by Laurèn Lee
“You mean like fixing the huge shitstorm I just created?” Color rose in Lexa’s cheeks. She couldn’t help become defensive; her own guilt ate away at her like poison, like an infection destined to rot her guts from the inside out.
“You’re a good person, Lexa. You’ll fix it somehow.”
“Yeah, how am I going to do that?” More tears spilled down her cheeks. The heaviest ones plopped onto the tent’s bottom with a little “kerplunk” sound.
Rocky pulled Lexa into his arms and rested his chin atop her messy hair. “Everything will be okay, Lex. I promise.”
“You don’t know that,” she accused.
“Yeah, I don’t, but I have faith.”
Lexa pulled away. “Faith? What’s faith going to do to help us? How is having faith going to save the rest of our camp?”
“Well, without it, how will you have anything to believe in?”
Lexa pushed Rocky away, so their bodies no longer touched. “Want to know what I believe in? I believe in science. I don’t believe talking to an invisible guy in the clouds is going to make our problems just disappear. I believe in responsibility and making up for your mistakes. I know I fucked up, okay? I know this more than anything. And I’m going to fix it. Me. Not God, not some spirits in the sky. Me. I’m going to do whatever it is I have to do to save the rest of us. Okay?” Lexa panted and paced inside Rocky’s tent.
He gazed into her eyes but didn’t speak another word.
“Anything else you want to preach to me, or can I go help Harry make arrangements for Kiki’s dead body?”
Rocky stared at his toes and shrugged. “There is just one more thing.”
“What?” Lexa snapped.
“If you think you can find us fresh water or a way to help the infected, could you try as soon as possible?”
“That’s my plan,” Lexa said.
“It’s just that—” Rocky broke off. “My father… He’s infected.”
The boulder in Lexa’s stomach grew another ton. She left Rocky by himself in his tent, wanting, no needing, to run away from the sorrow in his eyes. She appreciated his offer to help; she really did. But she needed to fix this mess on her own. After all, she was the reason everyone was in this predicament in the first place. And now, Rocky’s dad’s life was in jeopardy too.
8
Lexa barely slept a wink the entire night. She tossed and turned, trying to tune out the moaning and painful cries from the other campers. One of them howled at the moon. The infected were quarantined into the opposite side of camp, near the pond. The infected and the rest of the community agreed to tie them up for the time being.
The camp couldn’t take any risks. If even one of the infected grew violent and cannibalistic, it would threaten the entire population of their family. Because that’s what they all were to each other: one big family.
Lexa couldn’t stand to watch as the infected let the others tie them up. She couldn’t bear witness to the children’s cries for water knowing full well there wasn’t much left to give. The camp stored about a hundred gallons at a time, but for twenty or so people, that wouldn’t last long. They had to conserve until a new water source was discovered. That meant cutting down on baths and drinking water.
Ivie’s throat produced a cough which kept Lexa up that night, too. She knew it was because her baby sister’s throat was dry. Ivie pretended not to be bothered, but Lexa knew her sister was thirsty.
She had to do something. Was Kiki’s story about the Paradise Lake and the violet-plumed berries on the golden vine true? If those berries existed, would they really help the infected? Half the camp was destined to become murderous strangers in a matter of days, and the other half could face dehydration soon after. Was it even worth looking for the berries if they weren’t a cure?
It was then Lexa decided the only way to save her camp was to leave it. She needed to travel through the City of Lightning, look for Paradise Lake and gather those berries. Even a few extra days of peace from the berries would be worth it to the contaminated and their families. Sure, it could all be a hoax, a made-up story passed down since the world ended, but it was her only shot.
While she tossed and turned on her bed made of leaves and old couch cushions they found in a nearby maze of abandoned houses, Lexa thought of Rocky, alone in his tent, knowing his father was tied to a tree, thirsty and hopeless.
