by Lia Lee
Chapter 19
Fiona
I tried to bury myself in work and everything I did routinely blurred into one big mess of me trying to keep my head above water. I was emotional because of Laird and because I was pregnant. I had morning sickness which only made me feel more miserable than I already was, and by Wednesday afternoon I felt like I couldn’t deal with it anymore.
It had only been two days, and I was exhausted, drained, numb.
When I finally finished my work for the day and left the office, I called Jackson in my car. I hadn’t been back to see Laird, but I tried to keep updated with how he was doing. I didn’t want him to see me like this, even though he didn’t know who I was. And I couldn’t see him like that, either.
“How is he doing?” I asked when Jackson answered.
“He’s doing alright,” Jackson said. “He’s awake more often, and he’s eating. He doesn’t complain about headaches so much anymore, but that might only be because he doesn’t like complaining.”
“What did the doctors say?”
Jackson sighed. “So far, everything is still pretty much the same. No changes. Nothing new to report.”
Which meant he didn’t know who I was, yet. To Laird, I was still a stranger.
“He is still pretty out of it.”
“Should I come down tonight and pay him a visit?”
“I don’t think so,” Jackson said. “It’s tough on him. Rather stay away. If he remembers you, I’ll call.”
I frowned. “Are you sure it’s better if I stay away?” I had thought maybe seeing me would help.
“I think he needs less stress and more rest. He’s already exerting himself.”
“Right,” I said. “Okay.”
When we ended the conversation, I started my car and pulled into traffic. Jackson’s words stayed with me. He’d said I should stay away. Why was that? I understood that it was confusing for Laird not to know everyone that came to visit him, but he had only lost a few things. He still knew Jackson, as far as I could tell.
I had the awful feeling that Jackson was trying to keep up apart, that he wanted me to stay away from Laird for good. It shouldn’t have been up to him. I should go to the hospital, do what I wanted to do and see Laird.
But if he didn’t know who I was, what was the point? What would I gain by pushing this? He didn’t know me. I didn’t know if he would ever remember me. Was it the right thing to do to force this, to make him know who I was again? Maybe it was better to let fate play out. I had thought that being together with Laird was my destiny, but it hadn’t been true. All that was left now, it seemed, was to move on. It felt awful, but what choice did I have?
I spent Wednesday night trying to forget. I made dinner because I had to eat for the baby’s sake. I still wasn’t hungry, but I had to take care of myself if I wanted to make it through the next nine months of pregnancy. I watched television to try to distract myself from the thoughts mulling around my mind.
No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t forget about Laird. I didn’t know what to do. A part of me said I had to let him go. The fight wasn’t worth it. We had had a magical time together, but aside from amazing sex, I knew nothing about him. I knew superficial things like what he liked and what he was aiming for, but I didn’t know who he was on the inside when everything was stripped away and the rawest version of Laird was showing. I didn’t know for sure that we would have been perfect together, after all.
All I knew was that we had been perfect, then. And now it was all gone.
I wished I had someone I could talk to about it. I wished I still had my mom. I was pregnant and it was something I would have wanted to share with her. I was heartbroken and I wanted her to grieve with me. I was lost in my mess and I had no way out. The only person I could turn to was Jamie.
Maybe it was worth it to talk to her about it. Even if I broke down. Even if it made me more miserable.
So, on Thursday I asked her if she could go out to lunch with me. We walked to a café on the corner, and I ordered juice I didn’t drink and a salad I didn’t eat.
“What’s wrong?” Jamie asked. “You haven’t touched your food.”
I sighed. “Where can I start. I don’t even know how to talk about it.”
“Just start from the beginning.”
I took a deep breath. “Laird was in an accident.”
Jamie’s eyes widened. “Is he alright?”
“Physically he’s fine. He has a broken leg. But he has memory loss. He doesn’t know who I am.”
“What?” She looked as shocked as I had felt when I’d found out.
