“Oh come on, it wasn’t that bad, was it?”
“Yes! It really was. You guys completely freaked me out.”
He unlaces his fingers and puts his arm around me. A chill ran up my spin from the cool night air, so I snuggle up to him. He kisses the top of my head. “I’ve had a really great time tonight.”
“So have I, Drew.” Sighing, I repeat, “So have I.”
I know it’s late. I could stay like this forever. But I know we have to go. Rubbing my arms in a gesture to warm me up, he grumbles, “You ready to go?”
“Yeah, I guess.” I look up to his face; good, he looks disappointed too. I smile. “I’m kidding. We should probably go, it’s getting late anyway.”
“You’re right.” He stands and offers his hand to me. When I stand, he scoops me up and starts to carry me. I squeal, “Drew what are you doing?! I can walk.”
He adjusts me in his arms. “Well, I figure we’ve done a lot of walking around and those boots must be killer.” He looks down at my face full of disbelief. “Or…maybe I just wanted to.” He smirks.
He literally carries me all the way back to his car, ignoring all of my arguments.
“GOOD NIGHT, SWEETHEART,” I whisper against Kennie’s lips, effectively ending our date.
She smiles up at me. “Thank you for a lovely evening.” Pecking my lips, she turns to go inside.
“Sweet dreams.”
She turns back around, ready to close her door. “You too.”
I run my fingers through my hair and let out a huge sigh. It’s a good sigh, a really fucking good sigh. Walking to my door, I replay the whole night. I think she really wanted to come clean about the ex-fiancé but didn’t want to scare me off. In any other situation, I’d probably run for the hills, but with her it’s…different. On the other hand, I had a golden opportunity to come clean to her. I could’ve put it all out there so she would know what she’s getting into, but the night was too perfect to dampen. First date talk or not, holding it in is fucking killing me. Why is it when there’s something needing to be said, there never seems to be a perfect time to say it? Is it because what’s being held in will knowingly ruin a great thing? The one thing I know for sure, is, the longer I keep it from her, the more upset she’s going to be.
(One Week Later)
I’VE SEEN KENNIE almost every night since our first date. She’s looser, more relaxed, and just much more at ease. Things are progressing slowly, and at a much healthier pace as opposed to our club hook up. I would love for nothing more than to reenact that, however, it all comes back to respect. Brief moments of weakness happen all of the time. We talked about it the other night, and her face flushed the brightest shade of red. It was fucking adorable. I’m not pushing her on any issue. It’s going to be the right way this time around. No excuses.
Now, to find the right moment to tell her what’s going on with me. It eats me alive, but I need to handle my shit and move on from it.
In a little over a week we’ll be having our big dinner in celebration, so I’ve seen more of Sammy at work lately. I’m not openly rude to her, but the less conversation with her, the better. I’ve jumped to the assumption that Kennie will go with me to the dinner. She explained to me she had all the photos she was going to use from the shoot back, so that will be revealed at the party as well. As much as she doesn’t want to see, or work with Sammy, she’s made it happen for her father. Fortunately for me, Kennie’s stopped by a few times with last minute adjustments, so I’ve gotten to see her during the day as well.
The only stone left unturned right now—finding the perfect way to ask her to this dinner. I know she won’t say no, but it doesn’t mean I can’t find a unique way to ask such a unique woman. My thoughts are interrupted by a knock on my door.
“Andrew, do you have a moment?” I look up from my pile of papers to see Elijah Tillson standing at my door. Kip looks so much like his father, it’s uncanny.
“Sure, come on in.” I wave him into my office. “What can I do for you, Elijah?”
“Actually, I didn’t want to talk to you about business matters. As far as that goes, I believe we’re all set. Everything is all ready to run smoothly for next weekend.” He takes a seat in front of my desk. “I spoke with your father; he informed me he would be in attendance.”
“Yes, that’s correct. My mother as well.”
“Very good.” Placing his elbows on my desk he continues. “Now, for the real reason I’m here.”
