by T. K. Chapin
“I’d like that. You can grill the chicken I have marinating in the fridge.”
“It’s a plan.”
As Jonathan left her to finish the laundry, she couldn’t stay strong. She broke down. Crying silently, she begged God to remove her feelings for her boss. She didn’t want to fall for another guy who was image-obsessed. This job was supposed to be a way out from the job at Ethan’s. I thought it was a blessing, but it’s quickly becoming a bit more than I wanted. Lord, I need Your help. After her emotions settled down, she remembered the guy Savannah had emailed her about. She’d be meeting him in a few days. Latching her hope onto that meeting, she started to feel better.
Chapter 18
CUTTING OPEN THE CHICKEN WITH a knife as it sizzled on the barbecue, Jonathan checked to see if the meat had cooked all the way through. He determined there were about five more minutes to go and shut the lid. Stepping away from the heat of the grill, he walked across the patio and over to where the cement met the grass of his backyard. Peering out into the yard, he watched as Rose, Peter, and Kylie played a game of tag. They all had smiles on their faces, and it caused Jonathan’s heart to stir with warmth. He smiled.
The early evening was warm, the sun still high in the cloudless sky. The pleasant weather only added to the joys of the smell of the chicken grilling and the sound of Kylie playing with the kids. Jonathan’s mind began to wander. He let himself imagine for a moment that she wasn’t just the hired help but something more. His heart felt a certain type of joy it hadn’t experienced in years, not since Marie was alive. Kylie turned and looked at him right then, and her smile made his heart begin to pound. He wanted more of her.
“Is it about time?” He heard her words but was lost in the possible meaning. He shrugged. Leaving the kids in the grass, she walked up to him, perplexed. “You don’t know if the chicken is almost done?”
“Yes. Sorry. I spaced.” Glancing at the barbecue, he nodded, then looked back at her. “It’s a few minutes more.” His heart pounded all the more as she moved closer to him. She was only a few feet from him now. He could smell her fruity perfume. When he didn’t break eye contact, she did instead and turned to the kids behind her. “I’m glad they get along well together. We’ll have to do more things like this. I think Rose really enjoys the company of another child, and I’m sure Peter likes having a pretty girl around him too.”
“He already has one of those.” Jonathan let his emotions slip a comment in the moment. He tensed up. A blush immediately entered Kylie’s cheeks. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.”
“It’s okay, really.” Her gaze met his for a moment, then skidded past his shoulder toward the door that led inside. “I’ll go get plates and drinks ready for us all.”
As she lowered her head and walked past him, his heart longed to pull her into his hold, to kiss her. As the door shut behind him, the nonsense stirring about in his thoughts settled down. Reality set in quickly thereafter as he thought of Marie. He felt bad.
Jonathan soon pulled the chicken off the grill and placed it onto a plate Kylie had set out for him. She had also brought plates and cups, along with a pitcher of ice water to the picnic table in the grass. Sitting down, they both prepared their children’s plates first and then their own. Jonathan bit into his chicken straightaway, but Kylie asked if they could pray first. He usually ate dinners alone up in the studio, but each time he did end up joining them at the dinner table, Kylie requested prayer every time.
Everyone bowed their heads, and Kylie prayed. “Thank You, Lord, for this food. Please bless it to our bodies and bless the hands that made it. Thank You for this beautiful day, and thank You for friendship and love and family. Amen.”
Jonathan could sense that comment might’ve been directed at him for his flirty comment that had slipped out earlier. “My earlier comment was totally out of line as your boss. I don’t know what I was thinking. I guess I kind of wasn’t. You know? I hope things aren’t going to be weird between us now. I just realized the fact that I’m apologizing again might just make things that much more awkward.”
When she laughed, it helped Jonathan relax and he laughed too. Kylie shook her head. “It’s okay, Jonathan. Seriously. I only said friends because I consider you a friend, not just a boss.”
He smiled. “I consider you a friend also.”