“Yeah, I know. It’s crazy. I hadn’t ever thought something like this would happen to me.”
“Wait, what does he know and what doesn’t he know?”
I explained to her what had happened, how much he’d lost. Also, that the doctor didn’t know if Laird would remember everything after losing a few memories or if he would keep forgetting short-term things.
“The brain is so complex that apparently, it’s the one thing no one has figured out yet. Head trauma is a huge mystery, and no one can tell me what will happen or give me any kind of hope or answers. All they know is what already happened.”
Jamie shook her head. “I can’t believe this,” she said. “It’s like a movie.”
I nodded. “All of it. Even meeting Laird, the sex, the baby and our instant connection. I’m starting to wonder if the universe is playing a cruel joke on me.”
“Don’t look at it like that,” she said. “See it as good that he’s still alive.”
“That’s great, Jamie,” I said. I didn’t mean to sound as sarcastic as I did. “But he doesn’t know who I am.”
“I was just trying to be positive,” Jamie said softly.
“I know,” I sighed. “I’m sorry. I can’t tell you how hard this has been for me.”
“I can imagine. I’ve seen how down you are, but I didn’t know it was this serious. What are you going to do?”
“That’s the thing,” I said and pushed the lettuce around on my plate. “I don’t know what to do. I can’t know for sure that he will remember who I am. If he doesn’t, I can’t expect him to do what we had said we would do before. If he doesn’t know who I am, why would he want to be with me?”
Jamie nodded. “I get what you’re saying. It’s a hell of a predicament, especially because you’re carrying his baby.”
“Oh, God,” I said. I had known it all, of course, but now that Jamie had put it into words like that I was hit again with how messed up this whole situation was and what a bad place I was in. “What would you do?”
“Can I be perfectly honest?” Jamie asked.
“Please,” I said. I needed to hear some voice of reason, something that would give me a way out of this darkness.
“I think you should move on. I think you should let him go.”
I had thought the same thing so many times, but when Jamie put it into words, the sound of it hit me like a physical punch. I had a pain in my chest, and I felt like crying. Again.
It sounded wrong to ditch Laird. But what would he be doing to me? It wouldn’t be his fault if he didn’t know me or about the baby, but still. Wasn’t he checking out just the same?
Jamie and I talked about other things. I couldn’t talk about it anymore, not without getting too emotional, and I was in public. My friend understood. We caught up on other things until it was time to go back to work. When we left, I had a strange resolve that settled in my gut. If Jamie thought I was giving up so easily, my friend didn’t know me nearly as well as she thought.
When I had decided to give up it had been a thought. It had taken me hearing it from someone else to realize that giving up wasn’t what I wanted. I didn’t know how I was going to fight for this, yet. What I did know was that I couldn’t just walk away.
Chapter 20
Laird
I was allowed to go home. I couldn’t remember shit, but aside from my broken leg, my body was fine. Everything e
lse I struggled with was mental. There was nothing else they could do for me at the hospital, and when a patient didn’t need the bed anymore, they needed to clear it out for someone who did.
Jackson had collected me from the hospital after I had taken care of the bills, and we had driven back to my cabin in his truck. The trail up the mountain to the cabin hurt like a bitch. I was jostled around, and my leg hurt as much as my head did. But when Jackson helped me into my cabin, it was great to be back.
Everything was the way it always was, and I felt at home. This was something I knew.
“Are you going to be fine?” Jackson asked when I settled on the couch.
I nodded. “All I need is to rest up and recover.”
The doctors had said that if I was in my own space with my own routines, it might help to jog my memory. God knows I needed that. I was sick of being stuck like this, with the void inside of me. It had only been four days, but mentally it had been a hell of a lot longer and a hell of a lot more than just that.
“Right. Well, I would feel like a shit friend if I didn’t at least leave you some food. So, what do you want?” Jackson walked to my open plan kitchen.
