by J. A. Huss
We all snap back up, all our collective body weight pulling on the last two remaining tethers. One attached to the edge of the portaledge and one attached to the middle.
Alice hangs almost upside down by her harness, her sky-blue eyes still open, still haunting me from the other side of death, the entire side of her head is just… gone.
“Cut her down,” Kenner yells from below. “Cut her body down, Rock! Before that fucking tent comes apart from her weight!”
I grab her knife, slip it off her wrist, and then start sawing the rope attached to each of the carabiners attached to her harness. She falls to the ground with a sickening thud. It almost sounds like a smashing watermelon.
A gunshot goes off and I chance a look below. Kenner is standing over Alice screaming. “This is for Ian, cunt!” Another shot goes off. “And this one is for Mo. Fuck you, bitch! One more for Elias. One for each of them!”
“Missy,” I say.
She’s crying. Sobbing. And that’s not good. I swing the rest of my body onto what’s left of the portaledge and frantically feel around for the tent opening through all the loose fabric.
When I find the opening, I pull myself in and scramble over to her. The portaledge swings wildly with the weight and Missy starts screaming behind her duct-taped mouth.
“Shh,” I say, ripping the tape off. She gasps for air and I hold her face tight, looking into her eyes. “Shh,” I say, kissing her nose. “I’ve got you. Shh, take deep, deep breaths.”
I give her a second to follow, then flip her over and cut the tape off her wrists. There’s blood, my hands are shaking, but a few shallow scratches are better than the alternative.
“Be still,” I tell Missy. “I’m going to make you a harness. OK?”
She’s still gasping for air. In shock. I can only imagine what she went through to get up into the portaledge. Alice had to have hoisted her. She was probably bound and gagged at the time. How fucking terrifying.
I grab all four double shoulder-length slings from around my neck and start making a harness for Missy. She’s crying hysterically. “RK,” she says. “RK, don’t move! You’re going to tip us over!”
She’s panicking. “Missy,” I say, taking her face in my hands again. “Trust me, baby. I know what I’m doing. You’re not going to fall, OK? We are not going to fall. That psycho bitch is not going to win. You understand me?”
She nods and I go back to fastening the slings together with carabiners until I have the length I need. I fold the entire length of strap in half, tuck a loop into the waistband of her jeans, then pass both ends between her legs. I bring that around her thighs and finish it up by threading it through the loop still in her jeans and wrapping it around her waist until I’m almost out of length. I secure the ends with a knot, then clip a locking carabiner around the waist straps and the loop in her jeans.
“OK,” I say, looking down at her. “Missy?” She’s looking at the harness like she’s living through a nightmare.
And she is. My nightmare.
“I’m so sorry, baby. But we’re gonna have to get off this thing, OK? It’s not stable enough.”
“We could fall,” she screams. “We’re going to fall, RK!”
“No,” I say, shaking my head at her. “We’re not. This is how it’s done, babe. This is how it’s done.” I take her hand. “Now follow me. Crawl to the edge. Let me get out first—”
“No,” Missy says, her fingers clamping around my arm. “RK, please,” she whines. “Please don’t leave me up here.”
“I’m not, Miss. I’m not. I’m going to hook myself into a cam and then you’re going to clip yourself to me. Understand?”
She shakes her head no, but I nod at her. “You do understand and this is how we’re getting off the side of this cliff. Now calm down and let me save you.”
“We’re going to fall, RK. Just like Melanie!”
I grab her face. Firmly. And stare into her eyes. “We are not going to fall. Do you hear me? And Melanie didn’t fall. She jumped. We’re not going to jump either.” She just looks at me like a deer in the headlights. “Do you hear me?” I growl.
Her eyes dart back and forth, looking into my eyes for truth. And trust. She finds what she’s looking for, because she takes a deep breath and finally nods her head.
“Stay here,” I say. “I’m going to crawl out, then you follow when I’m secure. Stay on the ledge, OK? It’s still connected. These things are fucking tough, Missy. We’re only leaving it because we have to stack the odds in our favor. Once I get us anchored we can stay there all night, baby. All night. We won’t fall. I promise.”
