by Wood, Lauren
“I didn't say it was a date.”
“I know, but it was. I'm just curious who it was that asked you out.”
Dina had a strange look on her face for a moment, then she cocked her head to one side, like she had just figured something out.
“Curious, huh?”
I agreed. “Yeah, just curious.”
13
Dina
After a nice night out with John, everything that I had told myself that I wasn't going to let happen, started to blur a little bit. I told myself that the last thing I needed to do was get involved with one of my brothers’ friends. It didn't matter that I had the biggest crush on him when I was younger. What mattered was the fact that he was my boss and my roommate at the moment. I didn’t need to make it anymore awkward, because right now it was already high enough.
But then we had dinner together, and it felt like everything changed again. It was like the kiss we had shared during my brother's wedding. I didn't know that it would turn into what it had, but I would not change that either. That was the problem with John. It was hard to regret him, even though he was going to make my life so much more complicated. Truthfully, just being around him all the time was doing just that.
I thought everything was okay and it was only when I went to work the next day and saw my boss, that I realized it wasn't true. Apparently, the reason Dale and I weren't able to go out the night before was because John had given him a lot of extra work to do. Dale made it clear that he thought it was because of me.
“I don't think it's that way at all. John wouldn’t do something like that. He isn’t that sort of man.”
“John, huh?”
I tried really hard not to call him that because it showed a familiarity that I didn't want other people to know about. People at the office didn't need to know that we were living together, and he was my brother’s best friend. It would just make things awkward and I had already heard comments about me being brought in by John. I think that reason alone had given the people at the office something else to talk about. It wasn't exactly what I wanted, but I didn't really have a choice.
“Yeah, that's just what he told me to call him. I think he has everybody call him that.”
“Are you trying to pretend like you two don't know each other outside of work?”
I don't know what Dale was getting at, but I told him that it wasn't that way at all. I had agreed to go out with him because I felt like I was just being nice, but now I felt like I had to make this right. I didn't know how it was my fault, but I didn't want him to suffer because he had asked me out. That didn't make sense, and I was sure that it was just one big misunderstanding. That's what it had to be, right?
When I got home that evening, I asked John about it and he looked at me like he had no idea what I was talking about. I actually felt a little embarrassed for a moment, for even bringing it up.
“You know that I have a girlfriend, right?
I groaned inwardly and agreed. “I am not saying that it is true, that's just what I heard today. And I wanted to ask you about it. You know how awesome office gossip can be.”
“Actually, I don't. I try to stay away from all of that nonsense. I have many companies to run, and I can't listen to the gossip from all of them.”
He looked disturbed and I felt like I had somehow upset him. It wasn't my intention of course. I was just trying to make conversation and let him know what I saw going on. I told myself then that I wouldn’t make the same mistake again.
It wasn't long after that conversation that John took off for the night. He was gone most nights, or at least he wouldn't come back till very early in the morning. I never asked him where he was going, but I could imagine where it was.
He had a girlfriend that came by once in a while, but she never stayed very long. She came by basically to pick him up and then the two of them would leave together. Sometimes I didn't mind living with John, but at other times, I felt like I shouldn’t be there. Like I was somehow thrust into this life that I didn’t want. I didn’t want John as a roommate. I wanted him as something more, even if it was wrong to want such a thing.
* * *
I got some bad news from one of the girls that had befriended me at work. After I left, more was said about me and John. I didn’t like to hear it, but I was happy that someone at least had the guts to tell me. I could tell that Lindsey didn’t want to tell me, but I was glad she did.
Dale wasn't the only one that seemed to be mad at me about what happened with John. Dale had been there a lot longer and I was just the new worker, that was sleeping with the boss apparently.
As much as I wanted to believe that there wasn’t any truth to it, I knew that there was. John had said several things that made me aware of his feelings. He didn't want me to be with anyone else. I just didn't know why.
The next morning, John was still in the kitchen when I got up, and I was thankful for one day that I didn't have to take a class or go to work. It was Sunday and for me, it was my only day of rest. It was not the same for John. Usually, he went into the office and this time I didn't even ask him if he was going in or not. It was still kind of weird between us because of the night before and the call I had gotten from Lindsey.
After a couple of minutes of feeling like I was being ignored, I realized that he didn’t know that I was even standing there. It gave me time to check him out. His shirt was off. As much as I wanted to forget how I felt about him, I knew that there wasn’t anything I could do about it. He was sex on a stick, and I wanted him worse than before. The muscles that I had admired when I was younger, were now harder and bulkier than before. He was just so big.
He turned around and actually jerked a little bit. I saw that he had an earbud in his ear and when he pulled it out, I could hear rock and roll coming out of them.
“Hey, Dina. I didn’t see you there. What’s going on?”
His chest was in full view now, and I was finding it difficult to look at anything else but the hard lines in front of me. All this time I was trying to deny the fact that I was attracted to him. I had been attracted to him for far longer than I cared to even think about. Now he was standing right in front of me, half naked and there was nowhere else I wanted to look.
