A Sahib's Daughter

  She went on her way, leaving Prava shocked and stunned. This was something she’d never envisioned. She could not bear to think of leaving her cottage. It had been her home for so long. It was small, but it suited her perfectly. What was she going to do? She couldn’t conceive of living anywhere else.

  Meanwhile, Justin and Samira were shopping on Chowrasta. First, they visited some of the old curiosity shops that so captivated him. He picked out a silver pendant to take back to his mother and when he saw that Samira liked a topaz bracelet, he went surreptitiously back to the shop and bought it. He found a cap of yak’s wool he knew his father would like and asked Samira to pick out some ornaments for his bungalow. Everyone seemed to know her. She spoke to them in Nepalese, haggling for the best possible price.

  Next, she took him to a fabric store and said she needed to order some clothes.

  “Probably not today but I just need to start planning what to buy. I’ve decided to visit my Aunt Pauline in Ireland,” she told him. “She lives in Bray with her husband, Sean. I also want to go to Europe.”

  “When are you going?” he asked, surprised.

  “As soon as I can arrange it, Justin.”

  “Is this a sudden decision?”

  “It is and it isn’t. I’ve always known I’d be going. I was just waiting for the time to be right.”

  He looked thoughtful. Things were not going as planned, or were they? He didn’t want their relationship to lose momentum. He’d thought he had more time to allow it to develop, not that he needed it for himself. His mind was made up. He knew that he wanted her in his life and could not bear the thought of losing her.

  “And what makes it right now?” he asked, needing to know.

  “It’s… summertime. I graduated from college over a year ago. I need to make some concrete plans for my future.” She couldn’t tell him her heart had just been broken, and she needed to escape as far away as she could to avoid running into the person who’d caused her so much pain.

  “Yes, I’m sure it is,” he agreed. This was hardly the time to extract any kind of promise from her. But later, as he delivered her back to her grandmother’s front gate in the afternoon, he took her hand and said,

  “Sammy, I need you to know that I’m crazy about you. I’d like you to think about whether we might have a future together. I don’t want to rush things, but the fact that you’re going away soon means that we don’t have much time. I never…I thought I would never feel for anyone again, but I know I couldn’t bear to lose you.”

  Samira looked at him, surprised and flattered. As usual, she didn’t know what to say and struggled for the right words. It had been an emotional roller coaster of a day.

  “Thanks, Justin. I will. I’m a little surprised but very flattered. I’ve had a lovely time. You’re sure you won’t come in?”

  “Unfortunately, I need to get going. But I’ve had a wonderful weekend. Please say good-bye to your grandmother for me.”

  Chapter 20

  Darjeeling, India, 1978

  It seemed odd that Prava was not at her usual post on the verandah. Samira called to her as she entered the house and found her in the kitchen vigorously stirring things in a pot. She wore a length of cloth around her waist like an apron and a bandana over her hair. She looked like she’d been crying. Samira had never seen her grandmother cry.

  “What’s wrong, Gran? Why are you crying?”

  It had been a day of tears.

  “I have terrible news,” said Prava. “I had a visitor while you were out, the woman who collects my rent. She told me that I have to move out of my cottage because the new owner wants it back. I have two months to find another place.”

  “You mean it doesn’t belong to you?” It was also a day of surprises. “But you’ve lived here ever since I was born and before that, too.”

  “We’ve lived here ever since we moved from Kalimpong when your mother was twenty- one, a little younger than you are now. I’ve always loved this house. It never occurred to me that they would ever want it back. I realize I should have at least considered it might happen.”

  “Maybe you can reason with them?”

  “No, the owner wants it for a relative. I don’t even know him. Tashi has taken care of everything during the last few years. She’s his granddaughter or niece, I think she said. What am I going to do?”

  Samira lit the stove and put the kettle on. “I’m so sorry Gran, but we’ll find another house. I’ll help you.”

  “It’s not that easy. Tashi said rents have gone up a lot, and I might have to move into a flat or even to Ghoom.”

  Ghoom was like its name, a gloomy town just outside Darjeeling, perpetually smothered in fog.

  “But listen to me going on as if I’m the only one with problems! What about your news? I’m sorry, my girl, I should have asked you sooner. I saw Ravi on his way back to his motorcycle. He didn’t look at all happy.”

  “Gran, it’s finally over between us. He’s going to have an arranged marriage.” Samira started to cry, as she’d known she would. “His family doesn’t want him to marry me because they think I won’t fit in with their customs. They don’t approve of mixed marriages.”

  “Yes, I thought that might be the case with those Punjabis.” Prava spoke scathingly. This just reaffirmed her bigotry against plainspeople. She added two spoons of sugar to her tea. But there was no point going into that now.

  “So when’s he getting married? Have they found a girl? Or do they just want him to not marry you?”

  “Oh, they’ve found someone. It seems he’d rather have a stranger than me,” she said. “He’s going to Delhi for the engagement. Maybe, he said, if he likes her. There’s no wedding date yet. So that’s what’s been going on all these months, while I’ve been breaking my heart over him.”

  “I’m so sorry, Sammy. But at least now you know and can get on with your life. Tell me what happened with Justin? Did you have a nice time with him?”