What would everyone do if Lexa couldn’t find the berries? What would the community have to do if everyone tied up turned. They’d have to kill them. They couldn’t keep them hostage. It would be too risky. But who would do the killing? Who would get their hands dirty and put down half their family? She couldn’t bear to think of the consequences of her actions. She would be the reason Rocky, her first love or crush or whatever, would be an orphan. She would be the reason several children lost their parents and vice versa.
Before the sun rose, Lexa gave up on sleep once and for all. Crickets still danced and chattered in the dead of night, and the air stood still, frozen in time. The camp reeked of eerie silence, which sent shivers down Lexa’s spine. Not another soul scurried about except for Harry.
Harry sat at the bonfire area, though no fire lingered. Only embers remained, like memories of his life with Kiki. The illumination of her influence on us all dimmed, but it would never be extinguished.
Harry asked Lexa to speak at Kiki’s funeral that morning. She agreed but wished she could avoid it all together. She couldn’t ignore the looks of rage and disappointment across the community’s faces after she announced her deadly mistake. They loved her, sure, but they hated her, too.
Most of the adults watched Lexa grow up, and most of the younger kids looked up to her. But now? Now, she was to blame for everything crashing down. Lexa felt sure they’d never look at her the same unless, of course, she fixed it all.
“Are you ready?” Lexa asked Harry hesitantly.
“I don’t think we’re ever ready to bury the one we love, but I suppose I’m ready to get it over with.”
Lexa nodded. Harry smiled weakly at her. “Don’t put this all on yourself, Lex. It’s not all your fault.”
She scoffed. “Then whose fault is it?”
“You’re still a child. We should have had a better system in place. A young girl shouldn’t be on a shift all by herself. You should never have been in charge of the entire community’s water supply.”
“No one else ever fucked up like this,” she mumbled.
“You’re the youngest on the crew.”
“I don’t want my age to be my weakness. It’s not an excuse.”
Harry tossed a twig into the fire’s ashes. “Weakness isn’t always a bad thing.”
“It is when your weakness kills other people,” Lexa said.
Harry cringed but ignored her. “She is at peace. And I know she loved you very much. She loved everyone with her heart of gold.”
“She really did,” Lexa agreed.
Harry and Lexa sat in silence for the following hour and gazed up at the sky as dawn approached quietly. Even though the sunrise promised a new day and a fresh start, Lexa knew deep down in her heart, it was only the beginning of the end. Unless she could find a way to fix everything she’d broken.
Breakfast was a sad state of affairs that morning, and wasn’t it fantastic timing that the food supply was running low, too? Sure, the community gathered berries and other grasses and weeds on a daily basis, and yes, they had a few chickens and a handful of pigs they raised for food, but once a month, the strongest men and women journeyed to abandoned cities and towns in search of other types of food like cereal and canned goods.
The next trip was planned for a few days from now, but would anyone be able to go at this point? Several of the usual men and women who scavenged in the distant grocery stores and malls were tied up to trees, trying with all of their energy not to turn into murderous lunatics.
Now, not only thirst, but hunger became a real threat, too.
Lexa’s heart, heavy in he
r chest, felt empty today. Her brain felt the motivation needed to leave soon and try to save the camp, but her heart? It barely beat.
Members of the camp gathered around the bonfire while the others watched from a distance, tied up and unable to say their goodbyes. Kiki’s body laid on a tall stack of sticks and logs, creating an ethereal pyre at least eight feet tall. It was a tradition in their camp to burn the bodies of the deceased, to set their souls free into the open sky, which was filled with endless possibilities. Rarely anyone wanted to be buried in the ground, closer to the contamination under the earth. They wanted to escape the disease, not lie with it for eternity.
The plan was simple: Harry would speak, then Lexa, and they would light the pyre together. Before Lexa’s parents vanished, they were the leaders of the funeral brigade. They would lead the ceremony and set fire to the wood beneath the bodies. But they weren’t here right now, and it naturally fell to Lexa, whether or not Harry had asked her to.
