by Glines, Abbi
The wide-eyed expression on Leann’s face as she glanced to her right and left alerted me to the fact that I’d stopped walking and raised my voice. I turned my head to the right and saw Ashton and Beau both looking at me. Beau’s expression was anything but pleased, and Ash looked like she was about to cry. Well, hell.
Lana.
Turning my head to the left, I saw Lana’s big green eyes glistening with unshed tears as she stared at me. Ethan was glaring at me with a murderous expression.
“Lana.” I started toward her, and she shook her head at me and ran off. I took a step to chase after her when Ethan stepped in front of me.
“No. I won’t let you do this to her. I thought maybe you were sincere, and I was willing to step down and let you have her. But you’re not. If you were, you’d never have been able to yell what you just did without a thought of her hearing you.”
“Get out of my way, Ethan.” I started to shove past him when a large hand clamped down on my shoulder.
“You need to let him go to her. You’ve done enough.” Beau wouldn’t let me go. I’d have to fight him first, and that would just get us both thrown in jail.
Sagging in defeat, I turned and stalked toward the car. Once the concert got going and Beau was distracted, I’d find her. I’d fix this. I had to.
The hurt look in her eyes was more painful than I would have ever imagined.
LANA
“Lana, wait,” Ethan called out from behind me. As much as I didn’t want him to see me crying over Sawyer, I couldn’t exactly keep running away from him. He was my date. Slowing, I stopped and leaned back against the brick wall outside the restrooms.
Ethan stopped in front of me, and the worried expression on his face made me feel even worse.
“Lana, I’m sorry.”
“For what? You didn’t do anything but make the mistake of asking me out on a date.”
He reached out, touched the side of my face, and wiped away tears with his finger. “Nothing about asking you out was a mistake.”
I let out a sad laugh. “Yeah, right.”
“I mean it.” He sighed and dropped his hand to grab one of mine. “I realized today on the boat that you liked Sawyer. The rest of the female population in Grove has a thing for Sawyer, except for Ash, so that wasn’t a big deal. I still wanted my chance. I didn’t expect Sawyer to find a way to come too.”
I’d been stupid enough to believe he had come because of me. It was sad, how deluded I’d been. “I’m an idiot,” I whispered through the lump in my throat.
“No, you’re smart, beautiful, and funny.”
I smiled up at him and wiped the rest of the tears from my face. “Thank you.”
“You gonna be okay?”
“Yes, I just need a little alone time. If that’s okay.”
Ethan nodded. “Sure, I’ll meet you back at our seats.”
“All right.”
* * *
I washed my face with the cold water from the bathroom sink and dried my skin with a paper towel. My makeup was gone, and the freckles I worked so hard to cover up were standing out like a neon sign against my red face. I had makeup in my purse, but I’d left it in the car. Sawyer had more than likely locked it, but then again these southern Alabama people rarely locked their vehicles. I needed to walk and get my mind off things. I could at least check the car and give my red face time to return to its natural pale color.
I searched for row D and headed down until I saw the back of Sawyer’s mother’s Mercedes. Turning in between the cars, I didn’t notice that the car door was open until Sawyer was right in front of me.
“Lana,” he said in a surprised tone.
Backing up, I started to turn so I could run back to the bathroom and cry a little more, because he was just so perfect it hurt to look at him
“Lana, please, don’t go. I need to talk to you.”
“You’ve said enough.”
“Lana.” Sawyer grabbed my arm and firmly turned me around and backed me up against the car door. “I need you to listen to me,” he pleaded, and cupped my face in his hands, gently rubbing my cheeks with the pads of his thumbs.
“I’m an asshole,” he started, and I fought the urge to nod in agreement. “I didn’t mean any of that the way it sounded. It wasn’t even about you or how you make me feel.”
“Really? Because it sure sounded like it,” I blurted out.
