“You don't sound happy about that.”
“It's necessary,” the general said. “But the Sharr Isles will pay an awful price for their freedom if the Imperials dig in and fight to the last. All of those pretty cities and fine ports will be reduced to rubble, and a great many of the people of the Sharr Isles may die, as well as a great many of the soldiers from the Western Alliance and the Bakre Confederation.”
“Do we have to—”
“Yes,” Flyn said. “The Empire has to be pushed back within its borders, and shown that it cannot withstand the combined forces of the west. Otherwise we'll be facing this same war again in a few years, with potentially many much worse battles. But the human price of forestalling a very big war will not be small.” He looked at her. “Your mother proposed the attack and got everyone in line to carry it out.”
Kira closed her eyes, remembering the harbor of Caer Lyn, imagining it reduced to bloodied ruins. How could her mother be championing something that could lead to that?
Because, Kira realized, the alternative would be far worse. “There's always a choice,” she said, opening her eyes again and meeting Flyn's with a somber gaze of her own. “You have to be willing to make it.”
“You understand that?” Flyn asked. “That your mother hates what might happen, but is trying to prevent something far worse?”
“Yes. I know how much she sometimes hates what she has to do, General, but Mother does what she has to. She doesn't leave the job for someone else.”
“Could you do it? Could you make that decision?”
Kira had to pause to think as their horses continued to pace slowly through the camp, remembering the dead legionaries in front of the rocks she had defended. Maxim had made those choices—to kidnap her, to invade the Ramparts—because he wanted to. She had fought back because she had to. What else would Maxim do if not stopped? How many more would die or kill because, like that centurion, they would follow orders without caring about who was right and who was wrong? “Yes, General,” Kira said, her voice almost a whisper. “If it was my job. Someone has to.”
He nodded. “Someone has to. War is insanity. You already know that. You've now seen it first-hand. But if someone begins such insanity, someone else has to stand against that, even though it means embracing the insanity.”
Kira gave Flyn a sharp look. “It doesn't mean embracing deaths and destruction as a simple choice. It means finding ways to limit the insanity, to win not by becoming insane as well but by using your smarts to find the best way to win with the fewest losses possible. And while still retaining your humanity.”
This time Flyn smiled at her as he nodded again. “Just so.”
Their conversation paused as, along with General Flyn, Kira returned a salute from a passing lieutenant before realizing that she was still wearing captain’s insignia on her borrowed uniform. “I need to get back and see if Captain Diana has found some lieutenant insignia for me.”
“I’ll pass word to Captain Diana not to worry about that,” Flyn said. “You’ve received a battlefield promotion to captain.”
“What? When?”
“Just now. For heroism and inspiring leadership and a keen grasp of the responsibilities of command and so on and so forth.”
“You can’t…can you?”
“Of course I can. And if Queen Sien doesn’t confirm it for the Queen’s Own Lancers, then she isn’t nearly as wise as she was in the days when we rode to war together,” Flyn said. “You’ll be commanding the daughter’s army someday, Lady. Best you get the necessary command experience now.”
Kira shook her head at Flyn. “Oh, no, you don’t. Don’t you dare. First of all, General, I’ve never been ‘lady’ to you. And second of all, commanding the daughter’s army? Where did that come from? I’m seventeen years old.”
“Your mother was only twenty when—”
“She’s my mother! The daughter of Jules!”
Flyn smiled at her again. “She is indeed your mother. I remember as clearly as if it happened only yesterday the expression on her face when I offered her my sword in these very mountains as your father-to-be stood by her side. Mari was eighteen then, and she looked at me just as you are looking at me now. What is the matter with him? Why is he doing such a ridiculous thing? But she graciously accepted the offer of my service. Which, I may add, I have never offered or given lightly. Only to those I believe deserve it, and will use it wisely. And you have proven yourself to me to be your mother’s daughter, both in physical and moral courage, and in wisdom, at least as it applies to the command of others.”