Harry stood atop the large boulder, right where Lexa announced the looming disaster only a day before. A day? Just one single day? That was all that separated Lexa from life before her mistake and life after. It was only yesterday she’d taken Ivie on a trip for her birthday. Less than twenty-four hours since she granted one of her sister’s wishes by traveling to the zoo and journeying on a grand, primal adventure.
To Lexa, it felt like a decade ago, and yet it was only a day. One single day. Time was funny like that. Sometimes, it strived to trick our brains and weave its vines between our thoughts. Time was destructive and curious all at the same moment.
“Thank you all for coming this morning. Kiki would have loved to see all your faces and souls together. As you know, Kiki is—ahem—was the love of my life. I loved her more than life itself and would have done anything to protect her. She loved me too, and she loved this camp. She would have died to save any one of you from danger—” Harry’s voice caught, and he choked up so swiftly, he needed to pause for a few seconds.
Lexa squeezed Harry’s hand, and he returned the gesture, avoiding everyone’s gaze.
“I will miss my wife very, very much. But I will not let her die in vain. We will restore the camp in her honor and make sure death does not destroy us.”
The community clapped hesitantly, and Lexa saw the despair in their eyes. They didn’t believe Harry. They had no reason to believe a savior would come to rescue them all.
9
Harry stepped aside and cleared the way for Lexa to address the camp.
“Harry is right, everyone. We will remember Kiki and keep her inside our hearts forever. She is gone, but will never be forgotten.”
Looks of distaste and disrespect shot through the crowd and pierced Lexa’s soul. She could see visceral hate emanating off a few of the campers. Hate. They hated her for what she’d done to them, and she hated herself, too.
She stumbled over her next few words and tried to regain her stature despite everyone thinking so little of her. Then, Rocky’s face appeared in the crowd. He smiled gently and reassured Lexa. His smile was better than a bandage. His face could cure it all.
“I loved Kiki like my own grandmother,” Lexa continued. “She treated Ivie and me like her own grandchildren, too. In fact, if it wasn’t for Harry and Kiki finding my family and me, we might never have survived.” Another few tears streaked down Lexa’s cheek. She’d never forget the day they met Harry and Kiki. She refused to let time steal those precious moments from her mind.
“Kiki sacrificed so much for me, my family and our community. It is because of that sacrifice that I’ve decided to make one of my own. Today, the second after we pay our final respects to Kiki, I am leaving our camp to find a new water source and find medicine for those already infected.”
Cries of confusion and chaos erupted.
“What do you mean, you’re leaving?” someone called.
“You’re going to abandon us now, too?” another shrieked.
“Please, let me finish!” Lexa called out with her hands in the air. If she had a white flag, she would have waved it, too. “Let me talk!”
The shouting quieted down, but hushed voices continued to whisper about Lexa’s announcement.
“I’m leaving to save us!” Lexa reassured them. “Before Kiki died, she told me of a berry that would help the symptoms of those infected. It won’t be a cure, but it will make living with the contamination easier. The people infected will not have to die!”
The whispers stopped altogether now. The campers leaned in closer, eager to hear more.
“She also told me about a water source. One that’s not contaminated. I will save us!”
Now, snickers erupted, and eyes rolled incessantly. They didn’t believe her. But could she really blame them? She still wasn’t sure if she believed herself.
“There’s no such thing!” Rocky’s dad called from his post at the tree. His eyes, bloodshot, glared at Lexa from a distance. He rocked back and forth on his feet as rage throttled his mind.
“I know it sounds crazy. Believe me, I know, but it’s our only shot. I’m going to fix this. I promise all of you.”
With that, Lexa hopped off the boulder, and with Harry’s help, they took the camp’s only lighter and lit the pyre with Kiki’s body resting at the very top. She lay peacefully, wearing her favorite sunflower dress. Lexa’s heart weighed a hundred tons, and she couldn’t imagine what Harry was going through. It took everything inside her not to lay beside Kiki and burn with her.
