“Drinking away your problems?” A familiar voice says from beside me.
“What are you doing here, Laci?”
She shrugs. “A little birdie told me you were here. Thought I’d come see what had you so down in the dumps.”
I groan internally, not wanting to deal with her shit right now. “Don’t worry about it.”
“Aw, what’s wrong, H? A little brunette stomp on your heart?”
My eyes narrow on her. “My girlfriend is blonde.”
She smirks. “I wasn’t referring to your girlfriend.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
Laci chuckles and looks at me knowingly. “Please. I saw the way you looked at her on Friday.”
“Oh yeah? And what way was that exactly?”
“The same way your girlfriend looks at you, just maybe a little more intense.”
“Bullshit.” I deny it, but it sounds as weak as it feels.
She lightly grazes her fingertips down my arm. “Prove me wrong, then.”
I look around to see if there is anyone I know, but the only person I can see is Jason. I know he can keep a secret, so I grab the back of Laci’s head and pull her lips to mine. The two of us end up in a heated make out session. She grips the back of my neck as I lift her onto my lap. Once she’s straddling me, she grinds down on my crotch but gets no response. After a few minutes, she pulls away, looking obnoxiously satisfied.
“Face it, babe. You fell in love, and it wasn’t with the girl you were supposed to.”
“I don’t do love. You should know that better than anyone.”
She stands and fixes her shirt. “I don’t know who you’re trying to convince, but you may want to work on that. It doesn’t sound believable at all.”
The words get stuck in my throat as she turns around and smugly leaves the bar. Even my ex can tell I have feelings for Kayleigh. It’s only a matter of time until everyone else figures it out. That can only mean one thing – I’m completely fucked.
Chapter Twelve
I dance behind my girlfriend, feeling frustrated when I don’t get turned on. I’ve had no problem sleeping with her before, but now whenever I try, I can’t seem to get into it. At first, I thought it was just Laci’s words getting to me, until I quickly figured out that wasn’t it. Bree’s hair doesn’t smell like vanilla, and she doesn’t look at me with honey brown eyes. The truth of the matter is, she’s not Kayleigh.
TUESDAY MORNING COMES QUICKLY and I barely got any sleep the night before. We should be getting our projects back today, and while I’ve always been one to worry about my grades – I think I’m more nervous about seeing Kayleigh. I haven’t so much as gotten a glance at her in the last week, though that’s mainly been my choice.
I walk into class, but once again, she isn’t there. It’s not like her to skip one class, let alone two in a row. I assumed she would just go back to being cold and ignoring me as much as she could. Those thoughts didn’t include the possibility that she would miss class to avoid me.
Professor Bradley hands out the projects, but stops when he gets to me. “She still sick?” He asks, and all I can do is shrug. “Well, good work.”
I look down at the paper in front of me and see a big red A written in the corner. It helps my mood slightly, but not enough. However, it at least gives me a reason to go see her, even if she doesn’t want me there.
ATTEMPTING TO SIT THROUGH the rest of my classes was a stupid idea. I realize this thirty minutes into Chemistry. The only thing I can think of is going to see Kayleigh. I excuse myself and head there now instead of waiting. I just hope she’s home.
When I get to the door, I can hear soft music playing in the room. I already know Bree is at class, since I walked her there myself, so it must be Kayleigh. I lift my hand and knock lightly on the door. A few seconds later, she opens it. When she sees it’s me, her eyes double in size.
“What are you doing here?” She questions in a tone that I didn’t expect.
I hold up the paper to show her, and she gasps – stepping backwards to open the door further. I step inside and wait for her to finish closing it. When she does, I hand her the project.
“I thought you’d want to see our grade.” I explain and watch as she looks over it. “I won’t stay though. I know the last thing you want to do is see me.”
She stays quiet and her lack of denying it intensifies my pain. However, as soon as my hand grabs the doorknob, she stops me.
“Holden, wait.” I turn around to face her. She puts down the report and messes with the sleeve of her sweatshirt. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean what I said. I was just pushing you away.”
