Her gaze dropped to the floor, and she squeezed her eyes tight to hold the tears at bay. She was so sick of crying. The misery of the past year had finally started to fade in the last several weeks, but part of her knew all along this would happen. That she’d be right back here on Layla’s couch, her head in her hands as she screamed at herself for all the times she should have chosen the other path when at a fork in her journey.
Ambushing Drew with mind-blowing information at six in the morning hadn’t been Anna’s most brilliant idea. Honestly, anytime, anywhere she told him that information, it wouldn’t have gone any better. But it definitely couldn’t have gone any worse.
Anna hadn’t been able to sleep after the barbeque with his family. She’d stared at the ceiling, occasionally looking over at the man she was so in love with for a second time. Still so afraid of losing.
But her mind rolled his words around over and over.
I want your honesty.
Anna and I don’t have secrets.
Jesus in Heaven, it felt like someone punched her right in the stomach and left her gasping for air.
Lying there all night, she came to the harsh realization that telling him was her only option. She couldn’t pretend it never happened anymore, and the statement Anna and I don’t have secrets should be true, even if it meant losing him.
They weren’t together when it happened, and in no part of her mind did she ever think they could be again. But how in the name of all that was Holy would that conversation have possibly started back then? “Oh, hey Drew, I know we haven’t spoken in almost a year, but B-T-W your best friend Luke, you know him, right? He and I played drinking games until we couldn’t see straight and had drunken sex last night. Cool?”
Telling him then didn’t make sense. But she should have told him weeks ago or at least two nights ago. She’d conveniently omitted the details of the one-night stand that had him so surprised.
“You know I’m happy to sit here with you, but do you want to talk about whatever it is that’s got you so upset?” Layla’s voice startled her. She hadn’t even realized she’d joined her on the couch.
“I told him.”
“You told him…what?” Realization quickly widened her eyes. “Oh, you told him, told him. Can I gather from your red swollen face he didn’t take it well?”
Anna laughed, grimly. “He did not take it well.”
“So what did he say?”
What did he say? The words had hurt, a lot, but it was the blindsided, betrayed expression that sliced through her more than the words ever could.
“I can’t remember his words exactly, but he basically said I’d sleep with everyone in the world except him.”
“Wow, okay.” Layla leaned back against the couch.
“I should have told him earlier, but everyone said to leave the past in the past, and I thought I could pretend it never happened. So stupid.”
Layla grabbed Anna’s hands. She had that reassuring motherly look in her eyes Anna had seen far too much of lately. “Okay, I understand it’s a crappy thing to hear, but he had no right to say that.”
“Didn’t he? Isn’t he right?”
“No, he’s not right!” she shrieked, wrinkling her nose. “Anna, you’ve slept with two people in your entire life.”
Anna hid her face back in her hands. “I’m so exhausted. Do you mind if I go lie down for a while?”
“Of course, I don’t mind.” Layla’s phone rang, and she walked toward the kitchen. “Get some rest, and we’ll talk more when you wake up.”
Anna closed the door to the guest room, curling in a ball on the bed. She stared out the window at Layla’s meticulous gardening and the breeze blowing the oak trees in their back yard.
Was Anna right in the beginning? Had she and Drew changed too much from the teenagers who loved so fiercely?
Was it possible Drew only loved the fantasy Anna he saw in his mind instead of the woman with flaws and a past full of mistakes?
***
Seven years earlier
“What’s that noise?” Anna’s eyelids wouldn’t open, vetoed by the pounding inside her brain.
“I think your phone is ringing.”
She shot up straight, the spinning room sending her straight back to the pillow. Anna’s foggy brain worked hard to recognize the voice…
Luke?
“Luke, what are you doing here?”
She wasn’t even sure where here was.
“Anna…” The break in his voice instantly brought flashes of the previous night.
No…
She’d forced Layla to drive her to Drew’s. Luke answered the door. They played some sort of drinking game with shots…so many shots.
The images jumbled then, but she remembered falling off the couch laughing. She and Luke lay face to face on the floor. He brushed the hair from her face with a smile. That’s when she kissed him. There was a fuzzy recognition of her pulling Luke’s shirt over his head, him asking her what she was doing, and her looking into his eyes and pleading that she didn’t want to hurt anymore.
“We didn’t?” Anna covered her face with both hands.
They couldn’t have…
“Yeah, we really did,” he answered, pinching the bridge of his nose.
The room continued to spin, and Anna ran for the bathroom as the nausea took over. She grabbed the first thing within reach and pulled it over her head. The spicy sweet scent hit her senses immediately.
A black t-shirt. Drew’s t-shirt.
The tears burned, but she fought them away. She gained what little composure she could with such an unbearable hangover and walked back to the living room.
“Anna, I’m so sorry.” Luke sat up on the floor. The blanket fell to his waist, revealing those tattoos and finely chiseled abs. She turned away fairly certain the rest of him was as naked as she had been. “I can’t believe I let this happen.”
“Let it happen? I practically threw myself at you.” She lost her balance trying to sit on the couch, and he steadied her. “Some of the details are fuzzy, but I kissed you, Luke. I started undressing you and practically begged you to make me feel better.”
