by Anne Martin
“What’s with the boots?”
“This is your wedding, not mine. I’m blending in.” He smiled again, gold-capped teeth flashing. At least you couldn’t see more then a bit of tattoo curling above his collar and down his wrist. Most of his body was covered in tattoos. Not tribal unless you consider dice, hearts and clubs tribal. They were his tribe. He’d used to get a tattoo to memorialize big wins. Then he’d met my mother and she had different ideas of what a gentleman gambler should look like. He’d loved her. Not as much as he loved gambling, but she was definitely number two.
I took a deep calming breath. It didn’t help. “You’re here to give me away? I just explained that it’s not a real wedding. No one needs to see you.”
He cocked his head and studied me. “It’s almost like you’re ashamed of your old man.” He laughed loudly while I tried not to convey the expression I felt, which was panic.
Instead, I went for mild disgust. “Dad, no offense, but you’re not mainstream. This is a big Dallas to-do. The whole point of it is to be a big Dallas to-do to show all the superficial socialites that I fit in with them.”
“Why would you want to fit in with anything that bland? You were born to greater things, Jazzy.”
I pushed out of his arms. “It’s not greater to leave your baby behind and pursue an addiction, dad. It’s not. What’s greater is having roots and duty and taking care of your family because you’re a real man instead of a slave to the cards.”
He nodded, expression sober. I didn’t know what he really felt, because he could show whatever face he wanted. I was sick of it, sick of pretending to be something I wasn’t, not knowing who I was, loving Jackson but not trusting him or myself or anyone else. I knew desertion.
“Jessie, I know that I’ve disappointed you. You’re right to not trust me. If you truly want me to leave, I will, but if you want a wedding with your family, your daddy giving you away like they have in the storybooks, then I’m here. It’s your call. No one is forcing you to forgive me or give me a place at the head of your table. Unless it’s a gambling table, I wouldn’t know what to do with that kind of obligation. Do you want me to wait outside while you decide?”
I opened my mouth to tell him that I didn’t need to decide, that I definitely didn’t want him at my wedding, but he was my dad, my real daddy, willing to play that role in spite of it being out of his comfort zone. He was wearing cowboy boots.
I swallowed hard and lifted my chin. “Do you have a hat?”
He smiled real slow and nodded. “I think I know where I can find one.”
“Fine. This is the wedding I always dreamed of. We’ll get to see if dreams are as good as they seem.”
“I’ll be waiting at the bottom of the stairs. Why do they need two sets of stairs?”
“Races. This is stair-racing country. They place bets, so I’m surprised you aren’t aware.”
His smile twinkled. “It’s good to see you, Jas. I’ll be there when you come down.”
He left me alone in my room to hyperventilate. What was a wedding without a good freak out? I actually opened the window and stuck a leg out, like I could drop down two stories and run, but people were milling around on the lawn and right below me was an enormous horse ice sculpture. Had I actually wanted that when I was a kid? Who knew? Deb knew. Of course she did.
I pulled my leg back in and shut the window. I wasn’t going to run. I was going to go down and do this wedding all the way to vows, at which point I’d humiliate Jackson, the man who had given me a legal identity and wanted to be my friend. How could I do that?
I shook my head. He wanted closure. Once I did that to him, he’d probably be over me for good. He wouldn’t want to do dishes with me or pull me onto his lap to listen to a sermon I didn’t pay any mind to.
I shook my head and grabbed my phone. I called Jackson. He answered after three rings.
“Jessie? Is there a problem?”
“I’m hyperventilating. I almost climbed out the window. Do you know why I left you? So you couldn’t leave me. Are you going to leave me standing at the altar? I think it would kill me.”
“I’m not leaving you, Jessie. I’m never leaving you. If you tried to climb out the window, you must have seen the ice sculpture. Let me know if you go for it so we can get some pictures of you riding it. I’ll send them to you on your phone, which you’re going to keep even if you run, so I’ll still be able to talk to you and make sure that you’re okay. Okay?”
I swallowed and exhaled. “I’m not climbing out the window. I called you instead.”
