by McAdams, Mia
“That fucker has got to go today. Dammit. He says he’s got something on me. I wanted to find out what it was before I cut him loose so I wouldn’t be blindsided.”
“Do you have any clue what it could be?”
I shake my head, gritting my teeth and reeling from what Doug just told me. “Not a clue. I think he’s full of shit.”
“He’s probably bluffing. I’ve known the dipshit too long. It might be better to take your chances at this point and say good-bye.”
“Thanks, Doug.” I’m genuinely grateful for some sanity in all of this. “You wouldn’t happen to want the job, would you?” I flash him a grin.
Doug chuckles. “Thanks for the offer, but I’m quite looking forward to babysitting Tony.”
I’m looking forward to that, too, actually. “All right, then. Well, if you know any band managers looking for a gig, let me know.” I toss my napkin on the table and stand to shake Doug’s hand.
“You’re a good man, Wolf.”
Walking away from lunch, I’m anxious above all other things. I don’t know how I’ll handle seeing Lyric again. Guess it’s time to brace myself.
Lyric
Destiny is thirty minutes late when she finally breezes through the doors of quaint Buon Appetito. I’m surprised. Although the establishment is high end, customers are laid back, for the most part, and dressed in casual attire. Like me. Ripped denim and all. I have to laugh when Destiny takes a gander around the room and lifts her nose slightly in distaste. She, unlike the rest of us, is dressed in her finest pressed beige and white suit. Not much of a pop goddess look to her, but Destiny has always been a little different. She’s always been more socialite than pop goddess, anyway. I must say she looks Botoxed to perfection today.
There’s no question that Destiny Lane is beautiful. World-class beautiful. Flawless skin, thanks to premium products and the smarts to stay out of the sun. Perfect figure, mostly thanks to Frank, her personal trainer, and bland food intake. And her hair is a woman’s dream, especially those her age. Thick, long, and every strand perfectly in place. When I was a little girl, I’d admire her. She’d be in front of the dressing room vanity getting a full hair and makeup job while I watched from the couch, hoping someday to be as beautiful as my mother. Clearly, I didn’t understand the true definition of beauty. While Destiny may always carry a flawless exterior, her insides need some work.
Heads turn as she walks through the restaurant. A tight smile settles on her face when she finally sees me, and I know she’s fighting the criticism already. I dressed just as I normally would. Tight, dark designer jeans and a ribbed dress shirt. She would argue, but I look classy. Especially with the Louboutins on my feet, but that was as far as I would go to please my mother.
“Destiny.” I stand to kiss her cheek, returning her tight smile with one of my own. It hurts to pull off, but, then again, my face still has all its expressions, free from enhancements.
It’s so strange to hug the woman who gave birth to me and feel like I’m embracing a complete stranger. A twinge of anger surfaces as it always does when I think of her and just how much I’ve missed because of her. It’s a reminder of why I don’t do this. Why I never respond to her desperate and annoying messages. Because today, she’ll ask me for something that will send me over the edge. I already know it. It’s just a matter of time.
“Lyric, you look well.”
I want to choke on my water, but I haven’t even taken a sip yet. So I do to cover my annoyance, and I let out a fake cough. “Thank you.”
The waiter comes to take our drink order, and Destiny orders for us. A bottle of their best red. Of course. When another server comes to set a basket of bread on the table, she shoots him a glare and waves her hand, gesturing for him to remove it. My eyes want to bug out of my head at both her rudeness and the fact that I’m starving. I want that bread. Eyeing it as it’s being taken away, I snatch a piece from the bowl before he retreats.
My mother shoots a disapproving glare at me, but I don’t care. I pick at the bread while staring blankly back at her, waiting.
“I don’t have much time. I have to get ready to leave in a couple hours.”
She nods and taps a perfectly manicured fingernail on the table. “Yes, I understand you’ve been off the road for a few days. I can’t say I’m surprised you’re returning to that tour. But can I ask why? Haven’t you embarrassed yourself enough? Between Tony and now this Wolf character?”
