Fractured Hearts (Shattered Lives, Book Three)

by Blakeley, Rissa

  My love…my poor love. I had no idea how to rectify the situation.

  Lowering herself onto the bed next to Elaina, who was still curled up, Quinn rubbed her back. “I know you probably don’t want to talk right now, but I just wanted to tell you that I’m here for you if you need me.”

  “Okay,” was the only word Elaina managed to choke out. Mentally, physically, and emotionally exhausted, the sobs rattled through her, making her entire body constrict with pain.

  Quinn took one hand and tucked Elaina’s hair behind her ear. Her soft fingertips dragged across Elaina’s cheek, wiping away the tears flowing from her eyes. She hushed and rubbed her back, like a mother would to comfort a distraught baby.

  She was doing everything Elaina needed at the moment. She didn’t want anyone to tell her it was going to be okay because it wasn’t. She didn’t want anyone to tell her how awful this must be for her because she already knew it was. She didn’t want anyone to say she would eventually be able to move forward because she would never get over the pain of losing Nick. She’d probably beat down the first person who said any of those things to her.

  All the time they had spent fighting side by side, she held onto hope that she and Nick would prevail. They would be survivors. A united front. A fuck you to the virus.

  The memories of her yelling at Nick for even considering a relationship with Josie ate at her like maggots gnawing their way through rotten trash. Revolting. The discord that turned into him not speaking to Elaina… She wanted to let him know that her intention, but her chance was gone.

  More time… She needed more time to come to terms with it. She wanted to retract everything—backpedal, repent, beg for absolution. There would be no forgiveness for herself without Nick giving her the permission to do so. He would never know she was just still so heartbroken about Claire and Willow dying, she was having a difficult time allowing herself to see him move on. He needed her support, her love, and her understanding, but she had failed him.

  Her world had collapsed in on her. There was only Henry, and he was more screwed up than any other person around. Hopelessness, fragility, ire, and need for restitution pumped through her veins. Elaina fell victim to the intensity of the downward spiral. The darkness sucked her in, leaving no room for light beyond the vortex. She had no desire to fight her way out of it, either.

  I blew through the cafeteria door and stopped in front of Jane. “My Elaina is in my room puking her guts out because she’s crying so bloody hard! Do you have any idea what this girl has been through?! Any fucking idea?!” I screamed in her face.

  “I’m sorry!” Jane yelled back at me.

  “You get away from her!” Mara threatened, stepping closer to me.

  “Get the fuck away from me!” I barked back at her. “You have no idea what I’m capable of.”

  “One more step closer and you will be like dear old dad,” Gunther growled.

  Terrified, Jane rambled, “It was all Ben. He said you guys were partially infected. He said there was some government program that purposely made you sick so you could annihilate whole populations. I kept telling him he was crazy. He was behaving like a conspiracy theorist. I thought he’d gone mad. He showed me a vial he found with old blood in it.”

  Glancing over at Gunther, I tried to throw my best “how the fuck” face at him without anyone noticing.

  “It’s true, isn’t it?” Lauren breathed out, rubbing her pregnant stomach in an effort to comfort the oblivious unborn.

  Gunther and I nodded at one another. Time for the truth.

  “Have a seat.” I waved to a table away from Ben’s body. Jane, Lauren, Eli, and Mara all sat.

  Gunther and I stayed standing as we confessed everything to them, except for the one thing that would never be outed—the fact that Gunther set the virus free. I didn’t trust them, but I was tired of hiding. I wanted us to be able to live openly with our unfortunate circumstances.

  After the solid explanation, all four of them looked to be in shock. Then Eli stood. “So you snapped his neck over the truth?”

  “I snapped his neck because he was out of control. He shot Nick. I didn’t need another reason.” Gunther stood firm over his actions. He patiently waited for Eli to make the first move. Bring it the fuck on. I was ready for a brawl myself. Sadly, one punch and he would’ve been done.

  Jane spoke up, “While I do not approve of what happened to Nick or my husband, I can understand why you did what you did.” Hanging her head, Jane seemed almost ashamed for having and exposing those feelings.

