“Well, I just think if Tim’s asking, there must be a good reason, so we should just follow his command.”
“His command. What is this, the 1940s? I’ll give Jane a call, because you asked me to, not because Tim told you to ask me.”
"Jesus, Val, I don't care why you call her, just do it." Her sense of humor had drifted away with the scent of tangerine. As I stood up to head back down to my office, she continued. "Thank you for stepping outside your comfort zone with that group. It looked like you did a great job."
“Yeah, that’s why I am your number one morgue dweller.” I laughed as I opened the door. I think she meant it. She was hard to read, but I felt the genuineness behind her words.
Walking back to my office, my head dropped with disappointment. What if this was the only reason Tim had left that message? I keep pushing him away, but it’s still nice to be sought after. I like to feel wanted, at least sometimes. The echoing of my footsteps tapping down the cement stairs to the basement put me into a trance. My eyes glossed over as I reached the door. Damn it, Val, suck it up. A deep breath filled my lungs before I exited the stairwell.
Fumbling in my pocket, I found my key. As it unlocked and turned in my hand, I felt a tap on my shoulder. Startled, I jumped a foot off the floor and looked around. No one. What in the hell? As I turned back around, I heard snickering. “You’re so easy, Val.”
“Jesus Christ, Tim, you scared the shit outta me. Be careful, next time I might shoot.”
“I’m not too scared…you don’t like guns. You think I don’t listen, but I’m not like other guys. I’m just having some fun.”
“Real funny. If you actually knew me, you’d know that I don’t like…” I caught myself before I continued.
“Don’t like what?” “Oh, never mind. Why are you here, anyway? I got your message, is it your policy to
follow up every unanswered phone call with an office visit?” Opening my door, I didn’t wait for his answer.
“Only for you.” His smile made me forget how obnoxious he was. “I just wanted to touch base, and I was in the area.”
“Tim, everything in Lawrenceville is in the area.” The past couple of years, it was easy to push him away, but he wouldn’t give up. His persistence was breaking me.
“Okay, you got me. Is it a crime to want to see you? And, we do have a case to talk about.”
“A case? I thought it was closed. That was yesterday’s headline in the Village News.”
“Well, that part is closed. I just worry about Jane. She is so upset; I thought your sweet nature would help her out.” He smirked as his eyes met mine.
I caught myself nibbling on my bottom lip as I stared back. “Was that a compliment?”
“An attempt at one anyway.”
“Jane came to the group yesterday, but she didn’t stick around to talk. I can call her if you think that would help, but I'd rather wait until next week to see how things go for her."
“You know what’s best, I trust your judgment.” The electricity between us was too intense to ignore. The sparkle in his eyes awoke parts of me I tried to put to rest long ago.
Too much time had passed and the silence became awkward as our gazes held each other. “I’ve been watching your show. It’s pretty good. It makes you think about—”
"My show?" He laughed. "Do tell me what my show is before you go on."
The heat from embarrassment stained my cheeks red. “Snapped. Didn’t you say I should watch it?” I wrapped a strand of my hair around my finger as I looked at him.
“Oh…that show.” He paused and his face went straight. “Should I be worried?” He raised one eyebrow.
“Maybe.” Scrunching my nose, my lips turned up. “Us ladies are nothing to mess with.”
“Don’t I know it! Such a complicated creature.”
“Anyway, I think I’m hooked. I watched a marathon the other night with Gabriel.”
“You’re watching my show with another man? I’m hurt.” His rugged hand went to his heart.
“Calm down, the only man I share my time with is my cat. I’m hurt you don’t remember that.”
“Oh, yes, that’s right, Gabriel. I might have remembered him if you ever let me meet him.”
“Maybe someday.”
“Whoa, someday is better than never.” He nodded his head and smirked.
Something was happening inside me. I longed for the connection of another person. It gets so hard, being lonely. How long would I be able to keep everyone from getting close? It used to be safer that way, but maybe Tim could keep me safe. A shiver went down my spine as I imagined the touch of his hands on my skin. Maybe he was one of the good ones. There was only one way to find out.