“Yeah, things got pretty blurry after those last four shots of tequila.”
Maybe the fuzzy details were a positive, and at some point in her life, she could look at Luke again without thinking about waking up naked next to him.
Anna’s phone blinked on the coffee table, taunting her with a message. It was most likely Layla, or maybe Mason. They’d both called and left messages last night. Layla asked if she was okay, but Mason’s message she hadn’t even listened to. She didn’t want his pity.
The phone beeped again, and she flipped it over, the nausea rushing back with Drew’s name on the screen.
Why was he calling?
Wait. She’d called him last night. Hadn’t she?
“Drew left me a message.”
“Does he know about this already?” Luke shrieked, his voice so high Anna would have laughed in any other situation.
She hit the play button, and Drew’s voice transported her back to a time when life seemed so incredibly effortless.
“Hey there, Sunshine. Some pretty interesting messages from you. They got a little more incoherent as the night went along. Drunk Anna always was adorable even if a rare sight. So anyway, it was really great to hear your voice, and I…I’m sort of missing you. Let’s get together and hang out sometime. If you want. Okay. Talk soon. Bye.”
Eyes closed, she listened two more times, taking in his words and the deep rumble of his voice. It still felt so vivid under her ear, like she’d woken up this morning with her head lying on his chest. Not naked next to his best friend.
“What did he say?” Luke asked.
“He just wants to catch up.”
“He’ll never forgive us for this. Anna, I…”
“Don’t you dare apologize again.” She scrubbed her hands over her face and held his gaze. “This shouldn’t come between the
two of you. He and I haven’t been together in years. He might not even care.”
Luke’s tilted head and narrowed eyebrows said what she knew. Drew would definitely care. But it wasn’t something he needed to know. It would only hurt their friendship, and Anna couldn’t have her stupidity hurt anyone else.
“Promise me, Luke. Promise me you won’t tell him.”
He nodded at the floor.
Her phone rang again, and she almost jumped out of her skin.
Mason.
“You’re not answering that,” Luke ordered.
Anna hit ignore, lying back on the pillow. “I don’t even know why he keeps calling.”
“He saw you out last night, and he’s jealous. That’s why he’s calling. And now you won’t call him back, so he’s sitting at home wondering who you’re with or what you’re doing. Do you want him back?”
“He doesn’t want me back. He was kissing someone else.”
“But what if he did?”
“I don’t know. I…I still love him, Luke.”
“But last night, you came here to see Drew?” He raised his brows in question.
“I did. I was drunk and hurt and…I don’t know. I somehow thought he’d make it better.”
“Do you still have feelings for him?”
Did she still have feelings for Drew? It hurt too much to consider it. “Are you serious with that question? It doesn’t matter. He stopped loving me a long time ago. Or maybe he never really did.”
“Anna, that’s not true.” Luke touched her hand, hesitating like it burned him. “You know that.”
“Do I? How?” Anger flared in her chest. “Can you give me one reason right now?”
Luke just stared at the wall, clearly searching for something to say. He left the room and came back dressed with two cups of coffee in hand. “Want to get some breakfast? Or I can take you home if you want?”
“Home is probably a good idea. Not sure I’m ready for food.” That was a lie, but she couldn’t face him for an entire meal. Not after what she’d done.
Two people couldn’t sit farther apart in a vehicle; she was sure of it. He pulled in front of the townhouse Anna shared with Layla, at least for the next few months. After that, Layla would marry Ryan. Anna couldn’t even begin to process all the emotions that came with that reality.
Luke turned off the engine, apologetic eyes searching hers. “Anna, I’m sorry if I made things worse. You know I’d never want to hurt you.”
“I’m sorry too.” She leaned forward to kiss his cheek like she always did but pulled back quickly, holding her purse between them. “Bye, Luke.”
She opened the door, tears forming again with the fear that their friendship would never be the same.
“Anna, wait. If you ever need…” He paused, pulling in a deep breath. “I’m still here, okay? Nothing will ever change that.”
She nodded, swallowing back the lump in her throat and closing the door. She reached in her purse for the key, falling forward when the door swung open instead.
Of course, Layla was waiting.
“What the hell happened last night?” she whisper-yelled, eyes darting around the room.
“Why are you whispering?” Anna asked.
“Because…”
Over Layla’s shoulder, Mason appeared in Anna’s bedroom doorway, eyes red and tired. He still wore the same clothes from the night before.
Just when she though the last twelve hours couldn’t get any worse.
“Anna, I’m so glad you’re okay.” He charged forward, arms enclosing her. “I’ve called you a hundred times. When you didn’t answer, I came over here, and Layla said you went to a friend’s house.”
Layla’s eyes were big as saucers, but Anna wouldn’t lie. Why should she?
She wiggled out of Mason’s embrace, dropping onto the couch. “I went to see Drew.”
“You what? Why?” His voice held a mix of surprise and pure anger. “Did something happen…”
There was no need to delay Mason’s inevitable departure. What did it matter anyway? “I slept with Luke.”
“You what?” Mason and Layla both screamed in unison.
Mason fell into the chair behind him. “How? Why?”