  “Mom!” Mara yelled. “He killed our father! Your husband!”

  “Do you not realize I understand that?! I saw it with my own two eyes, Mara!”

  “How can you side with these…,” Mara motioned violently at me and Gunther, “these bloodsucking freaks?” she hissed.

  “And there it is…,” I mumbled.

  “Mara, lower your voice and apologize to these men!”

  “I will do no such thing!” She tried storming out, but Lauren grabbed her arm before she could get away.

  “Mara…Mom is right. They didn’t ask for this and Dad brought it on himself. You know as well as I do that he has been plotting something for a while now.”

  “Did he know about us when you arrived?” I asked.

  “No,” Jane responded. “He was putting two and two together as the days went on. He was a naturally suspicious man. He searched your room when you were out at the hardware store. Along with the vial he found, he also stole the gun from your weapons room.”

  Gunther glowered at me. I was in charge of keeping the weapons and ammo squared away. “How the fuck did you not notice a gun was missing, Mr. OCD?” He was furious and I felt like I was about to break.

  “I haven’t been myself for a while. I’ve been battling with my own demons and trying to stay afloat for everyone else. It hasn’t been easy and I haven’t exactly been on top of everything.”

  “No shit,” Gunther grumbled.

  “You think I’m happy that my own stupidity has allowed Elaina’s last family member to die? Goddamn it!” I kicked a chair across the floor.

  Gunther attempted to calm me down before I snapped. “Listen, we’ve all made mistakes here. You’ve got to relax.” I whipped my head around, my lip curled up. “For Elaina. She needs you tight, mate.”

  I paced around for a moment, facing Jane when she spoke again. “Will you let us stay? Please. I beg you. We’ll die out there. And with Lauren–”

  I held my hand up. “This will have to wait. I have to discuss this with my entire crew. Plus, we need to talk to Cora about us. She doesn’t know yet.”

  “Yeah,” Gunther whispered. I knew he feared Cora would run, putting her and the kids in danger.

  For good measure, Jane added, “I would like to say that I think you are decent people who wouldn’t harm anyone unless need be.” Mara protested again and Jane glared at her until she stopped.

  I motioned toward Ben. “Get this out of here while I’m talking to my people. Gunther, you stay with them and I’ll gather everyone.”

  I jogged out of the cafeteria, terrified to find out what condition Elaina was in.

  Chapter 18

  Gently, I opened and closed the door to our room. When I saw Elaina still hadn’t moved from her fetal position, my heart ached. Looking up, Quinn shook her head at me, then got up from the bed so I could sit.

  “Hey, love.” No acknowledgment. “I need to call everyone together. Quinn, go get Cora and Thomas, please. Gunther is with the others, so leave him be.” I focused my attention on Elaina, stroking her hair. “I wish I could fix this, but I can’t and I don’t know how to help you.”

  Again, no response. Silently, I hoped she wasn’t angry with me and just wasn’t ready to face reality yet.

  I thought about the situation we were facing. What I had to do was going to be difficult, and I knew that Elaina would freak out. The doubts rained down upon me. Am I even cut out to lead? The more doub
t that trickled in, the louder the demons’ voices became. I took a deep breath, hoping to shut down the taunting.

  Minutes later, Quinn returned with Cora, the kids, and Thomas.

  I stood. “Ah… Shit,” I said, pushing my hand through my hair. “I don’t even know where to start. Everyone, have a seat.” Quinn and Cora moved a few chairs so the kids could all sit. My eyes followed each one, keeping tabs on where the chairs came from so I could put them back in their proper place. “Firstly, I want to say…” I paced for a moment, rubbing my neck, cussing a blue streak under my breath. “Nick was like a brother to me. And, like Elaina, I am completely devastated over his true death.” I paused, took a couple more deep breaths, and scrubbed my face as the pacing struck again. With a heavy heart, I continued, “But I have a job to do. At some later point, I’ll have time to grieve. Cora, there’s some stuff you don’t know about Gunther, me and, uh…Nick.” I said his name so quietly, it was almost inaudible.

