Swell Foop

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Swell Foop Page 18

by Piers Anthony


  "So nice to have that clarified."

  They found a map on the wall. "Southeast," she said. "A fair distance."

  "That would be the main island of Hawaii."

  "For sure. Get us there."

  "We'll have to take a commuter flight."

  "Whatever."

  Still, he hesitated. "Are you sure this is right? That we aren't wasting our time and money?"

  Breanna wasn't sure, but saw no alternative but to plow ahead. "How can I convince you? Do I have to kiss you again?"

  Her bluff worked. "No! That wasn't what I meant. It's just that-"

  She stepped into him and kissed him. When she released him she saw his green eyes turn momentarily black, reflecting her image. "No problem," he gasped, and set off for the ticket office.

  The little commuter plane seemed like a toy compared to the huge airline they had come on, but it buzzed up into the air and got them two hundred miles to Hawaii island without crashing. Breanna was relieved.

  They landed at Hilo in the evening. She checked the Ring for direction, and it sent them south. Breanna was relieved again; it meant they hadn't overshot the mark.

  They took a taxi south, and Breanna checked the Ring frequently, zeroing in as the direction changed. The taxi driver looked doubtful as they kept asking him to change direction, but David gave him a good tip and he played along.

  At last they came to a particular house that had to be it. They got out of the taxi, and it sped away, evidently glad to be rid of these odd customers.

  Now they were here. Their quarry was inside the house. What were they to do next?

  CHAPTER 9

  RING OF VOID

  Jaylin was home alone for the moment; the folks were out on business. She was fifteen, and of course bored with the routine; it came with the territory. Naturally she had more homework than she cared to do.

  She looked in the mirror, and saw an image that others said was just like that of her mother at that age, with nice black hair. In fact, some said she looked more like her mother than her mother did. Jaylin knew why: Her mother was old, dangerously close to thirty-five, so was losing it.

  "Isn't that right, Nikko?" she inquired. Nikko wagged his tail in agreement. He was very agreeable.

  There was a knock on the door. Nikko barked. Probably a salesman; she would get rid of him soon enough.

  But when she went there, she saw an odd couple indeed: a young white man and a young black woman garbed completely in black. He looked like a typical mainland American teen; she looked like a foreign princess. Whatever they were selling must be pretty exotic. "Yes?" she said politely. It was always best to be polite to strangers, lest they suffer an extemporaneous fit of road rage or something and blow up the town.

  "Hello, Jaylin," the princess said.

  That was another surprise. "Do I know you?"

  "Not yet. But we must talk to you about something that is very important. May we come in?"

  "No!" Jaylin said more sharply than she meant to. Letting strangers in was a good way to get robbed or worse.

  "Well, will you come out and talk, then?"

  "No." This was becoming nervous business.

  "Then I guess we'll just have to talk right here. I am Breanna of the Black Wave, from the Land of Xanth, and this is David Baldwin of-"

  "You're joking!"

  "No, I'm serious. We-"

  "Did my classmates put you up to this? Pretending to be one of the fantasy people I read about?"

  "I'm not pretending. I really am-"

  "Your talent is seeing in blackness. You want to marry Justin Tree."

  "For sure!"

  "So what are you doing here? That doesn't look like Justin Tree to me. Not enough foliage."

  "I'm not Justin," the man reminded her. "I'm David."

  "So now she's two-timing Justin?"

  "Justin and I were supposed to be married yesterday," the black woman said hotly. "But something came up, and now we need to recruit you."

  "A likely story. The joke's wearing thin, and I have homework to do. So if you don't mind-"

  "We do mind," the woman said. She lifted her left hand. "Metria."

  Smoke rose off the Ring. It formed into the head and upper torso of an inordinately shapely woman. "It's true," the bust said. "We need you for the sortie."

  "The what?" Jaylin asked.

  "Raid, charge, foray, attack, sally-"

  Jaylin burst out laughing.

  "Mission," Breanna said quickly. "It's not at all funny."

  "Whatever," the little demoness agreed crossly, dissipating into mist and drifting away.

