by SP Edwards
‘Go through her phone and find out who?’
‘You read my mind. Let me know what you get.’
CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX
After he hung up, Marr couldn’t help but think about Stanic, and his affair.
And then, inevitably, his own.
It felt a bit strange talking to Becky now that she knew. Marr wasn’t stupid enough to have imagined that the affair would always be kept quiet. He’d dealt with enough shaggers on the side to know that it always did; no-one kept affairs secret forever. Eventually, someone was always overcome, whether by selfishness or guilt.
He’d never really talked to Sam about his marriage. Not properly. Sam and Lizzie had gotten on well enough, but he’d still been surprised when Sam turned up in his house the other night. They hadn’t set any boundaries, but that didn’t stop him thinking she’d crossed one.
The question was, in the end, whether or not Sam wanted more. And whether he did.
Being with Sam was exciting in a way that he knew a marriage just couldn’t be. Familiarity meant some of the best things in life: warmth, comfort, and love. It gave you something unrivalled; at its heart, a good relationship brought the feeling that everything would be OK in the end.
But it wasn’t exciting. It didn’t give you the buzz; it didn’t send a shiver up your spine or make your skin crackle. It didn’t give you the feeling of being really, truly alive. The truth was that even the news that he was going to be a father hadn’t got Marr’s blood pumping the way that Sam had done that first night in the hotel room.
Maybe that was why he was scared: the baby. Now, he wasn’t just making decisions based on his own life. Most men could live with consequences if it only hurt themselves, or at worst another adult.
This, though, was different. Marr wasn’t just messing with his own future anymore. He had a baby to consider; a kid whose whole life was going to be shaped by what Marr did or didn’t do. Did he really want his child to be raised by two parents who didn’t speak to each other? Yes, single parents could raise children well – of course they could – but that didn’t mean that it wasn’t nicer for the child to have to parents that loved each other.
And what if Lizzie didn’t want him around anymore? What if he went straight home now, told her everything and begged for forgiveness: could he live with it if she just left? And decided she didn’t want him to have anything to do with the baby? Because you could be damn sure that, if she did that, the court wouldn’t be on his side. And nor should it.
That, in the end, was the truth of it. He was scared. Scared that, before his child had even come into the world, he had fucked it all up.
CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN
‘DS Alexander, what a privilege to have you down here.’
Ray smiled and, as ever, Becky didn’t quite like the way he did so.
‘Ray, I need a quick favour.’
‘I’m at your service.’
‘The techs aren’t in. I’ve got a burner phone I need to get into, like now. A little birdie told me that you’re a bit of a wizard yourself.’
‘You know I’m a forensic scientist?’
‘Of course.’
‘And you know that I’m not paid to be a hacker?’
‘I’m sure that you could if you tried charging.’
‘Aaah, flattery. Why must you always cut to the heart of me, Becky?’
Becky rolled her eyes.
Whatever works, you weirdo.
It hadn’t always been like this. Ray had always been professional. Then a couple of years ago at a Christmas party she’d had a few drinks and ended up having a drunk conversation with Sam about sex. Ray had been in the booth behind them, leaning over to crack a joke about ‘joining in’ the conversation.
Since then, he’d been more friendly. Never anything dangerous, nothing remotely reportable. Just…over-familiar. She hated using that term – it sounded Victoria – but that’s what it was.
‘Just asking for a favour, Ray’ she said, not looking at him.
‘Well, since you asked nicely, I’ll have a look later today. You have to do me a favour, though.’
Becky said nothing, really hoping he wasn’t about to go there.
‘Have a coffee with me on Friday evening.’
Becky sighed, holding up her hand until the light caught the silver band on her finger. Ray smiled; it was a smile of a man trying to turn the conversation into a game; a flirt.
‘Can’t blame a man for trying, can you? Oh Becky, to have met you before you were married.’
Becky picked up the phone from the desk. Ray looked down at it, before looking back at her, his eyebrows knotting.
