by Frank Russel
Wan turned around and flashed a winning smile.
He was doing well.
He'd have to be rewarded.
I had his new Australian passport tucked away in my blazer jacket.
Abdul was off his fucking head and stumbled off the stage and back to the front table.
I sent Caramel up to their table with the intention of...
I couldn't dare say.
It was Caramel's call after all.
She was talking about castration.
'But I was talking about mutilation,' said Suyin, a familiar character I had met way back in Manila Bay.
Apparently, Jack had her on his payroll too.
Abdul loved his Asian puntang.
Caramel introduced Suyin to him.
She was briefed.
If she had big tits, then she must be part of the team.
She was also wearing a nursing outfit.
The Big Boob Brigade got off the stage and joined the table.
Abdul was taking selfies and posting it on the Insurgent forums, the idiot.
Caramel whispered in Abdul's ear.
'We have a show for you, now follow me.'
Suyin followed up the stairs of the night club, where on the second floor they had VIP suites for the big punters, where they could fuck the show girls.
Asia was pretty simple in some ways.
Abdul got his titty fest.
He confessed.
Confessed it all.
Thailand would have to have a talk with the Malaysian government.
A terrorist cell operating under their noses, this wasn't a good thing.
Abdul was sedated and the military escorted him out the back door.
God knows how many deaths Abdul was behind.
But big titties were to be his downfall.
'And fucked if the military is taking him away to be tortured,' said Suyin who was spoiling for some fun.
Jack had explicitly said to get Abdul back into Malaysia safely and to have him wire most of the US$2 million Saudi donated cash into our Big Tit Ltd. account.
Cindy and Novi were waiting in the Apache.
The jets were screaming for levitation and the rotors swirled with anxiety.
This beast needed to fly.
The Thai military had their intel and graciously handed over Abdul.
Caramel, myself and Max also jumped into the Apache Chopper.
Kuching, West Borneo, I said. That was still Malaysia and far enough from the extremists that preferred West Malaysia as their base.
I knew a few Dyaks who would love nothing better than headhunting Abdul and putting his shrunken head on their mantlepiece.
'How do you shrink a head,' asked Cindy.
She was having a blonde moment, and I noticed she had recently dyed it that color too.
'Easy, ' I said, 'just put in the oven.'
Max said that the Sarawak River still had man-eating crocodiles.
We'd decide Abdul's fate once we arrived, which would be 30 minutes later, as the jets kicked in and the Apache reached 800 kilometers an hour.
Man the CIA had their toys. And we loved them.
Suyin just pushed him out of the helicopter.
'If he lives, so be it,' she said.
It was one less problem to worry about.
Who knows, maybe his brothers in arms, the Abu Saryff might find him.
'Not now,' said Max, who straffed a speedboat with the machine gun. He also fired off a few missiles in case the bullets didn't do the job.
The speedboat was fried toast, a spectacular image of flames framed by turquoise waters.
'Our intel tells us it's Abu Saryff trying to raise funds again after we ripped them off in Sulu,' added Max.
It was a glorious day for flying and Kuching wasn't far away now.
I could really do with a pizza, I said.
'And my shout.'
The girls just giggled.
They had been eating too much cum and needed real food.
'Sperm can only sustain you for so long,' said Max, who was in the most buoyant of moods.
We were cleaning up Asia quick smart.
No one should have to live in fear.
Especially on my shift.
Caramel gave me a peck on the cheek.
Even she felt safer.
'That's what it's all about,' said Max, continuing,' everyone slags off the United States but no one wants to do anything about security. Fucking pussies.'
The ethnic Chinese of Kuching couldn't thank me enough.
'No more Abu Saryff, no more terrorist thugs from West Malaysia.'
They wanted to treat me at an Iban and Dyak longhouse.
'Very special place,' said Eddy, a local businessman in Kuching and a fixer.
What he fixed, I could easily guess.
'If it's big tits you want,' he continued, 'then this whore house is the place.'
He had my attention.
Cindy and Novi and Caramel wanted to come along too.
They always loved checking out big tits, making sure they took the 'Miss Asian Big Tits' title.
A bomb detonated a block away from Jack and dang near knocked the cocktail outta his hand.
For fuck's sake.
'It wasn't a bomb, silly,' said the massage lady.
False alarm.
Those flashbacks can come on hard and strong.
Then I felt her boobs needing into my back.
Two erect nipples letting me know that a gorgeous set of tits were attending to my every need.
'Would you like another pina colada,' asked the attentive massage lady.
At this stage, I hadn't even seen her face.
It was tradition to keep an element of surprise.
'Of course, and how about a bloody mary,' I said.
Turn over, she said.
The voice was familiar.
I did as I was told.
Further up the longhouse, I could hear Max, Cindy and Novi talking and drinking and singing. They were having a jolly old time.
Abdul crept up on the Long House.
He was a survivor.
And a very good swimmer.
'They have totally underestimated,' he thought, as he crept down to the quiet end of the Long House with a Gurkha kukri.
'I'll fillet that Frank Russel,' he cursed, as he barged into the last room of the longhouse.