Shit. I don’t think it matters how old I get, when someone says that to me, I feel like I’ve done something wrong—for people I respect anyway. “I’m listening.”
“It’s about Mackenzie.”
I nod my head for him to continue. “I’ve noticed a change in her the past couple of weeks. Now, I’m not sure if you and your brother have anything to do with that, but, I’ll venture a guess you two do.” I lean back in my chair and prop my elbow on the armrest.
“I’ve spoken to your brother also, and well, I just wanted to come in and say thank you.”
Well. This I didn’t see coming—at all. I lean forward in my chair again and give him a surprised look. “Honestly Elijah, I’m not sure we have anything to do with that, but I appreciate you coming in here to tell me this.”
“Nonsense, Andrew. Whether or not you feel you did, I’m certain you two have been helpful to her. In ways I’m not sure she knew she needed.” I can sense he needs to say this, so I don’t argue with him further. Even if I feel I don’t have anything to do with it. People change all of the time. Choosing to want to be better is what it’s all about. Anyone can have the most supportive of friends and family to help, but at the end of the day, if that person doesn’t want to be better, they just won’t. I learned that first hand with our own family issues once upon a time.
“Well thank you, sir.”
He stands so I follow suit. Elijah shakes my hand. “I’ll let you return back to your work, but it’s almost the end of the day. Go home and start fresh tomorrow.”
“I’ll be sure to do just that shortly,” I reply with a chuckle.
Five minutes later, in waltzes Jax. “Did Elijah come and talk to you?”
No knock, no nothing—my little brother drops himself on the sleek black leather couch by one of my office windows.
“Yes, he did. To say thank you.”
“Yeah, me too.” He scratches his chin and keeps his other arm propped behind his head.
“I told him I didn’t think we had anything to do with her change, but I appreciated it.”
“Speak for yourself, brother. I certainly had something to do with little Mackenzie doing better. Duh.”
“Your arrogance is astounding, you know?”
“Not arrogance, confidence.”
“Okay fine. Well get your ‘confident’ ass off my couch, I’m heading out.”
“Sweet, let’s go.”
THE WHOLE DRIVE home, Jax is a chatter box. “Seriously, I need a mute button for you.”
“You’re not dampening my mood, say what you will.” He crosses his arms over his chest and smirks.
“Okay I’ll bite, why such a good mood?”
“If you must know…I totally got Cass to go with me to the event dinner.”
I let out a low whistle as I turn into our building garage and park.
“No shit? How the fuck did you swing that? I always thought she couldn’t stand you?” We get out of the car, and I laugh as he flips me off walking up to the elevator.
“What do you mean how did I swing that? Have you seen me? I would say yes to me, too.” He smirks.
Stepping off the elevator, we walk down the hall and into our place. I’m still dumbfounded. “How did you even get her number? Oh wait, we work together, never mind.”
“That’s not how I got it anyway.”
“There’s more? Do tell.”
“I asked Kip for it, he said he wasn’t dealing with her shit if she already told me no, so I convinced him to give me Ad
riana’s number.” He takes a breath looking through the fridge. “For some reason, he doesn’t care if he gets under her skin. Anyway, after her Spanish Inquisition she finally agreed to give me her number.”
“And just like that, Cass agreed to go with you?”
“Nah man, it took two days, and dying down my effervescent charm to get her to agree, but boom!” He gestures his hands like an explosion. “She said yes.”
I’m thoroughly amused at his persistence. He may really like her, or it could just be the chase of it all. I’ve yet to see any woman give him the hard time she has. “Well, I’m happy for you little brother.”
He swallows a large cup of orange juice quickly, and then wipes his mouth. “Yeah thanks. What about you? Mackenzie’s your date right?”
“I haven’t asked her yet—”
“And why haven’t you asked her?”
“Because I’m trying to come up with a clever way to ask her.”
“Or because you’re a pussy.”
“It’s definitely not that, she’ll say yes, but you of all people know just how much she deserves a memorable everything.”