“OK,” she says. “OK.”
I crawl over to the exit, get another carabiner off my harness and secure the tent flap to a rope, so it’s out of my way, and then I swing out onto what’s left of the rope Alice was using as her anchor.
“RK!” Missy screams.
I didn’t tell her about this part on purpose. But I’ve got the rope, and it’s still got a carabiner attached to the foot loop she was using, so I take a shoulder-length sling from around my neck and clip myself to it. Alice is a good climber, but I don’t trust what’s left of her rigging, so I shove a cam into a crack in the rock and release the spring. That creates another anchor point for us. I clip myself to that too, then reach my hand out for Missy. She moves forward and the portaledge straps creak. When I look up, one of the last two tethers is swiftly unraveling. “Missy,” I say, my hands furiously connecting two more shoulder-length slings together. “Quick,” I say, looking up at the compromised tether. “Clamp that strap to your waist.”
She hears the panic in my voice and her fingers fumble.
“Quick!” I shout. “Quick, quick!”
The last of the nylon fibers come apart just as she manages to get the clamp on and the whole tent goes sliding away. The tent opening flaps back down, and then the weight of her body is pulling on my harness, letting me know the only thing between her and the ground is… me.
She’s crying now. Full-on sobbing. I don’t blame her one bit. But I need her calm. “Missy,” I yell. “You’re OK. I’ve got you, baby. I’ve still got you.” But my harness could slip over my hips from her tugging weight. It’s not there yet, but it could happen and I do not want that to happen. I need her up here, in my arms. Safe.
“Claw your way free of the tent, Missy. I need you to see my face.”
Her arms start frantically swiping at the tent fabric until she finally peeks through.
I laugh. “You’re OK,” I say. Now that I can see her, everything is OK. “I need you to reach for my hand and let me pull you up. I’m not going to be happy until I’ve got you clamped to me.” I pat my chest, my hand over my heart. “Right up here, Missy. I need your cheek right here.”
She takes a deep, deep breath and her foot finds a temporary place in one of the aluminum frame parts. She steps up, making the collapsed portaledge sway and swing. It dips a little, but it’s enough to give her the crucial few inches.
Our fingers touch. My hand grabs hers, and I pull. She climbs up my body like a monkey and I have slings ready to clip her in.
“I got you,” I say. “I told you, we’re not going to fall here tonight. We’re just fine.”
“Hey!” a voice shouts from below. Then more voices.
I look down and see Kenner, his hands gripping his hair like he wants to pull it out. And a small crowd of people, who look like hikers, but I can’t be sure from this distance. They are all clapping and shouting.
“We’re good,” I yell. “We’re good.”
Missy wraps her arms around me and cries.
I hear people from above. Then faces leaning down over the cliff. Sean and TJ. A few of the deputies from the house. They are yelling too, but the sound doesn’t carry this way, so I can’t make it out.
“Thank you, RK,” Missy whispers in my ear.
My fingers dig into her hair as we swing there, a hundred feet in the air, suspended by ropes. “I told you, we’re going to
do this together, baby. And I meant it. You’re stuck with me now.”
Lots of people appear after that. No helicopters. Please. This is Grand Lake. Everyone up top stands around and tries to figure it out the old-fashioned way.
Jayce eventually makes her way down to the canyon below and lies down on the ground next to Kenner. He refused to leave until Missy and I are back on terra firma. He even had a little chest-pounding fight with a few of the deputies when they tried to make him.
His face is turned up to me. He’s too far away to really see his expression. But I think it’s one of peace. He shot Alice so many times in the head, she’s unrecognizable. I can’t fault him for that. Not one bit. She deserved to die today. And we deserved to live.
Jayce leans over and says something into his ear. I can see that smile for sure. They laugh. And I feel like this is a turning point for us. The period at the end of a sentence. Or maybe just the first word of a new chapter.
