by Emma Nichols
“Family law.” I grinned. “There’s some job security. I couldn’t go that route. What the hell do I know about family?”
“One bad experience doesn’t make you a loser, much like one good experience wouldn’t make you an expert,” Elizabeth chided. “Give yourself a break.”
“Like you’re giving me a break? Somehow, I look at you and, though I want one, I feel like I don’t deserve it.” I shook my head. “I don’t think I’ve ever been good enough for you. You were always so bright, so driven, all heart.”
She sighed. “Yes. I think you saw that heart as my biggest flaw, a weakness.”
I chose my words carefully. “I think we went our separate ways for a reason. I think there was a time when I thought we could be more, and might have been, but…” I shook my head.
“But what?” Her eyes widened. “Say it. Tell me what changed.”
For some reason, even though the moment when I fell for Sable and she became the clear choice in my eyes should’ve been private, I wanted to share it with Elizabeth. I guess I felt like I should explain, like I owed her, because after that night, we never spoke again. Until now. I’d promised my then-future wife I’d stop hanging around her, avoid temptation at all costs. Soon after I asked her to marry me and sealed our pact. Maybe I wanted to apologize for letting that one night sway me when I should’ve looked at the bigger picture. Only the minute I opened my mouth, the rain started.
Elizabeth
* * *
Weather in the south is different from anything I ever experienced when I lived up north. The heat is more intense. The cold is somehow not nearly as cold. And the precipitation is an event. We both looked up at the sky and laughed.
“Back to the party?” I suggested. For the first time all day, I was actually wetter than I had been from the pool.
“What? It’s just a drizzle. Haven’t you heard? We’re supposed to learn to dance in the rain.” He grabbed my hand and twirled me around.
For once, I was seeing a side of him that I hadn’t known existed. In law school, we were both so serious. We were always surrounded by others, never alone together. And when I thought we were about to get our chance, he disappeared entirely. To this day, I still had no idea why. I wanted answers, but did I want them more than I wanted to savor the life we could build now? We were different people. We were all grown up and established. We knew what we wanted from life. Okay, I knew what I wanted, but I felt like he was figuring it out, like he was finally taking a step in the right direction. Or maybe I was just vain enough to think that his steps should all lead to me. I wanted him to want this like I did.
As he spun me around, the sarong slapped against my legs and stuck. We both looked at it and laughed. He pulled me into his arms. “You dance divinely,” he murmured. “We should do that…go out in public, dance a little.”
I inhaled sharply. Was he really asking me out on a date? I didn’t know how to respond. My legs seemed to give out and I realized I’d slipped off the soft shoulder of the road.
“Are you okay?” He pulled me back onto the street, his brow furrowed with worry as he spread open my sarong like curtains so he could examine my ankle. “Does this hurt?”
I shook my head. “I’m fine. Really. I’m tougher than I look, stronger than you’d think.”
“I doubt that,” Leo mumbled as he ran his hands up my thighs while he stood again. “You never fail to surprise me, Elizabeth.” He pressed his lips to my forehead. “I think that we maybe should forgo the dancing in the rain thing…for safety reasons.”
“Maybe some other time?” I grinned as I pushed some loose hair out of my face and back toward the ponytail it had escaped from. “We should go back, get under the covered patio at least.”
“I suppose. It’s barely a trickle,” Leo complained as the water began to rain down harder.
“This stings,” I noted. “Are we sure it’s not hail?”
We both glanced around as the drops slammed into the earth and bounced up off the road. “Not yet. Just to be safe…” Leo reached out, hauled me over his shoulder and started running back to Avery’s house.
“We can’t show up like this,” I argued as my breasts bounced against his shoulder.
“Why not? I don’t want you to slip and fall in those pretty little flip flops you’re wearing. I’m being chivalrous.” He chuckled.
“All the blood is rushing to my head,” I complained. “I’m light-headed.”
“Are you sure it’s not the closeness?” He teased me. “You know, I’ve been told I have that effect on women.”