The camp quieted down again in mourning and to respect the ceremony. Everyone stepped forward, Harry and Kiki included, and joined hands around the pyre. They didn’t sing a song or utter a prayer. Instead, they held each other’s hands and closed their eyes, thinking about the deceased and remembering their happiest memories with them. It’s what they did during every funeral ceremony, and up until now, they hadn’t had one in a very long time.
Once the flames licked Kiki’s body, the camp disseminated and allowed Kiki the peace of letting her spirit fly free into the world. She was no longer trapped on a contaminated Earth. Her soul could discover a new world now, one with hopefully a much better sense of happiness and joy.
Lexa stomped off to her tent to collect her things. She ignored Ivie, who chased after her like a mama bear after her cub.
“Lexa, wait!” she called. “You never wait for me!”
Lexa reached the tent first and gave her best effort not to cry. She knew her camp needed her. They needed a savior more than Ivie needed a big sister. But leaving her sister behind would shatter her all the same. What if they never saw each other again? What if the next few minutes would be their last?
Ivie dove into the tent and tripped over Lexa’s knapsack, already half-filled with supplies.
“You’re really leaving?” Ivie asked, trying to catch her breath.
“I have to,” Lexa said. She avoided Ivie’s gaze and packed her bag. She threw in some bandages, her dagger, and one of the last pictures they had of their parents. She couldn’t forget that, even if it was just to look at before she died along the way.
“You don’t! Let someone else go. Please, Lex. What will I do without you?” Ivie grabbed Lexa’s bag and pulled it away. Lexa grabbed it back despite Ivie’s desperate eyes.
“It’s my fault. It’s all my fault, and I should be the one to fix it,” Lexa said.
“Then let me come with you,” Ivie suggested.
Lexa burst into laughter. “Absolutely not! You’re staying here, and that’s that.”
“I don’t want to stay!” Lexa pouted and placed her hands on her hips.
“You’re staying, Ivie. I won’t let you come with me. I put you in danger too many times this week. I won’t do it again,” Lexa said with fierce defiance.
“You never let me get hurt, though. Please let me come. I can help!”
“I can’t promise you won’t get hurt, and I’m not prepared to make that risk just so we’re not separated.” Lexa pretended to search for so
mething she needed around the tent, but really she just wanted Ivie to leave her alone. Leaving was hard enough as it was; she didn’t need her baby sister, and last remaining family member, to guilt her. She carried enough guilt already. Outside, at this very moment, precious members of their camp were tied to the trees like dogs. Their brains, contaminated and infected, fought against their own nature. Their insides, tortured and sick, wanted to morph into something new, something dangerous. Soon, their only instinct would be to kill. Kill them all, at any cost. No matter what.
Ivie broke down and sobbed into Lexa’s neck. “Please don’t leave me,” she cried. The sisters wept into each other’s arms and held on as tightly as they could. They loved each other so much, the thought of separation seemed worse than contamination.
10
Someone cleared their throat from outside the tent, and Lexa craned her neck to see who was there.
“Hey, can I talk to you again?”
Lexa wiped her eyes and felt déjà vu come over her. Rocky seemed to be finding her crying inside tents a lot lately.
“Uh, yeah. Sure. I’ll be out in a minute,” Lexa said. She turned away to hide her bloodshot eyes.
Rocky nodded and retreated out of the tent’s opening, waiting patiently outside. One of Rocky’s greatest traits was patience. A handful of years ago, Lexa’s father wanted to teach her how to wield the dagger he promised to pass down to her. With the weapon in hand, Lexa couldn’t wait to learn how to use it.
Rocky overheard Lexa twittering about, bragging to young Ivie about her lessons.
“Can I take them with you? Do you think your dad would teach me too?”
A sour expression expanded across Lexa’s cheeks, still chubby with adolescence. “My dad is teaching me,” she said with a scowl.
Rocky stared at the dirt and kicked the pebbles at his feet. “Maybe I could watch, then?”