“Good thinking. That’s what I’m going to do when I have the feelings I don’t know what to do with. Planning a wedding doesn’t leave a lot of time for temptation, does it? I’ll need you to talk me through withdrawals. Do you want me to come and see you now?”
I shook my head. “No. I’m okay. Are you sure you don’t mind this whole thing? Being humiliated in front of all your friends?”
“I can handle it. I’m kind of looking forward to it. I need you to say good-bye, to tell me that it’s over. It’ll be good for me.”
I closed my eyes tightly. “So you can move on.”
“One can hope. Are you sure you don’t want me to come up?”
“No. It’s fine. It’s almost time for me to come down. I don’t want to keep anyone waiting. Let’s do this. It’s just like a show.”
“Minus the explosions and horses. Except for your best man’s husband and the ice sculpture.”
“And Sparkle. And Thundercloud.” I hadn’t thought this through.
“It is time. Are you sure you don’t need me?”
I pressed my hand to my heart where it pounded so rapidly. I couldn’t need him, not for real, not forever, but I felt so much aching for him. “I’m fine. I’ll be right there.”
I hung up and went to check my makeup. It was perfect. I hadn’t thrown up or cried. It would be fine. Everything would be fine. What could go wrong? My dad, Cora, live horseflesh during a wedding ceremony? Oh, it would be perfect.
I walked down the stairs, my veil floating behind me while I raised my skirt, showing my red cowboy boots.
My dad stood at the bottom of the stairs, elbow out as he waited for me to slip my arm into his. He patted my hand, but other than that, didn’t say anything as we walked out to where our horses were waiting. Narcissus was there, his tail braided with pink and blue ribbons while my dad’s black horse stood stolidly.
My dad could ride. My mother wouldn’t have given him the time of day if he couldn’t. My dad picked me up around the waist and put me up on the white horse’s back.
He smiled up at me. “You look so much like your mother. You’re beautiful, Jessie Jasmine. You grew up well.”
I raised an eyebrow. “Should I weep from sentiment or scream from outrage? Get on your horse, King.”
He mounted easily and we took our horses at an easy walk. “You don’t like me calling you Jasmine. That’s what you asked me to call you.”
“It’s better than, ‘Ace.’ That was before I was Jezabel. I’m tired of names. I’m Jessie Jasmine Strait, legally and lawfully.”
“Is that right?”
“He got me all the paperwork. Somehow he got the hotel in Monte Carlo to find the records of your stay there.”
“He? This husband you’re not marrying? It would be a pity to go through all that trouble to become Jessie Jasmine Strait to immediately become Mrs. Dewitt.”
Mrs. Dewitt. How many times had I doodled that on my notes in college? What would Jackson do if I changed my mind, wanted to make it real? He hadn’t wanted to marry me so many years ago when I’d thought he loved me. He didn’t want to really marry me. If I said yes, if he said no, I’d be the one humiliated, the one everyone got to see publicly rejected.
My pulse pounded and I got dizzy. I gripped Narcissus’s mane. He walked carefully, like he could tell I wasn’t doing so well.
“Easy,” I told myself, but hopefully it would sound like I was
talking to him. We were riding towards the outdoor gathering where the pillars and billowing clouds of netting fluttered in the breeze along with masses of bubbles, an extremely large gathering of people waiting for us, and me with my knees tensing up because it would be really easy to kick that horse into a gallop far away from there, but then the alligator showed up.
Horse versus alligator. I spun Narcissus away from the reptilian creature while my dad pulled out a gun and shot at the thing.
“Come back here, Abigail!” Debbie came charging around the house, covered in mud from her head to her toes. “Don’t shoot her!”
The horses pranced and pawed, and Abigail hissed, but then Debbie had the leash of the jeweled collar I hadn’t noticed, and I suddenly started laughing. The entire audience was standing up, staring at me and my dad in our high-falutin’ entrance.
I waved at them. “It’s fine. It’s just Abigail. Dad, put away the gun.”