#
After laying Peter down that night, Kylie stretched herself out on the couch at Grandma Faith’s with a pint of Ben & Jerry’s ice cream. Spending the day with her boss and then extending it into the evening for dinner had exhausted her. She was quickly coming to terms with the reality that Jonathan certainly had an interest in her, and she already knew she did in him, but she couldn’t help but question her judgment in men. She had wasted such a great deal of time, and life, in her marriage to Paul. She had also made a mistake with Peter’s father that night at the club. She couldn’t convince herself of Jonathan being a part of God’s will in her and Peter’s lives.
The door to Grandma Faith’s bedroom closed, and soon Jenny walked out into the living room. Dropping into the recliner beside the couch Kylie was on, she let out a heavy sigh.
“She’s getting so weak, Kylie. I’m fearful the end is near.”
Kylie sat up and set her pint of ice cream down on the coffee table. “I hope I have the strength of faith she has when my time comes.”
“Right? I really admire her for it. Hey, so tell me, how did your night go with the boss-man? You seemed pretty excited when you swung by earlier to pick up Peter.”
“It went well. He flirted with me. I think it was by accident, but it still happened.”
“I knew it!” She sat upright in the recliner. Coming to the edge, she leaned toward Kylie. “Tell me. Do you like him?”
Her heart pounded. Of course she did, but she didn’t want to admit she had fallen for her boss. “Yes, but I fear he doesn’t take God seriously. And he’s my boss, Jenny. I couldn’t pursue anything with him.”
“Be his friend.”
“I am being his friend.”
“Then just see where it takes you.”
“I will. I think I’m going to put on a pot of tea. Want some?”
“Sure.”
Leaving the living room, Kylie entered the kitchen. She pulled down the tea bags from the cupboard and a couple of cups. Running the water, she filled the cups and set them in the microwave. Crossing her arms and leaning against the counter as she waited for the water to warm, she thought of Jonathan and the time together earlier, both the time in the laundry room and in the back yard. She thought about the delicate way he had spoken to her about death. Her emotions stirred within her the more she thought of his words. The microwave dinged, letting her know the water had heated.
Steeping the tea on the counter, she continued to let her mind dwell on Jonathan. An image entered her mind as she tapped the hot spoon against the inside of a cup as she stirred in sugar. He was at his drawing desk in his studio when suddenly, she walks in. He drops his pencil and rushes across the floor to her. They embrace in a deep kiss. Then suddenly, the image broke from her mind as hot water spilled over the edge of the cup and splashed onto her skin.
This desire for Jonathan was growing, and she didn’t know if she could stop it. They spent every day together. She ended the mental image of him and her and bowed her head to pray. Lead me, Lord. Please.
Chapter 19
JONATHAN HEADED TO TYLER’S PLACE on Saturday over off Grover Street in Spokane. His brother had an oversized studio apartment that sat above the bowling alley he owned. It was modest, but he refused to give it up, and he liked to keep an eye on the employees. Jonathan carried Rose up the narrow, poorly-lit stairwell to the apartment. He adjusted the backpack on his shoulders as the sound of pins being bowled over could be heard below. Arriving at the top of the stairs, he knocked on the door.
The door opened. “Brother, come in.” Tyler held open the door as he and Rose crossed the threshold into his hou
se. As Jonathan set Rose down, Tyler raised an eyebrow. “There are lots of breakables. Maybe keep her in the living room only?”
Rose was already dashing over to the nearby bookcase and reaching for his signed Babe Ruth baseball.
“How do you suppose I do that?” Jonathan asked with a sarcastic laugh as he hurried behind Rose. He scooped her up into his arms and set the cased baseball back down on the shelf. He carried her into the living room. “I did come prepared though.”
Loosening the backpack off his shoulders, he swung it around to his front and set it on the carpet in the living room. He pulled out her dolls and a couple of the Christian books that Kylie had given her. Bending a knee, Jonathan grabbed her hand gently. “Leave Uncle Tyler’s stuff alone and play with your stuff only. Okay, Rose?”
She nodded and immediately went for a book.
