by Ceves, Nina
“I promise,” he said soothingly. “Everything will be okay.”
“I’ll call Laura.”
“Okay.”
Alma took a deep breath. The thought of not having to summon strength to face Ben tomorrow gave her such a feeling of relief. At the same time, the thought of not seeing him, probably for a while, filled her chest with such bitter sorrow. She shook her head sadly. What a mess. “Thanks, Scott.” She cleared her throat.
“Of course, anything, anytime. Always. I’ll talk to you tomorrow, okay?”
“Okay. Bye. Say hi to Patrick and the kids and Meemaw.”
“Will do, sweetheart. Bye.”
Alma began to drive home. It seemed that she was looking at everything with fresh eyes. She drove slowly, taking everything in. Once in her apartment, she couldn’t settle. She watered her plants on her small patio. She poured herself a glass of water, but her throat felt tight and she set the glass down. At the kitchen table, she opened her laptop and went to her blog.
Help: Asking, Accepting. Today was one of the most all over the place days I’ve ever had, she wrote. I got asked out on a date. I said yes. I asked for help from someone new, someone who is caring and wise. I asked for help from somebody else, too, and he was there for me. I thought I would take these steps that I outlined one at a time. But it seems like I’m all over the place, in more ways than one. Being open to letting go of the crush, asking for help, and doing some major soul searching: all of this is not easy. I feel so shaken by everything I’m feeling, and for not knowing what’s ahead. But I’m trying to take it one day at a time. While I try to do that, I can’t help but look ahead with hope and fear, and look back, too, with confusion and sadness.
She sat back and took a shaky breath in and let it out. Her phone vibrated, and she jumped. Reaching across the table for it, she looked at the unfamiliar number.
Chapter Nine
Daniel sat down on the couch, stretching his legs out. Elijah was asleep in his crib. Dishes were piled up in the kitchen, the bathroom was a mess of wet towels, and toys were all over the living room floor. Instead of feeling tired, looking at the clean up ahead of him, he could barely sit still. He couldn’t stop thinking about Alma. Literally. There was this constant awareness of the time he had spent with her, these non-stop memories of her big brown eyes, her voice, her smile, what she had said, how she had looked, and the feel of her hands on his arm. He looked down at his arm. After bathing Elijah, who had learned how to pour water from plastic cups, what Alma had drawn had blurred and run in rivulets down his arms. But the sensation of her drawing, her hands so light and warm on him, was still present.
He rubbed his arm and held his phone. How do you ask someone on a date when you have a baby? First, the babysitter. He nodded. Lock that down, then see if Alma really wanted to go out with him, and if she happened to be free at the same time the babysitter was. Reaching in his pocket, he was relieved to find that the slip of paper that Greta had written down the babysitters’ numbers was still there, and it wasn’t completely wet and illegible. He keyed in the first number for Elsa and waited. The call went to voicemail. He tried again, texting this time, explaining who he was, how he had gotten her number, and that he was looking for a babysitter, maybe this Saturday evening? Within moments, she texted back. Turned out, she was free on Friday night, so Daniel just went for it, explaining that he wanted to ask a woman out on a date. She texted back a smiley face and told him to ask the woman out then text her right back if the answer was yes.
He stood up and paced. He went outside on the back steps and looked toward the mesa, looked at the fading light, and listened to the sounds of the day ending, the night beginning. He took a deep breath and called.
She answered.
“Hi, Alma. This is Daniel.” He waited.
“Hi!” She sounded out of breath.
“Is this an okay time for me to call you?” He looked out into the unfenced yard, seeing nothing, just waiting, listening.
“Yeah, it’s great. Hi! How are you?” She laughed softly. “How is your temporary tattoo holding up?”
He smiled, feeling his shoulders loosen a little. “Not so good. I think I need it done again.”
“What?” She laughed.
“Yeah, figured I’d just have you keep re-doing it. Tattoos are expensive, you know.”
“I have heard that,” she said mock seriously. “But how did it wear off so quickly?”