Out of all the things I expected when I came here, an apology was not one of them. I can only think to ask one thing. “Why?”
A tear slides down her cheek but she quickly wipes it away, refusing to make eye contact. “Because I started to like you?” She sounds unsure, but her words speak for themselves. “I know it’s dumb but I couldn’t help it with the way you lit up every time you helped someone, and how honest and caring you are.” She rambles. I can’t believe what I’m hearing. “But you’re with Bree, and I know you don’t want me so…”
I don’t listen to another word of what she’s saying. I lose complete control of my body and before I can stop myself, I’m walking towards her. As soon as she looks up, I grab her face – pressing my lips to hers and finally allowing myself to have what I’ve wanted for over a month now.
It takes a moment for her to react but she finally starts to kiss me back. She laces her fingers into my hair and tugs, showing she wants this just as bad as I do. A groan emits from the back of my throat. Unfortunately, the kiss doesn’t last anywhere close to long enough because she pulls away.
“Holden, stop.” She breathes. “We shouldn’t be doing this.”
I halt in trying to kiss her, but keep my forehead against hers. I don’t want to separate from her just yet. “I’m sorry. I just couldn’t help myself.” I pant.
She opens her eyes and looks up at me with complete innocence. “I know, but we can’t. You’re with Bree.”
The reality of the situation hits me and a sad smile spreads across my face. I pull away slightly and place a kiss on her forehead. “I’ll see you around.”
She stays motionless and doesn’t respond as I walk back to the door. I glance at her one more time. She’s surprised, but her face lacks any kind of anger or disapproval. The number of things I feel as I turn around and leave are immeasurable.
I GET BACK TO my place and immediately go to my room, shutting the door and throwing myself on my bed. I take out my phone and hit speed dial two. Impatiently, I wait for an answer on the other end.
“Hey H.” Brandon greets me.
“I kissed her.” I blurt out.
“Uh, what? Kissed who?”
“Kayleigh.”
He’s quiet for a moment before he starts to laugh. “I did not see that one coming. Did she slap you?”
The thought of her kissing me back makes me break out in a wide smile. “Nope. Just the opposite, actually.
“Wow.” He says, surprised. “I-is she going to tell Bree?”
To be honest, the thought hadn’t even crossed my mind. I can only imagine how heartbroken my girlfriend would be if she found out. “I don’t think so.” I answer, but it doesn’t sound convincing. “I didn’t ask.”
“Well, do you plan on staying with her, or are you going to leave her for Kayleigh?”
“I haven’t thought about it. I don’t even know if that’s an option. It was only one kiss.”
“That’s what I’ve been saying. Don’t throw away something good, for something that may not even happen.”
As much as he normally makes me feel better, this time he’s only making it worse. However, I know he has a point. I sigh as I think it over. Bree is a safe bet. I already know she likes me, or loves me as she claims. Kayleigh, though, she’s a risk. Her hot and cold act is something I
still haven’t been able to figure out.
“Yeah, I guess you’re right.”
“I’m not saying it’ll never happen. I’m just suggesting you don’t jump the gun. No one is telling you to choose right now, so just take some time to think it over.”
I thank him for his advice and the two of us get off the phone. As soon as I put it down on my bed, it vibrates. I pick it back up and feel slight disappointment when it’s not Kayleigh.
Bree: Hey babe. Want to hang out tonight?
Guilt washes over me. I don’t think I could face her tonight after knowing I just kissed one of her closest friends. Besides, I’d rather not cover the feeling of Kayleigh’s lips on mine just yet.
Me: Sorry, not feeling well. Rain check?
I END UP AVOIDING Bree for most of the week, but Friday eventually comes and I can’t keep away from her any longer. She knows the fraternity hosts a party every weekend, and it wouldn’t be the slightest bit believable if I said I wasn’t going to be there. I’m telling the new guys their duties for the night when I feel two arms wrap around me from behind. Brianna.
