“We need to find Shay and Khofti,” I said to him, beginning to reach out to take his hand. But as I did so, he gestured to some point behind him.
“It seems they have already found us.”
I turned, and coming through the crowd, I saw the familiar form of my friend and her mate. Relief soared through me as I reached out for Shay. She embraced me, pulling me tight to her chest.
“Damn, girl! I thought for sure… ugh. No time to think about that now. Tell us everything that happened, and don’t leave anything out.” Then, noting that Atik stood very, very close behind me—almost possessively close—she lowered her voice. “Don’t leave anything out, you hear me?”
Chapter 7
Shay pulled me into her room and sat me down. Immediately, I felt all the tension coming out of me and I realized what a mess I had been. How had I even managed to hold myself together all the time that I had been in captivity. It was a wonder that I was still sane. Dropping my head down into my hands, I took several deep breaths as she kneeled beside me, patting my back.
“Hey, it’s okay. You’re back where you’re safe,” she said. “But we need to talk.”
“I know,” I replied. “I know.” I shook my head, trying to clear it enough to get out everything I wanted to say. “Where’s Atik?” I asked, looking to the door of the room as if he would be standing there.
“He’s talking to Khofti right now,” said Shay.
“Okay. Yes. Okay, good,” I said. I reasoned that at that very moment perhaps it was best if I wasn’t faced with one more thing to be confused and anxious about. However, as she looked at me, it was obvious that Shay could see exactly what was on my mind.
“Clara, is he…?”
“I don’t want…”
“Okay. Not right now,” she said quickly. “We can talk about that later. But we will talk about it, Clara,” she added, and as I glanced at her, it was as if I could already see the wheels turning in her head. I knew that she had wanted this for me—a mate—for a very long time. Despite everything else that was going on, she was probably gleeful that Atik had turned up, even given the circumstances. In hopes of swaying her away from that train of thought, I decided to tell her everything that had happened while I was at the Ak-hal base.
“I saw Libba. And a lot of the other women that were kidnapped from here,” I told her. “They haven’t hurt any of them yet, but they were planning executions when Atik and I managed to escape. I think they’ll put the executions off for now, but we need to figure something out if we want to stop them from killing those women.”
“Damn it.” Immediately, Shay’s face had flared into anger. After everything that had led to her own initial escape, I knew that she wouldn’t take this news lying down. But there was still more to say.
“Wait,” I said, sitting up and reaching out to her. “There’s more. I think this is part of a bigger plan. They want the Kamani to come to them. I’m sure of it. But I don’t know why. You have to tell Khofti… the Kamani can’t just go rushing in. Otherwise, they may die. I don’t want any women to get hurt—to get killed—but I don’t want the Kamani killed either. And I’m sure their mates wouldn’t want that either.”
Shay’s face fell a little as she turned back to me. “Clara,” she said softly. “You know as well as I do, they won’t just hold back if their mates are there… if their mates are in danger. Khofti wouldn’t sit around doing nothing if he thought that I was in danger of being killed. No Kamani would.”
I cringed. This was just the reaction that I had been expecting—just the reaction that I had been dreading. “So, they already have something planned?” I asked. Haltingly, Shay nodded. My heart thudded in my chest. “Shay, you have to speak to them. You have to tell them what I told you. Otherwise… we can’t…”
Shay closed her eyes. “You know how determined the Kamani are, Clara. Nothing we could say or do would stop them now.”
My head drooped down. I closed my eyes. Was there really nothing that could be done so that everybody could come out of this safe and sound? Right now, it didn’t seem as if that was the case, and if that was true, then it meant that the Ak-hal had won this little battle without even really trying. It made the fact that I had escaped with Atik seem like even more of a miracle.