“You’re not going to—” Kira began as she saw Flyn drawing his sword. “No! Don’t do that!”
He rested the blade on one arm, extending the hilt toward Kira as their horses continued to walk, oblivious to the human drama of their riders. “Will you accept my service, Lady?”
Kira covered her face with both hands, then lowered them to give him a helpless look. “After your service to my mother, after your service to this world, you know there’s only one thing I can do.”
“I’m waiting on it,” Flyn said.
She grimaced, exhaled in frustration, managed to put a solemn expression on her face, then reached to touch the hilt. “I am deeply honored by your offer and accept it, though I very much hope I will never have need of it.”
Kira heard a buzz of excited conversation and knew Flyn had deliberately chosen to make the offer of his service where many would see and word of it would quickly carry.
It seemed she had escaped from several Imperial traps only to fall into a trap laid by her mother and her mother’s friends.
* * *
Riding back up to the tent some time later, Kira dismounted with all the difficulty that she had expected. The cut in her side and the stitches holding it closed were particularly unhappy with the stretching of her torso required by the dismount, and let Kira know in painful terms. Before she could start to cool down her mount, the guard sergeant was there, directing a private to take the reins. “We’ll take care of him, Captain Kira,” the sergeant told her.
Captain Kira. Word traveled very fast in a military camp. “I rode him,” Kira said. “I should handle the cooldown and rubdown.”
“Yes, Captain,” the sergeant said with the tone of a senior enlisted who had often had to correct officers in a respectful way, “of course. But my instructions are that you are on sick list. Regulations state that any Lancer on sick list should have their mount’s care handled by others.”
“It doesn’t feel right,” Kira grumbled, yielding the reins. She was about to tell the private to be sure to check the gelding’s hooves when she caught herself. The private would know to do that, and would probably be insulted by her reminding him. “Thank you. He handled well.”
“Suka’s regular rider is out for a long while,” the sergeant said. “Sent back to Alexdria in a healer wagon to recover from a bad wound. Would you like Suka for your usual mount?”
“Yes,” Kira said. She gave Suka’s neck an affectionate stroke. “He’s a good horse.” Suka swung his head to barely nuzzle Kira’s hand in a clear sign that he approved of the arrangement.
Inside the tent, she saw Calu sitting next to where Jason lay, and that Jason was awake. They both looked at her with momentary lack of recognition, confused by the Alexdrian Lancer uniform. “Do you need something?” Calu began, then his eyes widened and he laughed. “I’d already seen you in that and it still fooled me! Look at you! I wish Alain and Mari were here!”
“Oh, hush,” Kira said, embarrassed again. “They’ve seen me in my Queen’s Own uniform plenty of times.” She looked down at Jason, trying to smile as he looked back at her. Awake, his weakness and battered body were far more evident, a visible display of the price Jason had paid for her and alongside her over the last few weeks. “How are you doing, my hero?”
“Okay,” Jason said, his voice frail and thin. “They say I’m going to live.”
“You have to. You promi
sed. And your leg will be all right. Did that gene pac stuff help?”
“It must have. I know there’s some injury reaction stuff in there so my body can handle getting hurt a bit better. What’s that uniform about? Are you a general now?”
She shook her head, smiling for real this time. “No. I had to borrow something to wear. And I’m just a captain.”
“Captain?” Calu asked. “Since when? You were a lieutenant when you left this tent.”
“Battlefield promotion from General Flyn,” Kira explained, trying to make it sound like no big deal. “It’s not real.”
“It sounds real to me.”
“Why don’t we talk about Jason?” Kira suggested.
“I’m fine,” Jason said, despite his weakness managing to mimic Kira’s tone when she used the same words.
“Jason has been telling me about your adventures,” Calu said, giving her a reassuring smile. “You’ve been pretty heroic, Kira.”
“Jason has been telling you I’m a hero? He’s the hero, but he's also a terrible liar,” Kira said. “Has he been telling you about Kansas and the jumping congaroos and poisonous paddlepuses that live there?”