  “Actually, I did. The whole Ravi fiasco has made me appreciate him even more. The reality is that I’ve seen very little of Ravi for quite a while, except for one night at the club last week. What he said to me today was just a confirmation of what I already suspected, except about his getting engaged. I’d never have suspected that. So, now I feel I’m in a better position to appreciate someone like Justin, someone older, more stable, and…well, someone who doesn’t have Ravi’s prejudice.”

  They moved to Prava’s drawing room and made themselves comfortable.

  “How did you leave it with him, with Justin, I mean?” Prava asked.

  “He asked me to think about having a relationship with him. He told me he’s crazy about me. But Gran, I’ve only just decided to go to England. I kept putting it off because of Ravi. If I don’t go soon, it will be wintertime, and I don’t want to postpone it to next year.”

  “Listen to the girl!” Prava mocked, looking heavenward. “Try to live your life one day at a time, child. You always want to rush things. It will all work out. Listen to your old grandmother. Now how about pouring me some brandy? And help yourself to some wine before we have dinner.”

  The next morning, Samira went to Chowrasta to buy a newspaper. She wanted to check the classified advertisements for a house to rent. She hadn’t been able to sleep, her mind filled with the events of the day. She wore the topaz bracelet Justin had given her as he was leaving the day before. The yellow stones were set in a silver filigree design. He’d asked her to think things over. Obviously, he didn’t want her to set off on her travels without giving him some form of commitment. Was she really ready to do that? And why would she want to just as she was about to embark on her big adventure? She bought the newspaper and decided to take the long route home to stretch her legs and clear her mind.

  Back at the house, Prava was picking chilies and coriander in her garden. She’d planted them among the marigolds and dahlias. The shadows under her eyes revealed that she hadn’t been able to sleep, either. She wondered if she
should have gone back to her family in Gangtok when Ramona got married. Her sisters and cousins were still living in the houses they’d grown up in. They had always urged her to come home. But events in her life had taken her away, from one place to the next, almost as though she’d had no say in the matter. Somehow, it never seemed to be the right time to go home. And now she felt she would be imposing on her siblings by moving in with them.

  She was so engrossed in her thoughts that she didn’t see someone open her gate and walk over to where she was crouched among the flowers. She looked up startled, unable to see who it was because of the sunlight behind him. She rose unsteadily. He held out his arm to help her.

  “I’m sorry to disturb you, madam,” he said politely. “Why don’t I come back another time?”

  She looked up at him, a faint glimmer of recognition in her mind. She could see that he, too, was looking at her incredulously.

  Memories of times together and of friendship, companionship and vulnerable young love flooded back into her mind, memories of how he had loved and waited for her, patiently and uncomplaining, and how she had belittled that love with her betrayal. Prem! It was Prem Dorjee, the man she had known and loved in her youth.

  “Prava?” he asked, uncertainly. “Is it really you?”

  “P…Prem?” she stammered. “I can’t believe it…after all these years!”

  His body had filled out and his hair was almost white. He wore a brown business suit and carried himself with an unmistakable air of prosperity.

  “It’s been so long, and yet I knew you instantly!” He took a handkerchief out of his pocket and wiped the sweat off his face.

  “Please, come inside. Have some tea.” She pushed a stray hair out of her eyes and smoothed her clothes, aware that she must look a sight, in addition to being more than forty years older than when he last saw her. He followed her up the steps into the cottage.

  “Please don’t go to any trouble,” he said.

  “Oh, it’s no trouble at all. The pot is still hot. Please sit down.”

  She went into the kitchen and seeing her maid, Tiki, asked her to bring a tea tray into the drawing room.

  They sat facing each other, a trifle awkwardly. It had been so long. There was so much unsaid between them. Where would they even begin?

  “How did you find me?” she asked, finally. “What brought you here?”

  “I have to be honest. I wasn’t looking for you. I came to look at my house.”

  So he was her landlord!

  “It’s inconceivable we never met,” she said. “I’ve lived here for twenty-five years.”

  “I inherited it only four years ago,” he said. “But I’ve lived in this town ever since…ever since after I last saw you.”

  She now remembered Tashi telling her that the house had a new owner, and that it would not affect her in any way. She wanted to know all about Prem and the kind of life he’d led.

  “So, you came here? After you left Gangtok?”

  “Yes, I had family in the town. I started a business. My son runs it now.”

  “You have a son? And a wife?”

  “I have two sons and five grandchildren. But sadly, I no longer have a wife. She died six years ago.”

  “I’m very sorry,” said Prava, trying to take it all in.

  “Thank you.” He took the cup of tea she handed him and placed it carefully on one of the rosewood side tables. “And you? Where is your husband?”

  “I never had a husband,” she said. She had paid for her indiscretion her whole life. “He… we didn’t marry. But I had a beautiful child. Her name is Ramona.”

  The child who was a manifestation of her infidelity, he thought, bitterly. So it now emerged that he had left his home and had given her up for a man who hadn’t even married her. It happened long ago when he was young and filled with idealistic notions. But he could still remember the pain and the heartache. And now, she had come into his life exactly when he was beginning to feel vulnerable again, and still with that aura he’d found so irresistible.