What he saw had him mesmerized.
Her boobs were gigantic, but very much in proportion.
Fuck, they were out of a Japanese Manga comic.
Abdul was losing sight of his mission very fast as Caramel embraced Jack's Johnson between her warm milky breasts that screamed, Titty Fuck Me!
'Up and down,' whispered Caramel, 'until you cum between my big tits. I love pearl necklaces.'
The narrative was desperately going down the slippery slope of porn as Caramel squeezed baby oil between her perfect tits that were made for satisfying any Johnson, both big or small.
Max had seen Abdul come in from the other end and followed him.
He was carrying a Magnum, he never went anywhere without it.
As Frank screamed with pleasure and shot his protein juice between Caramel's boobs, Max fired a nice round into the back of his head.
He swore he heard Abdul moan with pleasure.
Perhaps this was the martyr death he had always been talking about.
This game of killing the Muslim terrorist was becoming tedious.
'Surely there must be more fun gigs than this, ' thought Jack.
He was sitting at a table in his Blue Lagoon and smoking a Dunhill, drinking a coffee and he was just about to have a dip in the pool.
Perhaps he needed a road trip.
To be honest, he was sick of Frank stealing the limelight all the time, when in fact it was him who was doing all the hard work.
Jack missed the simple days when his brother was down at Manila Bay, hustling. The more he hustled elsewhere, the less he hustled him.
'No
w that's gratitude,' said Frank.
He was with the crew.
Jack's doubts were settled, for now.
'Let's all do a fucking road trip.'
He was interested in tracking down some gold.
'Now take a seat, and let me tell you all about it,' he said.
God Cindy, Novi, and Caramel looked hot. Little droplets were forming on their honey skin.
'Care for a quick dip,' said Jack to the girls.
Max was stripping down to his jocks.
'And after that, I'll outline our new mission. This one doesn't involve tracking down terrorists, as far as I'm aware.
Destination Sumbawa.
We flew Wings, those propeller planes.
An hour later, the plane landed.
This was two islands east of Bali.
This was the heart of Indonesia.
'You mean there are fuck all tourists there,' said Jack.
'That's right,' said Frank.
Max was wearing a bright yellow Hawai shirt and the girls were wearing their swimwear, glossy bikinis, pink, white and orange.
Boy, didn't they fill out the glossy material?
Max patted his girls on the bum.
'Our mission is to find gold billions that were buried in a violent volcanic eruption over two centuries ago.'
'Cash, hard cash, our's for the taking,' encouraged Jack who had organized the equipment we'd need on the slopes of Tambora.
'And girls,' I said, 'once we find the gold, we'll let you loose with a photo shoot.'
I'd make sure that it was an X rated version of a Sport's Illustrated shoot. I was the photographer after all.
'You dirty bastard,' said Max, who suggested we hit the local pool and unwind before the mission began in earnest.
I knew that look. Max had something planned.
'You can read my mind well,' he said, 'and yes, soon you'll meet our new recruit, Mary.'
I was intrigued.
'Fuck catching the bus,' said Frank.
From Bima, it would take an eight-hour ride to the slopes of Mt. Tambora.
Jack had arranged for an excavator. He had it brought in by ship and it should be making it's way up the slopes now to the location they'd be digging for gold.
'Slash and burn,' said Jack, 'you haven't seen anything yet.'
Mary was a delight.
Marois in New Zealand give nose kisses, Thais, a sniff, French, a peck on the check, but Mary just put her tongue down our throats, and I was also talking about Cindy, Novi and Caramel, who were more than keen to reciprocate.
Indonesia only became Muslim about 500 years ago.
Those fucking Arabs had nothing to offer and the Indonesians knew that, so as a gentle act of diplomacy, they accepted Islam and the money that came from the rag head states.
Indonesia was a land of mysticism.
And that tongue kiss Mary gave me only confirmed one thing, that the girls from Sumbawa were fucking hot.
The village, on the slopes of Tambora, needed funds, and now.
Jack handed over a million dollars smakaroos, yes you heard right.
And the villagers said we could rape and pillage as much as we fucking wanted too.
'Over there,' I said, I was pointing beyond the village, a little ghost town, if I must be honest, that was forgotten by humanity.
'Found it,' said Max.
It was where the Smithsonian were digging a few years ago, with fine combs and brushes.
Frank was on the bulldozer and just ripping up the fucking jungle that only a bulldozer can.
Mary, Cindy, Novi, and Caramel had metal detectors that doubled as radar and I was getting live feeds on my tablet.
What I was seeing, besides those gorgeous boobs and tight Asian asses, was gold, and tonnes of it, if the manic beeping on my radar and gold app was any indication.
'Fucking mow the place down,' said Jack, as he got all manly and chainsawed a giant teak tree that was in our way.
The sound of that fucking giant tree crashing one hundred meters into the virgin forest was stupendous.
I can hear the greenies and save the fucking environments.
They couldn't help this village, I could.
I'd even replant the whole fucking slope with pine trees and fruit trees.