‘Hey now; I was only joking’ he said.
‘You don’t get to decide that, Ray. Forget it: I think I’d rather wait for the techs to look at the phone.’
She moved to go up the stairs, trying not to think of his eyes wondering over her body and knowing that’s exactly what they were doing. She stopped halfway up.
‘Ray.’
‘What?’
‘If you ever utter another word to me that’s not professional, I’ll arrest you. And then I’ll make sure you spend a week in a cell with someone who’s so desperate for a new toy that they’ll even tear your doughy ass open.’
CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT
Marr had been waiting by Becky’s desk for fifteen minutes when she returned, looking pissed off.
‘You alright?’ he asked.
She nodded.
‘Any luck with Ray?’
‘No, he’s tied up with another case.’
‘Shit. Well, I’ll ping it across to Laura, she’s bound to know how to sort that.’
‘Shit, of course, Laura could do it.’ said Becky, looking even more cross.
‘You sure you’re OK?’ Marr asked.
She nodded.
‘Well, tell me if there’s anything pissing you off. Anyway, I’m going to see Thomas Coulthard, but I wanted to grab you for five minutes if that’s alright?’
‘Sure’
They found an empty side room, one that smelt like someone had thrown up in it over the weekend.
‘Nice.’ He said, ‘Eau de kebab’
Becky smiled politely at the attempted ice breaker. Normally, of course, an ice-breaker wouldn’t be necessary. Unfortunately, this time they did, because they both knew why the hell they were in here. Marr decided that it was probably best to just rip the plaster off.
‘Suppose you’ve probably gathered why I wanted to talk away from everyone else?’
Becky nodded.
‘Sam.’
‘Well, yes.’
‘Go on,’
‘Has she talked about it much?’
‘Sam? No, barely at all. Briefly this morning, but it’s not like we gossip about you behind your back, if that’s what you’re worried about.’
‘Well, no, I wasn’t worried about that. I don’t really know…I suppose I wanted to make sure she was OK.’
Becky was looking at him.
‘What?’ he asked.
‘Sir, I like you. I know that probably doesn’t mean much, but I’d like you to know that before I say this.’
‘Say what?’
‘Fucking pull the other one. You’ve just been told you’re going to have a baby. A wedding ring might not mean a huge amount to you, but you’d be an alien if a baby didn’t. You’re worried that you’ve fucked the whole thing, because it’s not just you that has to live with the consequences anymore.’
‘And what do you think?
‘I can’t speak for your wife, sir, though I would say you’ve been an idiot even risking losing her, and it’s safe to say you might never do better.’
‘Well, I appreciate that.’
‘Sam, well…Sam isn’t a child. She’s not going to stamp her feet, or be petty. She knew you were married when she got involved. Who knows how Sam’ll take this? She might just let it go; let you and Lizzie swan off with the baby. Or, she might not.’
‘That’s more or less up to you, sir. But I’ll say this; I wouldn’t just leave her to fester over it. Unfortunately for you, babies make everything a lot more serious.’
CHAPTER THIRTY-NINE
As Marr drove the short journey across to see Thomas Coulthard, he thought through everything that Becky had said. He was forced to admit she’d been annoyingly right about the whole thing. Marr had always known that Sam wasn’t passive enough let the whole affair blow over when he’d had enough.
Which was what he’d been hoping would happen, wasn’t it? God, what was it with men?
How many times had Marr criticised Gregor Stanic in his thoughts? He’d judged him for being a nearly married man, unable to let go of anything that would give him a swagger in the morning.
Stanic is just a misogynist.
Stanic is just a caveman.
Stanic is just a bully.
But Marr wasn’t any different. He was worse, if anything: it was possible Stanic could have given up Caroline after the wedding. Marr, though, had a silver ring around his finger.
The truth was that the judgemental, superior voice was the same one that drove men like Thomas Coulthard. Men that defined themselves through what they thought, rather than what they did. Men that sat around sneering at others whilst making damn sure they did nothing that anyone else could sneer at.