“I usually don’t have much stocked up. And I’m not that hungry.. Coffee would be great.”
Jackson nodded. “Coming up,” he said.
“I need to take a piss,” I said.
“Need help?”
“Fuck no. I’ve got this one.” I hobbled from the couch to my bedroom and then the bathroom. It was hard on my leg, but I wasn’t immobile. That was good news.
After I finished in the bathroom, I hobbled to the bedroom. It was hard work, and I sat down on the bed to take a breather. I lay back on the pillows. God, it felt good to be home again. I reached up and pushed my hands under the pillow. My fingers tangled in something and I pulled it out.
In my hands, I had a pair of black satin panties. I opened them, and they were sexy with lace inserts. I closed my eyes. The scent that clung to them was amazing. It was something floral and something sexual, all at the same time.
I flashed on an image of a woman’s body with these panties stretched over her perfect ass. Her hip bones pushing out slightly when she lay back. A tattoo that moved when she did.
And that red hair. Short, curly red hair and eyes the color of spring leaves.
Fiona.
It crashed into me like a freight train. A twisted ankle, rough fucking, the baby. And that I loved her. I wanted to be with her. And she thought I didn’t know who she was.
Because until two seconds ago, I didn’t. But I knew, now. I remembered it all. The darkness in my mind faded, and even though my head hurt like a bitch, I remembered.
The accident crashed down on me as well, and I gasped. I felt the four-wheeler between my legs, the way it gave out when I hit the rock. The scream of the woman behind me flying off. And then the world tilted on its axel, spinning around and around and a deafening crack. I knew something had gone terribly wrong just before I had blacked out. And my last thought had been about Fiona.
When I opened my eyes, it was like a year had sped by in a second. My hands trembled, and I pressed my hand against my head where it ached.
Jackson came into the room.
“Hey, are you okay?”
“Why didn’t you tell me about Fiona?” I asked.
“What? I told you.”
I shook my head. “You didn’t tell me how serious we are. You didn’t tell me about the baby.”
Jackson’s eyes widened. “You remember.”
I nodded. “I do. And I remember a whole lot of shit you didn’t tell me.”
I was pissed off. I was panicked. I had no idea what I was feeling. Everything was a jumbled mess, but I knew I was okay again and I knew Fiona needed me.
“Look, man. I was looking out for you.” Jackson stood with his arms folded in the doorway like a sentry, or like someone who had something to hide.
“How were you looking out for me? You know how I feel about her.”
“I wanted you to remember for yourself. Things were going so fast. I figured, if you remember for yourself, I will know it’s real. But if I tell you that you love her, you might do something just because I said you had to.”
I shook my head and climbed off the bed. I hobbled to Jackson and grabbed him by the collar. I was pissed.
“That’s a dick move,” I said. “She is carrying my baby, for fuck’s sake! How can you let me leave her in the lurch like that?”
“I was trying to do the right thing,” Jackson said.
I wanted to punch the living shit out of him, but I knew what he was saying. We were going fast. No one would understand it but me. No one would know how genuine my feelings for Fiona were. So I pushed Jackson to the side and hobbled out of the room.
“Where are you going?” Jackson asked, coming after me.
“I have to get to her,” I said. What if it was too late? What if she had already given up on me? But no, I wouldn’t accept that. If Fiona felt even half of what I felt for her, she would hold on.
I found my truck keys on the hook next to the door and yanked it open. I only had one thing on my mind and that was getting back to my woman and making it all right again, to fix what had broken and make good on my promise. I would be there for her. We would do this together.
“Don’t do that,” Jackson said, grabbing onto me and nearly pulling me off balance.
“You can’t keep me from her,” I yelled.
“I’m not trying to keep you from her,” Jackson said. “I was never trying to do that. But you have to sit down, or you’ll hurt yourself even more.”
“Not until I get to her,” I said.
Jackson wrestled me against the door, his arm against my chest. He wasn’t as strong as I was, but he was making his point.