“Leann was accusing me of never loving Ashton. She was saying that I thought of her as a possession or trophy. It set me off.” He closed his eyes and let out a frustrated sigh. “With you, things are different. I’m not sure what it is, but when I’m with you, I feel something I’ve never felt before. I do want you. Badly. It surprises me and scares the shit out of me. Maybe I’m not good for you. Maybe what I feel is wrong. Because I did love Ashton. She was all I needed . . . but never did I feel the uncontrollable desire to get her underneath me.” His voice dropped. “Never did I make up reasons to get her to wrap her legs around me so I could feel her pressed up against me. Never.” He swallowed hard. “Never did I think about being inside her.”
I forgot to breathe as I stared up at him. He looked torn between fear and longing. The sweet guy I’d fallen in love with years ago was there, but he was underneath the other guy he was slowly changing into.
“I’m not good for you. I don’t know why you make me want you so badly. I was angry with myself when I said all that earlier. I was mad because I wanted you in a way I’d never experienced before. Before you, I just wanted to excel in football and school. I wanted my parents to be proud of me. But now, I want other things too. You get to me in a way I don’t understand.”
I stood up on my tiptoes and stopped his words with my lips, but before he could pull me against him, I stepped back and broke it. “Thank you for explaining it to me,” I replied as his eyes searched my face for an answer to why I’d kissed him and backed away so quickly. “I know you loved—or love—Ashton. I watched you grow up adoring her. It’s just that . . . I’m not sure I can handle you flirting with me one moment and the next sulking or having angry outbursts over Ashton and Beau.”
“Fair enough,” Sawyer said as he reached down and threaded his fingers through mine. “I’m not ready for any kind of relationship, but I’d like to enjoy this summer. Before you came into town, I wasn’t sure if I was even going to hang around until August. Now you’re here, and I don’t want to leave anymore. I’d like to enjoy this last carefree summer with you.”
That wasn’t exactly what I’d hoped for when I’d decided to come here, but it was a lot more than I expected. Maybe Sawyer would find a way to move on soon. Besides, we needed time to get to know each other without Ashton between us.
“I’d like that too. But I don’t want to play games. I don’t understand them.” I couldn’t handle having him treat me the way he had earlier tonight then turn on a dime and have a angry fit over Ashton. My heart could only handle so much.
“No games,’ he resting his hand on my hip and pulling me closer to him. He lowered his head and began placing soft kisses on my nose, cheeks, and forehead. I shivered as his warm breath tickled my skin. “Your freckles are so damn cute,” he whispered and ran a thumb across my cheekbone.
“I hate them,” I replied forcing myself to pull back away from him. If he kept this up I’d end up letting him do whatever he wanted. I didn’t need to be pressed up against his car in a passionate kiss. I needed to get over my chest that still ached from the knowledge I’d never be more than his summer distraction.
SAWYER
Ashton’s eyes went wide with surprise when she spotted Lana and me walking together toward them. She was standing in front of Beau with his arms wrapped protectively around her. I tore my attention from her and quit trying to read her facial expressions. That was something I needed to stop doing. Beau’s head turned to see what Ashton was staring at, then he raised his eyebrows and shook his head once before turning back to watch the stage where Little Big Town was singing “Boond
ocks.”
“I’m here with Ethan,” Lana said.
“I know.” But that didn’t mean I liked it.
Her small hand grabbed mine and squeezed it before letting go quickly and walking toward Ethan, who finally noticed she was back. His worried frown went from her to me, and the angry glare directed my way wasn’t lost on me. He didn’t like she’d come back with me. I couldn’t blame him. I hated seeing Lana’s face all red and splotchy from crying. I’d walked with her to the bathroom after she retrieved her purse from the car. She’d gone inside and covered up a good bit of those adorable freckles.
I didn’t follow her. She was Ethan’s date; the only one he got with her. Because he was my friend and I really needed a little distance from Lana after the conversation we’d had by the car, I was going to spend the rest of the night talking to Leann and enjoying the music.
Leann studied me as I made my way over to stand beside her. Before she could open her mouth and ask twenty questions that were none of her business, I informed her: “Don’t want to talk about it.”