My insides immediately boil. There was no warning. I was stupid to think the insults would take a few minutes to roll in. “Excuse me?” I narrow my eyes at her, and she takes in a quick breath.
“Lyric, you know how I feel about you being on the road. People just don’t understand why you aren’t making more of yourself.”
Because I don’t ever want to be like you.
“People?” I ask before shoving a bigger bite of bread in my mouth. “Or you?” My mouth is full, and I’m completely satisfied to see the disgusted look on her face.
“I know what you’re doing,” she says, her voice low. Then she sighs again. “I’ll never understand what you see in that job of yours, but fine. I have no strength to change your mind. However, your personal life . . . now that it’s public knowledge, it’s bad publicity for me, too.”
Surprise, surprise. She only cares because of her reputation, not mine. “I don’t care how this looks for you. Tony physically assaulted me. Did you know that part? He’s in the wrong here. Not me. Not Wolf. Wolf was just trying to protect me. His name has been dragged through the mud more than mine, yet no one seems to care that he’s innocent in all of this.”
My mom snorts. That’s right. The goddess snorts. “Well, I hardly doubt his reputation isn’t deserved. Everyone knows about that boy. Why, dear, do you fall for these hopeless rock stars? You should know better than anyone that no good will come of this relationship.”
“Stop!” I think I said that too loud. Heads turn in our direction, and embarrassment washes over me. “Look . . .” I lower my voice and stare back into her widened dark brown eyes. I’m glad I got my eyes from my father. Hers are as dark as her soul. “My love life and my job are of no concern to you. If you care about me at all, then please, keep your judgements to yourself. Your words don’t affect me anymore, Destiny. Nothing you do does.”
She gasps. “I am your mother,” she whispers back, but her voice drips contempt.
“You haven’t been a mother to me for as long as I can remember.” I push my chair back to stand, but she holds out a hand in a desperate attempt to get me to stay. Predictable. She wants something.
“Stop. I wanted to have a nice lunch with you. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for things to turn so ugly.”
I do stop for a second and look past the genuine concern on her face. I don’t want to believe there’s something else there, but it’s Destiny. She wants something from me. “Can we talk about something else? What have you been working on?”
And that does it. Nothing does the trick better than allowing Destiny to talk about herself. For the next hour as we drink our wine and eat our food, Destiny tells story upon story of how the label plans to rebrand her and bring her back on the music scene with a splash.
By the time our plates are being taken away, my eyes are sore from restraining the eye roll. I’m about to excuse myself to call for a car when she drops the bombshell.
“The label is looking for some original material. The rebranding is going great with the photo shoots and the producers we have picked out, but the label wants me to emerge with something as fresh as I put out four years ago. You remember that album, My Forever? Something like that.”
My Forever. I can’t believe she has the nerve to bring that up. “You want my lyrics.” No need to ask the question. This is what Destiny is after—what she’s always been after. At least she’s asking this time. I’ve never meant a thing to her except for when she’s used me. Thank God I’m not eighteen year
s old anymore.
Oblivious to my incredulous facial reactions, she starts her pitch. “Honey, I thought we could work together. You know, collaborate like old times? It would take you off that awful tour and out of the spotlight. Give the rumors some time to die down.” She’s smiling as if we’ve been great friends our whole lives. “And we could be closer. Like we used to be.”
Bullshit. She’s delusional if she thinks we’ve ever been close.
“Maybe you can make a name for yourself as a songwriter. It’s the perfect solution to everything you’re going through.”
I sit back and assess her bright smile. She’s halfway gone on the crazy train. “Destiny, I am a songwriter. Just because nothing’s been published in my name doesn’t make me less of what I am. Or did you forget?”
She sighs and slouches in her seat as if my words pose an inconvenience to her plans. “Lyric, not this again.”
