The unicorn was so close now that she could feel his warm breath on her icy arm. “I know where your mother is. She is alive. I can bring her here.”
Thandie did not react. He was lying to her – trying to draw her in. But still the memories kept on coming.
A green skirt at just the right height for Thandie to hide behind. The emptiness she left in Thandie’s life when she went away. Thandie aged ten when Queen Audrey defeated King Zelos and took the throne. The rumours that spread slowly around the market square and beyond. All the missing people who came suddenly back. Berwick Tilbury, the Harding brothers, all no doubt with stories to tell but all keeping quiet. But not her mother. Never her mother. The endless not-knowing that continued to this day.
“I can take those painful memories away,” said the unicorn. “Just nod your head and I will take them so they don’t hurt you any more. You can have your mother – be with her once again.”
Thandie screwed up her eyes, trying to block the voice out. She knew she must resist his words, but could no longer remember why. What could possibly be bad about a deal that brought her mother back to her? She felt herself softening, preparing to let the bad memories float away. It would be better for her – better for everyone. And she could be with her mother again. They could make new memories.
Thandie opened her eyes and stared at the unicorn. “Where is she?”
There was no answer, but the unicorn walked back a few paces and lowered his head to the frozen pool. The ice didn’t crack, as Thandie expected, but seemed to melt, golden warmth radiating from the unicorn’s horn. The water itself appeared golden, and it waved and rippled then stilled. Deep in the pool, but quite clear, was the image of a woman in a long green dress swimming underwater. The person was not here, in this pool, but somewhere out in the world. It was as if Thandie were looking through a spyglass to a faraway place.
Thandie held her breath in anticipation. She thought she recognized the long red hair, the dress, but she needed to see her face. The woman swam away, her feet splaying out like a frog’s, and Thandie worried that she wouldn’t turn around. Thandie kneeled down by the pool. The woman continued to swim in a large circle and then round to face Thandie, as if she were swimming directly towards her. It was her mother. She was sure of it. Even underwater and seven years older, she knew it.
“Ma,” called Thandie, although she knew her mother couldn’t hear. She reached her hand into the water. It was so icy cold that it bit her fingertips and she withdrew immediately. As she did so, the pool iced over once again, creaking and cracking into a frosted layer. The image of her mother had gone.
Thandie felt warm tears on her cheeks and wiped them away. Her mother was alive. Somewhere in the kingdom. She had no idea where, or why she was swimming, but the unicorn knew. He could bring her to Thandie. They could live here together, in this castle in the clouds. Could it really be true? Would she really feel the warmth of her mother’s embrace?
She walked on to the circle, which was solid again, and looked down as if she might see her mother beneath her feet, but all she saw was the sky and clouds moving silently past.
The unicorn began to walk around the edge of the icy circle.
Thandie remembered her last words to Tib: I will come back – I promise. They were the same words that her mother had said to her, seven years ago. Her mother hadn’t kept her promise. Did it really matter if she kept hers? Tib would survive. He would find someone else to rely on. Losing parents at such a young age just made you hardier.
The unicorn cantered faster and faster around her, but strangely, she could hear no noise. Perhaps his feet were not even touching the floor. Perhaps he was flying, like the wolves had done. Everything was a white blur. The smell of perfumed smoke filled her nostrils, warming and comforting.
“Think only of your mother, Thandie.” She was thinking of her mother, with a desperate need. She was ready to leave this unpredictable, frustrating, difficult life behind her and step into a new, simpler world, where she would have the comfort of her mother’s embrace once again. If the unicorn wanted her painful memories, then he was welcome to them. She would be free.
But every time the unicorn galloped past, she saw another face. Sander’s face. Without his usual smile. He was serious. Shaking his head.
“Don’t do it, Thandie,” he said. His voice was distant. “Don’t give your memories away.”
She tried to block out the words. She wanted her mother now so badly. She would listen to the unicorn, not Sander. Sander was not a true friend; he was full of secrets. He had taken her precious diary away. But she didn’t need it any more – not if she had her mother.
A scuffle broke her concentration. The interpreter cried out. Sander was wrangling with the old woman: taking something from her. Thandie tried to focus on the unicorn and her memories once again but Sander leaped in front of the unicorn’s path. He joined her on the frozen pool, put a hand on her shoulder, shook her gently, rousing her from her dream-like state.
“Thandie,” he cried. “Listen to me.” Sander held something up in front of him. Something oblong shaped and bound in leather. Her diary.
HAPPY MEMORIES
Sander
Sander opened the diary and began to read. Loudly. He wanted Thandie to hear him above the unicorn’s words. Above any thoughts running through her brain. These words were important.
He read the first entry in the book. Thandie’s writing was large, childlike and untidy. She must have been just seven or eight when she wrote the words, possibly writing by candlelight in a temporary home.
My Mother
Her hair was long and red. She wore it swept up in the day but down at night. Her nightgown was old and worn but very, very soft.
She said she would be twenty minutes but she never came back.
I keep part of her always in my middle name – Maybeth – her first name made up of the month of her birth and her own mother’s given name.