“I’ll call her, dammit. I’ll get her to come out here. But you need to sit the fuck down and take care of yourself.”
I finally heard what he was trying to say. I understood.
“Fine,” I said. “I’ll sit down. But we have to call her. Now.”
Jackson nodded. “Just sit down, okay?”
I did what he asked and made my way to the couch. I sat down. I was out of breath even though I had barely done anything. Jackson had been right, trying to drive all the way to the city with a cast to get Fiona back would be stupid. I pressed my hand to my head which was still aching.
Jackson took out his phone and dialed a number before pressing it to his ear. He glanced at me before walking out of the cabin. I needed to know what he was saying to her.
After a short while, Jackson came in, holding the phone out to me.
“She wants to talk to you.”
I took the phone and took a deep breath before I held it to my ear.
“Fiona?” I said.
“Oh, my God, Laird,” she said. Her voice cracked, and she started crying.
“I miss you.”
“I miss you, too. I need to see you.”
“I love you,” I said. I couldn’t think of anything else. Fiona sobbed on the other side of the line, and I knew that it was what she had needed to hear. It was what I’d needed to say. I looked up at Jackson who was shaking his head, but he was smiling.
Frankly, I didn’t give a shit. If I wanted to be with Fiona, it was what I wanted. I was a grown man, and my heart wanted what it wanted. There was nothing else to say about that.
And no matter what happened, nothing was going to take me away from Fiona again.
Chapter 21
Fiona
When Jackson called, I had been surprised. When he’d told me Laird remembered, I had been shocked, and then I had been too scared to believe it. That he had forgotten me had ripped me apart, and I didn’t want to get my hopes up unless I knew for a fact that it was true, that he knew who I was again.
It was the miracle I had been hoping for, and I was terrified that it was a false alarm.
When I asked to speak to Laird, and he told me
he missed me, I was almost ready to believe that the nightmare was over. When Laird told me he loved me, I knew everything was going to be okay again. He was back, and he wanted me. We would be together.
I hung up the phone, and I could dance I was so happy. Happy and relieved and instead of dancing, I sat down and cried. It was tears of happiness, tears of joy. Until now, I had been crying about what had gone wrong. Now, I cried about what had gone right.
Everything about my relationship with Laird, from how we met to the baby and our forever after to the amnesia had been like a movie. And like a movie, I was also getting my happily ever after. Everything was going to be okay again. There was nothing in store for me but a happy ending. And that was all I had ever wanted.
He had wanted to know when I could go to see him. He wanted me there as soon as possible, and God knows I wanted to get in my car and go. But I had to wait out my work week. It was only two more days in the office, and I had told Laird I would leave here first thing on Saturday morning.
But that felt like an eternity away. As soon as I finished crying and pulled myself together, I decided to push as hard as I could for work and threw myself at my duties. If I could finish earlier, maybe I would be able to leave earlier and drive to see Laird by Friday night.
Laird had sounded disappointed that I could only make it on Saturday, and I was, too. I wanted to go as soon as possible.
After I finished the most important project, I stood up and walked to Jamie’s office to tell her the news. I wanted to share my happiness with my friend.
Jamie wasn’t in her office or the break room when I searched for her there. I passed the conference room and heard gasping inside. I stopped and turned to the door, which was ajar. Slowly, I pushed it open.
What I saw made my stomach drop.
Jamie was in the conference room, against the wall with Randy pressed up against her in a make-out session that looked like it was heading in one direction very fast.
What the fuck was going on? My mind spun, and I took a step back, trying to make sense of what I had just seen.
Everything Jamie had said to me that had been strange made sense now. She had been fucking Randy behind my back. I knew she would never have done something while we were still dating – she was a bitch, but she would never do that to me. But that she was getting it on with my ex-boyfriend when she had told me to my face what a jerk he was, gave me a reason to end our friendship.