by Frank Russel
'Double expresso babe,' he asked the hot lady behind the coffee machine.
Ahhh, that had to be Fat Ho.
I got a call from my brother Jack.
'Get your ass on the next flight to Medan.'
I had read about that.
Apparently, Vanya Vetto wrote it.
As weird as it was, I actually enjoyed it.
'You'd say that,' said Jack, 'since I asked Vanya Vetto to write you into it.'
I agreed, he appealed to my vain side and I said I'd arrive in three hours.
It just so happened that I was at terminal three in Manila having my morning coffee.
It was the best place to people watch.
I never bored of watching those hot Philipinonos...
"Get on the next flight now,' said Jack, 'Air Asia has been notified and they'll have a print up of your boarding pass at Check in at Terminal Four.'
Terminal four was apparently the international airport where all the hot Philipinos arrived after a stint housekeeping either in the Middle East or in Hong Kong.'
The flight was a breeze. I never sick of getting an eye full of those air hostesses, 'with the mostess,' said Farah, who was serving me a coffee. She had the biggest boobs under her tight red uniform and the curves outlined in the silky material promised sin sin sin.
"Here sir,' she said and handed me a napkin.
It would be even better if you could wipe up my drool, I suggested.
The flight went so fast, at least one hour of it was taken up with foreplay in the business section. The other in the cubicles and the last, well I can't remember, but Farah's sister, who was also on the flight, as a passenger, and also a flight attendant, was very accommodating in keeping me amused. I grabbed their numbers and said I might have a job for them. Farah and Felicity, identical twins, they'd be great company in Medan, that's all I knew.
Then I checked into Indonesia.
No cavity inspections.
Having nice clobber on always allays suspicion of Officialdom. And handing out fifty dollars American notes, the ones that god trusts, always helps in getting a fast-tracked check-in to the country.
Sumatra, she was proving to be the promised land. I had none of those nasty experiences that Vanya Vetto had written about. But as I always say, having cash tends to smooth the way.
We were at a little street full of flashing lights.
This was Medan's red light district.
Max and Jack were with Cindy and Novi. This was Team Sweet Smelling Water.
And the girls were dressed up to the nines in sexy Victoria Secret Lingerie and I suspect they were on assignment.
This was a reunion of sorts.
I still fantasized what was under their bras.
Their boobs were soft and their triangle was always moist. They only wore pants that hugged their camel toes. I could tell they did a lot of yoga.
Did they spray mist down there or were they continually turned on by their long erect nipples rubbing against their lacy bras?
'You'll see soon,' said Cindy who gave me a hug.
'Very soon,' said Novi who hugged me as well. This was the closest I'd get to a booby massage. I was putty in their hands.
'What do you want girls,' I eventually asked as Max and Jack signaled for me to follow them into Garuda's Massage parlor.
'We want you,' said the girls. Just as I thought!!
There were worse places to enter and I really did need a massage.
Max winked at me.
'This is one of our safe houses.'
Wink wink nudge nudge, say NO MORE.
I got straight down to it.
Why the fuck did you call me away from Manila Bay?
'Azzi has penetrated a Malaysian ISIS cell,' said Max.
'It's been reported that Abdul The Trigger,' continued Jack, 'the mastermind of several major hotel and embassy bombings and Raheem the Dynamite, their bomb expert are here in Medan.'
'They are purportedly here to visit their wives,' added Max.
'Yes,' continued Jack, ' they are on their way down to Jakarta to bomb a few western embassies and destroy a few Star Bucks while they are at it.'
'They in the room next door,' said Novi and Cindy continued, 'and we have been entertaining them with Farah and Felicity in the Fun Room '
Max told me they had just come out to powder their faces, which in espionage terms, means they were about to wrap up the mission.
'So they are here under the same roof as us,' asked Frank.
'Didn't the girls just say that, fuck pants,' said Jack.