  “What’s going on?” The nervous edge in Cora’s voice was unmistakable.

  I didn’t blame her. The lead in wasn’t exactly puppy dogs and cupcakes, then I went into the whole story, from my mother to my initial intention of using Elaina for my army.

  At that point, Elaina rolled over. I was still pacing the floor, running my hands through my hair. “Do you have any questions?” I asked Cora.

  “I’m stunned. I don’t even know what to say.”

  “Please understand they would never hurt anyone. We provide what they need to survive,” Quinn reassured.

  “So they are using you?”

  “Well…in a sense, yes.” Quinn added, “But they aren’t. Henry and Elaina have been together for a couple years, and Gunther and I… Well, that’s an entirely different situation. I just want you to understand they would never hurt you or your children. As you saw earlier, there has to be a justifiable reason for them to use force. If they really wanted to harm anyone, they would have done it by now.”

  Cora held Callie tighter on her lap, clearing her throat a couple of times. “I’m trying to understand.”

  “I know it’s difficult, but you have to trust me.” I knelt to her level, making her shrink back a little. “I promise you no harm will come to your children or you. We aren’t like that. We’re just sick. Blood is the only medication that can help us endure the symptoms.”

  “I trust Henry with my life.” Elaina’s voice was meek and trembled. “I would assume Quinn feels the same about Gunther.”

  “I absolutely do,” Quinn reassured.

  “How do I know you all aren’t just saying that?” Cora asked.

  “Because Henry has saved my life several times. For the most part, he has taken care of me every time I needed him. He is gentle, loving, and is my rock when I’m in a thousand pieces.” She sniffled. Fuck me. I didn’t know what to do to help her. “Like right now,” she cried.

  “How did your brother become one?” Cora asked.

  Elaina glanced in my direction. “Well, that’s a long story, but…I bit him,” I muttered.

  “You bit him?!” Cora leapt to her feet and grabbed her kids out of the chairs. “I thought you just said you would never hurt anyone, but you bit him?”

  “You don’t understand…,” I pleaded.

  “What I don’t understand is why I’m still here!” Moving at lightning speed, she headed for the door. I took three strides, and put my hand on the door, keeping it shut as she worked the handle. “Let me out of here, you monster!” Her anger was starting to upset the kids.

  “Please, allow me to explain,” I said in a calm voice.

  “What’s there to explain?!” she bit back.

  “A lot. Now, please…sit.” I motioned to the chair.

  Cautiously, Cora headed back to the chair, all the while keeping a close eye on me. When I knew she wasn’t about to bolt, I moved away from the door.

  “I bit Nick before anyone knew about my condition. I had gone far too long without a proper ingestion. The only one who knew was Sophie. She was like me, so I couldn’t get blood from her.”

  “She was the one who died?”

  “Yes.” I looked down and fiddled with the hem of my t-shirt.

  “So what happens when you go too long?”

  “The virus begins to take over. It feeds on the clean blood. If it infects all the clean blood, it takes over the brain. Then we begin to turn, which is incredibly painful.”

  “Have you turned before?”

  “Almost. Several times in training, when I bit Nick, and a few times after that because of injuries. In training, they would starve me or beat me so badly, I would lose too much blood.”

  Cora stared at me like she wasn’t sure if she should believe what I was saying because it sounded so far-fetched. Frankly, it felt far-fetched, but this was our lives.

  Then she looked around the room. “And all of you knew and never thought I should?”

  “We didn’t want to scare you or the kids.” Cora sensed Quinn was being sincere.

  A long silence stretched between us before she spoke again. “I have your word that you or Gunther will not hurt us?”

  “Yes,” I replied with confidence.

  “All right then.” Cora pulled Callie up onto her lap a little higher and crossed her legs. She didn’t sound confident, but it was a start.

  Anxiety quaked through me over the next topic. Elaina wasn’t going to be happy, and I readied myself. “Okay. Next on the agenda… The rest of Ben’s clan.”