“How about tonight?” My boldness surprised even me. “I mean, if you're not busy and maybe it's not even on." The vulnerability of the moment took my breath away. Why did I just say that? What if I misread the whole thing?
Tim’s deep voice took me out of my negative filled head. "Tonight sounds great, even if it’s not on, I’m sure we can find something else to watch.”
I cleared my throat before I could speak. "Do you need directions to my place?"
“Don’t be silly, I’m a detective, I’ll just look you up.”
“You can do that?”
“No. Well, yes, but it’s a small town, I know where everyone lives. What apartment number?”
“Three. See you at 7:00?”
“I’ve been waiting forever for you to invite me over.” He winked as he stood up to walk to the door. “See you later, Val.”
"See ya." Nausea swept over me as I thought about what just happened. I couldn’t believe I wasn't strong enough to stand up to temptation, but it was time. I had been alone for too long. Maybe having Tim in my life would help with the anxiety and fear that keeps me locked up away from the world. He’d been trying so hard to reach me; it must mean something. There was still time to cancel. Still time to push him away. It's just all so confusing.
I wasn’t always this skittish. There was a time in my life where I had friends, even a boyfriend. But once you’ve been hurt the way I was, it was hard to trust people. The people I should have been able to trust the most were the ones who let me down. Not everyone is out to harm me. I couldn’t be that cursed. Could I?
Chapter Eight
“Gabriel, we’re going to have company tonight.” I hurried around my tiny apartment, tidying up the messes that take so little effort to accumulate.
“We’re slobs. Don’t you think you could help out while I’m at work?” I joked as I scurried around straightening piles and pushing things into drawers. The sink was full of dishes, but there was no time to wash them before Tim arrived. A quick glance around the kitchen, I gathered the dirty plates and silverware and shoved them into the stove.
“Don’t judge me, and don’t tell.” Picking him up off the floor, I pressed my nose against his cold, wet, black nose. The comfort from his purring calmed some of my nerves.
"I'm so nervous, Gabe. I don't know why I thought it was a good idea to invite him over. He's just so irresistible, I guess. I'll deny that if you say anything." I took a deep breath as I lowered him to the floor. My eyes drifted to my messy bed. There was no way he was going in there tonight. I closed the door, but before it latched shut, I went in and pulled up the top sheet and comforter.
"Just want to make sure you have a place to hide, buddy." That was the story I was going with, at least. I wasn’t sure what I wanted to come out of this meeting. I didn’t dare call it a date, we were just two friends, with loads of sexual tension. It would be helpful if he wasn't so gorgeous and charismatic.
“Oh, Gabe, I should just tell him not to come.” I bit my thumbnail as I paced the living room. Grabbing my phone to find his number, the knock at the door reminded me that I lost track of time. Everything will be fine; I am in control. I am in control.
I blew out the deep breath I was holding and opened the door. "Well, aren't you punctual?"
<
br /> “Early, in fact. I didn't want to give you time to change your mind." The sparkle in his deep brown eyes was brighter than the bouquet he was holding. Pink, red, and white roses in a ceramic blue vase.
An unfamiliar, warm sensation flooded me as he handed the flowers to me. “What do you think this will get you?”
“I was hoping for an invitation in.” He ruffled up his hair as his eyes darted to his feet.
“Of course, come on in. I’m just messing with you, you know that, right?”
Nervous laughter spilled out. "I never know with you, Val."
“Thanks for the flowers.” I stuck my nose in the bouquet and inhaled the delightful fragrance. “They’re beautiful. It’s been ages since anyone did something like this for me.” I set the vase down on the center of my kitchen table and pushed my hands into my back pockets. “You wanna see if your show is on?”
“Can I get a hug first? I mean, it’s the least you can do for those beautiful flowers.” He walked over to me and held his arms out.
“I knew there had to be a price.” I knocked down my wall and let him embrace me. As my head rested against his chest, I closed my eyes and inhaled his masculine scent. “What are you wearing?”