He took a quick breath. “My son. I was giving him a bath and it always seems as though I get wetter than he does by the end of it.”
She was quiet for a moment. “How… how old is your son?” Her voice sounded serious.
He swallowed and nodded. “He’s nine months old, almost ten months.”
“Oh. Do you have any other children?” She sounded polite, almost formal.
He bit his lip. “Total of five of them. I figured I’d start my own band.”
She laughed out loud, surprising him. He grinned. “Like The Partridge Family?”
“Exactly. No, I only have one. Elijah.”
“Well, you’ve got to start somewhere, right?” Her voice was still warm, playful.
He smiled again. His shoulders relaxed a little more. “Right.”
They were quiet for a moment, then Daniel spoke again. “So, yeah, I was wondering if you were free this Friday to have dinner with me?” Say yes, he thought.
She was quiet for a moment, and he felt his chest tighten. His having a kid, maybe that was a deal breaker. He should have prepared himself better for that. He nodded. He should understand. But he just wanted to see her again, so much.
“Friday would be great.” It sounded as though she was smiling.
“Yeah?” It was crazy how his heart started pounding, how he felt so excited and relieved.
“Definitely. Here’s something you should know about me,” she said solemnly.
His eyes widened. “Oh, okay, what?”
She laughed. “I’m going to spend an inordinate amount of time planning what I’m going to wear, because that’s just me. Do you have an idea where you would like to take me to dinner?”
He smiled and sat down. It felt as though his legs were going to give out. The thought of her planning an outfit, remembering that dress she had on, those shoes. Her legs. “I just had the idea to ask you what your favorite place was. I thought, maybe she has a favorite restaurant, and I’d take her there. If you said yes. Just that. Sorry I don’t have a thought-out plan or anything.”
“No, no that’s very… thoughtful.” Her voice had lowered and softened even more.
Why did he think her voice was so compelling? He pressed his ear tighter to his phone. He waited, not knowing what to say.
“One of my absolute favorite places, oh, I’ve got it,” she said eagerly. “It’s actually my cousin Edmundo’s restaurant. It’s on Marble Ave.”
“Great. What’s it called?”
“Edmundo’s.”
After a beat of silence they laughed.
“So now I can start planning what I’ll wear.” Laughter was in her voice.
“Yeah, me, too,” he said, and she laughed again. “Any chance I can call you again, before then, just to, you know, check on how the whole clothing planning issue is going? Maybe get some advice about my ah, outfit, too?” He smiled even bigger, hearing her laugh harder.
“Your outfit,” she laughed. “Oh, my gosh. Yes, I think you should. I’m getting curious, wondering if you’ll show up wearing a tuxedo, a baseball cab, and flip flops.”
“That sounds awesome,” he said seriously. “But I thought I’d wear my tuxedo shirt. It’s a tee shirt with a tuxedo printed right on it. So, you know. I’ve got that whole look going on.”
“Oh, no!” She kept laughing.
“And I’ll do my best to draw my marker tattoo back on, but, you know, the whole awkward angle thing. That’ll be difficult. And the fact that I can’t draw.” He felt as though he would do anything to keep making h
er laugh. Her laughter sounded so real, so close. Authentic bubbles of laughter, right in his ear. He closed his eyes, hearing the sound, relishing the physical response it elicited.
“I’ll have to make a stencil or something, so you can DIY it,” she said, the smile audible in her voice.
Or you could just draw on me every day, every night, he thought. Slow down.
“So, a stencil, two awesome outfits, and a date. Friday. Seven o’clock? Where do you live?”
Alma told him and he rushed back inside, found a pen, and wrote down the address on a napkin, which tore. He repeated the address to himself as he looked around for something sturdier, and he wrote it down again on the back of a receipt, which he then stuck to the refrigerator with an alphabet magnet. While this had been going on, Alma had been giving detailed directions.