She had a scar on her knee from toppling off a stool when she was a little girl. Still, she didn’t mind me climbing on stools. We have to make our own mistakes, she said.
She loved to make music, to read, to grow things. She loved me.
I will write down all my memories. I must write in this book every day.
I must always remember.
The book was full of entries like these: memories of her mother. Even her daily record of events – everything – was connected back to her mother. Sander didn’t need to go on. The words were reaching Thandie, he could tell. She looked at him, tears welling up in her eyes and lower lip trembling. She was not lost to the unicorn yet.
“Don’t give your memories away, Thandie. They are too precious.”
Thandie opened her mouth slightly as if to speak, but no words came. She looked bewildered, as if she had no idea where she was.
The unicorn slowed to a walk and finally a standstill. He stood close to Sander, breathing hard.
“This is unwise, Sander,” said the interpreter, although it was unclear if these were her own words or the unicorn’s.
Sander ignored her and flicked through the diary to a page towards the back. The writing was much neater and tiny, as if Thandie realized she was reaching the end of the book and wanted to fit in as much information as she possibly could. He read aloud again.
My journey to free the stolen ones is underway. Sander is still strange and I doubt I will ever trust him entirely, but I am finding that I am enjoying my journey – my adventure.
Today, I set about rediscovering how to play the pipe, during the most beautiful sunrise I have ever seen. Today, not everything is perfect but, for the first time, I feel I can go on, even if I never discover what happened to my mother. Today, I feel glad to be alive.
Sander closed the diary carefully and handed it back to Thandie. She held it in her hands as if it were delicate and breakable, like a baby bird. “You can live without her, Thandie. You are strong enough and young enough. You have your whole lif
e ahead of you.”
Tears streamed down Thandie’s cheeks. She put both her hands to her face but the tears kept coming. “But I need her.”
“If she is out there, then you may find her … will find her. But trusting in the unicorn is not the way. Even if the unicorn finds her, even if he brings her to you, without your memories, how will you recognize her? She will be nothing to you.”
Thandie was sobbing now.
She was back. Sander was certain that she would not give her memories away.
The unicorn knew it too. The offer came one more time. “This is your last chance, Thandie. Give up your memories now or regret your decision forever.”
But Thandie looked up, just shook her head and said, her voice wobbling but loud, “No. My memories belong to me alone. They are the most precious treasures I have.”
ALONE NOW
Thandie
When Thandie’s mother first disappeared, Thandie repeatedly dreamed that she had returned. The dreams always varied slightly but she would be in an ordinary location: in the woods, at the vegetable market, or even in the schoolroom. Her mother would turn and smile, pleased to see Thandie. She might stretch out an arm. But just as Thandie ran to her, went to grasp her hand, she would wake up.
She felt now as if she were wakening from such a dream: confused, disorientated and as if she had lost her mother all over again. She shivered, noticing her surroundings. This room was so cold. The unicorn, interpreter and Sander stood around her, glaring at one another. She put the diary back in her apron pocket, feeling reassured by the familiar weight.
The unicorn stood tense, head lowered and ears pinned back. He was angry, but not with Thandie. His sharp horn was pointed directly at Sander. For a moment, Thandie thought he might attack, but he did not. He just stared at him, perfect blue eyes glinting with intent. The interpreter spoke for him. “So, Sander, you have made a choice. An unwise choice. It seems that an agreement has been broken.”
Sander barely acknowledged the words. Instead, he turned to Thandie.
“Listen to me, Thandie.” There was urgency in his voice but she wasn’t sure that she could comprehend it. There was so much that she didn’t understand. Had Sander taken her diary to save her from the unicorn, or had he planned to betray her and then changed his mind? She had so much she wanted to ask him, but there was no time.
For now, he had asked her to listen. She nodded her head.
“You will find them through there,” he said, pointing to the double doors at the back of the room. It took Thandie a few seconds to realize he meant the stolen ones.
“I can’t come with you. You have to do this by yourself.” He unbuckled the pipe in its holder from his waist and handed it to her. She took it, her stomach tightening. She had never see him parted from his pipe and she wasn’t quite sure what it meant. It was as if he was giving up.
“Are you sure?”
Sander nodded. “You will need it.”
Thandie was confused. Wouldn’t he need it himself? She felt the tension in the air; angry looks were exchanged, a fight was brewing. Couldn’t he use some of his own musical magic against the unicorn? But as he turned away from her to face the unicorn, he didn’t look scared; he was smiling in true Sander-like fashion. He must have a plan.
Thandie looked between them all, and she realized that this was not her fight.
She threw Sander’s pipe in its holder over her shoulder like a sash, and darted off towards the doors.
She felt a cool, claw-like hand on her upper arm.
“You, girl, stay. You may not wander where you please,” said the interpreter. But the unicorn snorted. The interpreter turned to him and nodded briefly, then back to Thandie. “My master says you can go where you please. He has no interest in you.”
Thandie didn’t wait for them to change their mind. She darted off, feet sliding on the strange frozen floor, towards the double doors.
