The chamber fell into silence for a time. It was not that they were at a loss for words. They were waiting.
Finally, Bordeaux, bathed in the gazes of all assembled, sighed at great length.
“My view shall not change. It is unmistakable that your appearance, reminiscent of the Witch of Jealousy, will have ill effects upon the populace. It would place the royal selection in a precarious state.”
His low voice had, to that point, argued against Emilia’s position. A faint shadow formed around Emilia’s violet eyes. But Bordeaux continued.
“However—sentiment is an area where none may intrude. Furthermore, it is something no one can do anything about, no matter what he may think. Even so, I apologize for my earlier rudeness.—No, I deeply apologize for my rudeness, Lady Emilia.”
Bordeaux knelt then and there, displaying the greatest respect he could.
“You could freeze me where I stand if I do not submit to your will. Yet, even so, you have not, asking only for fair treatment.—This is an act worthy of respect.”
Now that he was speaking calmly, Bordeaux’s face was gentle and intellectual; now Subaru could understand why he was on a Council of Elders. His reply drove the shadow from Emilia’s eyes, replaced by a brighter, more natural expression of joy at being accepted.
Her lips curled in a pleasant, flowery smile.
Bordeaux, under the full force of her gaze, lost his breath and turned red in the face.
Miklotov redirected the conversation.
“Though that was a rather stormy digression, enough has been said, I believe. Lady Emilia, Marquis Roswaal, do you have anything left to say?”
“No.”
“I have not spoken suffiiiciently. What to do, what to…”
Marcus swiftly brought an end to Roswaal’s playful comment.
“—Thank you very much, then.”
He gave Roswaal’s tall back a light pat before Emilia turned toward Subaru, still standing right behind her.
Her violet eyes betrayed a whirlwind of conflicted emotions. Her red tongue poked out of her mouth as if she was about to say something—
From the dais, Miklotov raised an eyebrow and looked down at Subaru.
“Incidentally, what is that young man’s position?”
The question, concerning the unmoored Subaru, brought tension back over Emilia’s face.
“Ah, err, this is my, ah… Err…”
All her prior composure went flying out the window. And so Emilia had returned to the girl who’d ignited the love burning in Subaru’s chest day after day.
Relieved by the sight, Subaru patted Emilia’s shoulder as he stepped forward.
“It’s all right, Emilia.—I’m ready for this, too.”
“Ready for…? Hold on, Subaru, what do you think you’re…? Wait a…”
As she called from behind, Subaru boldly stepped forward. Beneath the gazes of the Council of Elders up on the dais, the boy grit his teeth and briskly raised his head. As he had learned by observation, Subaru bowed on one knee like the knights had and opened his mouth, his heart racing as he spoke with the highest respect he could muster.
“Pleasure to meet you, members of the Council of Elders. First, I’d like to apologize for the late introduction. My name is Subaru Natsuki! A servant at Roswaal Manor and knight of the royal candidate, Lady Emilia!”
Subaru, feeling the weight of the hall’s silence upon him, grit his teeth to beat back the tension.
“I am extremely pleased to make your acquaintance,” he continued.
The out-of-place Subaru had joined the battle to clearly define his own place in the world.
He felt the temperature drop, even colder than when Puck had appeared.
6
Subaru Natsuki had shrugged off Emilia’s efforts to stop him and declared himself her knight.
When Subaru made his announcement, the hall became bereft of sound, replaced by a thick, unpleasant cloud. Seeing the conflicted gazes of onlookers, Subaru realized that something was going deeply, unexpectedly awry as Miklotov asked, “Mmmm. A knight, are you. Marquis Roswaal… Who is this?”
“Ahhh, a somewhat ignorant boy, is he not? …This is a poor showing, even for him.”
“Indeed, what is the status of Lady Emilia’s actual knight?”
“Unlike the other candidates, Lady Emilia currently lacks a knight that she can place her trust in. That is most certainly a matter of concern. Howeeever, that does not mean simply aaanyone can be a knight, particularly one claiming to be a knight of someone who may become king someday.”
Roswaal continued to speak in his normal tone, seemingly for Subaru’s benefit.
“Fidelity toward one’s master is one of the qualifications of being a knight. Furthermore, the power to defend one’s liege is required. He must have some special quality enabling him to blaze the path for his master to become king. If he does not, then…”
A voice abruptly interrupted Roswaal’s speech, hailing from the line of candidates. All eyes fell on the handsome young man with violet hair—Julius.
“—That alone is not enough, Marquis Roswaal.”
Julius elegantly bowed.
“Forgive my intrusion. However, there is something I must ask him.”
When Julius indicated him, Subaru scowled, remembering the former’s hostility from before the royal selection.
“You need not be so defensive. I have only one question. Once it is done, you may do as you please.”
“Do I look tense to you? Why not let me relax a little, ditch the question, and save it for tomorrow?”
“Cease with the clown act. At least, if you truly wish to be Lady Emilia’s self-declared knight.”
“…What do you mean by that?”
Julius regarded Subaru with exasperation, as if he was a complete dunce.