With his arms crossed and a smile curling his lips, Tyler watched Jonathan as he stood up and came over to him. “You’re really digging this Dad thing, aren’t you?”
Jonathan and Tyler went over to the dining room table. Opening his arms, Jonathan smiled as he sat down. “I think I am.”
Hesitation lingered on Tyler’s lips and Jonathan noticed it.
“Go ahead.”
Leaning slightly across the table as he clasped his hands together, Tyler lowered his voice. “Marie would’ve been happy to see you like this, brother.”
“Being a dad?” Jonathan shrugged. “I agree. I just wish she was here to do this with me.”
“Yes, the help would be nice, but really, she’d be happy seeing you enjoying life again.”
Jonathan tilted his head, looking at his brother as he felt a bit puzzled. “I’m lost.”
“Come on, man. You’ve been depressed for years. You and I both know you sank your life into your work after you lost Marie. Sure, it was a startup, but you really closed up. Now? You’re happy, and I think it’s all because of that girl.”
Jonathan smiled as he looked over at Rose. “Yep. That girl right there has my heart in her little hands. She’s changed my life.”
“I know Rose has, but I’m talking about Kylie.”
He jerked his head toward Tyler, surprised to hear him mention her. “What? Why would you think that?”
“She’s hot. You know she is. That’s why you picked her up at the restaurant, right? Wait, do you mean you two aren’t dating yet?”
“No, we’re not dating. And don’t talk like that about her.”
“Little defensive of the nanny, aren’t you?”
Jonathan raised his hands. “Look, I’m just saying don’t call her hot. Calling women that is immature. Sure, Kylie is an attractive woman, but I’m keeping it professional between us.” He wasn’t ready to tell anyone about how he felt about Kylie, not even his brother. He couldn’t do that to the memory of his wife. It’d dishonor her.
“Okay.” Tyler went silent, studying Jonathan for a moment before he spoke again. Finally, he shrugged. “In that case, I’m going to ask her out.”
“No, you’re not.”
“Why? You don’t have any interest in her, so what’s the issue?”
Jonathan’s shoulders sagged. Hiding the truth wasn’t going to be easy with his brother, the only person in the world who really knew him. “Okay! I like her. It’s just hard to admit out loud that I have feelings for someone. You know? I lost Marie, and I swore I’d never love or like another woman again. I feel like I’m betraying her in some way by having developed feelings for someone else.”
Tyler’s expression softened. “It was until death do you part with her, brother. That was your vow. I know you loved Marie and probably still do, and what you had with her will never go away. But we both know how Marie felt in those final days about your moving on.”
Jonathan’s eyes glistened hearing Tyler talk about Marie. He hadn’t properly grieved for his wife. The only grieving process he’d really had was behind a closed door with a sketch pad and a pencil in isolation. The notebook titled Pain still sat under his mattress in his bedroom and was filled with sketches from that period of time before and after Marie passed.
“Think about what you’d gain.” Tyler pulled his chair closer to the table, leaning toward Jonathan. “Think about having a wife again, Jonathan. Not right this second, but eventually. Being loved and loving.”
A tear fell from Jonathan’s left eye and he wiped it. “I have thought of it. I want that again, Tyler. I do. I just don’t know how to get it and be okay with it within myself at the same time.”
The tattoo flashed through Jonathan’s mind right then, and he thought of Kylie’s past. “Plus, why risk everything? There’s a lot more to Kylie than I even know. Sure, she can change a diaper and love on a child, but can she really commit to a life with someone? I’m not looking for a fun little dating relationship. I think of the bigger picture.”
“You always have.”
“Right. And Kylie has a two-year-old son who wasn’t from her marriage. I just don’t know. I don’t have all the information I need.”
“That’s why you learn more about her. I’m not saying go in on Monday morning and propose to the gal. Get to know her. Relationships require us to invest in another human being. To get to know them.”