They were cowards at heart. And Marr was just as bad as any of them.
That might be what I did, but that’s not who I am.
So, who was Marr going to be now? He had a horrible suspicion that he knew.
The sad thing was, he’d seen a thousand times over. An ex-married man, stuck in a poxy flat, seventy per cent of his wages used to pay for a house in which his kid’s step-dad now lived. Life all over at forty.
Was Marr going to be that man? Was he prepared to ask Sam – no, to beg Sam – to keep quiet?
With a deep breath out, Marr realised that he’d have to. Because he wanted a family. He wanted his child to be raised in a good home, a happy home.
If there was even the slightest chance of Lizzie forgiving him, and letting him be a part of their child’s life, he’d have to never see Sam – never fuck Sam – again.
Marr parked the car, and walked out towards Thomas Coulthard’s office, not entirely happy with how that last thought had made him feel.
CHAPTER FORTY
Coulthard was waiting by his desk when Marr arrived; there were two steaming mugs of coffee waiting.
‘Black, no sugar?’ he asked, giving Marr a smile.
Marr nodded.
‘You’re looking good, Thomas. You don’t seem too down.’
Thomas said nothing for a moment, before sitting down and leaning his chair back.
‘Why should I be depressed?’ he asked.
‘Anna was your friend. For years. I’d have thought you’d want some time off from work to think things through. It can’t be easy losing someone.’
Thomas seemed to consider the idea before he spoke.
‘Anna was a positive, happy person, and she made the world better while she was alive. I’d hardly be honouring her spirit if I just moped around the place. I think by being happy, I’m doing what she would have wanted.’
It was a reasonable answer, thought Mar. It was complete horseshit, too.
‘It’s that easy for you to switch on and off, is it?’ he asked. Thomas chuckled.
‘I’d like to think I’m made of sterner stuff than some. Life isn’t always easy, but I believe that you can deal with a lot more than many people seem to think. A lot of what people consider ‘major problems’ are actually easy to deal with, as long as you’ve got some perspective. I mean, take yourself; I’d imagine you’ve dealt with some pretty reprehensible people in your time.’
‘Many’ Marr replied pointedly, the implication obvious: present company not excepted. Then Thomas smiled, satisfied, and Marr realised he’d been baited. Thomas had wanted exactly that reaction.
‘So doesn’t it drive you crazy’, he asked ‘when people call 999 just because there’s a kid wearing a baseball cap kicking a ball against their garage door? Or because a pizza place forgot their chips but won’t refund their money? I mean, just the idea annoys me, so god knows how you must feel.’
Marr shrugged.
‘It’s just part of the job. It doesn’t bother me at all.’
Thomas nodded.
‘See, you compartmentalise in the same way I do. I think we’re probably quite similar Inspector, if you’ll pardon me talking like Hannibal Lecter. We’re both tough, probably because we’ve had to be.’
‘I’ve had to be tough?’ Marr asked.
‘Well, of course; you’re a policeman. You deal with scum on a daily basis. And I mean real scum, not the posers. Not the braying jackals you get in sales offices. Christ, we’ve got some of them here. You should see them in meetings, yapping around each other, all of them pretending to be the alpha, the wolf, the one that breaks the rules and doesn’t care.’
Marr thought about interrupting, but he knew Thomas was on a roll. He was preaching, and preachers sometimes said more than they should. Marr let him continue.
‘There was one guy; Jack. Used to work in our sales team. Brilliant at his job. He brought us in the contract on a multi-million pound retail-company, beating out international corporations you’ve seen adverts for on TV. Good looking, too: a weightlifter; big guy, looked like he could take care of himself.’
Thomas paused, as if for dramatic effect. Then, he smiled.
‘He got mugged by a couple of travellers as he was walking home from some slut’s flat. Broken nose and ribs, a few teeth knocked out. I overheard a friend say he was crying by the time the police got to his house. The big bad wolf, weeping into his four thousand pound sofa.’