He did so. He had an underarm holster beneath his tuxedo jacket. It wasn’t a cowboy gun, but a snub nosed thing meant for serious business. Like alligators and weddings.
As we got closer, I bent down and scooped up the puppy the woman who had waited to distribute the puppies at the entrance held. She had a whole box of wriggling things behind her. My dad took a kitten from the other attendant. Seriously, kittens and alligators? This should be a show in Vegas.
“Are traditional weddings usually so managerial?” my dad asked.
“Of course. Don’t tell me you didn’t have at least a few different animals when you married mom.”
“We got married in a seafood restaurant in Japan. They had a great many live varieties, I just didn’t think it was traditional. Her dress was red, but that’s traditional in China.”
“Which is practically the same as Japan.” I grinned at him and he tipped his hat back at me. It was a very nice cowboy hat that looked well-worn.
“It suits you,” I said, nodding at it.
“It was your fiance’s grandfather’s. Do you have all the things, something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue?”
“You’re old, the puppy is new, the horse is borrowed, and my eyes are blue.”
“Good enough.”
I laughed along with my dad and then I looked ahead up the aisle and there was Jackson. He stood with the preacher, smiling at me like he’d looked at me the first time I’d seen him. I’d been hauling my suitcase to the cabin, and he’d come up, stealing it out of my hands and said, “You’re too pretty to do anything as menial as carry a suitcase. What cabin are you at? I’m at the one next door.”
I’d tried so hard to be the person he thought I was, delicate, genteel, a proper lady like Grace Kelly. I’d let him take my suitcase and walked beside him in my yellow summer dress.
It seemed like only a blink, and we were at the end of the aisle. I hadn’t paid any attention to who was there. All I’d seen was Jackson, remembered all the pleasure and the pain. My dad dismounted and held up his hands, like I needed help getting off a horse. I kicked out of my stirrups and stood up on Narcissus’s back. He snorted and rose on his hind legs while I held on. I could have done something dramatic like dive into the audience, but instead, I hopped to the side and my dad caught me with an oomph. He didn’t drop me, but he put me down quick. He pulled me into a hug and muttered, “Just like your mother,” then he kissed my cheek and walked with me up to Jackson.
I took a deep breath as I took my place across from him. Trix patted my shoulder.
“Nice dismount. Didn’t flash your underwear or anything.”
Jackson’s eyes twinkled, but he didn’t look at her. He stared at me like I was the only thing in the world and I gazed back hungrily. I’d waited for this moment so long.
The preacher had a cowboy hat and so did Jackson. His was red to match my boots. Was that in my childhood specs or was Jackson just being adorable?
My heart pounded so loud, I barely heard the words, but then there was silence and Jackson took my hand, squeezing my fingers slightly.
“What?” I said.
The preacher repeated. “Do you, Jessie Jasmine Strait take this man, Jackson Dewitt as your lawfully wedded husband to have and to hold until death do you part?”
“I do.” I said it without thinking and then I stopped breathing. What was I doing? He was going to humiliate me in front of everyone. I lifted my chin and felt a weird sense of peace. I wasn’t going to hurt Jackson. I wasn’t going to run. I was going to stand here and take whatever he and the world threw at me, and I’d be okay.
My grandma hollered from the audience, “Get your ears checked, girl!” Then broke into cackling laughter.
I blushed and gave Jackson a shrug. His eyes were stunned as he stared at me. He hadn’t thought he’d have to do the humiliating.
“I do,” he said, stepping close and taking my hands.
A chill rushed through my body and I felt dizzy and strange and then the preacher said.
“We didn’t get to that part. Coupla young fools. Very well. I pronounce you husband and wife. Now let’s go eat before the gaters get all the barbecue.”
Star and heart confetti exploded around us in a flurry of gold which made the horses scream and Narcissus took off down the aisle, knocking over a box of puppies which scattered on impact.
I went to help with the puppies, but Jackson kept a hold on my hand and pulled me back to him.
“We skipped something else, something very important. Preacher, get back here. You need to pronounce my bride kissable.”
“You need permission? Kiss the bride!”