“It seems you do not understand. Just now, you announced yourself as a knight before the entire body of Knights of the Royal Guard of the Kingdom of Lugunica.”
Julius slowly motioned to indicate the knights lined up behind him. Prompted by his words, the knights in their rows stood at attention without disturbing a single thread of the carpet, saluting with their swords raised.
“Th-that’s pretty good stuff there. Did you all practice that just for today?”
Subaru was sniping to keep his wits under the pressure, but Julius’s calm composure did not falter.
“Indeed we did, for we are highly aware we embody the dignity of the kingdom on a daily basis. We train in body and spirit, including how to behave in a ceremonial place. Are you prepared to learn all this?”
Only then did Subaru truly appreciate the true intent behind the question posed to him. Julius was asking him if he was prepared to shoulder the weight of the title of knight, like the Knights of the Royal Guard behind him did.
Subaru had called himself a knight to demonstrate that he was Emilia’s supporter and the person who held her the foremost in his thoughts—to her rival candidates, to the knights, to the Council of Elders, and everyone involved in the royal selection.
“I…I want to…make Lady Emilia king. No, I will make her king.”
“Do you have enough resolve, and enough strength, to do this?”
“Resolve isn’t everything, and I know I’m not strong enough. The feeling in my heart may not be the same loyalty and fidelity that other people have…but my answer won’t change.”
Subaru took a deep breath, wet his tongue, and braced himself as he stepped forward.
“—I’ll make Lady Emilia king. I’ll make her wish come true.”
“…Do you not think that this is an exceptionally arrogant reply?”
Dismay entered Julius’ expression, as if he were listening to a tale of an empty dream.
“Do you understand? People are divided according to their birth. Perhaps it is best to use the term capacity. Nothing is gained by attempting to surpass one’s own capacity. Furthermore, you will never gain what you seek in doing so, especiall
y not the title of knight, which falls so frivolously from your lips.”
Julius drove the scabbard of his own sheathed sword into the floor with a thump. On cue, the knights assembled behind him produced the same sound a moment later. The hard, heavy echo displayed that he had all the knights behind him.
“Those who pursue knighthood require loyalty to lord and kingdom and the power to protect their liege by force. No one may call himself knight without either one of these things.—Can you still say there is the will, the power, the resolve within you?”
“Don’t get all high and mighty on me with your buddies. I know I don’t have the power to follow through on how I feel as I am now…”
“You say that you accept your current lack of power? I see; that is a precious thought. If you had not acknowledged your weakness, I might have been forced to reduce myself to your disgraceful level.”
Subaru was helpless to respond as Julius, unable to conceal his contempt, heaped scorn upon him.
“You understand that you are lacking in strength? Did you declare it so loudly in expectation of a reward? Weakness is a matter of shame, not pride.”
“—!”
“Next you will no doubt say your feelings will carry you through. I see. Your emotions conquer all. Fine and well. Did you strive to earn the right to stand in this palace with the might of your strong and lofty feelings? Did you come here in an effort to insult us, the Knights of the Royal Guard, to the highest degree possible?”
The stern words bit into him. But even then, Julius did not sheath his verbal blade.
“Only those of certain birth may be recommended for entry into the Knights of the Royal Guard, the pinnacle of knighthood. This is not out of deference to lineage, but because their ancestors have displayed their loyalty to the kingdom, down to the very blood that flows through their veins. I do not accept that you, nor the mercenary calling himself Al, have any qualifications to call yourselves knights.”
“Bloodline… It’s not like a person can do anything about something like that…!”
“Indeed. It is just as I have said. People are separated by birth. It was the same in your home. Just because two people have been born does not make them equal.”
“—”
“Of course, not all born to knightly households become knights. Many lack the will. A knight eternally strives for greater heights, ever willing to cast his life aside, coughing up blood, to protect whatever greatness stands behind him. That is the ultimate honor of those qualified.”
With classical nobleman’s thinking, Julius stomped on Subaru’s feelings, rejecting the essence of his very existence. And every knight there felt the exact same way.
Not a single person in that place acknowledged Subaru as a knight. And yet, he replied, “—Even so, I’ll make Emilia king.”
“I do not understand. In the face of such rejection, why are you still even here?”
Cold glances from throughout the chamber watched Subaru’s recklessness with scorn and contempt. But Subaru couldn’t feel any of that.
He felt something far stronger—the gaze of the silver-haired girl behind him. He felt Emilia.
He couldn’t look back. He didn’t have the courage.
Feeling her presence, he hesitated for a brief moment, and then answered.
“—Because she’s special.”
That was his answer.
Julius’s eyes widened slightly in apparent surprise. However, the surge of emotion was immediately concealed when his face calmed again.
“You are obstinate. I accept that you have a reason for standing here regardless of whether you are qualified or not. In that case, I have nothing more to say to you.”
Julius turned his back to Subaru as if he was returning to the line of candidates. But his very first step halted, and his head alone turned back toward Subaru.
“—However, do not think that I accept you as a knight, or ever will.”
“What are you…”
“I understand that you esteem her enough that you wish to protect her. However, your thoughts are… No, it would be ugly to elaborate deeply upon it.”