At first, I didn’t say anything. “I was just coming down here to get some breakfast and try to figure out what I was going to do today.”
“Oh, that's right, it's Sunday. So, I guess you don't have any classes today, huh?”
I told him that I didn’t. “No work either, from my slave-driving boss. What are you doing today?”
“I’m not really sure yet. I was going to go into the office for a little while, but I think I've had enough of that this week. Did you want to go out and do something?”
There was no telling what that meant, and I was not sure if it was a good idea. Every time I was around John, it felt like I made a bigger ass of myself. Things were complicated at work now, because everybody thought that he was coming down on Dale because of me. Dale was acting funny. The last thing I needed to do was get involved any deeper than I already was. But then again, wasn’t I already in too deep to even worry about it?
“What did you have in mind?”
“It's a pretty day. We could go hit the lake. I got a boat at the marina and we could be there in twenty minutes.”
That actually sounded pretty good and I agreed to it. I was about to ask him something when the phone rang, and I silenced it. It had been ringing for several days now and I was trying my best to keep it under wraps. One of the guys that I went to school with, Trent, had been asking me out. Since seeing what happened with Dale end so badly, I really was trying to focus on anything but men right now. I ignored it a second time, but he called back.
“Who is that? That isn’t Dale, is it?”
“No. I don't think Dale is going to call me anytime soon. I think he hates me right now.”
I didn't want to say that out loud and I wish I could've taken it back. That wasn’t something that John n
eeded to know.
“Why would he hate you?”
I waved him off and told him that it wasn’t a big deal. Then the phone rang again, and I silenced it, again. After a moment, I just decided to turn it off altogether. That was the best way to handle the situation.
Before I did so, I saw the look that John gave me. He was not happy, and I couldn't imagine why he was looking at me that way. What was going on in his head?
“You are getting a lot of attention, Dina. I guess I am going to have to keep a closer eye on you.”
I smiled in response, but I had a feeling that he wasn’t all that happy about it. We agreed to go for a swim, and I went upstairs to change. I don’t know how I was supposed to feel about it, but I was anticipatory. Being around John, there was never really no telling what was going to happen.
14
John
“I thought we were going for a swim?”
“We are, but you didn’t really expect me to pack up a cooler full of food and wheel it down to the beach, did you?”
“Why are you making it sound so bad?”
“Trust me, Dina. This is better.”
She was looking at the yacht like it was going to jump out of the water and bite her. I had thought to impress her, but I’m sure that Dina had seen it all before. She didn’t seem in adoration at all. Nothing I did, or tried to do with Dina, seemed to work. Forgetting about her wasn’t working either. Even my talented girlfriend Lisa wasn’t able to light the fire inside of me like her.
“I do trust you, John, even though sometimes I don’t know if I really should or not.”
“You can trust me, Dina. I will always be rather clear about what I want and need from you.”
“You don’t seem to be very clear about it.”
Dina was walking towards the pier, leaving me in her dust. This innocent woman knew a thing or two. That, or I wasn’t near as mysterious as I liked to think I was. I didn’t want to think about how she could read me. If that were the case, then it would mean that everyone else could read me too. I really despised the idea of that.
“It’s complicated, Dina. Me and your brother are best friends. You’re off limits, so I am fighting the attraction between us. Not to mention, you’re so damn young.”
“Youth doesn’t mean anything.”
“It did back when you were fourteen and trying to seduce me.”
She turned red and looked away. “Well, you were a gentleman about it. Turned me down proper and I didn’t feel too bad about it. I was mad at you for a while, but when you left, it was easier. And harder.”
I never really got how much Dina cared for me. Her brother had tried to tell me that she had a crush, but now, listening to her talk, it felt like there was something more there. I wanted to delve further into it, but not here at the dock. We needed privacy and I hoped if we saw the land disappear behind us, leaving it in our wake, maybe we could pull ourselves from all of the complications that made it so hard to think about it in a normal way.
“Why don’t we get onboard, then we can chat?”
Dina wanted to do it now. I could only imagine the resolve to get her to come out with it. I wanted to talk about it, really, I did, but not here, in the earshot of so many. This conversation should be reserved for when we were together and alone. That’s when it was going to matter the most.
“You’re right. I shouldn’t have brought it up. I don’t know what I was thinking. It was a long time ago and I was an idiot.”
I didn’t want to wave off her feelings, but that was exactly what I was doing. I just didn’t want to do it here. I never dealt well with emotions. That was why I kept girlfriends like Lisa. She was high maintenance when it came to money, but low maintenance when it came to everything else. I didn't have to tell her where I was going or what I was doing. There were no emotions besides lust. That's all that was needed.
With Dina, there was something else there and I found myself pausing before I said anything, going over it in my head, just to make sure that it was right. That was not how I usually did things.