That's what I call sustainable environmentalism: rape and pillage, extract, then replant.
'They don't teach you that at Uni, do they,' asked Mary.
She wasn't just a stunner but had brains too.
We found the gold.
Max dug like there was no tomorrow.
'Mount Tambora,' I said, while Max kept on digging for gold, 'is an active stratovolcano in the northern part of Sumbawa,' Max was working up a good sweat and I promised him a cold Bintang and continued my geographical lesson, ' and one of the Lesser Sunda Islands of Indonesia. Tambora is known for its major eruption in 1815.'
'Fuck you,' said Max, who reached pay dirt.
'I'll bulldoze the fucker out,' said Jack.
No need, I said. I had made a clearing in the forest with the bulldozer for the Apache Chopper that was landing just now. Gotta give it to Jack, he was one organized puppy.
'Load it up, and let's get the fuck out of here.'
Jack was getting impatient.
We found about three crates of gold and left one for the villagers.
I know they'd put a memorial at this site in due time.
The Big Tit Brigade who bettered our lives in a meaningful way.
Tits and cash, don't they go hand in hand, I said to anyone who cared to listen as I jumped in the Apache.
It was time to fly back to Bima, a twenty-minute flight covering about 80 clicks as the crow flies.
'I'm checking that on Google Maps,' said Max.
Smart ass.
The pilot did a salutatory loop around the giant crater of Tambora before heading towards Bima.
This was groovy shit...
Jack flew us back to the Village of Sweet Smelling Water.
It only took forty minutes.
'Those fucking booster jets work fine,' said Max.
At 1000 kilometers an hour, those three islands, Sumbawa, Lombok, and Bali, just breezed past us.
But I always got gobsmacked when I saw those two volcanos looming as we approached Banyuwangi.
In some ways we were in the land of giants, which accounted for the homegrown big tits.
'Not another lesson,' said Jack, who slowed the Apache down as he passed Banyuwangi for the descent to the next village, about twenty kilometers out of East Java's most easterly town.
Mary was obviously very excited about being recruited.
'I have a spare pair of bikini's, ' said Cindy, always considerate of others.
'And I have lube oil you can spray all over yourself and work up a tan at the same time.'
Jack clobbered me over the head with his big mitt of a hand.
I had called Chris at Manila Bay and explained what I was up to.
He said the cafe I built for him had been opened for over a week now and that it was getting great raves in the local rags.
I'd be back soon, I said. By the way, you know we are recruiting.
'Never thought you'd ask,' said Chris, 'I'll expand upon it when you get here.'
Max had overheard the conversation.
'Very promising son,' he said, and punched me on the arm.
Before we knew it, we were at the Blue Lagoon pool and drinking colored adult beverage drinks.
There were worse gigs out there, I told myself as the girls surrounded me and gave me a booby hug.
They were only wearing brief bikinis!
I felt we were running out of missions.
The CIA was funding them.
'Keep up the good work,' was the cryptic message.
Any new toys, I asked.
They had a plane that could fly up to speeds of Marc 5 and asked if I'd like to try it out.
That was 6174 kilometers per hour.
> That meant they had another mission planned for us.
I bet it was either Panama or Colombia.
'We know you have traveled extensively around Central America,' said Max, who was thoughtfully stirring a mini red umbrella in his drink.
It had to be a bloody mary.
Drug cartels, I asked.
Something even better, he replied.
'And if we take the top-secret plane, we could be in Latin America in about three or even two hours, depending on how high I take that baby.'
More like one, I said, if we reach the outer limits of space.
This was becoming more and more like Moonraker by the minute.
Technically this could be a day mission.
NASA had loaned out the mini space shuttle.
It was run off plutonium.
It resembled more the Dolarium than a space shuttle.
It even had a flacks capacitor.
'Does this mean we can just bypass the flying thing,' I asked Max.
'Yes, but we want to remain in the present, dummy.'
The flight was fast, painless and safe.
If things panned out, I could be back in Manila Bay by the evening.
But I know fucking nothing about Colombia except that they have big titted cam girls.
'Well then change your destination.'
Good idea Max and I know Air Asia has a flight to Manila.
'Why don't we take it and celebrate Christmas together,' I added.
The helicopter was fueled up and Max had no time for long ques at airports.
'And that space shuttle crap going marc 5, where did you get that nonsense from?'
I was trying my hand at Sci-Fi, I said.
I also suggested we take Mary with us.
She needed to be broken in, with a mission.
'Might just have one up my sleeve for her,' said Max.
An emergency.
'Everything is on hold until we sort out a domestic issue, a special request from the Ministry of Mitigation.'
I could just imagine and we did have the technology to deflect Tsunamis.
Never tested before in the mainstream, Jack had been perfecting it on the nearby beaches.
The invention was basically a net that can harness the power of waves by redirecting it to a safer place. Small explosion packs, attached to a large floating net, could deflect any tidal wave threatening mankind.
Jack never patented it.
He knew it would never see the day of light if he did.
But the small explosions countered the shock wave causing the freakish waves and sent the same wave back, safely out to the Indian ocean where it belonged.