“Got it, park by the dumpster and wander around hopelessly until I find the patio with the succulents, whatever they are. They sound scary but I’m a very brave man.” Daniel looked at the scrawled address and felt a wild sense of excitement and hope crowding in his chest.
A second later, he started smiling, as the waves of Alma’s laughter reached him. When they said goodbye and he had ended the call, he knew he was in trouble when he was already wondering when would be too soon to call her again.
Chapter Ten
Alma went to the refrigerator and poured herself another glass of cold water. Her face felt so flushed and her cheeks hurt from smiling. She couldn’t believe he had called her so soon. She drank some water and picked up her phone again.
“He called me. Just now.”
“What? Really? What did you talk about, how was it? Basically, no detail is too small,” said Laura.
“We’re going out, Friday evening. He has a child.”
Laura was quiet for a moment. “A child?”
“A baby, just nine months old.”
“Shared custody, right? With an ex-wife or ex-girlfriend?”
“I don’t know. I assumed so. He didn’t say. I didn’t ask.”
“How do you feel about that, about a guy with a kid?”
“Honestly, I never even thought about it before. You know? I never imagined it. And we just met. We’re just going on one date. So, I don’t want to get ahead of myself, and wonder what that would be like.”
Laura was quiet again. “How’s that working so far?”
Alma laughed. “Right? I know. I admit it. I’m already wondering if his ex is really awful and if Daniel and I dated, would she be this horrible presence in our life. And I also went on this whole imaginary trip of: he’s still in love with her and they’ll get back together as soon as I let my guard down. Then my heart will be doubly broken!”
Laura laughed sympathetically. “Yeah, but try to take it a day at a time.”
“I am really trying to do that. You have no idea how much.”
“Was the conversation a good one? Did you feel comfortable talking with him? Oh, and did he sound like a lion?”
“Oh my gosh, I seriously regret even saying that to you and Scott! But yes! I’m strangely enamored of his voice, Laura. Everything he says comes out in this kind of raspy, scratchy way. It makes what he says sound very… intimate or something. Like it’s a secret, just for the two of us.”
“Do it, do his voice.”
“I can’t!”
“Just do it.”
“There’s no way, I couldn’t even.”
“Try.”
“Hi, this is Daniel.”
Laura laughed loudly.
“I told you! I can’t imitate his voice. Stop!
Laura took a breath. “Okay, okay. Sorry. So you had a good conversation?”
“He’s funny. He… he made me laugh.”
“That’s good.” Laura smiled, she could hear it in her voice. “I want you to laugh. I want… I want you to be happy.”
“Thanks. It’s just a date.”
“I know.”
“I’m thinking of wearing that lace skirt.”
“That creamy, light brown one?”
“Yes.”
“Nice. Yes. Top?”
“My carnelian colored loose top with the dolman sleeves. Strappy heels. I want to wear the bronze ones, but they’re too high. In case we have to walk, you know? I don’t want to be all teetery. But I’ll miss them all night.”
“What about the wedge heels, those nude ones you wore to that thing?”
“Oh, wait, yes. Yes! Thank you, Laura!”
“Hair?”
“How could I have even gotten that far yet?”
Laura waited.
“Okay, yes,” said Alma. “I was thinking that I’d clip back one side, or, alternatively, a deep side part. I don’t know. I don’t want it flopping in my eyes all night.”
“Let’s sleep on it.”
“The date isn’t even until Friday! And Laura, I wanted to tell you. I’m going to be working from home. I talked with Scott. I just think that maybe having a little time away from the office might be good for me.”
“I’ll miss you, but I think that’s a really good idea. It’s just too hard for you, otherwise.”
Alma started to feel the excited, zingy feeling from the phone call dissipate and leave her feeling sad and cold, despite the warm weather. “Yeah.”
They said goodbye with plans to talk the next day, and Alma got ready for bed. Before climbing into bed with her book, she checked her blog. Eight hundred hits that day. And more comments.