Jackson pulled me against him and his lips were on mine. His mouth trembled in the gentlest, most careful kiss a boy ever gave a girl. I yanked him down to me and kissed him like I’d been wanting to kiss him for the last ten years. I kissed him while confetti and bullets went off. I didn’t want to know. I needed to kiss Jackson as long as possible because once I stopped, I’d have to think, have to talk, have to decide.
We didn’t stop for a really long time.
Chapter 16
Jessie Strait married me. I couldn’t stop kissing her, and then I didn’t want to, and then I was terrified that if I did, she’d start running and never stop.
“All right, all right,” Cora said, sticking her elbow between us. “Come on, Jess. You need to do some damage control. You’re the one who put the dynamite in the barrel. Why did you invite the scoundrel? Pulling a gun during the ceremony like that.”
Jessie pulled away and I had to let her go. My heart ached, twisting and turning in my chest, but I managed to smile at her.
“I do?” I asked.
She shrugged helplessly. “I wasn’t paying attention.”
“I can’t imagine why not. What could possibly distract you?” An enormous Great Dane took off past me, barking as he chased a cat across the grass and up a tree.
“No idea,” she said, shooting a glance at her grandmother. “Why don’t you go find something to eat?”
“Not sure something won’t eat me. Alligators, Jess? What were you thinking?”
She shrugged again. There was something glassy about her eyes. Had she been drinking or was she just in shock at finding herself married instead of running? I was in shock, also anxiously waiting for her to hoof it.
“Let’s dance,” I said, taking Jessie’s arm and leading her between the chairs and over to the elaborate pavilion where the band had already started playing. We were the first people there. I started to two-step with her, and she grinned at me, dancing with me like we’d done it our whole lives. I’d never danced with her before. How was that possible?
I danced with Jessie, staring at her, holding her in my arms for song after song. We hadn’t really planned past the vows. I leaned closer to her.
“Now what?”
She put her head on my shoulder. “I’m going to Vegas in the morning. I can arrange the annulment while I’m there. It’s the land of annulments.”
Pain shot t
hrough my heart and I held her tighter. How could I let her go? “That sounds reasonable. Did you get your closure, or do you want to try that again?”
She pulled away, laughing. She shook her head as she gazed at me, leaning against my arms. “Are you a glutton for punishment, or what? No. I don’t want that anymore. I don’t want to hurt you.”
Then don’t leave me. I smiled instead of saying those words. “That’s mighty kind of you, Miss Jessie.”
“Mrs. Dewitt to you. To everyone now.” She looked around and shook her head. “Half of Vegas must be here. How do I know so many people? Where are all your ex-girlfriends?”
“Turns out, they couldn’t make it.”
She stared at me with those sweet blue eyes. “It was short notice.”
“Very. Still, the chaos you were able to arrange in such a short amount of time is a wonder.”
She snuggled against my chest and wrapped her arms around my waist. “That’s Debbie. Mostly. She was always my enabler. Did I tell you the time I lit the barn on fire? Don’t tell Cora.”
I laughed and cradled her against me. She wasn’t running. She had her surgery in Vegas, and the annulment, but maybe we could go forward from there.
“Can I cut in?” her father asked in his low voice.
“No,” she said, but she pulled away and gave me a flirty smile. “You should probably find some barbecue chicken before Abigail eats it all.”
“Why eat chicken when you can eat kitten?” I asked.
“Thanks, Jackson.” She shot me a glare.
I grabbed her hand. “I’ll go help collect them, make sure not one is lost. Quite a few got adopted, you know. It wasn’t at all an unfortunate idea.”
Her dad led her away and I had to drop her hand or yank her shoulder out of its socket. They danced together strangely. It wasn’t two-step, but they seemed to have a really good time, spinning and kicking, leaping around like a couple of Peter Pan’s lost boys.
I was supposed to be looking for kittens. Right. I headed through the crowd, shaking hands and smiling, while I pointed out the non-alcoholic beverages available so there wouldn’t be any drunk driving afterwards. Weren’t we all lucky?