But he couldn’t do that, so he disengaged, as softly as he could. She was looking at him as if she thought she did something wrong again.
“I can’t keep going. I won’t want to stop if we do. I am sorry,” he said quietly.
He watched her blush, hands still on his back under his shirt, making him want to keep touching her.
“I don’t want to scare you, but I am pretty sure I don’t want to stop. I am pretty sure I want to keep going. And if you are right about Crylo, this might be all the time we have left. If we don’t get to come back, I want to at least have this; know what it’s like to be with someone, as stupid as it sounds,” and she looked down, hiding her face.
“Does anyone else use your target place?”
She shook her head. He took her by the hand and walked her back to that trail. She looked afraid when they got to the clearing, face serious, not a trace of laughter in it.
He didn’t want her to be afraid, so he leaned her gently against a tree, and took her face in his hands, looking into her eyes, “Are you sure you want to do this?”
A nod.
“You can stop me at any time. You won’t hurt me if you do, I promise. I don’t need to know why or anything. Okay?”
Another nod, her eyes so big now, he was feeling shaky himself.
He leaned in and kissed her, softly, and her arms wrapped around his neck, and he couldn’t help himself. He needed to feel her skin that was all hidden under her shirt, so he pulled it out of her jeans and put his hands on her naked back. She was pulling his shirt off of him, so he had to disengage for a moment to let her, and he could feel the air and then her warm hands on him, and it made it burn like it did last night, only it didn’t scare him, it made him want to kiss her deeper, so he did. He could feel her breathing hard, panting, her face flushed but she was still looking at him, as if she needed to see everything on his face, to make sure she wasn’t hurting him.
“I am okay, Laurel, I promise I’m okay…” and he went back to kissing her, and after a while, he pulled her down with him to the grass, laying her gently on her back.
He could feel her shaking, but she didn’t move. He slowly lifted her shirt up over her arms, exposing a tiny waist and a black bra covering her breasts. He knelt next to her, and she was staring at him, eyes large, and slightly unfocused, looking very much afraid. He stopped, had to stop, with her looking at him like that.
“We don’t have to keep going. I am okay with it either way, I swear.”
She shook her head at him, a small smile curling her lips, “It’s not that. I like looking at you,” and she put her hand on the top of his chest, moving it down slowly, making it burn again, making him blush, the way she was looking at him.
“You happen to be very nice to look at, Brody. And I like the rest of it, too. I like you touching me,” and she took his hands and put them on her stomach, breathing hard, “Do you trust me?”
He did, he knew he did, so he nodded.
“I want to, Brody. I really want to,” she whispered, and closed her eyes, leaning her head to the side, tiny shivers going down her skin wherever he touched her. He pulled her bra off, looking at her face, her eyes open now and large, too large.
He kissed her on the lips, putting his body on hers, touching her skin with his, not looking at anything but her face, not wanting to scare her.
“Still okay?”
She grabbed him by his hair and pulled him closer to her, kissing him back, hard, and then running her fingers all the way down his back, and he knew he was losing what little control he had left. That she did tame him after all, and he was strangely okay with it.
They lay next to each other afterwards for the longest time, not saying anything. She was running her fingers softly down his chest, tickling him. He hugged her close to him when the dark came and the air got cold and damp. She said she wanted to spend the night here under the stars, and she wouldn’t let him move away from her for long enough to make a fire, so he hugged her closer still and watched her finally fall asleep. She had her head on his chest, and her arm around him, hair tickling his skin. He covered her the best he could with his shirt, but he could tell she was still shivering, and he spent half the night just trying to keep her warm, not wanting to wake her. He made a small, quick burning fire when he got up, and dried the cold and the dew out of her clothes. She smiled at him when he brought those over, a sweet smile.
“Please, don’t ask me if I am okay. Don’t ruin this.”
And he didn’t. He could tell she was okay just by the way her eyes were, full of crinkles, and she kept on smiling that sweet smile at him, not blushing now. They were both definitely okay. And he hoped he could hold on to this for more than a few days. That they could postpone going to Crylo until he got enough of this girl, enough of her smiling at him like this. And then he had it. Ams would need to learn to shoot if she insisted on going with them. That would buy him at least a week with her smiles. He could live with that.
They were almost at the fire when she stopped him, taking his hands in hers, making him look at her, all the smiles gone from her eyes.
“Do you still want to die?”
He blanched, felt himself do it.
“No, Laurel. I don’t.” For the first time after Riley ran out to him at that damn fire, he didn’t want to die, and it felt good knowing that.
Maybe there was a chance they could pull this off without any of them needing to die. The soldier in him needed to make sure this girl came back, and the man in him wanted, more than anything, to come back with her. And he knew it was like that for Riley and Drake, too, and now that they insisted on going, for the girls. He had to find a way to keep them all safe. It was his burden now, and he thought of the strain Riley must have been under this whole time, and felt not a little guilty for making it that much harder for his friend.
He saw him sitting alone by the dead fire when they got there, his hands wrapped in bandages for some reason. Laurel just pushed him forward and ran into the flier. Riley wouldn’t look at him at first, and he could tell when he stood up that he didn’t sleep last night.
“Walk with me, Brody,” he whispered finally, voice strained.