Alex, I felt so alone before I found this blog. I’ve been reading it every day. I hate that you are going through this but I just want to say, thank you. I have a crush on my kids’ nanny and it’s tearing me up inside. I feel so guilty. I couldn’t tell anyone, of course. I felt like I couldn’t get any help and it was just getting worse. Now, for the first time I have some hope. I plan to incorporate your steps and ideas. Instead of imagining that maybe the nanny and I are this fated, meant to be couple, I’m going to start reconnecting with my spouse. We’ve grown apart. But now I have hope. So, Alex, wherever you are, whoever you are… thank you. And please, keep writing. Anonymous.
Alma sat back against her pillows, holding her hand to her chest. She was so touched, she felt tears in her eyes. She wasn’t the only one going through this. And she had helped someone feel less isolated and had given this person some hope. She felt filled with gratitude. She looked back down at the comments. There were some replies to the anonymous post she had just read.
“Dude, I’m assuming you are a dude, get a different babysitter! That’s shady.”
A response to that: “Don’t judge, hater!”
And to that: “Yeah, but if the nanny is from an agency? Wouldn’t the nanny be picking up on the crush vibes? She or he could get switched to a different family. Win/win!”
Alma’s mouth opened in shock. The conversation scrolled on and on. She couldn’t keep up with it. The conversation started to get very heated and go off on a tangent about childcare and parenting. Shaking her head, she closed her laptop and got ready for bed.
Chapter Eleven
Daniel knew which door was Alma’s from all the way across the parking lot. He closed the door of his car, holding a potted succulent plant carefully. All of the other doors to the apartments were painted the same utilitarian brown color. There was one door that stood out. It was painted a deep indigo color. He walked directly toward it and soon could make out the number on it, confirming that it was Alma’s home. He bit down on his lip, trying not to smile too big, but it made him feel like laughing. Alma and her colors. Taking a quick breath, he knocked.
She opened the door, glancing up at him, smiling shyly as she stepped back to let him in. “Come on in.”
“Hi.” He stepped inside and stopped. Color. Everywhere he looked. “Wow.” Alma’s apartment had sleek, modern furniture, an uncluttered look, and was filled with vibrant colors and art.
“A succulent!” Alma gestured to the plant in his hands, smiling.
&nb
sp; “Oh, right. I’m sure you’re assuming this is a gift. I should just let you think that, but truth is? It’s my attack succulent.”
“What?” Alma laughed, covering her mouth, staring at him. They had talked on the phone a few times during the past week, and texted back and forth a few times, but there was nothing, he realized, like hearing her laugh in person.
“I admit I was terrified at whatever succulents were, so I bought one to use as a guard plant. Attack plant.” He held it out to her. “No, it’s a gift.”
“Thank you,” she said, still laughing. “Let’s see if he’ll get along and play nicely with the others.” She inclined her head and he followed her out a sliding glass door onto a small patio. It was filled with plants, many that did look similar in some way to the plant Daniel had brought. He had Googled succulent then Googled where people would buy plants, and stopped by a nursery on the way. Alma’s patio was lovely. There was a small fountain, small statues in and among the plants and flowers, and little hanging lanterns of mason jars and vintage light bulbs.
“This is amazing.” Daniel turned in a circle, looking at this miniature secret garden.
“I want to make the cement floor into something special. I want to plant some fragrant ground cover, so I can walk out here in my bare feet. Wouldn’t that be wonderful?” She smiled up at him.
“It would.” He felt breathless. He didn’t even know why. Just something about her, and this little world of hers of plants and colors and lights. He felt… he didn’t know how he felt. Just, breathless.
“Sit down,” she said, gesturing toward a few chairs and a small table. “Would you like a drink? I have beer, iced tea…”
“I’d love an iced tea. Thanks.” He sat down on a bright green modern looking chair that was surprisingly comfortable. He wondered what it was made of.
Alma returned quickly with a tray of sliced jicama with a wedge of lime and a scattering of cilantro, and sliced papaya and two glasses of iced tea. “I have some simple syrup if you like your tea sweet.”