But why me? Why had I been spared when so many other women deserved a chance? As I sat there with Shay in her room, I wondered over that fact. It didn’t seem right. It would have been more appropriate for a stronger woman, someone like Jessica perhaps, to have made her way away from the Ak-hal base. Perhaps she could have actually done something useful were she here in my place. As it was, I couldn’t fight to free myself—not when I had been held captive originally, not when I had been recaptured, and now I couldn’t fight to help save the others.
“Why can’t I do anything, Shay?” I asked. “Why can’t I be like you?”
Turning around, she looked at me with surprise evident in her features. “What?” she said. “What do you mean?”
“You fought so hard to be with Khofti back then. It was because of you that we all found our freedom. But I’m not like you. I’m just… me.” Suddenly, I felt so small. So fragile. I felt like the doll that Shay had compared me to before.
“Yes. You’re you,” said Shay, approaching me and taking me by the hand. “And you’re one of the strongest women I’ve ever known.”
I let out a laugh. That was one of the most ridiculous things I had ever heard. Me? Strong? I don’t know where she got that idea.
“You are strong,” Shay insisted. “Even if you don’t believe it, I do. Now. Why don’t you tell me about that sexy Kamani who brought you back here?” she said.
Startled, I looked up at her suddenly, noting the amused look on her face. “I…”
“Don’t think I didn’t notice something going on there,” she said. “So… Atik, was it?”
Shay didn’t let me go until I told her the entire story of how I had encountered Atik at the execution—how I had heard his voice inside my head, and how we had fled together from the Ak-hal base all the way to the Kamani compound. She grew steadily more interested, until finally she broke out into a wide grin, throwing her arms around me.
“I’m so happy for you!” she said. “Clara, this is so amazing!”
“Shay…” I pulled back. “I don’t know if this is what I want.”
“What?” She gave me a puzzled look. “What do you mean, you don’t know if this is what you want?”
“I’ve had a mate,” I reminded her. “Kypher. And it was—”
“He wasn’t your true mate. Not like a Kamani mate,” she insisted.
I had known that she would react this way, and already, I could feel myself pulling away from the idea of being with Atik. I didn’t need a mate. I was perfectly fine being on my own. Perhaps I was drawn to him, but that was only natural. I could resist temptation, and I would resist temptation. At least, I told myself that I would… but already, the image of him was seared into my mind, and I wondered how long it would be before I saw him again.
It was frustrating beyond belief. But fortunately, it seemed that Shay was okay with dropping the subject for now—probably because there really were more important things to worry about than my love life. She excused herself after a little while, leaving me alone to sit there and collect my thoughts.
It was good just to be back in the place I thought of as home once again. More than anything, I wanted to see Maggie, but I wasn’t ready to wander off just yet and find her. I just sat there and tried to steady myself, finally noticing how shaky I was after my ordeal, as if my entire body was releasing all of its stored-up energy all at once. More than anything, I tried to push away the barrage of memories that now flashed through my mind—recent memories as well as those from the distant past, of my time with Kypher.
It was almost impossible to believe that there had once been a time when I had wanted to be his mate—when I had been happy to be
chosen by him. I had been an entirely different person back then, I told myself as I went back over those memories. I had thought that a life as Kypher’s mate, that the immortality it would bring, would somehow bring me happiness. I had been pleased to be adorned in beautiful gowns and jewels. Then I had seen beneath the veil. I had learned that as beautiful as the Ak-hal were, something sinister and deadly lurked beneath the surface of that lifestyle, and it tainted all those who touched it.
I still felt tainted by my time amongst the Ak-hal, and wondered if I would ever be clean of the stain of it. Somehow, being captured by them again—spending just a few days among them—had brought all those old feelings back. I realized that everything I had pushed away over the years that I had been away from them had never gone away. I had just buried it deep, deep down inside me, and now it had all come rushing to the surface. Now I was forced to deal with all those feelings again, and I felt smaller than I ever had before. On top of that, there was the factor of this Kamani—Atik—and it felt so silly to even consider letting him take me as a mate.
“There you are.”