  "Oh, I wasn't laughing at you," Jaylin said. "It's just that-never mind. How do you do that trick?"

  "It's no trick," Breanna said. "This is the Ring of Fire, and it controls all demons. Metria is a demoness, so it can summon her, even here. We need you to fetch the Ring of Void."

  "The what?"

  "It's complicated to explain. First we have to get you to listen."

  Jaylin considered. It could be a joke, but that trick with the Ring was impressive. She would like to have a Ring like that, and be able to conjure up a little holographic image of a bare-breasted demoness. There were any number of people that sight would freak out. So she compromised. "Give me that Ring, and show me how it works, and I'll listen."

  "I can't give you this Ring; I'm its designated holder. But you can have a Ring of your own, at least for a while, that's just as powerful."

  "Oh? How?"

  "You'll have to come to Xanth with us, and-"

  "I'm not going anywhere with you! In fact, you'd better get out of here before my folks return." Oops-she had just inadvertently blabbed that she was alone in the house, except for Nikko, who really wasn't much of a guard dog.

  "Maybe you can borrow this Ring for a moment," Breanna said. "I'll see if it will let me lend it." She put her fingers to it. To her evident surprise, it came loose. "I guess it will. This must be mission-related." She handed it to Jaylin.

  Jaylin took it. It seemed quite ordinary. She put it on her little left finger, and it fit comfortably. "So how do I do the trick?"

  "Just say her name."

  "Demoness Metria," Jaylin said.

  The Ring warmed on her finger. Smoke formed. The little head and torso reappeared. "I'm just doing this as a demon-stration," she said. "I really don't have to answer to you, Mundane."

  Fascinated, Jaylin poked a finger at the figure. It passed through the belly without resistance. "If you were a man, I'd make you marry me before I let you do that," Metria said severely. Then she returned to smoke and swirled away.

  Taken aback by the implication, Jaylin didn't know whether to laugh or blush. This was beyond any trick she knew of. But could it really be magic? "Okay, come on in and I'll listen. But that's all." She removed the Ring and returned it to Breanna.

  "Thank you." Breanna and David entered the house and took seats in the living room. Then she started explaining, and Jaylin was amazed despite her reservations.

  "There really is a Demon Earth?" she asked. "And he's gone?"

  "And gravity's not long for this world if we don't get him back soon," Breanna agreed. "Everything will float away."

  Jaylin found herself believing. "That really is serious. And I have to fetch the Ring that controls the Void?"

  "And all the things of dreams, including the night mares," Breanna agreed. "Each Ring is phenomenally powerful in its domain."

  "All because I daydreamed I said swell foop?"

  "Yes. That was how you related to it, after our mess-up. So now it will accept you as its holder and user, and no one else. We have to have you."

  "And you don't even know where it is?"

  "We don't. But Putre will help you find it."

  "Putre?"

  "I guess I forgot to cover that part. He's a zombie night colt. Like a night mare, or a day mare, only he doesn't carry dreams to sleepers, or even daydreams. He's sort of shut out of the system."

>   "The poor thing!"

  "Well, it's a sexist realm, and in this case it's the males who lose out. He's really nice enough, and he was zombied quite fresh, so it doesn't show at all. You can ride him; I did."

  To ride a magic horse! This mission was becoming more attractive. But there was a formidable constraint. "Mother would never let me go."

  "Bleep! I never thought of that," Breanna said.

  "Maybe I can help," David said. "What we need is a cover story. Like-like maybe Jaylin and I met in an Internet chat room, and now she wants to visit Florida. My folks would go along with that."

  Jaylin eyed him. He was halfway handsome in his fashion, but this was a big step. "Go with you to Florida?"

  "It's just the story," he said quickly. "I don't mean we really are-that is, like, going together-it's just a way to make it look all right." He stopped, evidently flustered.

  Jaylin reconsidered. David-she remembered him now. He had been a character in a prior novel, twelve years old and a brat. But he was seventeen now, and was not unpersonable. This could be interesting. "And Breanna is the chaperone?"