He nodded and Riley took him away from the camp, not to any of the clearings they normally used, but towards the little cemetery where Trina was. He stopped when they were about half way there, making Riley turn around and look at him.
“I can’t go there now, Riley. I am sorry, but I can’t.”
Riley just nodded and leaned against a tree, not looking at him.
“I need to say something to you, and I don’t exactly know how to.” His head was down, as if he were ashamed or embarrassed.
He took a step toward him, but Riley put his hands up, stopping him, “Please, don’t, Brody. Please, just stay where you are.”
He did, feeling worried for his friend, not knowing what to say to make it easier for him to just spill it. He could see his hands bleeding through the bandages, but didn’t want to ask about that. It looked like he pounded on trees or did something equally stupid.
“I tried to break up with Ams last night. I almost did, too, only she wouldn’t let me,” he was looking at him now, eyes tired, and sad.
“I’m sorry, Riley… I’m sure you two will work it out.”
He knew it was a stupid thing to say as soon as he said it, but he couldn’t think of anything else.
“Please, Brody… Don’t talk.”
He nodded, waiting.
“I almost broke up with her because of what I did to you, only I didn’t know that’s why I was doing it. I don’t know how to say this right, so I am just going to say it. I didn’t realize until after talking to Drake when I was screaming at him for letting Ella come to Crylo with us, what I did to you… That it was the worst kind of wrong to do that to anybody, and why it hurt you as badly as it did… I am not going to ask you to forgive me for it, because I know you well enough to know that you would, and I can’t do that to you.
And I know I can’t ask you to ever really trust me again. I don’t even expect you to ever want to talk to me again.…”
He could see tears pooling in his eyes, Riley clenching his jaw to keep them in. He took a step to him, couldn’t help it, but Riley stopped him again, shaking his head at him, “I am almost done, Brody. Please, just let me get through this.”
He looked like it was taking everything he had for him to just be standing, and he ached to run over to him and hug him, to make him not hurt like this, but he couldn’t do that, not when he was looking at him that way, so he stopped where he was.
“What you said before, that you and I are done, I know why you said that now. I am okay with it, Brody, I’ll have to be. If you ask me to walk away, I won’t fight you on it… But it has to be after Crylo. I will let you be after that, I swear, and I’ll never ask anything of you again, but you have to still let me come with you. I couldn’t live with myself….”
He knew where he was going with it, all of it, and he couldn’t take it for another second, so he ran over to him, Riley shaking his head, whispering that he wasn’t done, but it didn’t matter anymore, he needed to make him stop.
Riley stood there, looking helpless and ashamed, his head down, breathing hard. He grabbed him by the face, trying to make him look at him, tears and all, but he wouldn’t look at him, eyes down.
“Riley, what you are doing, you need to stop, you need to stop doing this. You are killing yourself for no reason, and by the looks of it, you’ve punished yourself about as much as you could take… I am not angry at you, I’m really not. Would you please just look at me?”
Riley didn’t move, his face hard under his hands, still refusing to look at him, as if he were afraid of him.
He let go of him, not wanting to embarrass him, and as soon as he did, Riley slid down the tree and put his head into his broken hands. He crouched in front of him, afraid to touch him, not wanting to hurt him anymore than he was hurting already.
“I am not going to lie to you and say that you didn’t hurt me. You putting the band on me like that after everything… It hurt, worse than anything, but I didn’t really leave you any choice. You didn’t do anything I wouldn’t have done, if I thought it was the only way to keep you safe. I don’t blame you for doing what you did to me, Riley, not any of it, the way I was. I’m not angry at you, I swear to you I am not, so there is nothing to forgive… Please, trust me on that. There is nothing to forgive,” he said softly.
Riley still didn’t move, but he could see him breathing like he was trying to hold his insides in. He looked as fragile as he did that night outside his house, when he knew for sure that his parents were gone, sitting in front of that swinging door with the stupid words on it, not letting anyone comfort him, as if he thought it was somehow his fault. He had to get him back to the flier and put him to bed, if he could do nothing else for him.
“Riley, please don’t fight me on what I am about to do. I’m going to get you up, and I’m going to hug you, for as long as I can… For as long as you let me, and I really need you to let me, and then we’re going back to the flier. I’ll carry you if I have to. And you’re going to get some sleep, because I don’t think you’ve done that in a while. And then we’re going to make a bloody plan that’s going to get all of us back safely, because there isn’t a person here I can stand to lose now.”
And he let him. Let him pull him up, and let him hug him for a long time, and he could tell he was still hiding his face from him, so he let him hide, squeezing his hands into the back of his head, until he wasn’t breathing like that anymore. And when it was over, he told him what he told Laurel earlier, that he didn’t want to die anymore, so at least Riley didn’t have to worry about that. He told him, too, that Laurel was a great shot, a natural, they just had to help Ams get good enough. And that he thought if the girls could shoot at actual people, they might all make it out of there alive.
And he hoped he believed him, hoped he believed himself. He felt he owed it to Riley to keep everyone safe. Owed it now to all of them.
THANK YOU...
Thank you so much for reading. Book Three, Legacy is currently in the final stages of production and will be released shortly. For updates, an occasional freebie or to purchase signed copies of The Alliance books, visit my website at: http://innahardison.com
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The Cross (Alliance Book 2) Page 16