I looked up, and Maggie stood at the door. Relief rushed through me at the sight of my oldest and dearest friend as she came inside. Perhaps with her no-nonsense way of speaking, she would have something to say that might bring me out of this insanity.
“Here I am,” I breathed, letting the smallest of smiles come over my face by way of greeting.
“You almost had me worried,” she said in her typical blunt fashion as she settled down next to me, and my smile widened. “That Kamani you brought back with you has told everybody what’s going on. Seems like things are about to get crazy around here again. But it was bound to happen eventually.” She shook her head, a stern look on her wizened face. “I don’t like this, not a bit.”
“It’s horrible,” I said. “It’s horrible feeling so helpless.” Closing my eyes, I exhaled slowly, finally realizing that I was on the verge of tears and wondering how long I had been so close. “I just want to go back to the way things were. I want our peace back.”
“I know,” said Maggie. “Clara…” I opened my eyes again and turned toward her, seeing that she had fixed her gaze on me. “Listen. We’ve known each other for a long time. And we’ve been through a lot together. So, you know as well as I do that I’ve been through a lot, same as you. More, even.”
I winced, remembering the Kamani mate that Maggie had loved and lost. Yes, she had been through a lot at the hands of the Ak-hal. I wouldn’t even pretend that she hadn’t. “I know,” I said. “Maggie…”
“Now don’t interrupt me,” she said. “I just want to say one thing. When you’ve been through a lot, it’s easy to look back on the past and have regrets. What’s harder is to look forward, at the future. But that’s what we have to do. Just keep on moving forward. That’s what you have to do, Clara. Otherwise, you will get trapped, and none of us want that for you.”
I wondered suddenly if Shay had already told her about my connection with Atik. It was certainly possible. Probable, even. If that was the case, then her message to me was clear as crystal—but right now, that wasn’t something I wanted to think about just yet. I nodded to her.
“I’ll think about your words, Maggie. But right now, I just need to rest.”
She sighed. “Just make sure you do think about that,” she said pointedly, reaching out to pat my arm. Then we just sat there for a while, and I let my thoughts course through my mind again and again, trying and failing not to be too overwhelmed.
Chapter 8
I had so many things to think about in the days that followed that it was difficult just to keep my thoughts straight. I didn’t even know how to try. I was fortunate in that my friends knew better than to try to pressure me about Atik. Because of that, I spent most of my time simply wandering, attempting to figure out exactly what it was that I wanted, or if I wanted anything at all.
I had considered the fact that one day I might find a mate among the Kamani, but it had always seemed like some distant thing. It had never really felt like something that might happen to me. Now that it had, my mind roiled in confusion. I kept picturing Atik, and when I did, strange feelings came over me—feelings that I had never experienced in all the long years that I had been alive, back on Earth and in all the time that I had been on this world. But did I like the fact that simply meeting this Kamani could change me in this way? I didn’t know.
For the first time in a long while, I thought about my life back on Earth, and what had prompted me to so gladly go along with the Ak-hal when they had given me the choice to come with them. Remembering that I had been on the cusp of being forced to marry a man I didn’t love, I shivered with displeasure. The memory of that was still so clear in my mind, even though it had happened so long ago. And yet, I had thought that I could love Kypher—I had somehow allowed myself to be taken in by his beauty. What was different about Atik? I barely knew him, but somehow, I was drawn to him. Something told me that this was different, but what was it? Was I just fooling myself? Or was this really something special?
I shook my head. This was too confusing. I knew that the Kamani were nothing like the Ak-hal—in my time spent among them, that much was obvious. But could that difference really mean that I could fall in love so easily with Atik?
“Clara?” An unfamiliar voice called out to me. I paused where I stood and turned, looking around me. It took a moment to find the person who had called out. Finally, I spotted Nuna, Atik’s sister, coming toward me from the bottom of the rise that I stood on. Anxiety rose in my chest—I wasn’t prepared to speak to her, not right now—but I told myself I wouldn’t run away. I had acted the coward too much lately.
