“What is the meaning of this?” he asked, reaching out to me, clutching my arm with his hand.
“I… I thought…” Stumbling over my words, I tried to figure out exactly how to explain. “That is…” I sighed. “Atik.” Reaching out to him, I tried to convey everything going through my mind, but he simply looked at me in slight confusion, and I remembered that he was Kamani. Complexities like these were lost on him. He lived life in simpler terms. Sometimes, I wished that things could be that easy for me in the way that I thought—the way that I felt.
But no, I had to be burdened with more difficult feelings. That was the essential difference between human and Kamani, and one of the reasons that I loved his people so much… one of the reasons that I already loved him so much. Looking at him right then, I could tell that he thought that my running away meant that I had been running away from him, though, so I knew that the first thing I needed to do was be sure that he knew this wasn’t the case.
“I love you,” I said. “I love you so much.” Closing my eyes, I dropped my head against his chest with a sigh. “Please just go back home and let me go. I’m begging you.”
“I don’t understand,” he said. Of course he wouldn’t, though. Why would he? There was no way that he could possibly see why I was doing this. There was no way that he could see why I would possibly sacrifice myself for the sake of saving him, especially when there was next to no chance that I could actually stand up against the Ak-hal in their own stronghold.
“Atik, I need to try to save the women on my own,” I finally admitted. “I need to go myself. Without you. I know the Ak-hal have some plan to hurt you and the other Kamani, and if there’s some way I can stop them…”
“There is no way that you can stop them. You are only a human,” he said simply, as if this was the most reasonable thing in the world. It was a very blunt statement, and I cringed. It was true of course, and I knew that it was true, but still…
“There has to be something I can do to stop them,” I said. “Something I can do to keep you safe.”
“I am the one who is supposed to keep you safe,” he said. “You are my mate.” Taking me by the shoulders, he stared deep into my eyes. Again, as if this was the most obvious thing in the world. It sent chills through me, and I don’t know how I didn’t let him take me back home right then and there. It was only for the fact that I had such a deep and abiding desire to be certain that nothing happened to him and the others that I could stand my ground.
“I can’t…” Choking on my words, I trailed off with a sigh, shaking my head until I could work out exactly what it was that I wanted to say while he gave me that slightly confused look. “I can’t risk losing you. Not after all this time. Not after I just found you.”
“I will not let the Ak-hal defeat me,” he said, his voice brimming with confidence—confidence that I wished I possessed. Again, I wished that things worked the way they did in the world of the Kamani, but I knew too well that they didn’t. I knew that there was a very real possibility that this thing that we had just found would be too soon ended, all because of what they had planned.
Oh, my proud warrior—my bold Kamani—I was so frustrated with him at that moment that I could have screamed. Couldn’t he see that I was doing this for him? I had risked my life before to save him. Why wouldn’t he let me do it again? I was ready and willing. It didn’t matter to me whether I lived or died. He was everything and I was nothing.
“Just let me go,” I said, my voice barely more than a whisper now. “I don’t know what I can do, but I have to try. I have to try to save the women, but I don’t want you to get hurt, Atik.”
And yet when I spoke, he pulled me close to him, wrapping his arms around my body. I could feel his warmth even through my jumpsuit, protecting me against the icy winds that whipped around me. We stood for a long moment, neither of us saying anything.
Finally, Atik leaned down and kissed the top of my head. “Clara. Wherever we go, we go together,” he said. “Because we are mates. If you will try to save them, then you will go, but I go with you.”
Again, this wasn’t what I had planned… it was far from what I had planned. But I knew that there was no way that Atik would back down now. He had followed me out into the ice and snow, and he held on to me as if his own life depended on it. I could tell that we were in this together now, and that if I still intended to go after the women at the Ak-hal base, then I had no choice but to go with him.
After several long seconds, and a long while thinking about whether or not this was the right thing to do, I finally nodded. He was right. We were in this together now, and I still knew that we had to do something about the women who were being held by the Ak-hal. Time was of the essence, and every moment that they were held was another moment that they were in danger. I also knew that this might be the only way to avoid a potential trap that the Ak-hal might have set up for the Kamani if they came in larger numbers.
“This might be a huge mistake,” I said. “Atik…”
“It is what I said. We do this together.” Then he kissed me, giving me some comfort despite the worry that rested in my heart. After a final embrace, he pulled away.
I watched his form as it changed in the pale light that drifted down from the sky. The power and the beauty of it was truly something to behold, and Atik’s bear form was just as incredible as his human form. I couldn’t pull my eyes away as muscle and sinew extended, as fur extended over his body and he grew in size, becoming massive, rising up and up over me before finally dropping down to the ground before me on all fours. I had seen many Kamani transform before but I thought to myself that I had never seen a shift that was quite as incredible as Atik’s. His raw power manifested in the creature that now stood before me.
Despite the dangers that faced us, I felt safe. I felt protected against all odds as I stepped up to him, reaching out to place my hand on the sturdy musculature of his shoulder.
I will keep you safe, Clara.