“Fine. I’ll retract my statement, because from one very charming man to another, that was good.” Switching gears in the opposite direction he asks, “You up for some Madden?”
“Am I ready to kick your ass, you mean? Duh.”
I walk into my room to change and Jax’s words hit me. I need to ask Kennie already, what the hell am I waiting for?
“I knew I’d find you here. You’re a little old for this, no?” I strolled over to Kennie who had her pen and journal in hand sitting on the same swing she always did on this playground.
“I mean, I guess to be here for entertainment purposes, yes probably,” she replied to me sarcastically.
“So, then why are you here?”
“My normal, you know, writing.”
“What do you write about?” I asked her, genuinely curious.
“Anything really, just depends on my mood.”
“Is it helpful?”
“Yeah I guess. I feel better after doing it, so…”
“Is there anything about me in there? Something along the lines of ‘Dear diary, Drew came back again for the holidays this year and I’m so excited to see him’…?” I looked at her face and laughed, “No? Not so much?”
“I don’t have ‘dear diary’ moments. If you must know, I write poems.”
“Are they any good?”
She tilted her head to the side and her crystal blue eyes pinned me. “You’re inquisitive today. Why are you really here?”
Busted. I needed her advice. There was a girl back home that I had an Ethics class with, and wasn’t sure how to go about asking her out. I was no rookie when it came to women, hell I’d been with plenty of them. But this girl was intelligent, she wasn’t a run of the mill average, and I knew my normal shit wouldn’t work with her.
“Alright, you caught me.” I gave her a lopsided grin. “I need your advice.”
“My advice? Okay, on what exactly?”
“Well, I knew if I went to the guys, they would give me shit. It’s about a chick I have a class with back home.”
“Go on.”
“I want to ask her out on a date, but I’m not sure how to go about it with her.” There was a flicker of something in her eyes, but I never placed it because it was gone as soon as it registered.
“Drew, you don’t really have problems in that department. Honestly, do you even remember the last time you were single?”
“Ha-ha very funny, Kennie.”
“What? I’m just being honest.” She closed her journal and turned to face me. “I’m not sure what advice I can offer you. Why haven’t you just asked her?”
“Because she’s…different than most girls.”
“Okay, different how? Looks? Personality? Hmm…is she easy?” She laughed at her own joke, but her humor vanished quickly.
“No, nothing like that.” I looked down at my shoes, and scratched the back of my head. Why was it so hard to talk to her about this? “She’s different in the way that you are, you know? She’s intelligent, confident, beautiful even…” Fuck. Yeah I said that shit out loud. The look of shock was plastered all over Kennie’s face.
“You think all of those things about me, Drew?”
“Well…yeah, I do.”
“Wow. Um, thanks?” She smiled, and her face brightened considerably. “Okay here’s how you can snag her…”
She went on a full detailed plan of attack to get this chick to go out with me, and I remember it worked. She never got to know her tactics helped me because after that visit, life happened and I never ended up coming back.
IT’S BEEN ALMOST two weeks since my first date with Drew. I’ve seen him quite a bit, and I’ve come to realize, the more I see him, the more comfortable I become. Every day I’m getting stronger and stronger. Every day I’m more comfortable in my own skin and with who I am.
The only drawback so far? Having to go to my father’s office and deal with Sammy for final details concerning the event dinner. He has no idea my feelings for or towards her. I’ve been selfish enough with everything I’ve put him and my mother through, so I can suck it up for his one important day. Not for Sammy’s lack of trying, she’s tried her little heart out. I just don’t find it appropriate to bring up at work. Honestly, she hasn’t been given much of a chance by me to explain anyway. As much as I feel the weight has been lifted from my shoulders, I still hurt…at the demise of our friendship, at the person I thought she once was. I know I need to find it in my heart to at least forgive her. Maybe one day I can be big enough to even hear her out.