Feeling a bit stupid, Frank barged into the room next door labeled the Fun Room, thinking he'd steal some fame and glory by busting the terrorist ring. Isn't that why they called him to Medan for, to prove himself?
What Frank saw, when he busted the door down, was three Asian men dressed up in lingerie, wearing wigs and lip gloss.
'Azzi, great work,' said Frank, as he recognized one of the three men. The other two were the Malay terrorists who were still sucking off the tits of the F Twins, who I later learned had laced their two-inch nipples with tranquilizers.
The terrorists were in ga ga land and were easily apprehended by Cindy and Novi who quickly handcuffed them.
The terrorists thought that this was still part of the kinky show.
'Make's our job easier,' said Max who entered the room with Jack. They were confident the girls had the situation under control even before Frank busted down the door.
'Totally under control,' said Cindy, 'we had put some crushed Rohypnol on our long erect nipples and before long, both Abdul and Raheem were singing nursery rhymes.
Apparently, Azzi was still on our payroll.
'Yes,' said Novi, 'and if he wasn't he'd be drowsy like those two other dropkicks.'
'Fuck oath I'm still on the payroll,' said Aziz who I could tell regretted not sucking on any of the mammary glands that were used to combat terrorism, 'now can I get out of this drag queen outfit?' he eventually asked.
Sure, said Jack who was quite proud of his new recruit who he thought didn't look half bad in drag.
Nice work concluded Jack to his motley team who in certain circles were highly respected.
The terrorists were escorted by the counter-terrorism team who were waiting outside Garuda's Massage, where they were given a few good kicks in the balls, before deporting them back to Malaysia where they'd get community service and be out two years later planning more attacks.
But the browny points we scored with the Indonesian government allowed us special privileges. It was an uphill battle, explained Jack, 'but someone's got to do it.'
Cindy and Novi nodded in approval and gave their boss a booby hug.
There were perks to being an anti-terrorist unit.
It wasn't all shooty shooty, 'sometimes there's some fucky fucky,' said Max who said he wanted to give the F Twins a run for their money. 'Who knows, they might be great on the Big-Titted Squad.'
Farah and Felicity both licked their lips in anticipation. They knew that Max paid the bills and it didn't take long for them to throw their bras off and perform their duties.
What we witnessed in the Fun Room stays in the Fun Room, right? I said.
Not to be outperformed, Novi and Cindy threw their bras off too.
They were udders of spectacular proportion, milk dispensing machines...
And didn't the Big-Titted Squad know how to milk us?
'We were drained.'
That was Max, god bless his soul.
Bliss.
That was me, god bless my soul.
Now what's the next mission, I asked Jack.
'None for now,' he said, 'I want you back on the next flight to Manila, I need you to lay low.'
I really wasn't complaining,
Max, fancy a trip, I asked casually. I've really got to show you LA Cafe.
'Wouldn't miss it for quids, he said, 'and Azzi can come for the ride, I've got some work to do in the Southern Philipines
.'
Frank's last memory of Garuda's Massage was of fluffy aerated milky bubbles and drag.
'It was a milk bar for adults,' said Max, summing up Frank's thought very well.
'And a very successful mission too,' added Frank, who knew that Max wanted him to help him take on Abu Sayyaf in Southern Mindanao.
Abu Sayyaf gives me the Heebie-jeebies I told Max on the flight from Manila to Jolo, their headquarters on the Southern Philipino island of Sulu.
'I'll show them anxiety,' said Max, who now had a long beard and flowing white robe, 'they'll be dancing the heebie-jeebies once I'm done with them.'
We shouldn't be here.
Really we shouldn't.
I had a long flowing beard, I bought it at the same theatre shop as Max in Manila, and we were going to pose as Mujahideen arms dealers from Pakistan. A bit of boot polish kinda authenticated our look.
We had a briefing on Cebu Airlines.
Most of it consisted of eying off and feeling up the hot flight attendants who were wearing cock teasing bikinis.