She closed her mouth and gave me a dirty look before focusing her attention on whatever Ethan was saying to Lana. I didn’t allow myself even a glance over at them.
“I hope she kicks you to the curb. I have no idea what has gotten into you, Sawyer, but I gotta say, I don’t like you very much right now. The good guy is completely gone.”
Dammit, why did I care? Leann wasn’t my girlfriend’s best friend any longer.
“I made a mistake, okay. I’m allowed to screw up. You all accuse me of putting Ash on a pedestal. Well, maybe y’all have me on one too. Back off.”
I was already beating myself up enough about how I’d hurt Lana. I didn’t need Leann in my ear making it worse. Especially when the need to turn around and make sure Ethan’s lips were nowhere near Lana’s face was becoming harder to control. I needed to let them have this one date. Then I was going to make sure everyone knew Lana was mine this summer. I was going to make sure she never cried again on my account.
“I know you’re human, Sawyer. I just didn’t know you were a thoughtless ass. That’s all I’m referring to,” Leann said before shifting her attention back to the stage.
Little Big Town’s newest hit, “Pontoon,” started playing and Ashton squealed behind me. “AH! I love this song! Put me on your shoulders so I can see better.”
I wasn’t about to turn around and see Beau put Ashton on his shoulders the way I’d done at the last concert I’d taken her to. If it wasn’t for all the memories it would be easier to wash Ash from my thoughts. But forgetting was so damn hard.
Chapter 11
LANA
Music played somewhere in the distance as I spun in circles searching for it. Just before I twirled off a huge cliff and plunged to my death, my eyes snapped open. I stared at the ceiling. The music was much louder now. Colbie Caillat was letting me know I had a phone call. Groaning, I reached for my phone on the pillow beside me. I’d gone to sleep hoping to get a text from Sawyer, but one never came.
Why was my mother calling at seven-thirty in the morning?
“Mom?”
“Hey, honey, I’m sorry to wake you, but I wanted to call you before your stupid father did. You need to hear this from me and not him. He has absolutely not one drop of compassion for others. He just goes around hurting people and doing whatever his sorry ass wants to do. Selfish man. He hasn’t called you, has he? Because if he has already called, I’m going to jump on a plane and fly to New York City and kick his—”
“Mom, could you tell me what’s going on please?” I’d pulled myself up to a sitting position while my mother had rambled on about my father. That was her favorite pastime: coming up with names for my dad.
“Sorry. I got carried away.” She sighed into the phone. “Your dad is getting married, Lana, to that new whore of his.”
I was prepared for this, maybe not so soon, but I knew he had moved away to be near some woman he’d met on a business trip. I was hoping to visit him one week this summer if he found time in his schedule. It sounded pathetic that I was hoping he could pencil in time for me, but he was my dad. Up until last year, he’d lived in my house. I’d hated him at first, but eventually I’d wanted a relationship with him again.
“Okay . . . ,” I began, trying carefully to filter my words while talking to my mother. She went crazy if I ever defended him. I didn’t like her reminding me that he’d left me, too, whenever I tried to take up for him. Because she was right: He had left me, too, but he loved me. I knew he did. He’d told me the day he signed the divorce papers that he’d stayed with her until I had grown up. He had been planning to leave her the moment I went off to college, but things had happened and he’d had to leave a little earlier. He’d said that none of it was because of me. He loved me and was proud of me. I needed to believe that. I held on to that at night when I lay in bed and heard my mother crying and screaming as she threw things across her bedroom.
“We knew he was serious when he moved out there to be with her. When is he planning on getting married?”
“I most certainly did not expect your forty-seven-year-old father to marry his twenty-three-year-old slut! What will people think? He’s ruining our reputation. People in this town will find out and they will talk. You won’t be able to walk around town without people whispering behind your back. This is going to ruin us, Lana. Just ruin us!”