Wow, she’s beautiful, I thought as she came up to me. Which wasn’t surprising, given that she wasn’t just a Kamani, but Atik’s sister. People always compared me to a doll, but she—she was a goddess, like something out of legend.
“Clara,” she said again in softly lilting tones, smiling at me as she approached. “I am glad I found you.”
“Hello, Nuna.” I smiled back, feeling uncomfortable but trying my best to be friendly—after all, it wasn’t her fault that I was caught up in a whorl of emotions about what was going on between Atik and myself.
“You are as beautiful as I remember you,” she said suddenly, catching me off guard. “My brother has found a good mate.”
Of all the things she could have said, I hadn’t expected that. I froze, unable to do anything but simply stare; any words I could have spoken caught up in my throat. Nuna cocked her head at me, as if a little confused by my reaction—or lack thereof. But finally, I exhaled, shaking my head quickly.
“It’s… ah. Thank you. I guess,” I managed.
“Are you all right?” she asked.
“I am, yes.” What I didn’t say was that I still didn’t know whether I wanted to be her brother’s mate. I couldn’t tell her that when she looked at me so expectantly, with the bond of sisterhood written all over her. She smiled at me again, then reached out and took me by the hand, giving it a gentle squeeze.
“Atik has searched a long time for a woman to call his own, Clara. He has wanted a partner to stand by his side. It makes me happy that you are here—that you have come into his life.”
Again, I felt my heart grow heavy. I couldn’t say what I wanted to say. I couldn’t tell her that I didn’t know whether I could stand by Atik’s side the way she—the way he—wanted me to. And worse, now I felt like I would be disappointing, hurting, more than just Atik because of my inability to love. It was obvious how much Nuna wanted this for her brother. She stood here with so much hope for this union between Atik and myself, and I had nothing to offer.
Searching my mind for something to say in response, I came up with nothing. All I could do was continue to smile. I felt like the doll that people said I was—an empty shell of a thing. But something in my silence seemed to finally indicate to Nuna that something was wrong. S
he gave me an intent look, her hand still on mine.
“What troubles you?” she asked. There was concern in her voice, but also a note of determination, as if she would get me to tell her the problem regardless of how I felt. I was reminded suddenly of why Shay called the Kamani ‘Barbearians’—they may be kind and peaceful people, but they certainly weren’t known for their tact.
“It’s nothing,” I said quickly, as I certainly wasn’t prepared to discuss the problem with her of all people, but she wouldn’t let it go that easily.
“Tell me.” She looked into my eyes, as if she could somehow root out the secrets my looking within them.
And then… “I can’t.” At first, I thought I was saying that I couldn’t speak to her, but then the words spilled out of me. “I can’t do it again. I thought that I was in love before, but I was wrong. I made a mistake, and it was the biggest mistake of my life. Even if the Kamani are nothing like the Ak-hal, what if I end up mated to someone I don’t love? What if this feeling is just temporary? I probably shouldn’t be talking to you about this. You’re his sister.”
I laughed hollowly, feeling foolish that she of all people was the one I had decided to divulge all these crazed thoughts to, but Nuna simply nodded at me, continuing to look into my eyes as she did so without breaking contact.
“I understand. You have been through so much. You are confused.”
“Confused and… scared,” I admitted, for the first time, even to myself. “This whole thing is terrifying.” I brushed my free hand through my hair and let out a tremendous sigh. “Do you have a mate, Nuna? Have you ever had a mate?”
She shook her head. “No. I have not found a mate yet,” she said.
“Then you don’t—you can’t—know how frightening it is. To give yourself over to someone. To even think about the possibility of giving your life to someone.”
Nuna frowned. “That is not the way with the Kamani, though,” she said. “Why do you think that Atik would want you to give your life to him? He does not want a slave. He wants a partner.”
Battalion's Bride (Alien SciFi Romance) (Celestial Mates Series Book 8) Page 26