“Australia,” Jason corrected, trying to be forceful, but his voice still frail. “Kangaroos and paddle…pittle…plattle…I can’t even say it anymore thanks to you. They live in Australia.”
“Austraya is an imaginary place on Urth,” Kira told Calu. “It’s also called Oz. You get there from Kansas.”
“It’s not— You’re doing that on purpose, aren’t you?” Jason said.
“Sure am,” Kira said, leaning down so her face was close to his. “You’d better get used to it. We’re going to have a long and happy life together. If somebody doesn’t kill us.” She kissed him lightly, afraid to do more when Jason was so weak.
“I’ve got a big reason to live,” Jason said, smiling.
“Me, too. Get some more rest. You need it, and I need to talk to my honorary uncle.”
Calu eyed her warily as they left the tent, waving off the attentive sergeant. “What’d I do?”
“Why did General Flyn just offer me his sword?” Kira demanded, keeping her voice low so they wouldn't be overheard.
“He did?” Calu said, looking surprised but also speaking in almost a whisper. “That’s great.”
“You’re not answering the question, Uncle Calu. Why?”
Calu studied her before answering. “He must have thought you deserved it.”
Kira laughed incredulously. “Oh, sure. Like I could do what Mother does. Look…dragon slayer? All right. I did that. Command an army? Not the same thing!”
“Mari lets experts handle what they're good at,” Calu said. “You'd do the same. And people are going to listen to you, because you've shown how much of Mari, and your father, is in you.”
“I barely survived! Has anybody noticed that?”
“That's not what everyone sees, Kira. They see you as having singlehandedly frustrated the plans of Prince Maxim, destroyed nearly half of the Gray Squadron, and fought an Imperial legion to a standstill.”
She shook her head, disbelieving. “That's crazy. And even if it was true, I couldn't have done it without Jason.”
Calu smiled crookedly. “Your mother has spent decades telling everyone that she couldn't have done what she did without your father alongside her. The world nods and sees he's great, but they still give her the credit. Jason is going to have to accept that in the eyes of the people of Dematr, he'll always be your sidekick.”
“How can anyone believe any of that?” Kira looked around, unable to grasp the idea that the looks of the soldiers she had seen during her ride had reflected that sort of belief in what she had done. “Uncle Calu, you know who I really am.”
“I thought I did,” Calu admitted. “I also thought no one but Mari could have survived what you have. Don't give me that look, Captain Kira! I'm not the only one who is happy to have seen what you've got inside you. And I know that Flyn wouldn't have done what he did unless he believed you deserved it. The symbolism of Mari’s old general offering you his sword is huge.”
“Why would Mother have told General Flyn to do that without telling me first? Why didn't she warn me?”
Calu shook his head. “Kira, you've known General Flyn all of your life. Do you really think that Mari could have ordered him to offer you his service? There are things even your mother can't do. Flyn did it only because he wanted to. Mari probably won't be happy when she hears about it. She didn't want this stuff thrust on you, but maybe fate has other plans.”
“I knew it! Everyone wants me to be my mother. And I'm not!” Kira covered her face with her hands. Her physical pain and injuries were one thing, but the stresses of the previous weeks, of the previous day, still lay coiled inside her. She could feel them lashing at her, released by the strain of imagining a world depending on her decisions.
“Kira, everybody knows that. No one thinks that you're Mari.”
“Then why did General Flyn offer me his sword? How I can do the same things Mother does? Because Master Mechanic Mari defeated the full might of the Great Guilds and the Empire at Dorcastle, and I managed to hide in some rocks for a few hours and not get killed?” Kira felt tears starting, born partly of frustration at the expectations of others and partly from the unresolved pressures of the day before. “It was my fault we ended up trapped there! And if General Flyn hadn't arrived when he did it would have been my fault when Jason was killed! I'm not a hero, Uncle Calu. I survived.”