  Now Breanna looked startled. "Of all the things I never thought to be! An enforcer of the Adult Conspiracy. But I guess I could choke down the bile and do that. For a while."

  In fact, Jaylin was getting to like these people. "Okay, you convince Mom, and I'll go. It sounds like more fun than school."

  Just in time, for now the parents returned. There followed a somewhat wary interaction, and the outcome was in deep doubt, until two things tipped the balance. The first was the Ring: Breanna touched Jaylin's mother with it, and murmured "believe," and suddenly, irrationally, she accepted the concocted story. That was some magic!

  The second thing was the call to the Baldwin family in Florida. David's mother was quick to catch on, and to say that any friend of David's was welcome to visit them; Jaylin could borrow Sean's old room, and there would definitely not be any unsupervised fraternizing.

  "She means it too," David said glumly. "That's why Sean had to move out, if he wanted more than a brotherly relationship with Willow."

  It was evident that the two mothers saw eye to eye on such matters. That was oddly reassuring. This was definitely a case where Jaylin wanted not too much freedom. Yet.

  But the hurdles were not over. "We can't afford a ticket to Florida," Jaylin's mother said.

  "We'll get one," Breanna said. This too Mom accepted. That was evidence of the continuing effect of the magic. If Jaylin hadn't been convinced before, the effect of the Ring of Fire on her mother would have done it.

  David and Breanna shared some food with the family, borrowed pillows and a blanket, and camped out on the back porch for the night. Jaylin caught herself getting jealous, then had to laugh at herself: She was already getting proprietary about David, though their relationship was only pretense. For now. Anyway, Breanna was set to marry Justin Tree, and she was definitely not the cheating type. So David was available-if Jaylin was interested.

  In the morning they took a taxi to the airport. Then Jaylin remembered the ticket. "You did manage to get one for me that's on your plane?" she asked Breanna.

  "No. I still have to take care of that detail."

  Both Jaylin and David looked at her, frowning. "Maybe they'll have an extra seat and maybe they won't," David said. "I think these flights are usually pretty well filled. Even so, I'm not sure my credit card isn't already maxed."

  "I checked with Metria. She says she'll take care of it."

  "But she's in Xanth! She can talk to us in miniature, but she can't conjure up a valid MundaniAir ticket."

  "She's a pretty canny demoness. I have confidence in her."

  David looked just as doubtful as Jaylin felt. But what was there to do except find out what the demoness had in mind? If Jaylin got stuck at the airport, she'd simply call home, and her mother would be more than glad to bring her back.

  They reached the airport and went to the waiting room for their flight. Breanna held up her ring hand. "Okay, Metria," she murmured. "Put out." Then she held the Ring to her ear. "Wow! Which one?"

  The Ring must have told her, because Breanna led the way to a heavyset middle-aged woman seated on a bench. "Mrs. Crumpet?"

  The woman glanced up, surprised. "Yes?"

  "I'd like to make a fair trade. You have a ticket to Miami, Florida. I have a friend who needs it. I hope we can deal."

  "I don't understand."

  "Please touch my hand."

  The woman looked as if she were about to protest, but then she shrugged and touched Breanna's extended hand. Her fingers brushed the Ring of Fire. "I believe you," she said, surprised again.

  "Mrs. Crumpet, you have an aneurysm that will kill you if not dealt with soon. The airplane is going to have a brief lapse of pressure that will be uncomfortable for others but lethal for you. You must not board that plane. Instead you must go to the hospital and have it checked. It will probably mean surgery, but it will save your life and give you a good many more years. Is this information a fair trade for your ticket?"

  The woman stared at her. "Where-?"

  "The car-carrot-I don't know the medical term, but it's about here on you." Breanna put one hand to the side of her own neck, below the chin.

  "The carotid artery?"

  "That's it. The left one."

  "I thought that was just a sore muscle."

  "No. It's a weak blood vessel."

  The woman considered further. Then she delved into her purse, brought out a ticket, and gave it to Breanna. She got up and walked away.

  Breanna gave it to Jaylin. Jaylin looked at it. It was a ticket to Miami. At that point she began to be a little afraid.