“Yes, this again, because you brought it up. You disappeared with my songbook and made a record out of twelve of my songs and never once mentioned me—your daughter. And when I confronted you about it, you waved me away like I had no right to expect anything more from you. How could you do that to me? Every single song credited you as the writer and composer. Just you. Tell me, Destiny, how the hell did you manage to arrange an entire album all by yourself when you don’t even know how to play a damn instrument?” I grab my wine, needing the buzz to drown out my anger. Now.
Destiny’s eyes dart around the room, but no one is paying attention to us anymore. “Keep your voice down. I thought we settled this years ago. It was a misunderstanding.”
I choke over the wine as it goes down my throat. We never settled anything. “A misunderstanding?” She’s not worth the years of pain I’ve suffered trying to understand how a mother could steal something so significant from her own child. That was my dream. And then she just disappeared for another six months only to return and ask for more of what she originally stole. It still breaks my heart every single time I think about it.
Destiny Lane is evil, and there’s no way I’m ever going to let her hurt me like that again. I pick up my things without another glance in her direction. “You’ll manage on your own, Destiny, just as you’ve always done. It’s been a pleasure.”
With that, I gather my purse, slip out of the seat, and exit the restaurant. There will never be closure with Destiny, and I’ve given up hoping for it. All I want now is to move on and away from the pain and sadness. It’s time to get ready for my next challenge.
Tonight, I see Wolf.
Wolf
“Hello, Irvine! You all ready to rock this shit?”
They scream. I smile. Finally. It’s like someone ignited a fire in me again, and I’m one with the crowd, letting them feed me. I’ve been starving, and all it took was the knowledge that I’ll see her again for my metabolism to get back to where it was.
I give Derrick the nod, and he’s on it, knocking his sticks together and leading the start of “Joke’s On You.” We kill it. Song after song, we’re at the top of our game. And then it’s time to introduce “Dangerous Heart.” Like I do every night, I search the side stage for Lyric. Of course she’s not here yet. It’s just habit at this point, but the wait is driving me crazy, and the crazy feelings fuel my next impromptu message.
“Have you ever had your heart broken, Irvine?” I hold the microphone out and let the crowd scream vile statements back at me. “Me fucking too, Irvine. Me fucking too. So you know what we’re going to do tonight? We’re going to do a little cleansing. I’m going to heal your broken hearts, Irvine. Tonight, we’re going to dedicate this next song to all the heartbreakers out there. For fucking us up. For getting the best of us. For breaking down our walls and slipping right in there like a snake.” They cheer. “Thanks to you, we know what it’s like to live. To feel real pain. Thanks for reminding us why we’re better off alone.”
“Marry me, Wolf!” A girl from the crowd screams, and I get another brilliant idea. I’m still riding the adrenaline wave as I search the crowd for a victim.
“I need a volunteer.” The loudest fucking screams come from all angles. I laugh. “I used to have someone to sing this song to, Irvine, but not anymore. I’m going to need some help with this one.”
The guys are trying to get my attention. I can see Hedge inching closer and looking at me with his “are you crazy?” eyes. This isn’t part of the act. I don’t care.
Moments later, security is helping lift someone onto the stage. A cute brunette with an amazing rack and chocolate-brown eyes. I could do her. She looks nothing like Lyric, but I could pretend. If Lyric wasn’t on her way back to the tour, I just might consider it. All I know is this buzz running through me has taken days to return, and I want to ride the wave as far as it will take me.
“Hi.” I kiss her hand and dazzle her with a toothy smile. I can practically see her heart beating in her chest. Not that I’m trying to look at her chest. I pull my eyes up and notice how large her eyes are. Her mouth is open slightly, and I don’t think she’s able to speak.
I’d bet money this girl wouldn’t walk away from me the way Lyric did. She’d probably drop everything just to step on my tour bus, call herself my girlfriend, and hang by my side. Something Lyric wouldn’t even consider.
“What’s your name, sweetheart?”
“Suzie.”
Someone sets a chair in the center of the stage, I help her get seated, and then I serenade her soaked panties off. Well, not literally. That’s not allowed. But she’s cute, so I grind on her a little bit. I’m sure the guys will give me shit later for giving the innocent girl a lap dance, but I do what feels right in the moment. And right now, the need to feel wanted again is strong.
