Into the Fire

by T A. McKay

  “I knew you would be back when you came to your senses.”

  Now I'm trying to pack up anything I need to take with me, but every time I turn around Judi is there, acting as if nothing has happened.

  “Do you want a cup of coffee, sweetheart?” I grind my teeth together, grabbing a hold of the kitchen worktop to stop me from going and strangling her.

  “Why are you here, Judi? I don’t want you here, you were meant to be gone days ago. I thought the fact that I told you to leave would have told you that.” She giggles and I think it’s meant to be sexy, but all it does is make the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. She walks over and cuddles my back, wrapping her arms around my waist. I stop her hands from roaming, removing them from my body before turning to face her. I lean down slightly, getting right into her face so we are eye to eye.

  “Are you listening, Judi? I tried to be nice but it didn’t work, so I need to be blunt here. I. Don’t. Want. You. Did you hear me this time? You’re doing nothing but embarrassing yourself here. Leave before I have to remove you.” She stands just looking at me as though she doesn’t understand what I'm saying. Can I really have spent so much time with her and not noticed this side of her? There’s something seriously wrong here.

  “You’re just being grumpy because you’re having trouble finding a job. Don’t worry, daddy said that he can get you into his office, so see, all sorted.” She continues with that unnerving smile, still not listening to a word I say. I walk towards the front door, grabbing Judi’s arm as I walk past her and pulling her behind me. I take her jacket and bag from the hook by the door and thrust it into her arms. I open the front door and push her towards it.

  “Go, Judi. Please just leave.” I don’t give her a chance to answer before shutting the door on her and leaning against it with a sigh.

  I'm so tired. Between the drive here and then dealing with Judi I'm at the point of exhaustion. I push myself of the door and turning off all the lights as I go, I make my way up to my room. I will go to bed now and get up early to pack the few things I need to take with me. Cora, my estate agent will be here tomorrow at midday with a couple who are interested in the house. I want to be nearly packed by that point, ready to leave after the showing. I should work later tonight, but I just don’t think my body would be able to take it.

  I drift out of sleep, the feeling of warmth against my back and lips on my neck. My first thought is Madison. The feel of her against me has my dick hard, anticipating where this might go. I don’t want to stop this time, I need to feel her again, to be inside her. Before she can change her mind, I reach for her hand, moving it down to my dick which is now as hard as stone. Her perfume reaches my nose and I notice that it doesn’t smell right, it doesn’t smell like her, but her hand moves over me, making me forget the thought. Her hand strokes up the length of my dick, from root to tip, using her thumb to rub the moisture there around the tip before moving back down. It feels amazing, a little different than I remember but it’s been a long time since I was with her like this.

  I reach behind me, finding the wetness between her legs. I use my fingers to spread her lips, my thumb caressing her clitoris gently. I love listening to her moans, it makes everything I'm doing so much better. The feel of her breath against my neck as she pants is the biggest turn on. I can feel my balls tighten under her touch, preparing to give me the orgasm I'm chasing. I slip a finger inside her, feeling her walls clenching around them trying to stop them from leaving. She moans out loud and whispers in my ear.

  “Oh God, Noah. You feel so good.” I scrunch up my forehead in concentration. The voice I just heard doesn’t sound right, that isn’t Madison’s voice. That’s when it comes to me. How would Madison get into the house? I locked the front door when I came to bed so she would have no way to get in here. Why would she be in here, I left her at home? I force my eyes open against the brightness of the morning, finally fully realising where I am. In my sleeping state I immediately thought of Madison, she was in my dreams so I thought the hands belonged to her. Now as I become aware I know they can’t be hers, but whose? I was alone last night.

  Obviously upset with me stopping the movement of my hand, the body behind me huffs and pulls harder on my now softening dick.

  “Noah, baby. Please don’t stop. You know how much I love what you’re doing to me.” My stomach clenches when I hear her voice properly. Why is Judi in my bed? I throw of the duvet and move quickly out of my bed, grabbing my boxer shorts off the floor. She lies on the bed trying to look seductive but it’s taking me all my power not to run to the bathroom and vomit.