I’m not going to lie, I did miss her. I turn in her grasp and place a kiss on the top of her head. However, when I see Kayleigh standing behind her, I freeze. She’s wearing a black dress that I’ve seen on Bree, but that doesn’t begin to compare to how it looks on her. My eyes widen as I look her up and down.
“Kayleigh.” I try to mask my emotions. “I didn’t know you were coming.”
“She talked me into it.” She says, pointing to my girlfriend.
Bree hands Kayleigh her bag and excuses herself to go get drinks. It leaves Kayleigh and I alone together and it’s obvious neither of us know what to say. After a minute or so, she speaks.
“Can we go talk?” She sounds nervous but I nod anyway – leading her over to the side of the house. I lean up against the wall and wait for her to say what she wanted. “I don’t know how long I can keep this a secret for. The guilt is killing me.”
Her voice is a little high, so I motion for her to quiet down, looking around to make sure no one heard. “I know. It’s been eating at me, too.” It’s not exactly a lie. I have felt guilty, but I’m sure not as much as her.
“So, why don’t we just tell her?”
Okay, that did not just come out of her mouth. I shake my head rapidly. “Are you out of your mind? We can’t.” For one, I haven’t figured out what to do yet. And two, it would ruin their friendship entirely.
She messes with her hair. “We could just explain it was an accident. Maybe she’ll understand.”
Oh, honey. It was no accident. “No! Absolutely not.”
A cold, determined expression comes across her face. “Well, I can’t promise I won’t say something.”
The sound of Brianna calling our names turns my attention to the front yard. Kayleigh must hear it too because she tenses. I use the opportunity to step closer to her and place my lips as close to her ear as I can.
“You tell Bree about the kiss, and I tell everyone about your little problem.” It’s a total bluff but it’s guaranteed to buy me more time.
She follows behind me as we go back to the front yard and I smile as Bree’s eyes land on me.
“There you two are.” She says, and I drape my arm over her shoulder. “Where’d you go?”
“Kayleigh was just asking me what I got you for your birthday tomorrow.” Judging by the gasp that leaves her mouth, Kay completely forgot.
“Oh! Tell me!” My girlfriend begs.
I chuckle softly. “Not a chance babe.”
She groans in response but tucks her head into my chest. As Kayleigh looks at me, I wink. It isn’t to be arrogant, but just to show her I’m always one step ahead. Unfortunately, I don’t think she sees it that way because she rolls her eyes and begins to chug her drink.
AN HOUR INTO THE party, I retreat to my bedroom. I give Bree the excuse that I’m tired, but that couldn’t be further from the truth. Kayleigh is drunk, and the more she drank, the less I trusted myself around her. By the third time she bit her lip as she looked at me, I knew I had to get out of there.
I’m sitting on my bed, messing around with my phone, when my door opens. Bree marches in dragging a guilty looking Kayleigh behind her.
“Bree, I love you and all, but I’m not interested in a threesome.” She slurs.
I can’t help but laugh, but Bree doesn’t share my amusement. She rolls her eyes and turns to me.
“Taylor and I just found her making out with Caleb.” She says and I feel my stomach drop. “I don’t have the time to carry her drunk ass home. I need to make sure Taylor’s okay. Can she crash here?”
I’m about to tell her it’s not a good idea, when Kayleigh squeals. “Look! There’s me!”
A smile spreads across my face at her excitement and I snicker. Maybe she should stay. We apparently have something to talk about now.
“Yeah, she’s definitely too drunk to walk back to the dorms. Go take care of Taylor. I’ve got her.”
She gives me a quick kiss and thanks me before heading out the door, shouting not to let drunkie leave as she closes it. I watch as Kayleigh continues to study my room.
“What did you drink?” I ask her.
“A few shots, a couple beers. I’m not exactly sure.”
“Lightweight.” I mumble quietly, but she hears me.
“Shut up. I’m still mad at you.”
“At moi?” I feign surprise. “Why?”