And, “I know,” I responded, without even having to think. That wasn’t what worried me. What frightened me more was the afterthought of, at what cost? But right now, I had to put those thoughts aside. It was the two of us now, together in this fight. Taking hold, I pulled myself up and astride his back, aware… how couldn’t I be aware… of the strength that coursed through him. Even more amazing to me though was that I knew as strong as he was, this strength would never—could never—be turned against me. It was the thing that made him different than Kypher, and the thing that ultimately made me realize that perhaps it was all right to let myself fall in love with this man.
And then we moved together across the snow, as if we were one body and one soul united. We were turned toward one goal, and we would work together to conquer any challenges that might face us. Though I was still only human, I felt suddenly stronger than I ever had—in my life back on Earth, in my time with the Ak-hal, and even in the time that I had spent healing among the Kamani. Right now, Atik lent me his great strength and I could tell that I could do things that I had never thought possible before.
Maybe, just maybe, we could actually find a way to help those women. Against all odds, it seemed that there might be a way to make it happen, simply because the two of us were together in this.
But still… “Promise me you’ll be safe,” I found myself telling him as we moved over the ice.
I cannot promise that.
“You have to.”
It is more important that you are safe.
And even though his voice was entirely inside my head, a certain tone to it struck me as unusual. Was it annoyance? I had never heard a Kamani be annoyed before. I thought it wasn’t even in their nature. They were too peaceful for that. It struck me then that though I may be mated with him, I still had a lot to learn about the Kamani that I had fallen in love with.
I hoped that we had many, many years ahead of us to learn all kinds of things about each other. Despite everything, th
e thought of that long future brought a smile to my face as we continued across the frozen plains.
“I’ll be okay as long as I’m with you, Atik.”
Yes. You will, he said with full confidence. And somehow, I felt like I could believe him. His assurance was a balm that healed all the years of hurt that I had been through. Somewhere in my distant past, someone had told me that love was the best medicine, and it had seemed like a silly old proverb—the sort of thing that old ladies told their grandchildren—but now I really and truly believed it.
Thanks to Atik, I was healing.
“Just… please. Be safe. No matter what happens,” I urged him again. “I only just found you. I couldn’t stand to lose you.” Only this time he didn’t respond, and I didn’t say anything else as we continued forward on our path toward the Ak-hal, set in our mission. We had everything to lose and we both knew it, but we also knew that this might be the only way to help the others without bringing down something horrible on the Kamani.
We had to take this chance. We had to take a chance on love. On our love—the love of the human women and their mates. We had to do something that nobody else was prepared to do.
We had to fight.
Chapter 12
Safe as I felt astride Atik, it didn’t assuage my fears when I saw the base of the Ak-hal rise over the horizon line. My heart sank at the first sight of the towers glinting atop the ice as I remembered the short days that I had been there—as I thought once more of the fact that Atik had been captured, and almost executed. Now, we had returned to that place, just the two of us, and we had no idea what lay in wait for us there.
It was still night, and the only light came from the stars that dotted the sky above us. Even the Ak-hal had extinguished most of the lights on their base, so that it was difficult to see just how large the place was. There was only our memory to go on as we approached the base. I had been there as a captive, and Atik had scouted out the place for several days as an outsider before being captured, so neither of us had as much knowledge of the place as we would have liked when it came to this mission. However, we had to use what we did know to guide us in the task that lay ahead.
“That’s where I was being kept.” I gestured to the smaller tower on the edge of the base. It was still difficult to see, but I could remember the place well enough. It was imprinted in my memory after the long days I had been there with Kypher, thinking I could never return to the Kamani again. “There are a few other women there too, but…” And now I hesitated. I didn’t want to bring up the subject of Kypher with Atik—we had never discussed this before, the fact that I had been used, abused by someone else before Atik found me. But he seemed to sense my hesitation.
There are Ak-hal who will be a problem.
“Yes. And I don’t really know where the women who will be executed are. If they’re even still alive.” And my heart sank as I thought about this—what if we were too late? I had my hopes that we had arrived in time to save them, going off my knowledge of the Ak-hal, but it had been a while since that life. Who knew how much had changed since the fall of the castle?
But I couldn’t think about that. I had to take things one step at a time.
“Get me close to that tower. I think I can get in, and I know people inside.”
I could feel his hesitation. He didn’t want to part with me any more than I wanted to part with him right now, but I needed to learn as much as possible about the base, and the only way to do that was to find someone that I could talk to on the inside. After a long moment, Atik moved forward, through the shadows on the edge of the base until we closed in on the tower.
I can get you close. But be safe, Clara.
“I will,” I promised, though the confidence that I had felt earlier was definitely waning now that I realized exactly what I was getting myself into. I could sense the aura of danger just by being near the Ak-hal base now—the presence of them all around me, even if I had yet to see any of them.
I slid off his back when we were in walking distance, and then stood near him as he shifted, watching as he took his human form again. Now more than ever, it was obvious how different he was from the Ak-hal, as I felt the warmth that emanated from him where everything else around me was nothing but ice and cold. Reaching out one last time for him—and doing my best to tell myself that this wouldn’t be the last time—I slipped my arms around his waist and allowed my head to rest against his chest, listening to his heart beating underneath my ear.