As I sing Lyric’s words and give this fan maximum attention, I know any attraction I have to Suzie is nothing compared to what I feel for Lyric. It’s all an act. A show for the crowd. An attempt to fill the gaping hole Lyric carved in my chest.
The song ends, and I help Suzie up from the chair and swing her around in a bear hug. She giggles and puts her lips on my ear. “Let me return the favor.”
A boulder sinks in the pit of my stomach. Shit. Sweet, innocent Suzie just went dirty girl on me. I wasn’t expecting that. There was a time I’d have given in to her advances without hesitation. I’m still playing the game, but the game makes me feel like a piece of shit, like I’m cheating. The feelings are starting to piss me off.
I give Rex the nod to take her from me, so he does. He helps her back down to the concert floor. I watch him hand her a backstage pass as a consolation prize and know I’ll have to jet out of here quickly so Suzie doesn’t catch up. The last thing I need tonight is sweet and dirty Suzie on my bus when Lyric could return to the tour at any moment. Not that I want Lyric on my bus, either.
We finish our set and run off the stage. I’m drenched in sweat as Rex and the security staff fight the crowd so they can get me to the bus.
Like a flash of lightning, it happens too fast. My eyes connect with Lyric’s, and there’s a flash of fire—filled to the brim with pain and anger behind them. She’s standing near the exit, but it’s clear she caught the show and most likely my dedication and performance for Suzie. Shit.
Just looking at my Lyric wearing all that anger, I can almost forget my own pain. My first instinct is to run to her, pick her up and slam my mouth onto hers, and then fuck her full of my anger. My dick has a lot of pent-up aggression toward her, and after tonight’s show, he’s ready to go.
I’m in front of her in seconds, staring into the eyes of the one who stole the best parts of me when she left. Before I can get a word out, Rex approaches with a wide-eyed Suzie on his arm. She immediately disconnects from him and latches onto my arm. Fuck. No. No. No. My eyes dart to Rex, who sees my alarm, and then Lyric, because Rex starts to pull Suzie back. He must have gotten my signal completely wrong up on that stage. I haven’t nodded for him to bring me a girl in months. I guess
with things messed up between Lyric and me, he assumed wrong.
He struggles with Suzie a little because she’s determined to cling to me. The look on Lyric’s face makes my heart sink to the bottomless pit of my stomach. “Well played, Wolf. Well played.”
What the fuck do I do now? I expect her to run away again, and I’m ready to chase after her to explain. She catches me off guard when she presses onto the balls of her feet and takes my face in her palms. Every one of my muscles trembles in response. Then her mouth is on my ear, and I’m hit with the reality that she’s here. Her familiar scent, her touch, her breath that grazes my cheek—she’s all I want. It takes everything I have not to grip her waist and fall into her. Instead, I remain frozen and waiting until her words seep like vapor into my soul.
“I came back for you, Wolf. Don’t make me regret it.”
With a final look that’s part disappointment, part warning, she turns away and pushes through the exit door.
Suzie snakes her arms through mine, and I shake her off immediately with a muffled apology. With a look at Rex, I signal for him to keep Suzie back while I storm after Lyric.
I shove the door open with a little too much force. It slams into the exterior wall, and I swear it’s about to detach from the hinges. Lyric has only gone a few feet past the exit. “What the fuck?” I yell at her once I’m outside.
Lyric swivels around and shakes her head. “You’re pissed at me. I get it. But right now, I’m pissed at you, too.”
I step forward and get in her face—so close our foreheads are almost touching. I missed this face so much. It’s familiar and full of emotion and vulnerability that make me want to give her the world. But right now I’m fueled with too much fury at her audacity to give her anything but my anger.
As I’m gearing up to unleash all of my pent-up anger, I realize part of me is glad she witnessed my exchange with Suzie. She deserves to feel jealous. What did she expect when she left with no promise to return? “You have no right to be pissed off.”