Hours later we are rescued, lowered down slowly after setting up some top ropes. Not by authorities, but by hikers. Because that’s how we roll out here on the edge of the civilized world. We don’t have rescue teams. We have friends. And family. And strangers who are more than willing to pull us out of a tight spot when we need it.
“I think I’ll stay a while,” I tell Missy, once we are finally home, freshly showered, and crawling into my childhood bed. “Grand Lake isn’t so bad, I guess.”
She says nothing, just snuggles her face into my neck. I’m not in a hurry to push her into reality. She can take her time dealing. I just want her to know I’m gonna be here for as long as that takes.
And maybe, I think, as her breathing deepens and she finally falls into a steady state of utter exhaustion, maybe I’ll put the band back together.
Epilogue
We approach Float’s by boat because we wanted to keep the last act on the down low for the music festival. Missy’s band is just finishing up when Sean pulls up to the back of the dock. Kenner is squinting his eyes into the sun, but when I look up to follow his gaze I see nothing but blue sky.
“Endless,” Kenner says, just as Sean cuts the engine and a few people in the shops next to the bar start pointing at us. “That sky is endless.”
Sean gives me a funny look but just ties the boat up and jumps out onto the dock backstage where a few people are waiting to help us get ready.
“We don’t have to do this,” Kenner says. He drags his eyes off the sky and looks at me. “Not yet.”
I know what he’s feeling. I know he’s got more doubts than me right now, and that’s saying something. But we do. We do have to do this. “Well,” I say back. “We don’t have to do anything, I guess. But there’s going to be a first time again eventually, Kenner. Let’s make it today and get it over with. One song and we’re outta here. One song and you can stop thinking about it. One song and we can start again.”
He looks down at his hands, like he’s not sure he recognizes them. They look fine to me. But I know it’s what on the inside that matters.
“You remember what it was like? Back in Hollywood when we first got Mo?”
Kenner smiles at his hands and then looks up at me. “I want to go back there, Rock. I really do. But I’m not sure we’ll ever find that sense of… destiny again, you know?”
I understand that too. And even though it feels natural to have TJ and Missy on stage with us for this song today, it’s not that way for Kenner. He doesn’t know them. He has no connection at all. Two days isn’t enough time to get sense of anything.
“OK,” I say. “Let’s cancel.” Kenner shoots me a look. “What?” I laugh.
“We’re not cancelling, you dick. Do you see all those people?”
I look over at the shops and there’s fans on the roof now. They are screaming and yelling at us. Mostly nice things, but… “You know, this town will probably bill us if anyone falls off that roof.”
Kenner smiles.
“So…” I say. “You want to play or not?”
“Of course I want to play. I’m just not sure if I can play.”
“You can.”
“You don’t know that. I should’ve tried it out last night like you said. Then I’d know what to expect.”
“Expectations are over-rated, Kenner. What you need is a win. And I think today is a guaranteed win. For all of us, man. We cannot lose. It won’t matter what my voice sounds like, what your beats sound like, or if people even like the song. It’s just a symbol, ya know? We lived. We made it. We’re still here and we’re not going anywhere. This song today is more of a goodbye than anything. That life, yeah, it’s over. But there’s nothing we can do about that. They’re gone. We have to move on.”
Kenner’s eyes shoot to mine. He shrugs, and that shrug says everything. The fear, the sadness, the loss. “I don’t want it to be over,” he says. “I don’t want them to be gone and I don’t want to move on.”
“I know,” I whisper, grabbing him by the shoulder and giving him a shake. “I know. I don’t either. But they are. And we’re still here. We have to find a way to get past this.”
He sighs loudly, but stays silent as he pushes me aside and climbs out onto the dock. TJ is the one who stops him. “Dude, I haven’t played bass in like eight years. So I’m just gonna apologize ahead of time for sucking ass.”
Kenner rolls his eyes, but Missy is there next, pulling him into a hug. “And for reals, Kenner, I’ve tried my best to learn this song, but I just can’t get the fingering, you know? Fucking, Rock,” she says, shooting me a wink. “Had to go and make this shit all tricky. So if the show blows, it’s my fault, OK?”