“I love you.” The words slipped out almost unbidden. “I should have said it sooner.”
As I stood with my head resting against his chest, I felt him kiss my hair—felt his fingers tangling through the curls as he turned my face up to meet his. Again, I was struck by the intensity of his gaze. Would I ever get used to the way he looked at me? I didn’t think that was possible. Every time his eyes met mine it was like the first time we were seeing each other.
I thought back to that moment when I rescued him from execution. All I had been thinking about then was how desperate I was to save this innocent Kamani, and yet still somehow, I had known there was something special about him. I had been drawn to do something I would otherwise have been too frightened to do. Every second I spent with Atik, I transformed into a better version of myself.
“I will keep track of you, wherever you go,” he said. “I can see everything even if it is dark. I will not lose sight of you.”
“Ah… right.” I hesitated for a minute, trying to think. Was this really the best thing to do? “When I go in… I will look for a woman that I know. I will see if she can help me find some of the others. I don’t know how long it will take, but—”
“I don’t care how long it takes. I will stay close. And if an Ak-hal comes, I will fight.”
“No. If an Ak-hal comes, you hide,” I told him, frowning. “The whole point of this is that we’re going to stay hidden. Get in and out without them knowing that we’re here.” How typical of Atik to want to use the ‘Barbearian’ method of completing this operation, as Shay would have said. Subtlety wasn’t exactly the Kamani strong suit. “I don’t care if I’m in that tower or not. Don’t let yourself get caught, Atik. That doesn’t do you or me any favors.”
He didn’t quite seem to understand what I said, or why I would suggest that he hide rather than fight. I didn’t know whether it was because he didn’t have the best grasp on the language I spoke, or the concepts I used, or some combination of both. But to his credit, he nodded. “If you think it is best.”
“I do.”
Gods of the Kamani help me—this beautiful, brave soul would drive me insane if we managed to survive this. I just hoped that he would keep his promise to me and not throw himself into a fight the first chance he got—not that he was driven to fight, peaceful as his people were, but because he thought that doing so would somehow keep me safer.
“Just remember that they probably have something planned. And—”
“I know, Clara,” he said. Then, probably to shut me up, he leaned down and kissed me. Hard. Immediately, the flurry of thoughts that had been coursing through my mind was swept away, and replaced by a heated sensation that went all the way from my head down to my toes. It should have been impossible for me to feel such a strong sense of desire for Atik at a time like that, but nevertheless, all I wanted to do was touch him—and touch him I did, letting myself touch his strong muscles one last time before I was forced to part from him.
“I will keep to the shadows and stay hidden. And I will watch for you. But protect yourself, too, or I will be forced to come after you.”
“Mmhm. Okay.” I exhaled slowly. “And… Atik. There’s one more thing.” Now, more than ever, I needed to say it. I needed to bring up the thing—the person— that had been weighing on my mind. “Among the Ak-hal, there’s someone—my former…” I stopped and shook my head. “His name is Kypher, and he still wants me. If he finds me, I’m sure it’ll be a big problem. Espe
cially now that I’m with you. I will do my best to make sure that he doesn’t see me while I’m here, but there’s always a danger of it. And… you know that, we were…” I trailed off. More than anything, I wished that I could erase this part of my past, but it still haunted me. The memories were as clear now as they had ever been, even with Atik standing beside me.
“I will protect you from this Kypher,” he said. “He cannot harm you while I am by your side, Clara.”
“It’s not just that,” I said. But really, how could I explain? “I just… don’t want you to think about the fact that…”
Atik’s face scrunched up in confusion. “You are worried? That I care about your past?”
With a sigh, I nodded. But he just pulled me close to him again.
“It means nothing. You are my mate now. You belong to no one else.”
I nodded again. “Then… I guess… I guess we should start this,” I said. “It’s time now.” And finally pulling away, I gave him one last lingering look before I turned to the tower and began my march toward it, my heart heavy as I thought about what lay ahead of me.
It was perhaps the longest walk of my life. Without knowing what would happen, or even if I should really be doing this, I kept in the shadow of the tower and made my way toward its base, eyes fixed on the low entrance that I had been taken into when I was first brought here as a captive.
Now that I was closer, I could see them—the Ak-hal guards at the edges of the base. Just a glimpse of them brought a chill to my skin, but I forced the feeling aside, remembering what I had come here to do. First thing’s first, I needed to figure out a way into the tower. Libba would be in here, and though we hadn’t gotten along in the past, I knew that she sought freedom now, so maybe I could get some information from her—something that could help me, if I promised to help her escape with us.
Standing back and staying where I hoped I couldn’t be seen, I waited for a long moment until I saw the nearest Ak-hal guard make his way toward the tower. With bated breath, I stood still. Would he see me? Would my plan be ended as quickly as it had begun? I ducked back and out of the way, hoping the mere fact that I shouldn’t be there would be enough to give me some form of cover. Fortunately, that seemed to be the case.
Battalion's Bride (Alien SciFi Romance) (Celestial Mates Series Book 8) Page 29