Cass and Ade have been coming around more often, too; the times I’m not around Drew, or even when he’s here. The other night we played the game Catch Phrase against each other. Drew and I were against the girls. It was a lot of fun. My life’s starting to come together. I feel a little less lost every day. My parents, my brother, everyone really, has noticed a difference in me.
Kip and I have even done a couple of brunch dates as well. Actually, he should be here fairly soon. I’ve made sandwiches, a fruit salad, and a couple of smoothies for us. They’ll go so imperfectly perfect with the really terrible horror flicks on demand we’re going to watch. Only he can appreciate the awful acting as much I can.
“Mackenzie?” Kip yells from the front door. I always forget he has a key.
“In here!” I yell back from my kitchen. I’m walking back and forth around the bar placing our brunch on my dining room table.
He walks over and kisses me on the cheek. “Hey, how’s it going?”
“It’s good. Which movie should we watch first?”
“Oh, I don’t know.” He grabs my remote and starts scrolling through the on demand movies. “How about The Gravedancers? That sounds entertainingly awful.” His smile is a big cheesy one.
Laughing, I sarcastically reply, “Sure, sounds fantastic.”
Kip claps his hands together after pressing play and takes a seat. “This all looks really tasty, sis. Good job.”
“Thanks.”
An hour a half later, we’re full. Kip’s sprawled on my sectional and I’m sitting in my black and white damask wingback chair. We’ve had a lot of laughs at the expense of this terrible movie.
Before we start another, Kip turns so his body is lengthwise with the couch and hand is propping his head up. He looks at me with troubled, hazel eyes. Scrunching his brows and clearing his throat, his deep voice hits me with it. “So, I’m not sure if Drew told you I spoke with him or not?”
“You didn’t!” I gasp out.
“I did. I know you think it’s not my place, but I won’t sit around without fair warning of consequences if someone else tries to hurt you.”
“Kip,” I groan out. “Why would you do that?”
He sits up, leans forward and rests his elbows on his knees. “I thought it was pretty evident why I did it. He hurts you, he answers t
o me. End of story.” It’s not really a surprise. This is classic Kip to get all overprotective, but really?
“I understand you want to protect me, trust me I do.” I raise my hand to him so I can finish. “But, you can’t go around threatening people. He’s one of your best friends for crying out loud.”
“So? You’re my sister.” He inhales a deep breath. “I didn’t protect you from Wes. Even when I knew shit wasn’t right. I backed you and your decisions. I saw what he deduced you to, I witnessed how slowly over time you crumbled. I told myself over and over that you knew what you were doing—”
“Kip.”
He shakes his head. “No, let me finish. By the time I decided to finally step in, it was too late. I swore to myself, I would never let someone hurt you like that again—even if it means throwing a couple of punches.”
And there it is. The guilt he harbors for no earthly reason at all. My big brother—my unspoken protector—is always carrying the weight of my world on his shoulders. We picked our brunch dates back up about a week ago, and that’s when I confessed everything to him about Wes, what happened between us, to what capacity Sammy’s role played in all of it, and how I became what I was for the better part of a year. He was hurt I didn’t tell him to begin with. I let him know I was completely embarrassed to bring all of that to him. He always knew something was off about Wes. I initially chalked it up to overprotective-brother-syndrome, but he ended up being right. He told me I was ridiculous and of course I should’ve said something to him. Hurt wasn’t the only feeling he had. He was sad I carried it alone and to myself for so long. Mad at himself for not doing anything sooner and ultimately angry he didn’t get to beat Wes to a pulp. Truthfully, I didn’t want him to end up in jail. One of the many reasons I didn’t come out and say something to him in the beginning, but then I just could never bring myself to relive all of the pain I’d harbored.
I want to be upset with him for talking to Drew, but I know this is his penance. In his eyes, this is his own way to ensure I’m not hurt and revert back to who I was ever again. I’ve only seen my brother cry a handful of times in my life. Our talk was one of those handfuls of times. I promised myself then and there, tears would never fall from his eyes at the hands of me. Ever again.
Ending a Broken Journey Page 19