  After putting my boxers on I stand and stare at Judi, trying to work out what the fuck is happening. I shudder as I have the memory of her hands all over me, pleasuring me. There is only one woman that I want to touch me like that and she’s a fiery little red head. Guilt floods my body when I think of Madison, what on earth have I just done? I can feel moisture on my hands and I scrub them against my boxers, trying to get the feeling off my hands. I need a shower, it’s the only way to get rid of the feeling.

  I walk around the bed making my way towards the bathroom, stopping before I reach the door. I turn to face Judi, keeping my voice as calm and as level as I can.

  “Get. Out.” I close my eyes and focus on my breathing. I’ve probably just ruined everything with Madison and I wasn’t even aware of it. I’d been dreaming of Madison, we’d been on honeymoon and we were making love. I could feel her body against me, her tongue tasting the sweat on my skin, so when I woke up to those feeling on my skin I honestly thought it was her. It was like a dream come true, but it wasn’t, it was a nightmare.

  I open my eyes and see Judi sitting there with a frown on her face, the sheet wrapped around her body.

  “Baby, what’s wrong? Why did you stop?” Her voice, her words make me want to reach out and punch her. I'm totally against violence against women, but this woman is pushing every limit I have.

  “I said get out. I’m trying to stay calm here, Judi, so you need to leave before I lose my shit and throw your arse out on the street naked.” She pushes to the side of the bed, rising to stand in front of me.

  “You don’t really mean that do you? We were so good together. Just give me a chance to make you happy, you will remember.” She moves her hand down my body until she is cupping my very unexcited dick. She continues to rub it, trying to get it to show some sort of response. I move in close to her face, my voice now a growl.

  “Do you see that? You can’t even get me hard. I don’t want you, Judi. You need to hear what I'm saying to you. I haven’t wanted you for a long time. We haven’t been good for a very long time, if we ever were. There’s only one woman I want, and she isn’t you.” She finally hears what I'm saying. I can tell by the change in her eyes. There’s an anger replacing the softness that was there a minute ago.

  “You’re fucking her aren’t you? I knew it! Was it going on when we were together? I knew that skank was after you, little bitch.” My hands clench at my side, trying to find something to do other than wrap my fingers around her neck.

  “Watch your mouth. What I do or don’t do with Madison is none of your business. You need to leave. I'm going for a shower, and if you aren’t gone when I get out I will call the police to remove you.” I turn my back to her but her next words freeze me to the spot.

  “Do you think Madison would be interested in pictures of our morning together?” I turn to face her. She has a smug smile on her face, and her mobile in her hand. “They could have been taken anytime, Judi. She is never going to believe you.” She laughs, and I worry what she is about to say. This isn’t the face of a woman who isn’t holding all the cards.

  “Yes, but she knows I was here last night. Did I forget to tell you she called?” I feel all the fight drain out of my body. It’s over. There’s no way that Madison will ever get over this. I know that nothing happened, but who would believe what had happened, it sounds like the oldest story in the book. I didn’t know
it was Judi, well I should have known straight away and I think part of me did. The rest of me just took longer to catch up.

  No matter what may happen I need to be honest with Judi, and in turn be honest with Madison. If Madison doesn’t believe my story there’s nothing I can do, I will just move on with my life. I make it sound so easy, but there will be nothing easy about leaving Madison in my past.

  “Send them. If Madison truly knows both of us there is no way she will believe you over me. And if she does then we were never meant to be. Now you have ten minutes to dress, pack anything you want and get out.” I turn and walk into the bathroom, shutting the door on my past, and possibly my future.

  After showering and dressing I make my way down stairs. With every step I take I keep expecting to see Judi, but it looks like she finally took my advice and left. Her wardrobe was empty when I went past, confusing me. I'm not sure that she would have been able to pack everything up in the time she had. She’s obviously been moving things out while I wasn’t here. It makes me wonder if her being here had been planned or just chance.