They danced and sung while we drank a large bottle of Johnny Walker Red on the hour flight.
Ten minutes before touch down in a majority Muslim Island, I think me and Max had groped all of the flight attendants.
They thought we were brave men.
Before touch down, we donned our disguise.
This was going to be a doddle.
I loved these kinda missions, I said to Max, as a military jeep full of freedom fighters pulled up at the airport and whisked us away to their jungle base.
There really was no going back now, was there?
I recognized one of the freedom fighters.
Underneath her camouflage fatigues were two luscious love mounds.
She had her hair frizzed up.
She had obviously watched a lot of Che Guerra movies.
'Keep quiet until you are spoken to,' she said.
In the back seat were two hardened fighters. They were wearing eyeliner and mascara. They were Mohammed wannabes.
Sitting between them was Max and Me.
One of them was very chesty. She was wearing black lip gloss.
'Shhhhhh,' she gestured by putting her finger on her luscious full lips, yes her nails had black glossy nail polish on them too.
I played mum while we dashed down dirt roads, first into the light jungle, then into triple canopy jungle.
Half an hour later, we had entered the virgin jungle, untouched by the outside world.
Max didn't look concerned.
'Where the fuck are the arms,' asked the leader who was driving the jeep. He was a sinewy man who had also watched too many Che Guerra movies.
'You'll get the fucking arms when I see the fucking money,' said Max, in his best Lord of War impression.
It was a scene from Apocalypse Now. We could have been meeting Captain Kurtz in the jungles of Cambodia.
Bodies hung from trees, limbs of bodies adorned branches, and heads were showcased on spikes.
'They were the sorry bastards who couldn't raise the ransom money, 'said Abu Sarryff leader, Jainal Antel Sali Jr.
I could tell the dog was from Malaysia. These Asians loved to hop countries and try and blend in but I had been in Asia long enough to know that he was from Johor Baru next to Singapore.
Where there was an ISIS cell, you could guarantee there was a Malaysian in charge of it. They had access to direct funds from the House of Wassabism in Saudia Arabia.
Under British colonization, the Malaysians had been made to feel important. Once they were given their independence, that importance went towards solidifying their right to bear arms under the name of Islam.
'Hope you got facts to back that one,' said Max, who was putting on his best Packi accent. He had an uncanny knack of reading my unvoiced thoughts.
'I have,' said Frank, who pushed a body hanging on a tree, it was decaying already and below it on the ground, was a decapitated head. This one unspiked.
It had to be Fritz Fisher and a fresh kill, thought Frank, who was also trying hard to be a Paki arms dealer. He couldn't reveal the bile that was rising up.
Fritz Fisher was one of 37 tourists who were kidnapped off a Borneo resort, a two-hour speedboat ride from the pirate's base in Sulu.
Soon, you'll get it.
'How the fuck can you say that Frank,' asked Max, when they had a moment of time alone.
'Easy,' said Frank, who pointed over to an outbuilding, 'that's where they keep their guns and ammunition.'
The leader came back with coffee.
'Let's consecrate the deal,' he said as he pulled out a laptop from a briefcase. 'I'll wire you the two million now, and then you'll tell me which village you have delivered the weapons.'
'We have no cache in a village,' said Max.
'But we do have Cindy and Novi,' said Max.
If they were going to escape a beheading...
'Stop being a drama queen, Frank,' said Novi, who appeared dressed up in a killer outfit carrying an M116.
Jainal's weakness was big titted bimbos. He only recruited Cindy and Novi for one reason.
'He wants to titty fuck us,' said Cindy, who appeared as well, carrying a M16.
Cindy and Novi were dressed down, they were Rambos with big tits.
The netting tank top didn't leave much to the imagination, thought Frank as he checked his bank account, it was topped up with 2 million dollars.
'Money for jam,' said Max, who winked at the girls which meant that they should work on Jainal who had just come back from the toilet.
Even jihadists need to take a piss.