  “Push them out the door,” Josie growled without hesitation, then looked at Elaina with a hard nod.

  With a firm tongue, she agreed. “I’m with Josie.”

  “May I just say a few things?” I looked at both Josie and Elaina. “Jane said Ben was working on his own. He had been snooping, stole the gun from our supplies, and she was completely against what he was doing.”

  “She has to be lying, Henry!” Elaina fumed. “Of course she would want to stay where she’s protected.”

  Fuck. “I don’t know what it is, but I believe her. Her husband was a world-class asshole. I got that feeling from the beginning, as you know, but I have a good feeling about her.”

  “Henry! I am begging you. He killed my only brother. The only blood I had left.”

  Elaina’s face screwed up into a cry, silent and heavy. I rushed over to her, holding her as she curled into my chest. “I understand that, love. I understand what happened and it should’ve been me. But I have to go with my gut. Love, listen…” I pulled her face up. “The first wrong move they make, I promise you I will throw them out. We cannot persecute all of them for something Ben did.” I pulled Elaina close again, and addressed everyone. “They will have to be a productive member of the group. They can’t just be lazy fucks while the rest of us do the work.”

  Out of character, Thomas gave his opinion. “I say let ’em stay. If they don’ follow the rules, we force ’em out.”

  I nodded. “Anyone else? Majority rules.” I looked around the room. “Raise your hand if you are okay with letting them stay.”

  Another glance around. Elaina peeked up and saw that Thomas, Quinn, and Cora had their hands up. That left Elaina and Josie alone in their standing. Elaina’s face showed nothing but betrayal.

  Fuck me all the way to hell.

  “I’m going to go back out and talk to them and lay down the ground rules. No weapons, they must be productive citizens of our group, and abide to any rules Gunther and I have. If they put one toe out of line, they will get pushed out, regardless if Lauren is in labor or not.”

  Elaina pulled away from me. Here it comes. “I can’t believe this is happening! You’re going against me?! And you were tearing me apart for siding with Gunther not that long ago?”

  I grabbed her shoulders. “I’m not against you, love. The last thing I want to do is upset you even more than you already are, but I can’t just push them out. They had nothing to do with what Ben did.”

  “Do you not think that o
ne of them could possibly be angry with Gunther, or even you?”

  “I’m sure they are, but I can handle them.”

  “I saw that,” she growled, turning away from me.

  “Elaina… Please don’t be upset with me. I can’t handle that right now.”

  “Because you handle everything with such mastery,” she snarled.

  No benevolence from my Elaina. Always a kick to the bollocks without initial regret. I needed a drink. Fuck that. I needed an entire bloody bottle.

  Quinn must have sensed the conversation was going down a path no one should witness. “Henry, go. I will talk with her.”

  “Elaina, please,” my voice cracked. “I love you so much.”

  She never turned to me or said a word. That damn near incapacitated me.

  “Just go,” Quinn said, touching my arm. “We will take care of her.”

  After the longest, most silent moment of my life, I walked out of our room and stopped just outside the door, hoping she wasn’t through with me. I paced around, doing my best to will my body to stop the demand for a drink. Instead, my eyes filled with tears.

  I was a goddamn failure at everything.

  Besides being angry with my body for demanding a drink, I was angry with myself for upsetting Elaina. Being the leader, I knew there would be decisions to be made that wouldn’t always be accepted by everyone, but knowing I made Elaina so distressed fucking tore me apart.

  The sadness flooded me and I couldn’t hold it back any longer. The gates burst open in haste and it poured out. I fell against the wall and sagged, my face buried in my hands. My shoulders shook as the violent, soundless cries escaped. The weight of the cruel situation pulled me straight to the floor.

  Knees bent, my elbows resting firmly on them, my fingers gripped my grimy hair. I had to get myself together before I went to talk to the rest of Ben’s crew. The desperation for a drink ran me over like a freight train. Then, of course, the echoed laughter began in my head.