He nodded slowly, keeping his eyes on her. “I'm sorry, Kira. I guess that's a pretty big thing to dump on somebody, especially somebody who's just been through what you have.”
“Tell them the truth! Tell them I'm not who they think I am! Tell them I didn't do those things!”
“Mari used to say the same thing. They won't listen, Kira.”
“My mother wouldn't have made all of the mistakes that I did,” Kira added, staring to the north where the cliff wall loomed, where Jason's blood stained some of the rocks.
“Mari made a lot of mistakes,” Calu said. “Kira, you of all people should know that your mother isn't perfect. Sometimes she survived by luck. I wasn't at Altis when the assassins went after your mother and father, but Alain has told me about it. Mari was beating herself up, saying that she'd trapped them, that her mistakes had doomed them.”
“Mother got them out! They survived!”
“So did Jason.”
Kira stared at him. “Not because of me.”
“If we go in there and ask, what will Jason say?”
“You know what he'll say because his love for me will be talking! But the facts are, my decisions almost killed Jason! That's all that matters.”
“No,” Calu said. ” ‘Almost’ is a very big word, Kira. What matters is, he lived. So did you. What also matters is you never gave up. Jason told me that. You wouldn't quit and you wouldn't let him quit.”
“But…” Kira spread her hands helplessly. “I can fight, Uncle Calu. I can survive. I know I can do that. But being Mother, trying to measure up to the daughter of Jules, is so much more than that. This isn't the me of a year ago feeling totally worthless, this is the me of now realizing how much more it takes to be my mother. How could I ever be able to do it?”
“Don't quit.”
“I…”
“Can you keep fighting even after the weapons fall silent? Can you fight the battles where no blood is shed but lives can be destroyed? Can you stand firm against wrong just as you stood against those legionaries?”
“I don't know.” Kira looked out across the camp, trying to imagine all of these soldiers following her orders, their lives dependent on her…wisdom? On her? She felt suddenly dizzy and staggered, Calu catching her arm to steady her. “I’m sorry. I guess I’m still a little weak.”
“It's my fault. I pushed you too hard. Why don’t you get in the tent and eat and drink some more?”
He helped her inside and sat her
down, pressing a canteen and another mug of broth on her. Jason was asleep again, so they talked quietly to avoid disturbing him. “Tell me if you need anything else. I should have realized you needed more time to rest and recover after the stuff that happened yesterday.”
“And the days before,” Kira said, forcing herself to drink slowly. “I'm sorry I freaked out. Whenever I think about what might have happened to Jason, about what did happen to him, I just… Didn't you get shot when you were with Mother?”
“Yeah, at Edinton.”
“How bad does it hurt?”
He shrugged. “I think that depends on where you get hit and other stuff. It did hurt, yeah.”
Kira stared down at her mug. “I shot a lot of people yesterday, Uncle Calu. And I was sure I was going to die. Among those rocks, with the legionaries coming at Jason and me again and again.” She started shaking so badly that liquid spilled from the cup in her hand. “Why didn’t I die?”
He held her tightly until the tremors in her subsided. “What kept you going?”
“Jason,” she said, her voice muffled as she kept her face buried against his coat. “If I'd given up, he’d have died.”
“What do you think kept Jason going?”
She sighed. “Me.”
“So,” Calu continued, his voice soft, “you lived because you had each other. That's a pretty good reason, isn't it?”
“That's not why we lived,” Kira said. “It's how we survived.”
“This sure brings back memories,” Calu said, sitting down beside her. “After Mari was shot at Dorcastle, and Alain nearly killed himself saving her, I was in their room a lot, helping out. Your mother was really weak, especially at first, but she kept asking me why she had lived when so many other people had died in the battle. Other people like your namesake, Kira. Mari kept asking why and I kept saying I don't know. And here I am again, only with you instead of her, and I've been alive and learning things for another couple of decades since then, but I still don't know the answer.”
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