  I go into the kitchen and turn on the kettle. I need to have a coffee before I start packing. I notice my mobile on the windowsill where I must have left it last night in my sleep-starved state. I unlock it and bring up my call log. There it is, the call that Madison had made last night. Shit. I take a deep breath before pressing the return call button. Placing the phone to my ear I wipe my other palm against my jeans, feeling more nerves than I should. The call is answered but nothing is said.

  “Madison? Are you there, Angel?” I hear her sniffing, showing that she’s crying. I close my eyes, hating to hear her hurting because of me again. It doesn’t seem to matter what I do, I always end up hurting her.

  “Please just listen to me. I don’t know what she said to you, I only just found out that you called. She was here when I arrived, I didn’t tell her I was coming, I swear. I got rid of her. I made her leave before locking the door on her. You have to believe me, Angel.” The words come out so fast, trying to get her to hear everything before she hangs up. I hear her clearing her throat, then she asks me the one question I wish she hadn’t.

  “So nothing happened between the two of you?” I go quiet, not sure how to answer that.

  Chapter Sixteen

  Madison

  The delay in his response tells me everything I need to know.

  “Don’t worry, I understand. One more time for old times sake, or is it to start again? Just let me know, Noah, before I make a fool of myself crying over you again.” His voice is quiet when it comes over the line. He doesn’t want to talk about it but I don’t care. When Judi had answered my call I actually felt my heart break in two, the sob catching in my throat and making my eyes burn with tears. I spent the rest of the night wrapped in Tash’s arms, sobbing with a broken heart. I knew she was wrong about him loving me.

  “Angel, it wasn’t like that I swear. And I didn’t have sex with her, you have to believe me. I didn’t even kiss her. There was… something, and I know it will sound creepy but I swear I thought it was you.” Did I seriously just hear him right, he thought Judi was me? I don’t know if that a compliment or not, as beautiful as she is, she really isn’t anything like me.

  “You thought she was me? Were you drunk? Maybe it’s like the last time we were together, did you think I was her that time?” I know it’s a bitch move, but I want him to hurt as much as I do just now. The silence from the other end of the call shows me that I have got the reaction I'm looking for.

  “It wasn’t like that.” His voice is soft, barely audible and my heart breaks for him. He’s an idiot, always has been when it came to women. I’m still angry but it thaws a little hearing the pain in his voice. I try to remember that he doesn’t owe me any loyalty, we aren’t together. As his friend I have no say over who he dates or sleeps with. As much as I would love to tell him he can’t be with anyone I don’t have that right.

  “Then explain it to me, I’ll listen.” I close my eyes not really wanting to listen, but needing to at the same time.

  “When I arrived home she was already there. I told her to leave and she wouldn’t, but eventually I’d had enough of her and I put her out. I made her leave, Angel. I promise I did. I remember dreaming of…well it doesn’t matter but it was a dirty dream. I woke up to her in my bed but I swear I thought I was still dreaming. It was only when I heard her speak I knew it was real. I nearly had sex with her because I was dreaming of someone else.” He laughs but it’s not a laugh of humour. I shouldn’t believe the story he just told me, but I can’t help but believe, as crazy as that sounds. No one could make up a story like that. I can’t get the image out of my head of his face when he realised someone was actually in his bed, and I can’t stop the laughter that bursts out of me. I know people might think I'm crazy believing him but I don’t care, I need to give him the benefit of the doubt, it’s Noah.

  “You’re laughing at me?” The sound of disbelief in his voice makes me laugh even harder. I struggle to stop, holding my stomach with my free hand. Tash rushes into the room to see what the noise is. She looks at me as though I'm crazy, making me laugh even harder. She just shakes her head and walks away, apparently used to my mood swings when it comes to Noah.

  “I'm sorry … it’s just … that could only happen to you.” And I'm not lying. No one else has the luck that Noah has, and unfortunately it’s not usually good luck.