“Clothes, Val.”
“Ha-ha, smartass. I mean, what is that smell?”
“You like? It’s the old standby, Gravity.”
“Yeah, I like. It mixes well with the smell of your skin.”
“Whoa. I feel violated.” A smirk pushed up his cheeks.
My face blushed as I realized how forward I was. I needed to control myself and not let things like his scent get to me, or how great the warmth of his arms around me felt. I needed to bring it back to what it actually was; two friends watching TV together. Nothing more. Not yet. I couldn’t deal with anything more yet. “Sorry.”
“No, no, Val, it’s fine. Please don’t be sorry. I like that you like it. Let’s go see what’s on TV.” He took my hand and led me to the couch, where Gabriel was sitting. He had been watching Tim since he arrived.
"Gabriel, this is my friend Tim. Tim, this is Gabriel. Don't mess with me, he's got my back. Isn't that right, buddy?" Gabriel's green eyes focused on Tim as he put his hand out to pet him. Surprisingly, Gabriel let Tim scratch him behind his left ear, and I do believe I heard him purr. "Oh, well, it looks like he likes you. Guess you can stay."
I picked Gabe up and sat down, placing him between us. I handed Tim the remote. “Go ahead and see what’s on.”
Tim turned on the TV and started scrolling through the channels. He landed on Investigation Discovery channel. “If Snapped isn’t on, something similar will be.”
“Do you want a drink or anything to eat?” As soon as I asked, I regretted it. I hadn’t gone shopping in a few weeks and didn't have anything to offer him, except tea and water.
"Nah, I'm good. Thanks, though." Relief found me with his answer. I needed to make a point to get to the grocery store. It would be good for me to eat healthy meals once in a while and learn how to entertain. A good hostess would have snacks and drinks already out.
Tim’s voice pulled me out of my head. “This is nice. You don’t know how long I have waited to see the inside of your place.” His arm reached over and he draped it over my shoulder. I leaned into it, causing Gabe to jump down. I pushed myself closer to him as we settled in to watch TV.
“It is nice. You don’t know how long it has been since I shared my time with anyone other than Gabriel.”
“Why is that, Val? I never understood why you despise people so much.”
“It’s not so much as I despise them, it’s more that I don’t trust them. I despise what they do.” The comfort of his body next to mine opened me up, more than I had planned on. He felt safe. Why had I pushed him away for so long? At thirty-four, I spent more than half of my life alone. I didn’t think I could continue living in isolation after knowing what this feels like.
Tim turned his head to look at me. “Why don’t you trust people? Who hurt you that caused you to feel that way?” He rubbed my shoulder where his hand rested as he waited for my answer.
“I don’t know. A lot of people. People I should have been able to trust. People I loved.”
"I won't hurt you, Val. I promise you that." There was something in the way he spoke that made me believe him. After so many years of not believing anyone, I believed him. Tears formed in the corner of my eyes as I scrunched up my nose to push the emotion back in. His thumb touched the moisture, and we held each other's gaze. "I mean it, Val. I won't hurt you, and I won't let anyone else hurt you again."
With the sleeve of my cardigan, I wiped away my tears. “Thanks, Tim. I hope that’s true.” There was so much more I wanted to say but couldn’t. There were some things I hadn’t told anyone, not even Gabriel. For almost two decades, I’ve held these secrets close. I wanted more than anything to find someone I trusted enough to tell. Maybe I could trust Tim with them, but it was too soon to tell.
Chapter Nine
The week flew by, and it was time for the trauma support group to meet again. I wasn’t as nervous this time, I might have even been looking forward to it. I still had plenty of snacks from last week, so I didn’t even need to inconvenience Jeanine for any money. The room we used last week was still set up how we had left it. Not a whole lot happens at Lawrenceville Regional Hospital, we couldn’t even deliver babies here. It was a pathetic excuse for a hospital, but I guess that was why I fit in so well.