She crosses her arms to look intimidating, but it only makes her look like an angry kitten. It’s adorable. “Because you threatened to tell people about my eating disorder.”
“Ah. Okay.” I surrender. “Fair enough. I’m sorry.”
Her attention turns back to the photos on my wall. “Who are all these people?”
“Friends. Some from here, some from home.”
She seems to be in deep thought. “A lot of people love you.”
I can’t help my instant reaction of disbelief. “There you go with that word again.”
Her eyes finally pull away from the wall to look at me. “What? You don’t believe they love you?”
I don’t think they feel anything close to the way I feel about you.
“I’m not getting into this with you, especially not while you’re drunk.”
“Whatever.” She murmurs, going back to looking around.
When my curiosity gets the better of me, I ask the question I’ve been dying to know. “So, Caleb huh?”
Her eyes refuse to meet mine as she replies. “Don’t give me that. You don’t get to judge me.”
“Oh yeah? Why not?”
She turns my way to glare. “Because. I would have rather it been you, but you have a girlfriend.”
My breath hitches. It isn’t until she realizes what she said that her expression changes. I stand from my bed and cross the room until I reach her. She takes a step back but ends up pressed against the wall. I place both my hands on either side of her head. Her eyes are no longer glazed as she stares into mine, our faces so close that it would only take one small move to kiss her.
“Holden, don’t.”
“Don’t what?” I ask, praying she doesn’t reject me right now – not after hearing that come from her mouth.
“Don’t do something you’re going to apologize for later.”
Well, that’s not telling me no. “Hm. Noted.”
I don’t hold back anymore, pressing my mouth against hers immediately. She doesn’t hesitate to kiss back. Her hands grip my shoulders tightly. I use my body to push her against the wall, already feeling myself harden in my pants.
“This dress looks fucking sinful on you.” I tell her, sliding around to grip her ass. “Jump.”
She does as I say and wraps her legs around my hips. I grind against her as my tongue explores inside her mouth. When I can’t handle it anymore, I pull her away from the wall and carry her over to my bed, lying her down beneath me.
“Tell me
now if you want me to stop.”
By the grace of God, she says nothing. Instead, she pulls me back down and reconnects our lips. An animalistic moan emits from the back of my throat as she runs her fingers down my back. I slip my hands up her dress, dragging it with me until it’s close enough to be taken off. She breaks the kiss just long enough for it to be pulled over her head and discarded onto the floor.
I feel like I’m dreaming as she tugs my shirt off and throws it away. Her fingers slide down my defined torso and she stops kissing me for a moment to look at what she’s feeling. She bites her lip and I need to stop myself from fucking her into the mattress right then and there.
My eyes graze over her body, seeing her lying there in a bra and underwear – looking like something out of a magazine. I slip my finger underneath the clasp of her bra.
“Can I?” I ask, and all she does is nod.
I unhook it with ease and can barely control myself as her breasts become exposed. Lightly teasing her nipple between my fingertips, I take the other into my mouth and suck lightly. A moan leaves her mouth that actually causes my actions to stutter. This girl is going to be the death of me.
Kissing down her stomach, I look up and find her watching me. I get down to her panties and pause for a moment, giving her every opportunity to stop me, but she doesn’t. I pull down the small piece of fabric and tease her by kissing everywhere except where she wants.
Finally, when two marks are successfully sucked into her in a place where no one will find them, I flick my tongue against her clit. She gasps and her hands go to grip the sheet. I smile against her and do it again, loving the way she throws her head back in complete pleasure.
“Holden.” She pleads after a few minutes.
“Yeah baby?”
“I need you.”
Just hearing those words almost has me coming undone in my jeans. I move back up and kiss her as her small fingers undo my button and zipper. She pushes my pants and boxers down together in one move, and my cock springs free. I take off the articles of clothing and reach to grab a condom from my drawer. As soon as I slip it on, I give her one last chance to stop.
Awakened in September Page 9