“Were you holding a rag laced with chloroform at the time?” I retorted.
Leo laughed. “You’re really clever. I like that.”
“Seriously. You should let me walk,” I urged.
“Liz, what’s the problem here?” He paused for a moment, waiting for me to make a sound argument.
“For one, my ass is in the air,” I explained. “I can’t show up at the party like that.”
“I’ll set you down first, I promise. And then we’ll make S’mores.” He turned and I realized we were already back at the house.
We’d barely mounted the front steps when DeSean’s voice boomed. “That’s no way to carry a lady.”
“I told you,” I grumbled as Leo slid me down into his arms, like one would cradle a baby. My cheeks burned from embarrassment. I could barely meet his eyes and I avoided DeSean’s altogether.
“Is this better?” he asked DeSean as he held me on the porch outside the front door.
I could feel my heart racing in my chest. Water slid down my face from my hair. As much as I wanted to wipe it away, I wanted to hold onto Leo more.
“Much better. Now put her down, Leo.” DeSean urged.
I gnawed on the inside of my cheek. Being in Leo’s arms, held tight against his chest with my hands around his neck, felt pretty nice and natural. As many times as I’d imagined this in the past, it couldn’t compete with the reality of this moment.
“I’m telling you, Leo, don’t carry her over a threshold like that until you mean it.” Something in his tone had me finally looking at DeSean. His eyes were wide, his jaw set, and I could see he was serious.
“Obviously, this means a lot to you,” Leo noted as he gradually lowered me to my feet. “So how do you feel about this?” In one fluid moment, he dipped me, then bent his head until his nose was millimeters from mine. I tilted my face and closed my eyes, waiting for our first kiss, which was more than five years in the making.
Leo didn’t disappoint. His lips brushed mine, gently at first, but I could feel the intensity building. My mouth opened slightly and our tongues danced. His arms tightened around me, while my fingers found his hair. This was everything I’d ever wanted in a kiss. Probably more. I couldn’t think. I couldn’t breathe. Feelings overwhelmed my senses. Finally, we broke apart and once I was upright again, I opened my eyes and met Leo’s questioning gaze. I smiled as a strange thought swirled in my mind. This guy. We’d only just had our first kiss, but I wanted him to be my last. His were the lips I wanted to find when I needed comfort, or love. His were the arms I wanted to be in for the rest of my life. More than anything, I wanted this to be our time. Too bad we couldn’t date until after the divorce.
“What do I think about that?” DeSean asked as he interrupted my reverie. “I think that is a step in the right direction.” He scowled at Leo. “Don’t fuck it up.”
5
Leo
* * *
My phone rang while I was still sucking down my first cup of coffee. I had a hard time falling asleep last night and worse time waking up. The last thing I felt like doing at the moment was being social. “Morning,” I grumbled into the phone.
“Greetings, sunshine.” DeSean chuckled. “So, Tegyn went crazy cooking this morning. We’ll have leftovers for days unless I can convince you and the family to join us.”
I blew out a breath. “It’s a really nice offer, D. Thanks for thinking of
us, but I’m not fit for public consumption this morning.”
“Lizzie said the same thing,” he noted.
This time, I inhaled sharply. “What about Liz?”
“Well, she spent the night at Pax and Avery’s last night because she stayed up late gossiping with her bestie over wine after you left.”
I leaned back in my chair and poured a few more Cheerios on Hudson’s high chair tray. “Is that so?”
“Yeah. It’s so.” DeSean snickered. “I told her I understood if she didn’t want to come over and she had to hurry home. Then I told her I had to get off the phone and call you.”
“So, what’d she say?” I stood and started pacing around the kitchen.
“She asked if I could let her know if you were going to come over. So, I told her I’d call you and call her right back. She’s waiting to hear from me right now.” DeSean sounded excited.
“Really?” I grinned.