'We'll be leaving in ten minutes to pick up the arms,' said Jainal.
The dumb bastard.
One look at Cindy and Novi, transformed, long straight silky hair, boobs busting out of their netting tank tops, those two-inch tapering nipples poking out of the net was driving the stooge crazy.
'We need to speak to you,' said Cindy, and Novi stroked his hair.
He couldn't resist and told us to wait.
Max had trained his girls well.
'Actually, I thought Jack had a part in the training too.'
'Those herbs make any ripe boobs even riper,' said Max. He winked at me and I quickly eyed up the girls walking to the outhouse. Their childbearing hips, then their tight asses, accentuated by their tight hugging fatigue shorts. I could even see their heavenly camel toes from behind.
Jainal didn't waste time making his advance, he was all over the girls.
He threw them both on the bed and said quite forcefully for them to take off their skimpy jungle fatigue outfit.
'We don't actually have much to take off,' said Novi. She flicked her nipple then licked Cindy's, to get Jainal in a state of frenzy. Cindy moaned and Jainal was seeing red.
He continued groping the girls, the clumsy clod when Cindy suggested he take off his clothes, 'so that we can get more comfy and intimate.' She pressed her love mounds together, and Novi put her arm inside the luscious cleverage, a promise of more forbidden fruit to drop off the tree of sin.
Jainal did what he was asked. Stark naked, Novi slipped behind him as Cindy went down on him.
'You won't be going very far now,' said Novi as she handcuffed his hands. That was when Cindy flicked his cock with her finger.
'Ouch,' he said.
'You are lucky we don't castrate you,' said Novi, who mutilated the Malay's little cock with her long fingernails.
Blood gushed everywhere and Jainal squealed like a pig as she pulled his cock and balls until they came off as a piece of offal.
I saw the girls running towards us, their luscious boobs heaving up and down and to the left and right. Even I was getting a hard-on.
'No time for that,' said Novi, who before tellings to jump into the jeep, swung the testicles and balls in the air until it landed on the top branch. 'A warning for future Abu Sarryf,' she said.
'Once we reach the village by sea,' said Cindy, who jumped in the d
river's seat, 'a boat is waiting for you, hen it's a two-hour boat ride to Borneo.'
The girls had really planned the escape well.
And then an Air Asia flight to Kuching in Sarawak added Novi.
I'd be back on my old turf with my favorite girls, I told them.
I might even take you both out for a coffee at the Long House.
'We'll love it,' said Cindy and Novi, in chorus, as the speedboat entered the port of Borneo.
Visas were waivered, bridged, or whatever they do.
The Malaysian government was our client too.
And on the Philippine end, we were never in the country.
They always gave us access when we helped sort out a few domestic issues.
We were immune.
Almost invisible.
'Well not exactly,' said Novi, who gave me a booby hug.
They were soft, inviting and those nipples were perky, and yes I refrained from sucking on them.
I couldn't risk falling under their spell. Besides, they were probably laced with barbiturates, I thought, as the Air Asia flight landed in Kuching in Sarawak.
Then Cindy gave me a booby hug.
'Love your work,' said the girls who lavished some attention on Max too, in case he felt left out.
'At least someone appreciated our Paki outfit,' said Max who enjoyed the flirtatious Rub Those Titties All Over My Face.
And we were two million dollars richer.
It really wasn't a bad mission at all.
Seriously, I'm back in the Long House.
I'm not far from Pontianak in West Kalimantan as well.
The memories are flooding back.
It wasn't easy traveling by a long shot.
Jenny is eyeing me up.
She can't look straight.
It kinda turns me on.
I think she'scross-eyedd.
She knows she has a nice set of boobs.
And she's playing on that fact.
She places a coffee on my table.
I'm back in Kuching.
The swimming pool is just down the road.
So is my walking track.
This is where I belong.
I've got my twenty crowned teeth, that's not including the four I had done in Malaysia.