  "Is it true?" David asked, sounding awed.

  "Yes. We have just saved her life."

  "But how did the demoness know?"

  "She went to a woman whose talent is to look forward in time and see the result of a decision. Her name is Ashli. She spent all night looking long-distance at every passenger on this plane, until she found one who was going to die on it. It was her decision to board the plane that made her fate."

  "That seems like an awful lot of work by Ashli just to help someone she'll never know," Jaylin said.

  "This is an awful important mission. If we don't save the Demon Earth, gravity will fade and all of us will suffer and maybe die within a month."

  "Why not just tell the government and have it look for the Demon Earth?"

  Breanna just looked at her, and Jaylin felt stupid. Of course the government wouldn't pay attention. It never did. Even if it believed in magic, which it surely didn't, except when it came to financing the economy. "I withdraw the question."

  "This is Mundania," David said. That covered it all.

  They boarded the plane without incident. Jaylin was able to trade seats with another passenger so she could sit with David and Breanna.

  About an hour into the flight there was a bump in the air, and a sudden loss of cabin pressure. They gasped, but in a few seconds the pressure was restored and they were all right. "Loose hatch," the captain's voice came over the speakers. "The automatic seal caught it. We apologize for the inconvenience." He sounded as if this were routine.

  Jaylin began to be a little more afraid. If a woman far away in Xanth could foresee this happening, and in effect act to change the consequences of it, how much worse must be the mission they were on! But that thought evoked another question. "Why not have Ashli find out where the Demon Earth is hidden?"

  "Demons are something else," Breanna explained. "Way beyond the power of mortals to affect. The whole of the magic of Xanth is the mere leakage of magic from the body of the Demon Xanth, just as the whole of Earth's gravity is the leakage from the body of its Demon. We are like tiny ants in comparison. We can't even comprehend their natures, let alone control them in any way. That's why we have to have the Swell Foop to rescue the Demon Earth. Only with its mind-boggling power can we hope to accomplish anything."

 
"What does it do?"

  "We don't even know. Just that each Ring of Xanth has such power as no mortal ever can wield alone, and it takes all six of them together to control the Swell Foop. It hurts my mind just to think about it too much."

  "I'm getting scared."

  "Join the throng," David said. "We might as well be fleas on an elephant."

  She took his hand. "Hi, fellow flea!"

  "Actually, more like germs on the flea on an elephant," Breanna said. "But it seems it's up to us. Once we get that sixth Ring."

  The rest of the series of flights was uneventful. By the time they arrived in Florida, Jaylin knew both her companions pretty well, and was ready to do more than hold hands with David. She learned how he had sneaked a peek at lovely Chlorine's green panties at age twelve, and the forbidden sight had turned his eyes from brown to green and accelerated his maturation by a year. In the ensuing five years he had realized that there was more to a woman than underwear, but that original green image had never quite faded from his fancy. She made a mental note: When this business with the Swell Foop was all done, and she returned to Mundania, buy a set of green underwear. Even if she didn't care to show it, she wanted to have it.

  "Actually, David's decent," Breanna remarked during one of their rest stops. "And his family is really nice. A girl could do a lot worse."

  "You act as though I've already decided."

  Breanna gave her another of those looks, and sure enough, Jaylin felt completely stupid. She would have to learn to mask her interests more effectively.

  Mrs. Baldwin met them at the airport. "Hello, Jaylin!" she said, as if they had known each other for years. "Are you okay with this?"

  Okay with what? Had the woman already marked her as a future daughter-in-law? No, it must be the dangerous mission. "I am nervous as bleep," Jaylin confessed. She was picking up some of Breanna's mannerisms. "But I'm ready to try my best."

  "You will be suffering jet lag," Mary said. "It may be best to go immediately on into Xanth, where they can give you a magic potion to make you all right."

  "I'll take them to the portal," David said.

  He did. He drove them to No Name Key. Then, as they parted, he took Jaylin's hand and gently drew her into him. She yielded, coming to embrace him. They kissed. She floated.

 

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