  “And how is Ramona?” he asked. “Does she live here with you?”

  She told him about Ramona and Charles and was just starting to tell him about Samira and Mark, when Samira walked in, flushed and rosy from her walk.

  “Oh,” she said. She was taken aback to see Prem. “I’m sorry. Am I interrupting?”

  “No, Sammy. Please stay. Meet a very old friend, Prem Dorjee. It turns out that he’s also my landlord.”

  “Pleased to meet you, Prem. I’m Samira.” She shot a quick, hopeful look at her grandmother. Did the fact that he was a friend mean that he might reconsider and let them stay in the house? There was a long silence, and she felt that she was intruding on something more than a chance encounter between two old friends.

  “Please excuse me a moment. I need to speak to Tiki,” she lied, going to the kitchen where she could hear Tiki singing as she cooked lunch.

  Prem looked at Prava and cleared his throat. Tashi had told him that his tenant did not want to vacate the cottage. But he’d already promised it to his aunt. He needed to think things over. This wasn’t going to be easy.

  “I’m delighted to have come across you again,” he said to Prava. “I realize that you want to stay here. I can’t promise you anything just yet, but rest assured I’ll do my best to find a solution.”

  “Thank you. I can’t ask for more than that. In fact, I’ve no right to ask you for anything. Also, I know it was a long time ago, and maybe you forgot all about me and about what happened, but I want you to know how sorry I am about what I did to you and to us. I tried to find you, but your family wouldn’t help me, which is understandable. And I was pregnant with someone else’s child. Why would you have wanted me? I don’t want to make excuses, but I was very young. I missed you desperately for many years.”

  She gazed at him, determined to grasp the opportunity to say all the things she’d always wanted to say to him while she could, in case she never saw him again. She might never have another opportunity to beg his forgiveness and explain her behavior in some way.

  “I’ve never forgotten you.” He spoke clearly and deliberately. “I left because I couldn’t bear the pain. If I’d known you still cared, I would have stayed, but I assumed you’d marry the child’s father. And I would gladly have asked for your hand if I’d known you hadn’t. I would have helped you bring up the child.”

  The thought of what might have been swept over them. Prava’s head bowed in sadness at the loss to her life. It was almost too much to bear. The years had passed and could not be re-lived. Prem stood up, and she went to him and took his hand.

  “Once again, I’m truly sorry. I realize I can’t expect you to help me. I’m just happy to have had this opportunity to talk to you and to explain things from my perspective.”

  Days passed. Prava and Samira were in limbo not knowing whether to start hunting for another house or to hope that Prem might reconsider.

  “If he was truly in love with you, Gran, he won’t let you down now.”

  “But I let him down in the past. Why should he help me now? And what about the situation between you and Justin? Have you thought about it, as he asked?”

  “Gran, don’t change the subject! I think Prem’s still in love with you.”

  “Oh, stop it, child.”

  “Are you in love with him?”

  “Have some respect and stop asking questions! I’m much too old to think about such nonsense.”

  “Sixty-five is not old. And you’re still beautiful.”

  “Darling, you’re too sweet. And before I forget, my neighbor said you’re to call your mother.”

  “Oh, all right. I’ll go call her now.”

  She went next door to telephone her mother. She got her mother on the line, and Ramona told her she had a message from Justin offering to bring her home next Sunday. He was arriving in Darjeeling on Saturday afternoon and wanted to take her out to dinner, such a nice man! Samira laughed and said th
at as she’d already been considering leaving at the weekend, she’d be happy to accept Justin’s kind offer.

  As she returned, she saw a delivery man at the gate carrying a bouquet of flowers. How kind and romantic of Justin, she thought. But the man needed a signature from Mrs. Roy, he said, as the flowers were for her. Samira ran into the house and hugged her grandmother in glee. Prem had sent her a bouquet of red roses with a note inviting them both to tea at his house the following day. He would send a car to pick them up at four o’clock. There was a number for her to call.

  The next day, Sammy made sure her grandmother dressed appropriately for the occasion. For once, Prava didn’t protest too much. Consequently, she looked wonderful in gray silk Sikkimese robes, a white sweater and pearls that complimented the gray and white tones of her hair.

  Prem’s house was a colonial structure with a stone façade on the other side of town, above the main thoroughfare into Darjeeling. It was built into a hillside and overlooked the town’s twin blue domes and the Kanchenjunga Mountains beyond. Prava gasped in awe when she walked in and saw the view through the Georgian window panes. Prem explained that the house had belonged to his grandfather and that he had moved in four years ago after he died. His son now occupied the large family home where he had lived with his wife. Prava noted that the house was furnished with great magnificence, although it looked badly in need of updating. There were fine pieces of antique mahogany furniture, including a dining table and sideboard, grandfather clock and desk.

  “I know this place needs work,” he said, ruefully. “But being a typical man, I keep putting it off.” He pushed a call button beside his armchair and ordered tea.

  “I love it!” cried Samira. “These old houses are beautiful. And better to do nothing than to modernize unsympathetically.”