  “I'm glad I amuse you. But are you listening to me, Angel? Nothing else happened, and when I realised what was happening I told her to leave. She says she has pictures of us together, I don’t thinks he has but if you get a message from her, please don’t open it.” The thought of seeing them together turns my stomach, so there will be no chance I will open those messages.

  “Okay, I won’t.” I don’t know what else to say to him. I have accepted his story but it still leaves a lot unsaid between us.

  “I'm sorry. I seem to spend my life hurting you, and I don’t mean to. Can you forgive me?” I let out one last chuckle, settling back into the sofa. Can I forgive him? There really is no option in that one, there’s no way I can’t have Noah in my life.

  “This time, butt munch, but don’t let it happen again. And for the love of God, please stop trying to stick your dick in Judi. It never ends well.” It’s his turn to laugh this time. I just sit there and listen to him, a huge smile on my face as I hear his happiness.

  ****

  I look into the mirror, cringing at what I see. I have my date with Lex tonight and I just can’t get my hair to sit right. It keeps curling out at the bottom no matter how much I use my straighteners on it. Add on top of that the fact that my freckles seem extra noticeable tonight and I'm close to cancelling the whole thing.

  My mobile rings and I lie back on my bed, grabbing it from my bedside unit.

  “Hello.” I should have checked the caller ID but I didn’t even think about it.

  “Hey, beautiful. I'm on my way home, I should be there in about two hours. Are you up for movie night?” No. Why did he have to come home tonight? He was meant to be home tomorrow, so I thought my date tonight would be done before he was here. Not that I'm trying to hide it, I just thought that it would be easier if he wasn’t here.

  “I can’t tonight, I'm … uh … going out?” It comes out as a question, losing any conviction I had. I don’t know why I feel bad but I do.

  “Going out? I was hoping to talk to you, there is something I need to say to you.” I lie there on my bed, imagining what it would be like later having Noah in it with me.

  “I can’t. I have a date with Lex.” The line goes quiet and I know he’s grinding his teeth. For some reason Noah took an instant dislike to Lex, even though he’s never met him. I think he just feels that no one will ever be good enough for me, like a protective big brother.

  “Oh, okay then. Maybe tomorrow night?” I can hear the fake cheeriness he’s putting into his voice. I want to cancel but I don’t think I c
ould take the wrath of a very pissed of Tash. She’s been pushing me on this guy for a while now, thinking he is perfect for me. Then if she were to find out that I cancelled my date for Noah she would flip. After what happened the other night with Noah, she has threatened to cut a certain part of his anatomy off.

  I first met Lex in the salon. He came in to get his haircut and Tash had pushed him on me, making me think it was a set up from the start. Lex is a really nice guy, but that’s all, a nice guy. He doesn’t have an edge, something that makes him stand out. I need that little something extra, so it doesn’t feel like I'm dating my dad. I like my men a little naughty, a little edgy and with a whole lot of ink. I didn’t realise I had a type until I tried to find someone I liked. That list had been very short, actually it only had one name on it. So my whole disastrous dating life was because I spent my time comparing everyone to Noah. I hear a knock at the door, causing me to sit up quickly.

  “Shit! I need to go, Noah. He’s here and I look like shit! It’s a date for tomorrow. And I will see you when I get home. Love you.” I hang up quickly, a blush reaching my cheeks. I have no idea where that came from. It just kind of slipped out naturally. I don’t have time to think about it when I hear another knock and I rush down the hall to open the door for Lex.

  Noah

  I can’t believe she went out with him. I thought maybe on my first night home she would be here to see me, not go out with that douchebag. I’ve spent the last hour walking between the kitchen and the front window, my bedroom and the front window, and the bathroom and the front window. I’m currently sitting at said window thinking about her last words to me. I didn’t miss the fact that she said she loved me. There’s no way I would ever miss those words. I wonder if she meant it the way I want her to? It’s what I wanted to talk to her about tonight, I wanted to tell her how I felt, but then she dropped the bombshell that she was going out on a date.