Twenty-three? I cringed. What was my dad doing engaged to a girl only five years older than I was? That was just . . . gross. My mother continued to rant and call my dad names as I sat there staring at the wall in front of me. The message “Home Is Where the Heart Is” was stenciled on a framed painting hanging on the pale blue wall, mocking me. Home? What is home now? My mother’s house where there was never any peace? My dad’s apartment in Manhattan? It was about five hundred square feet, and he was going to move in with his college-age wife. Tears stung my eyes as the smell of coffee wafted down the hall to my room. I could hear my aunt and uncle chatting happily in the kitchen, and I could smell bacon frying on the stove. This was a home, one like I’d never really known.
“Did you hear me, Lana?”
Shaking myself out of the pity party I was having, I cleared my throat. “Sorry, Mom, what was that?”
“He wants to fly you to New York City to be in the wedding. Can you believe that? My baby in New York. I told him no way. You wouldn’t want to be in his ridiculous wedding. But he insisted that he’d talk to you first. Be ready for that call today. The little floozy wants you to be the maid of honor. You haven’t even met her.”
“Okay, Mom. Thank you for letting me know. I need to go. I’ll call you later. Ashton is waiting on me to go for a morning run.” Mom bought my lie, and I fell back against the pillow as I ended the call.
Could this get any more screwed up? The house phone rang, and I heard my aunt answer it. I didn’t have to pick up to know it was my mother telling my aunt everything she’d just told me. If mom mentioned the lie I’d told her about running with Ashton, I knew my aunt would cover for me. She understood. She always had. I snuggled down into the covers and closed my eyes. For now, I can pretend this is my home, that I have a safe, happy place.
* * *
As I walked into the kitchen several hours later, the faint smell of bacon still filled the air. Ashton stood by the counter in her pajamas, hair mussed, pouring herself a cup of coffee.
“Morning,” I said, stopping beside the cabinet to get myself a coffee cup.
“Oh, it’s my early-morning running buddy.” The teasing tone in her voice made me smile.
“Uh, yeah, sorry about that. I needed an excuse to get off the phone.”
Ashton laughed and handed me the pot of coffee. “No worries. Mom covered for you according to the note she left us.” She pointed to the letter lying on the bar.
I reached over and picked it up.
Good morning girls,
I hope you enjoyed your early-morning run. I
have to say that when Caroline called me this morning and mentioned that you two were out running, I was a little surprised. I could have sworn I’d passed both your doors and they were closed tightly. But do not worry; I didn’t share that information with my sister. She believes you both enjoyed a nice, long run before coming inside to eat some of the bacon and eggs I fried up.
Love,
Mom
I smiled to myself and laid the letter back down.
“How does your mom manage to be so cool while mine is a crazed psycho?” I asked, taking a sip of my black coffee.
Ashton didn’t even deny my mother’s insane tendencies. She gave me a sad frown and shrugged. “Why’d your mom call so early this morning?”
I rolled my shoulders and set my cup back down. I didn’t really want to talk about it, but I knew hashing it out with someone other than my mom would make my decision easier.
“Dad’s getting married.”
Ashton’s eyes widened, and she leaned forward on the counter, resting on both elbows and studying me for a moment. I knew she was trying to gauge my reaction to the news.
“You were expecting this, right?” she asked hesitantly.
“Yes, I was. But not so soon, and maybe not to a girl only five years older than I am.”
Her jaw dropped. “Uncle Nolan is engaged to a twenty-three-year-old?”
It sounded ludicrous when she said it aloud too. My dad was not an attractive guy. Sure, I loved him, but he was old and balding. Not to mention, he had a potbelly. “Crazy, huh?”
“Yeah, real crazy . . . Are you okay? Is he going to call you?”
I wasn’t sure if I had ever been okay, even when both my parents had lived at home. They’d fought constantly. Most of my memories growing up had a scene in them where my mother was screaming at my dad.
“I’m fine. He’s supposed to call today. His fiancée . . . She wants me to be her maid of honor. I’ve never even met her. I think I’m going to ask him if I can just be his best man—woman. I think I could rock a tux.”