I step out onto the dock next to Kenner and say, “I don’t know all the lyrics yet, man. So if I just start making shit up, well…”
“You guys are assholes,” he says, taking a pair of sticks from Sean. “Fuck it. If we suck, then fuck it.” He shrugs us all off him and then pushes his way towards the open flap in the stage backdrop and disappears. The crowd cheers and whistles when they recognize him.
“Ready?” TJ asks me and Miss.
We nod. I go next, then Missy, then TJ. I don’t even look at the crowd, just sit down at the piano and adjust the mic. I know the lawn is packed. The festival is a closed event but there was no way to stop the influx of people, so about ten this morning the sheriff called TJ and told him to open it all up so no one got hurt. That’s what we did. We never told anyone we were going to do a song, they just assumed. Correctly. Because how can we not?
We’re not playing a concert. These people aren’t here to hear us. They’re here to experience us.
I said I’d never do this again and I’m sure Kenner’s been telling himself the same thing since he woke up a few weeks ago. But we need this. There’s no way forward without music. Not if we want to do more than exist. And life’s not worth living if you’re just existing.
“Hey,” Kenner says into his mic. The crowd goes wild and I turn in my stool to look at him. He’s not looking at the crowd, he’s looking at me. “Rock,” he says, pointing a stick at me. People try their best to quiet down to hear what he’s got to say. “I just want you to know, you’re it, dude. You’re all I got left. And that’s the only reason I’m here. You, man. You.”
The cheering is so out of control it actually hurts my ears.
I nod, understanding. Everyone has a story, and not many people know Kenner’s. But I do. So I nod. And then I look up at the crowd for the first time and say, “He’s wrong though. He’s got all of you too. Son of a Jack never got to play this one…”
I can’t hear anything after that. They know what’s coming. Kenner counts off the beats and my fingers find the way forward on the keys. My voice is deeper than it was. Softer too, since I’m not really one hundred percent yet.
I think I sound like shit, but hey, this is what I have left. And it’s more than enough for now. Besides, no one cares what we sound like. No one cares. All they want is to be here with us. Support us. Love the fuck
out of us. I smile the whole way through that song and that’s the only thing that matters.
I am Son of a Jack’s resurrection. I am Elias, I am Mo, and I am Ian. I am Kenner’s win. I am Missy’s other half. I am TJ’s missing brother.
I am RK’s new life.
Later that night, long after the festival is over and everyone has gone home or is sleeping, I swing my feet out of bed.
“Where the fuck are you going?” Missy asks, her hand clutching my arm. “Rowan Kyle Saber, if you think you’re climbing down that cliff tonight, I’ve got news for you.”
I look over my shoulder and then beckon her with a finger. “Follow me,” I say. I get up without waiting. Her soft footfalls echo behind me out to the music room and I can barely contain my excitement as I take a seat on the bench. “Sit,” I say.
She sits. “What are you doing?” She’s smiling big though. Big. Big. Big.
“That wasn’t your song, you know.”
“What?” Missy laughs. “What do you mean?”
“That song I played? That wasn’t it. You think I’m going to share that with the world? No, way, babe.” I grin just as big as my fingers begin to play.
“Wait,” Miss says. “The Better Together song wasn’t my song?”
“Please,” I say. “Better Together is good. But I wrote you another song.”
“When?” she giggles.
“Today, on stage. I thought up a new one.”
“Just thought it up, huh?” She shakes her head. “RK—”
“You know what it’s called?” I ask.
She pauses and then winks. “The Fuck Me Song?”
I have to look away to hide the grin.
“The Let Me Lick You Song?”
“Crass, Melissa Vetti. Crass.”
“You started it,” she says. And even in the moonlight, I can see her flush pink.
“No,” I whisper, as I play the soft notes to the new song. “It’s called the You’re My Soulmate song.” I get a big, big, big smile. “It’s called the Spend the Rest of Your Life With Me song. It’s called the Never Leave My Side song.” I stop playing and then reach for a box on the top of the piano and open it up. “It’s called the Marry Me, Melissa Vetti song.”