on-the-first-date.”
He raised a teasing brow. “I thought this wasn’t a date.”
“It’s not.”
“I don’t exactly remember specifying the first date part of that gentlemanly timeline.”
“Whatever you think is best.” She cut him off with a wicked smile. Her intense competitive streak definitely hadn’t changed.
“That a challenge?” He brushed a hand across the small of her back as he passed to sit. She shivered, and he gave a mental fist bump. He still affected her, and he liked that, a hell of a lot. If she wanted to play, he’d play. “But you know…we’ve had some pretty fun times in this house alone. I’m just sayin’.”
Every high school couple took advantage of those precious moments of privacy, and they were no different. Some specific moments came to mind as he fell onto the couch.
“Hmm, not sure I remember.” Her teeth firmly sank into the side of her lip, always her tell she was lying. He made a contest of holding her gaze while her cheeks turned his favorite shade of pink.
“Oh, you remember.” He’d
always loved making her blush. Watching the color fill her face caused a jerk on that string she held so tightly around his heart.
A baby’s cry broke their stare. With a small shake of her head, Anna left the room returning a moment later cradling little Jace in her arms. She kissed the baby’s tiny forehead as she made her way to Drew.
“I need to warm his bottle. Want to hold him?”
Drew nodded, and she arranged the baby boy in his arms. Their faces and those gloss-covered lips were just inches apart. Drew knew they’d feel so much better than every fantasy he’d had, and his body leaned toward hers without permission. She smiled softly, her thumb briefly touching his lower lip before she left for the kitchen.
He sighed heavily, and his gaze drifted down to Jace. The little man watched him with those big eyes that identically matched his mother’s and aunt’s. Drew’s mind drifted to Anna’s round belly holding their first child. It was way too early for those thoughts, he knew it was, but that didn’t stop the damn grin on his face.
Anna’s voice pulled him from the dream. “Want to feed him?”
“I’ll let you,” he chuckled.
“Maybe next time?”
“Next time? I like the sound of that.” He wanted all the next times she was willing to give him.
Every. Single. One.
Anna sat in the leather rocker across the room and cradled Jace. She stroked his cheek and gazed at him lovingly while he drank. The bottle was empty in minutes, and he’d drifted back to sleep.
Watching Anna with a baby made Drew’s heart clench in a way he’d never felt before. She needed him to take their relationship slow; he had to earn her trust again, but he wanted to hold her hand as he became a father and rocked their own baby to sleep.
“Wow, you’re a pro at that already.” He broke the silence before he let those thoughts race any further. “You’ll make an amazing mother someday to those three kids.”
“Oh yeah?” She laughed. “Since when am I having three little ones?”
“That’s what you told me you wanted.”
“You remember?”
“I remember it all.”
She smiled, biting that sweet lower lip. “I guess maybe I do too.”
They sat in silence, her gaze drifting to the floor with tension furrowing her brow.
“Is something wrong?” he asked.
She awakened from whatever thought she was having. “Oh, it’s nothing. I just…”
He didn’t want to push her, but the pain in her eyes nearly broke him. “Just?”
She gave a heavy sigh. “Mason and I talked about starting a family. We tried for over a year, but it never happened.”
“Anna…” The pain in her expression after Jace’s birth made sense now.
She stared down at baby Jace. “We’d agreed to go though some testing, see if there were any problems, but then he cheated, and I signed his divorce papers. There wasn’t really any reason to go for testing after that.”
Mason.
Drew had to deal with her past, no matter how much it hurt or how much he wanted to beat the hell out of the guy. The image of them trying to start a family definitely wasn’t something he needed in his head.
“I’m sorry he hurt you,” Drew whispered, knowing it wasn’t enough.
She avoided his stare with her fake smile. “Me too, but I’m moving past it.”
He needed to take away her fears and make her feel safe with him again.
Drew stood, pointing over his shoulder. “Restroom still down the hall, right?”
“Yep, everything’s still the same.”
“Is it?” He raised a questioning brow.
She let out a soft laugh, but a glimpse of his Sunshine peeked through in her smile.
Leaving the restroom, Drew walked down the hall past Anna’s bedroom. A quick glance inside and he spotted something familiar on the nightstand. To his surprise, it was unlocked.
He walked into the living room holding her diary in the air. “So I’ve been trying to get my hands on this thing for years.”
Her eyes went wide with horror, and she jumped from the chair. “Give me that right now,” she whisper-screamed, trying not to wake Jace.
“Are you kidding me? I searched forever trying to find the key to this thing, even thought about breaking into it a few times. Now here it sits, completely unlocked for me to look through, and you think I’m handing it over?” Drew would never actually invade her private thoughts like that, unless she gave him permission, of course.