She left Sander to face the unicorn alone. She couldn’t think about Sander now. She had come here to free the stolen people and that was what she would do.
A BROKEN DEAL
Sander
Sander watched Thandie run through the double doors. There was nothing he could do to help her now. He hadn’t planned it this way but he was sure that, finally, he had done the right thing. If anyone could free these people, it was Thandie. At least, he thought she could and he desperately hoped that he was right.
MANY YEARS AGO
Sander was the son of a cobbler. The youngest of seven brothers. A tumbling wolf pack of which he was the favourite pet. He soon discovered that the world was his for the taking. He was not the tallest brother, or the strongest, but he was fast, agile and brave. He had a handsome face and a quick smile. From an early age, he fully expected everyone he met to warm to him and for people to do things his way. His older brothers, his teachers, his friends.
“That one could charm the birds down from the trees and the fish from the seas,” said his mother’s friends.
“That’s what I worry about,” said his mother. Somehow, he always seemed to have the biggest piece of cake at the table. The biggest slice of luck, you might say.
Sander watched as his brothers settled one-by-one. His eldest two brothers trained with his father, as shoemakers, the middle two stayed in their small town and worked in the fields. The younger two went to seek their fortune in Essendor. He saw them all grow tired, their faces lined with worry and lack of sleep. When Sander reached adolescence, some of the prettiest girls in the village showed a romantic interest, but he would not marry. Not now, not ever.
On his sixteenth birthday the family came together and sat around the kitchen table to celebrate his coming of age. Each brother had suggestions for the life he might lead: a suitable occupation, a suitable match. But Sander dismissed them all.
“That life is not for me,” said Sander.
“But what other life is there?” asked his mother.
“I’m going to see the world. I am going to travel to the farthest reaches of the kingdom and discover new sights. People will remember my name for years to come. They will write about me in their books.”
“You remind me of myself when I was younger. I shared your thirst for adventure,” said his oldest brother, “but as I grew older, I realized that a man cannot live that way forever. He needs people around him, a family, a community.”
This particular brother had transformed over the past few years from a slim young man to a middle-aged one, with a growing paunch and an arthritic limp. The thought that Sander might grow up to be anything like him filled him with horror.
His brother laughed, hands on his wide belly. “I give you just a couple of years of this lifestyle before you are back in the village, with a family of your own, content to live an ordinary life.”
That was when he knew. Sander was not scared of scaling mountains or leaping across ravines but he had one real, deep fear. Sander did not want to grow old. He left the very next day and did not return home for several years.
He discovered many new sights, just as he had promised, and had adventures in all four corners of the kingdom. One of the happiest was when he met the flying wolves of Wending. It took time to gain their trust, but soon a bond was established and, for the first time, he was able to have adventures up in the sky as well as down on the earth. When he discovered the world above, where the castle now stood, it seemed like a dream – a creation of his imagination – but when Conan had lain down and rested on the very clouds themselves, he had known it was real. He felt sure that this was the big discovery – the one that for which he would be remembered.
It was in this uninhabited, cloud-filled world that Sander first encountered the unicorn.
In those days, he had not yet begun to adopt the form of a unicorn – he was still a sorcerer. They were as surprised as each other to meet another person in this hidden land. The sorcerer recognized Sander was special. Sander had a drive and a charm about him that he did not possess
himself. The sorcerer would have been a fool to let someone with such qualities walk away, for he knew that in time, they would be useful to him.
So he made Sander an offer: he would use his magic to give him anything in the world he wanted. In return he wanted only two things. Firstly, Sander should not tell a soul about this hidden world in the clouds. There was no castle back then, but he had big plans for this world. Secondly, Sander must agree to work for him. Not now, not the following year or the year after that. But he should come when he was called and be prepared to do whatever it was that was asked of him.
“What is it exactly you want me to do?” asked Sander.
“I don’t know. Yet,” was the sorcerer’s reply.
“I wouldn’t need to … hurt anyone, or… kill anyone, would I?”
“No, I promise that nothing I ask of you will ever involve physical harm to yourself or another.”
So Sander agreed. After all, if it didn’t involve hurting another, then it couldn’t be so terrible, could it?
He whispered his wish, his heart’s desire, and the sorcerer made it real for him. The deal was done.
Working for the sorcerer was easy. He never seemed to need Sander, although Sander continued to enjoy the benefits of his wish. Whenever he asked if there was anything he could do, the reply was, “Not yet. I shall tell you when the time is right.”
The world in the clouds grew. Sander never saw how it was built but every time he visited, it was bigger and better. Humble buildings to begin with and then the castle, rising up as if from the clouds themselves. The sorcerer’s magic was great indeed. When Sander was tired of camping out under the stars, he could stay there in luxury for a time.
Then, three years ago, everything changed. The sorcerer was angry. Everything he had so carefully planned was under threat. It was then that Sander saw him as a unicorn for the first time. The Greatest Unicorn. As a unicorn, his powers were ten times that of a common sorcerer. That was how he had managed to build the castle. But at the moment, he could only transform for short periods of time.
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