Norma was the first to arrive. I was relieved to see her. Her calmness kept me grounded. “Hi dear, how was your week?”
“Busy, but I guess that keeps me out of trouble.”
"Oh, honey, I don't see you having that problem. You remind me of me when I was your age. I should've gotten into trouble; it might have spiced things up a little."
"I lead a pretty boring life. Work and home to my cat."
"Sounds like you need some trouble." She chuckled. "Honey, don't forget to have a little fun. Before you know it, you'll be an old lady like me, and no one will want to include you in any fun. Live now, while you can. That's the advice I wished someone had told me at your age."
“Thank you, Norma. That is wise advice. I’ll do my best to live a little.”
“That’s a good start, honey.”
Maggie waited at the door, looking in at us. “Can I come in? Or is this a private meeting?”
“Hi, Maggie, please come in and join us.” Sonya was right behind her and pushed Maggie in as she entered.
“Hi, Sonya, glad to see you again.”
As Sonya and Maggie found their seats, I looked up at the clock. There were still two minutes before the start of the group. Jane wasn't here yet, and I regretted not calling her last week to check in with her. Norma and Sonya were talking, while Maggie sat still, her eyes focused on her feet. As I sat and watched the ladies, I wondered if I had what they needed. I felt like a phony, not able to work through my own trauma and offering them support to work through theirs. But this group wasn’t about me, it was about them. They are the ones that need help, not me. I must remember that.
I stood up to shut the door. “Alright, ladies, we can get started now. Looks like it’s just the four of us.” I looked around the small circle to see if it looked like anyone was anxious to start. Norma sat with a soft smile, Maggie’s eyes were still focused on her feet, and Sonya’s sighs were on instant replay. It was apparent I didn’t know how to read people as well as I thought. “How was everyone’s week? Anything come to mind that you want to talk about?”
With her head still down, Maggie began to speak. “I’m worried he’ll find me. I’m scared to die.” Her words silenced the room. Norma’s smile faded, and Sonya sat on the edge of her chair.
“Who? Who are you afraid of? Maggie, look at me. Who?” Sonya’s voice was high and fast. Her energy was unable to be contained as she waited for the answer. “Why are you so afraid? Is that why you’re so weird?”
“Sonya, stop. Leave h
er alone. Maggie, only answer what you feel comfortable with.”
Maggie’s eyes lifted from her shoes and met mine.
“My husband, Hank. He’s hurt me before. Me and our girls. He promised he would kill me and take the girls. I know he will. I just know it.” Maggie’s eyes stayed wide open as she continued to look at me.
“Wow, that’s messed up.” Sonya shook her head as she looked at Maggie, but Maggie did not take her eyes off me.
“Sonya, please. Let’s try to be supportive of Maggie.” She let out another sigh. “Maggie, have you gone to the police?”
"Yes, the girls and I have a protection order to keep him away from us." She paused. "But it's just a piece of paper. How will that save us?"
“Do you have a gun? If I were you, I’d blow his brains out.”
“Sonya. Please, stop.”
"For heaven's sake." Norma closed her eyes as she shook her head. “Maggie, honey, do you have family or friends you could stay with?”
Maggie turned to look at Norma and took her hand that had been extended to her. “No. Hank kept me away from all of my friends during our marriage, and my family all lives in Texas. Hank and I moved here twenty years ago, and I lost touch with most of my family. I didn’t have the money to visit them, and he wouldn’t let me call them. I didn’t even get to go to my mom’s funeral, Hank wouldn’t let me.”
“Oh, honey, I’m so sorry. What can we do to help you and your girls?”
I handed the box of soft tissues to Maggie as she began to cry. “I don’t know.” She blew her nose into the tissue. “I don’t know.”
"We can take today to work on a plan to help you find ways to stay safe if you'd like."
“That’s a great idea.” Norma’s grip tightened on Maggie’s hand.
“If she blew his brains out, she’d be safe. Just saying.” Sonya crossed her arms and tapped her foot as it dangled off her left leg.
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