He put the diary behind his back and raised one eyebrow at her in challenge. After a few minutes of staring him down, she yanked it away. “Yes, I do.”
“Do you know how badly I wanted to read what you wrote about me in there?”
She poked a finger in his chest. “Who says there’s anything in there about you?”
“There isn’t? Well then, you won’t mind if I read some of it then.” He reached to take it back.
“Maybe if you’re good, I’ll let you read parts of it…someday. But there are parts you definitely will never get to see.”
He ran his finger over a piece of her soft blonde hair, tucking it behind her ear. “Well, I guess I’ll have to be good then.”
Those green eyes were shining bright, and the spark from the girl who once loved him was simmering along the edges. They sat together on the couch, and he moved his arm around Anna’s shoulders, cradling her and Jace against him.
“I’m glad you’re here, Drew.” Anna rested her head on Drew’s shoulder with a content sigh.
Emotions clogged his throat as he tried to respond. “Me too.”
She was special in so many ways. He’d seen that in middle school when he started to really notice girls didn’t, in fact, have cooties. Yet she was the one who always made him feel special in the way those bright green eyes held his, always shy and tender at first, but burning with fire when she’d kiss him. She’d loved him with her whole heart, never holding back.
Drew drifted his fingers though the silk of her hair, brushing along the spot on her neck where she loved to be kissed. “Can I take you on that first date this week?”
“Do you have a day in mind?”
“All of them,” he whispered, pushing the button on the automatic couch recliner, relaxing them back into sleep.
***
Anna
With the brilliant intention of taking things slow, Anna delayed their “first” date three days, though she had no plans the entire week. The rational part of her brain felt they needed space to ease back into whatever this was between them. But his wake-up call every morning and sweet reassuring words he’d texted sent her into a fury of nervous energy. A walk down the river that happened to be in the direction of his house was only stopped by two days of rain. She’d actually considered grabbing an umbrella and going anyway.
Her nerves quickly turned to panic when the day of their date arrived. She walked the grounds at Yoakum Ridge, reviewing work on each cabin and then the lodge. Luke’s continuous teasing about the date every time she got within ten feet of him didn’t help, especially when the rest of the crew caught on and joined the playful fun. She’d grown to love the obnoxious crew of guys that Luke tried to keep in line as foreman for Frank Bartlett’s Construction Company.
Would tonight’s conversation be as easy as it always had between Drew and her? Should she tell him everything?
Anna longed for the ease they always had together, comfort in each other’s arms with the perfect combination of can’t-keep-my-hands-off-you passion. But those things, the relationship they once shared, terrified her the most. Falling back in love with him to have it all ripped away when he left wasn’t a gamble her heart could afford.
A life with Drew felt like this beautiful, messy, amazing fantasy just out of reach. She could see it, but when she reached out to grab it, the vision faded. The rational part of her continued to run through the reasons this was a bad idea, but the fear of losing him wasn’t s
trong enough to make her resist those chocolate brown eyes, that sexy crooked smile.
After racing home from work, a second shower did nothing to calm her, but she was dressed and ready two minutes before the doorbell rang. A black flowy shirt, peep-toe heels, and jeans were her chosen outfit after at least a dozen combinations. Heels never failed to make her feel pretty, and tonight she needed all the confidence boost she could get.
Anna’s heart pounded so hard the room turned fuzzy as she walked through the living room to the front door. Squeezing the knob for dear life, she pulled in a deep breath and flung it open.
Drew’s gray v-neck sweater hugged tightly across his strong chest, sleeves pushed up for a peek at his forearms, and the dark denim fit him to perfection. He was gorgeous with that dimple peeking at her from his right cheek. She stared, mouth gaping, but couldn’t bring herself to stop…or speak.
His smile grew wider as he leaned in, arms wrapping around her middle. His warm breath met her ear. “You are beautiful.”
He leaned back, searching her face, their gaze locking together as his fingers lightly brushed her cheek. That tender touch, the intensity in those eyes, his spicy clean scent, had her neck and cheeks burning in a full-on blush. He made every part of her feel alive, and she wasn’t sure if it thrilled or terrified her more.
There was a throat clearing, and Anna remembered her parents on the couch behind them. Drew stepped inside and waved. “I’ll have her home early, I promise.”
Her mother laughed and told them to have a good time. Her dad simply nodded with a smile.
“Your dad and brother always scared the hell out of me,” he said as they made their way down the porch steps.
“Really?”
“Yeah, really,” he chuckled. “Max never made a secret of hating my guts. I think I’m close to winning over your dad, but your brother might be a lost cause.”
Max was never a fan of his baby sister having a boyfriend, but after the break up, when their mother called him to come get Anna out of bed after she’d cried for a week, the name Drew was no longer spoken in his presence.
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