Marr sighed.
‘Have you ever been mugged Thomas? Or beaten up?’
‘Of course not,’ Thomas replied, smiling to himself. ‘But then, I’m not stupid enough to walk around the street at night, asking for trouble from gypsies.’
Marr rolled his eyes.
‘The point’ he said, ‘Is that it doesn’t matter how big you are. Vince being upset at being mugged doesn’t make him weak; it makes him human. I’ve interviewed hundreds of mugging victims, and they all said the same sorts of things; I thought I might be about to die. I thought I might never see my wife again. I thought I was going to leave my kids alone with no dad. If you’re not scared by that you’re not tough: you’re fucking stupid. And you claim that you’re tougher than people like this salesman?’
‘I didn’t say tougher, I said…’
‘See, let me tell you what I think; I think you’re a fucking coward. I think you hide behind this little wall of superiority, where you can think what you like, and believe what you want. You think that you could fight, but you choose not to. You think that you could go up there and dominate the sales game, but that you’d be selling out if you did.’
‘You’re just like every other loser in this place. I’ve never met Vince and yet I just know he could come in here and kill you with his bare hands and there would be nothing you could do about it. You’d probably try and make some witty comment about it, try and turn it into a joke, but then he’d take that smug expression on your face and crush it into blood and bone. Because that’s reality. You’re not better than him, you’re not better than those muggers.’
Thomas said nothing for a moment. Marr could practically see his brain working. It might well have been the first time anyone had ever called him on his bullshit. Men like Thomas…it was easy to ignore them. But then, as Marr knew he would, Thomas’s face relaxed into a knowing smile.
‘Well, of course you’re entitled to your opinion, but then you’re a successful Inspector. You’ve probably done more than your own share of brow-beating and bullying to get to where you are. Bit of an alpha male yourself, I suppose.’
‘Be care
ful, Thomas’ Marr said, again annoyed at himself for being baited. Thomas’ smile grew.
‘Yes, an alpha male. Did your fair share of shagging around when you were younger. Maybe you still are.’
Marr willed his face to not react. But no; too late. Thomas burst out laughing, slapping his hands together.
‘Oh, brilliant. Brilliant. Christ, you’re a drinking problem and a Scottish accent away from being on TV.’
Marr sighed.
‘Thomas, where were you last night between the hours of two and seven PM?’
Thomas was still chuckling as he replied.
‘Here. I was down in IT though, covering for someone. I can do the job and the overtime’s good.’
‘So you’ll have an alibi for that time?’ Marr asked, receiving a shake of the head in reply.
‘No, working alone. It was an on-call shift basically; just in case any of the night staff had any issues. No-one did, though; I ended up watching Netflix all night.’
‘That’s unfortunate.’
‘Depends, I can think of worse ways to earn a living.’
Thomas snorted, amused at himself.
‘I know, I know, that’s not what you meant.’ He continued ‘But I’m afraid it’s true; if you had the authority you could probably get someone to verify that I was actually watching them.’
‘And you didn’t see anybody?’
Thomas thought for a moment.
‘Ah, yes, I did. I saw Jerry, the cleaner. He’s always does the building bottom up; I walked past him on the stairs.’
‘Would Jerry be around today?’
‘Well, he might have gone home by now, but he’ll be in later. HR will have his contact information, though, so calling him won’t be a problem. Can I ask why you’d like to know? Has Anna’s trained chimp ran off with Caroline, thus further proving his excellent suitability for marriage?’
Marr mentally weighed up telling him, but decided there would be little harm in it. There was a pretty good chance that Thomas already knew what he was going to say. Whatever the fuck the cleaner could confirm – a cleaner that Thomas could easily bribe – Marr was almost certain that Caroline Marcus hadn’t killed herself. As a result, he was almost certain that she hadn’t killed Anna, either.