“It's not like that at all. But I have several people in earshot and they like to gossip. Say what you will about women, but men are just as bad. The next thing I know, I will have all this information throughout the house. I just don't want to do that.”
Dina said that she understood, but I don't think that she really did. She was still looking a little defensive and I wish that I could set things right for her. I didn't want her to think that I was doing it for any other reason than the real reason.
“Sure, let's get on board. It looks pretty fancy. I'm sure it'll be nice.”
Her words were clipped, and I sighed out loud. I was really out of my element with Dina. So far out of my element that I wasn't sure what the hell to do next. If I added in the fact that Jack was her brother, it just became a blurred mess. I was not going to think about that right now.
Once we got on board and got away from the dock, I started to feel a little more relief. The sun was out and there didn't seem to be a cloud in the sky. It was a perfect day to be out on the water. Then we could get that time together that I was looking for. I was convinced that all it would take was a little bit of alone time and we would know exactly what was going on between us. That's what I hoped anyway.
We had been out for about half an hour before I could tell that Dina was getting hot. She asked me when we were going to stop to go swimming and I motioned to the pool.
“I don't want to swim in a pool. I want to swim in the ocean. That's the whole reason for us coming out here, isn't it?”
I agreed, but I hadn't actually even thought of swimming. I certainly hadn't thought about going into the open water. It had been on a long time since I had done that, usually opting for the sterile water found in the pool. It was on board and a few steps away. I should have known that Dina would be different.
“Alright, I will have the captain find us a little cove where we can go.”
That got the first smile that I'd seen in a little bit. I had not brought up the conversation from earlier, even though I told her that we would finish it onboard. The truth was, I didn't want to finish the conversation at all. It was unpleasant and I didn't really do well with feelings and such. I liked to swallow them down and pretend that they weren't there, like every other man.
I talked to the captain over the intercom and the boat moved towards the shore. I could only imagine what she was thinking. I certainly wasn't acting like myself lately. Several people had brought it to my attention and every time I had pretended that they were incorrect. Nothing had changed, I would say. When I knew deep down that everything had changed.
“It is getting hot, John. I am going to take this off for a little bit so that I can breathe.”
She had on shorts and a flowing shirt, so I didn't really know what she was going to take off. But the shirt came off rather quickly and she had a bikini top on underneath it. The shorts became a lot shorter when there was nothing else to cover them up. Now there were only a few swatches of fabric that was covering her body and I was able to take it all in at once. She was far more beautiful than I had imagined.
Dina said she did it so that she could breathe, which I found completely entertaining, because now I couldn't breathe a damn bit. My lungs had stopped taking in oxygen and my throat had closed up. Why had I not seen it before? I had seen beauty there, but I had no idea what was really in front of me.
She pulled her hair down next and kind of waved it free. I was just sitting there on the deck, trying to hold it together. I don't even think she realized what kind of a show she was putting on right now.
There was no way that she could top it. She could literally get naked and lap dance on me and I don't think it would have had the same effect as her innocent show did. I felt like I was watching a beautiful creature from the corner, unbeknownst to them.
Dina sat down next to me and leaned back. She made a small moaning sound and for the life of me, I couldn't
get it out of my mind. It was the sweetest damn sounding noise I had ever heard. It was a sort of sound that I would imagine hearing in the middle of sex, but all of that was coming just from a slight breeze on her heated skin.
“You are rather pale.”
She looked at me a little questioningly and agreed. “Yeah?”
“What I mean is, would you like me to put sunblock on you, so you don't burn?”
Dina kind of chuckled. “I think that is one of the cheesiest lines I've ever heard.”
“It's only cheesy if it doesn't work.”
She thought about it for a moment and agreed. I don't know exactly why she did, but it really didn't matter. We were out here, alone, and the clothes were coming off. It didn't seem that anything bad could come from the scenario starting like that. I couldn't think of anything anyway.
“Well, even if it does work John, it’s still pretty cheesy. I guess you don't have to work that hard anymore because of all the money you’ve got, huh?”
“It has nothing to do with money, Dina.”
“Then what does it have to do with?”
She thought I was being cocky and maybe I was. But I had a feeling that I could say a few words and blow her mind. Whether she was different than the rest of the women or not, I still knew how to deal with her. I knew how to deal with women as long as they had a little attraction in their eyes, and Dina certainly did have that.
Instead of saying anything else, she turned her back to me and offered her skin up. It took me a minute to find the sunblock, but it wasn't long after that I started rubbing it into her shoulders. I knew that I had to start small. I was of course, trying to help her; I wasn't trying to take advantage of her. Even if that was hard to remember at the moment.
That sighing sound came back when I moved on to her neck. I could feel the tension there and I wondered if it had anything to do with me. I know that she had certainly made me nervous, so it made sense that she might have the same reaction to me. Was she feeling the same desire and need that I was feeling, as well? I really liked the idea of that.