Jonathan tipped a nod in agreement. He knew getting to know her more was something that needed to happen if he wanted to entertain the idea of a future with the woman. Thinking of his upcoming trip out of town next month for work, this time to Ocean Shores, he wondered if she would possibly travel with him. It’d give him a chance to get to know her more.
“You bring that proposal for Elliot?” Tyler shifted the topic to business after a minute of silence.
“Yes, of course.” Standing up from the table, Jonathan went over to the backpack and lifted the proposal from the compartment located in the front. As he flipped it open, he saw a note from Kylie that brought a smile to his face and a warmth to his heart.
#
Saturday evening, Kylie did her best to listen to Cory, the man whom Savannah had invited to the singles gathering, go on and on about the latest historical novel he had read from the eighteenth century. Kylie was fighting sleep as she tried to pay attention to him at the small table they were sharing. When he paused to take a drink of water, she perked up at the opportunity to speak and possibly steer the conversation away from reading.
“Kind of cool how God brought all these believers under one roof. Right?”
Nodding in short bursts, he surveyed the room and then adjusted his tie. “God is always working and moving in ways we cannot even fathom. It’s so fascinating that I can see God’s influence in a situation in one moment, only to turn around and see Him in another. It’s like He is super-aware.”
Kylie felt herself drawn to this conversation much more than his novel reading. She took a drink of her soda and then set it back down on the table. “It’s hard to imagine how God is everywhere at every moment and aware of everything. Thinking about time and space being finite and having a beginning is incomprehensible.”
“Exactly. Our brains and bodies were born into this limited dimension so we cannot even begin to fathom anything outside it.”
Kylie smiled genuinely for the first time that night. She enjoyed speaking with Cory about things related to God. She felt they were on the same wavelength when it came to the topic of God. When the organizers finally announced they were about to close up and send everyone home, Kylie then realized they had spoken for three hours. The first twenty minutes took forever, but the rest of the evening’s conversations about faith, love, marriage, and other related topics to God kept her engaged and unaware of time while she spoke with Cory.
“We should get together again.” Cory’s comment came as they stood up and helped stack chairs on the far side of the fellowship hall at the church. Kylie nodded in agreement as she carried her chair over to the stack. Cory took her chair from her hands and stacked it for her. Turning back to Kylie, he smiled. “How about Thursday
at seven? We can go grab a bite and a movie?”
“Sure.” Kylie smiled. Gently grabbing his hand, she gave it a squeeze. “It was nice talking with you tonight, Cory.”
Savannah tortured her with questions on their way out to the parking lot to their cars. She wanted to know all the details until she found out they’d spoken of nothing other than God. Kylie beamed. “He was really nice.”
“Nice. You keep using that word when talking about the guy.” Stopping between their cars beneath the street light, Savannah grabbed her hand and looked at her straight on. “Why do you keep referring to him as nice?”
Kylie shrugged. “I don’t know. I’m going to go out with him this Thursday. Have to see where things go.”
Savannah agreed and got into her car. After Savannah pulled out of her parking stall and left, Kylie was left alone with her thoughts in her car. She rested her forehead against the steering wheel as reality set in. She had loved Cory’s personality and desire for all things God, but there wasn’t any chemistry between them physically, at least not for her. She started to tear-up as she squeezed the steering wheel in her car. How can not having a physical attraction to him matter, Lord? He’s a good man and someone who would be perfect for Peter to have as a role model. What is wrong with me? Wiping her eyes after praying, she turned the key over and resolved that she’d keep trying with Cory. Maybe God could help out and put an attraction there that Kylie wasn’t feeling toward Cory at the moment.
Chapter 20
ONE EVENING AFTER DINNER THE following week, Jonathan asked Kylie if she wanted to pick up Peter and they could all walk down to the park a few blocks away in the neighborhood. She agreed and so the four of them headed down the sidewalk. He needed to get out of the house and clear his mind for a bit. He suspected a journey to the park with the kids could do just that.
“It’s so nice out this evening. I love the warmer times in the year.” Kylie’s eyes were closed, her chin held up as she let her skin soak up the rays of sunshine.