“No. Not really.” He groaned. “I’m a grown-ass man. We don’t do this bullshit. I told her to drag her ass over here with her damn friends, just like I’m telling you. Don’t be a dick, Leo. See you in ten.” Then he ended the call abruptly.
My mother strolled into the room. “What would you like for breakfast?”
“We’ve been invited over to DeSean and Tegyn’s house. It’s around the corner, but with Hudson, we may want to drive.” I licked my lips. “We have ten minutes, so I guess we’d better go.”
She eyed me for a moment while she added sugar to the mug of coffee she’d just made. “And who else will be there?” she asked carefully.
“Yes, Mom. Liz will be there.” I could feel my ears grow warm and I knew I had to be blushing all over.
“Good,” she murmured over the rim of her mug. “I’ll throw on some makeup. We can be out of here in seven minutes.”
We pulled up at the house while DeSean was greeting Paxton, Avery, Liz, and the kids at the door. I’m pretty sure I made a damn fool of myself rushing to get Hudson out of his car seat.
“Calm down, son. She’s not going anywhere.” My mother grinned. “Why don’t you carry the bag and I’ll get your son before you break him?”
“I’d never hurt him.” I scowled.
“I’d never suggest you would intentionally, but I know how anxious you are about this girl. Normally, you’re so collected. I think that says something.” She eyed me as if she was waiting for me to make the connection.
Taking a deep breath, I nodded. “I’ll pull it together. Maybe some food to go with the coffee…”
“Yes.” My mother walked around the car and rested a hand on my forearm. “She likes you. I can tell. And why wouldn’t she?”
I licked my lips. “I messed up a long time ago, I think. That’s why she should hate me. I chose Sable over her.” Then I pulled Hudson from the car seat and rushed away before my mother could ask me any more questions and further my shame.
“Will you look at this?” My mother commented. “Do you do this every Sunday?”
Tegyn laughed and shook her head. “Mama Delta came to visit and spent the night so we could stay a little later last night.”
I grinned as Mama Delta came up from the walkout basement.
“Did I hear you talkin’ ‘bout me?” she asked as she eyed the lot of us gathered around the kitchen island. “And why you all standin’? Does my son not know how to take care of his guests?” She turned and shot a look at DeSean, who withered appropriately.
“Mama, they just arrived. We’ll grab food and drinks before we settle in the dining room. Why don’t you go first?” He gestured for her to start the buffet line they’d created on the oversized island.
“Nonsense. Guests first. Maybe you should start with this skinny white boy,” she suggested as she poked me in the ribs.
“Good to see you again, Mama Delta.” I opened my arms and hugged her. “This is my mother, Evelyn Ward.”
“I see you arrived with a grandbaby. We gonna get along just fine. You sit with me.” Mama Delta grinned.
We were soon all gathered around the table in the huge, sunny dining room. The conversation was easy. The kids were playing on the floor. And somehow I managed to get seated next to Liz.
“This French toast casserole is so good,” Liz commented. “I don’t suppose I can get the recipe?” She smiled at Tegyn.
“Absolutely. Before you leave today.” She glanced at Avery and they burst out laughing. I knew there had to be some kind of inside joke.
My mother looked at her and asked, “Do you cook, too?”
“Too?” Liz tilted her head.
“You’re a career woman and you still have time for domestic pursuits.” Mom smiled. I knew she didn’t mean anything by it, but I worried she’d offend Liz.
Instead, Liz smiled. “Well, I have to eat. I do bare minimum cooking. It’s in the baking department where I shine. I do things with brownies that would make you drool,” she joked.
“Good. You fatten that boy up,” Mama Delta urged.
“Aw, I don’t know. I like him just the way he is.” Liz smiled at me and tucked her hair behind her ear.
“I bet you’re a better cook than you think. Come on. Every woman has that one special dish.” My mother leaned in conspiratorially. “My husband loved these tomato dill pork chops I used to make.”
“I make a mean fried chicken,” Mama Delta announced.