Julius shook his head, pitying Subaru.
“A man who brings such an expression to the one he wishes to stand beside…is not a knight.”
Subaru’s thoughts shifted behind him. Everything felt cold.
He wondered what kind of look was on Emilia’s face.
He was too frightened to find out.
That was why the next thing out of Subaru’s quivering lips was a transparent attempt to get in the last word.
“Y-you’re saying that whether you can be a knight or not is settled from birth? What, every one of you was a golden child, the best at everything? Don’t make me laugh. You’re not the one who gets to be called the knight among knights around here. Don’t think anything you say can get to me.”
It was a cheap insult. But Julius did not display his emotions as he casually replied, “Subaru Natsuki, you said? You should know that speaking such cheap insults to others diminishes not only your own worth, but damages the worth of everyone around you. Subaru Natsuki.—There is no beauty in it.”
And so, Julius summarized Subaru’s words and actions to date, rejecting them, and him, in one fell swoop.
That single remark made Subaru realize that he, and his own conduct, had hit rock bottom.
The candidates gave Subaru blank stares. Behind the dignified Julius, many of the knights seethed with resentment at Subaru’s rude statement.
For their part, the rows of civil officials had no love lost for Subaru, who seemed unable to make any argument not based on sentimentality. He didn’t even have the courage to look up and see what the Council of Elders thought of him.
Even if it meant making an enemy of the whole world, he’d be in Emilia’s corner.
Until that moment, his resolve for that part, at least, had held strong, but…
Before Subaru summoned the nerve to look back, a voice, clear as a bell, moved around to his front.
“Subaru, that’s enough.”
The trembling of the hand touching his shoulder shocked him enough that even he wanted to look away.
Emilia took hold of Subaru’s wrist as she bowed her head to the Council of Elders and said, “I apologize for the waste of your time. He will leave immediately.”
The words waste of your time sliced into Subaru’s heart sharper than any razor.
But he could say nothing.
He had indisputably taken his resolve, determination, and himself, and trampled on them all.
Subaru did not resist as he was led away from the stage by his arm. As Emilia pulled him forward, he still couldn’t look at her face.
From the dais, Miklotov sounded hoarse, yet mysteriously, his voice carried far.
“I judge some of this to have been time well spent, Lady Emilia.”
Neither of the two stopped walking as Miklotov continued.
“He showed us that, at the very least, you are not a half-elf like the one the world fears.—You have a good vassal.”
Emilia paused and looked back.
“—Subaru…”
She was watching the Council of Elders on the dais. Subaru, standing beside her, was not in her field of vision whatsoever. But when she turned, he could clearly see her face.
Her expression was frozen over. Her eyes were frigid with the readiness to emotionlessly cast something aside, when her tranquil, clear voice stated plainly—
“…is no vassal of mine.”
Thus, she spurned Subaru’s words and feelings up to that very moment.
7
Subaru wandered around in a corridor outside of the chamber, completely rudderless.
He didn’t remember much after he’d humiliated himself in front of Emilia and a huge audience. All he remembered was that the captain of the knights had permitted his departure and had left his fate to Emilia’s judgment.
It would have been wrong to say he was there beca
use he didn’t want to cause Emilia any more trouble. The reason he’d fled, even after he had gone against her instructions to reach the palace in the first place, was far simpler.
—He couldn’t bear Emilia’s frigid eyes any longer.
Subaru was mentally berating himself as the guard who’d escorted him to the castle’s waiting room gave him a concerned look.
“Did something happen to you?”
He hadn’t seen Subaru’s humiliation because he’d been stationed outside the huge double doors. Furthermore, his demeanor showed respect toward someone he believed to be involved with one of the royal candidates.
“It’s…nothing. Sorry for all the trouble in the middle of a really important job.”
“I don’t mind. Inside the throne room, they’re deciding the future of the entire nation. Even if I’m not qualified to be inside, I’m proud just to be on the edges of it.”
The irony of the words, spoken with a clear voice, left Subaru with an uncomfortable awkwardness. Here was a guy full of pride for what he was doing at the edges of the selection of the next king.
What of Subaru? Could anyone take pride in what he had done?
No one would. And the one person he had wanted to acknowledge his efforts had rejected him.
“—”
Unable to stand still, Subaru shifted his gaze when he suddenly noticed a ruckus at the end of the corridor. Just as he turned his head to look, a guard popped in, apparently in a hurry.
“Pardon, open the way! We’ve captured an intruder. We need orders from the captain!”
“Wait, they’re still in the middle of the conference! Hold the intruder in the barracks until…”
“The circumstances do not allow us to do that. Either way, we cannot make this decision ourselves!!”
Ignoring the urgings of his comrade, the guard shouted back down to the corridor. Several men were dragging forward the intruder that’d snuck into the castle.
Subaru, wondering what was so bad they needed to interrupt the royal selection, glanced at the intruder. Then…
Regret stronger than anything else that day struck Subaru Natsuki.
“—Ah?”
Re:ZERO -Starting Life in Another World-, Vol. 4 Page 18