“Why do you care? You broke up with me, remember? Oh yeah, and you were kissing someone else last night.” Anna didn’t owe him an explanation, and she was done being the doormat everyone walked out on.
“So you decided to sleep with him to get back at me?” He sat forward in his chair watching her. His voice was thick with something that sounded a lot like hurt.
Her rage-filled glare bored into him. The hangover helped with that. “I hate to repeat myself, but why does it matter? You’ve clearly moved on.”
“Right, I’ve moved on. ’Cause me sitting in your bedroom waiting for you to come home all night would suggest I’ve completely moved on.”
“Okay, so why are you here?”
“Because when I saw you last night with Cole, I wanted to beat the piss out of him. Amber pulled me out to the dance floor, and she kissed me. Not the other way around. I pushed her away and chased after you. You, Anna! Or do you not remember that part?” He blew out a rough breath.
“How am I supposed to know what you want? One day we’re talking about marriage, and the next you need to figure some things out, which apparently means spending time with skinny redheads with giant boobs from your economics class. And today you’re sitting here saying you don’t want me to be with anyone else? You can’t have it both ways.”
Mason looked down at his hands clasped together between his knees. His jaw held tight as he spoke. “I can’t stand the thought of you being with someone else. It’s killing me.”
His hands scrubbed over his face while Layla gawked back and forth between them, utterly enthralled by the scene playing in her living room.
Mason stood, and Anna was sure he’d walk out the door, but he crouched in front of her. His hands held her knees. She couldn’t look at him, too afraid of what she’d find in those bright blue eyes. “Anna, please look at me.”
She shook her head, but he lifted her chin, forcing her to meet his gaze. She could still see the future they’d planned in those sapphire irises, and every part of her screamed that maybe they could still have it.
“Anna?” Mason pled.
“Why?” she asked, fighting tears again.
“This whole break was stupid. I was stupid.” Mason inched closer, his hand tenderly brushing her cheek. “I want to go back to the way things were.”
“I can’t be with you just because you’re jealous,” she choked out, a rogue tear escaping down her cheek.
Mason kissed it away, moving to sit next to her on the couch. “I want to be with you because I love you. I want to spend my life with you. And of course I’m jealous as hell. I want to bloody my knuckles on that wall right now, but I know this is…this is my fault. If I hadn’t freaked out about that damn engagement ring in the top of my closet and pushed you away, you’d never have gone over there and…son of a bitch! I hate this! But my mistake was letting you go in the first place.”
Engagement ring? Her stomach hit the floor with just those two words. A week ago, she would have been giddy, but now she wasn’t sure.
Drew’s voicemail last night played through her mind. Would thoughts of him ever go away? First loves took up permanent residence like tattoos on the walls of your heart, the hold unbreakable even when you tried to cut it out. But Drew didn’t want her. He’d moved on a long time ago.
Mason leaned into her slowly, hesitating as if he thought she might push him away. The feather light touch of his lips filled her with relief from head to toe.
“Can we go back?” he whispered against her neck. “Can we just go back to the way things were before any of this happened?”
“I need you to show me you mean it. Right now, I don’t believe you.”
Warm, soft lips met hers again, and she couldn’t help wondering if it was ever really
possible to go back.
Chapter Fourteen
Drew
Drew stared blankly at the TV. He’d spent the entire day dozing in and out of a marathon of westerns his dad watched. His mother and father’s side-eyed glances said they knew something was wrong. Thankfully, neither had actually asked.
How in the hell did this happen? Did Luke and Anna always want each other? Were they sneaking around behind his back then? They worked together every day now at Yoakum Ridge; what if something else had happened they hadn’t bothered to tell him about?
Realistically, he knew it wasn’t true, but the images of Luke touching Anna continued to fill his head. Tension gripped the back of his neck and shoulders along with a constant stream of silent curses.
Drew devoured his favorite pot roast at his parents’ dinner table. He sat in silence while they discussed what to plant in the garden and if they should repaint the porch. He couldn’t help glancing to the seat beside him, the chair where Anna should be. His entire body ached with the pain, the anger, and the regret. The what ifs and the whys.
Going home to an empty house couldn’t be avoided, so after helping his mother with dinner clean up, he stepped out onto the front porch. His parents sat on the swing, sipping coffee and holding hands.
“Sweetheart, are you and Anna…did you have a fight?” his mother asked, tentatively.
Drew sputtered a laugh. A fight? If it were only that simple.
“We’d be a hell of a lot better if…” He cut himself off. The last thing he wanted to discuss with his parents was Anna’s sex life.
She reached for his hand, pulling him down on the swing next to her. “Can I say something?”
He wanted to say no. To get in his truck and punch the steering wheel a few more times like Luke’s face. But he could never deny his mother, especially when she gave him those brown eyes full of nothing but compassion. “Umm, sure, Mom. What’s on your mind?”
“You’re clearly very upset, and I don’t know what’s happened, but please don’t make a rash decision you’ll regret. I feel like…like maybe that’s what you did the first time you and Anna parted ways, and I know it was partially because of what happened between your father and I back then. And I need you to know…”
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