Liz grew serious. She set down her fork. “There’s this one dish I have always made with love.” She reached for her mimosa and took a swig.
I could feel the tension in her. Without thinking, I laid a hand on her back and rubbed in a circular motion, hoping to provide some form of comfort for her.
She took a deep breath and threw her shoulders back. “It’s a chicken lasagna. I butterfly the boneless skinless chicken breasts and stuff them with a three cheese combination of ricotta, parmesan, and mozzarella. Then I shut them and bake them covered in sauce and buried under more mozzarella cheese.”
My hand stopped moving. I may have stopped breathing. “I ate that chicken,” I whispered hoarsely. I pushed my chair back from the table. “Would you excuse me for a moment? I need…air.” I bolted from the table and stumbled out the back door, shutting it more loudly than I intended. I made my way across the patio and kept walking until I hit the farthest reaches of the fenced in lawn. Then I growled, I cursed, I paced furiously. Something in me broke. The darkness felt like it would consume me until two arms wrapped around me and a head pressed against the back of my shoulder.
“It’s okay,” Liz whispered.
I gasped for breath as I struggled to hold in my emotions. Finally, I managed to choke out a few words. “No, it’s not. Help me understand.”
Elizabeth
* * *
“When I found out your grandfather died, I wanted to do something, to show you I cared, to be there for you when I couldn’t truly be there for you.” I inhaled deeply. “You were living in that house you’d rented off campus with a few of your buddies. We all knew each other. Remember?”
Leo nodded. “This much, I remember. I was in a lot of pain. My grandfather, who was my mom’s dad, he’d been more of a father to me than my actual father. When he died so unexpectedly and I had to race to New York, I felt alone.”
“We’d only talked, only studied together.” I released him so I could walk around and look him in the eyes while I told my side of the story. “I wanted more. I really did, but I wanted to help you heal too. So, I convinced the guys to let me in. I cleaned your room, changed your bed, did your laundry…all the things I thought would make life easier for you upon your return.” I took a step back and wrapped my arms around my body. It made me feel weak, the way I’d obviously been bullied.
“I’d been seeing Sable. Nothing serious. She was…” His cheeks colored.
“A friend with benefits. I know. She told me.” I shrugged. “Anyway…I bought groceries, I baked bread, and made brownies. I planned this meal, thinking you’d need it
after traveling all day. And…there’s not much wrong in the world that can’t be fixed with cheese and chocolate.”
He reached out and cupped my cheek. “Where’d you go? How’d Sable end up there, taking credit for everything?”
I could read the sorrow in his eyes and I worried over what he was thinking. “She burst in while I was finishing up the meal. She all but kicked me out. She told me you’d called and said you needed to speak to her, so I had to leave. She was furious to find me there to begin with.” I shook my head sadly. “I thought you’d chosen. So, I…left.”
Leo reached out and crushed me to his chest. “I had chosen. You’d been so wonderful, calling, texting, checking up on me. All Sable ever wanted to know was when I would be back. When we were going to go out again.” He pressed his lips to my temple and whispered, “I’d chosen you.”
I gasped and pulled out of his grasp just enough so I could look him in the eye, not that I could see, since my own were blurry with salty tears filled with regret. “I don’t understand.”
“I found her in the apartment. I saw everything…the cleaning, the groceries, the laundry, and the meal. She was opening a bottle of wine…”
“The pinot noir I selected, no doubt,” I grumbled.
With a nod, Leo continued. “And I thought she had done all that. She let me believe it. I thought maybe she just didn’t communicate well by phone, but her actions spoke volumes. They tipped the scale and I knew the woman who did all that for me was the one I wanted by my side forever.”
Tears rushed down my face and I struggled to speak. All I could manage was a head shake. “You never spoke to me again,” I whispered.
“I promised her I wouldn’t. You were a danger to our happiness, a distraction, so I promised I’d stay away.” He released me completely and backed away while holding his head. “Goddammit! How could she do this? How could I be so stupid?”