by Liz Czukas
“So, you see? People make assumptions about you no matter what you look like,” Zaina concludes.
“Amen to that.” Tyson holds his hand up for a fist bump. Zaina looks at it curiously for a second, then bumps, smiling. “You should try going into a store looking like me,” he says. “Everyone thinks I’m there to rob it.”
Of course the chatterbox center in my brain has something to add. “When I go into a store at the mall, someone always follows me because middle-class white girls are the biggest shoplifters.”
Tyson laughs. “Seriously?”
I nod, and so does Sammi. “I know it’s not the same thing, but . . .”
“That’s funny,” he says. “It’s not as bad as people crossing the street when they see you coming, but I feel you.” He leans into me for a moment, our shoulders touching.
“People don’t bother crossing the street when they see me coming,” Sammi says with a grin. “They’d rather be up close when they call me names.”
Considering we’re talking about racism and harassment, I can’t quite figure out why we’re all smiling. Maybe it’s just the fact that we’re all on the same page about something. Or maybe you just have to laugh at horrible things sometimes.
Zaina sighs. “Most people are kind, though. Don’t you think? The bad ones just stick in your mind so much longer.”
“I think that’s true for everyone,” Gabe says. “No matter who you are. When people are shitty to you, it can really mess you up.”
“Even if those people are your dad?” Sammi asks with an eyebrow raised. And just like that, the good humor drains from the group. Gabe holds her gaze, both of them still, like big cats facing off in the jungle.
Finally Gabe speaks, and his words sound a lot more casual than his tone. “Easy there. I think we’ve had enough warm fuzziness for now.”
Part of my brain had taken in the fact that the riding floor-scrubber sounds were getting closer, but it’s still something of a surprise when the night-crew guy rounds the end of the aisle on board the big gray machine. He looks just as startled to find us sitting on the floor in the Freezer section.
“Guess we’re done here,” Tyson says, rising to his feet.
“Thank God.” Gabe pushes off the cooler and lopes over to the janitorial cart to give it a shove toward the far end of the aisle.
Tyson extends a hand to Zaina, helping her to her feet, then does the same for me. I can’t tamp down the little thrill in my skin when he touches me. I whisper a thank-you and tuck my hands into my apron pockets as soon as I’ve got my balance. Never mind the fact that my head is swimming from the position change.
“Now what should we clean?” Micah asks.
“I want to know where the damn police are,” Sammi says.
Gabe smirks. “I thought you were all anticop. You weren’t going to let the man get your fingerprints and all that.”
“Whatever. I just want to get the hell out of here. I don’t care how it happens anymore.”
“Kris was up front before,” I remind her. “Maybe he knows something.”
“He’d better.” She takes the lead, striding down the aisle faster than I would have given her credit for at her height. The rest of us trail after her, me in the rear once again.
“Are you all right?” Micah asks me, slowing his pace to let me close the gap between us.
“I’m hungry,” I say. This is putting it mildly. And it’s not entirely accurate. I’m so far past the point of needing to eat that I’m slightly nauseated. This is bad. I have to do something about this soon. Very, very soon. I should tell someone, but now I feel like I’ve pushed past the point where I can tell anyone without revealing that I was trying to hide it. Which just makes the fact that I’ve been hiding it that much lamer. It’s a Catch-22 of idiocy.
Why can’t I just do what I need to do and not worry about it? Hear that, pancreas? I ask. Just do what you need to do.
It never listens.
My stomach growls again.
Micah glances at his watch. “I’m hungry, too.”
“This is taking longer than I thought.”
“Are you sure you’re all right?”
No. “I’m okay.”
But he doesn’t go back to his quicker pace, instead staying near me, and for that, I’m grateful.
Chapter 16
TEN SIGNS YOUR BLOOD SUGAR IS GETTING TOO LOW, OR RAISE YOUR HAND IF YOU HAVE ALL TEN OF THESE SYMPTOMS RIGHT NOW, CHLOE, YOU IDIOT
1. Shaking
2. Sweating
3. Sleepiness
4. Blurry vision
5. Heart palpitations
6. Confusion
7. Tingling in the hands, feet, or face
8. Difficulty speaking
9. Weakness
10. Fainting
Kris is still sitting in his Zen position on the powered-down conveyor belt when we get to the front of the store. I’m not sure if he’s lost in thought, or what, but he doesn’t move as we approach. And it’s not like we’re quiet about it.
He jumps when Gabe asks, “How much longer do we have to stay here, Kris? It’s Christmas Eve, man.”
“The cops should be here soon,” he says. His usual cheerful tone has gone flat. “They said this is a low-priority call, though.”
Gabe sighs loudly. “This sucks!”
“I still don’t get why Mr. Solomon’s keeping us and no one else,” Tyson says.
“I don’t get why Micah’s here at all,” Sammi says.
“It’s okay,” Micah says.
“But it’s Christmas Eve,” Gabe repeats.
“At least it’s not Christmas Day.”
“I’m going to miss dinner,” Tyson sighs. “And my grandma’s cooking.”
“My mom’s going to kill me,” I say. “And my brother came home from college today.”
“You guys, I don’t want to be here, either. Can you quit bitching at me?” Kris looks at us, and we fall silent. Then he shakes his head. “Sorry. I—can you all just go to the Break Room?”
“Don’t you want us to clean some more?” Micah asks, then winces when Gabe elbows him.
“No. Just go wait, okay?”
I study him as we file past to the Break Room, but I can’t get any solid clues as to what’s on his mind. He’s definitely not himself right now. Judging from the quiet among the others, they’re feeling it, too.
When we’re safely behind the heavy door to the Break Room, Sammi asks, “What’s up his butt?”
“I don’t know,” Gabe says. “But he is not happy right now.”
“He probably wants to go home, like we do,” Tyson says.
“Yeah . . .” Sammi looks at the door. “Maybe.”
I move past them and take a seat at one of the tables. I’m so worn out from washing all the glass. Not to mention our little race.
“What are we supposed to do now?” Micah asks.
“There’s nothing to do,” Sammi says.
“Sure there is,” Gabe counters.
“All right, then, what do you want to do?” she asks.
THINGS GABE WANTED TO DO THAT COULDN’T BE DONE
1. Play poker. (No cards, no chips, no money.)
2. Plan a prison-style escape. (No windows, only one door, no skills that would be useful in a prison break.)
3. Eat. (Nothing in the staff refrigerator but a can of Diet Coke with someone else’s name on it.)
4. Watch hilarious videos on YouTube. (Work computers block all social networking sites; cell network service is crappy in the store.)
5. Play basketball. (No basket, no ball.)
THINGS GABE WANTED TO DO THAT COULD BE DONE
1. Play Name That Tune using everyone’s playlists.
“How can you not know this song?” Gabe demands, making his phone dance at Sammi. An upbeat song with a driving guitar line wails at us from its tiny speaker. “They only play it on the radio, like, five times a day.”
“Which is why I don’t listen to the r
adio,” she says.
“It’s like you’re deliberately ignoring the culture of your own generation,” he says.
“Culture?” She raises her eyebrow. “Please.”
“I don’t know the song, either,” Micah says.
Their voices stretch like taffy in my head, making my eyes water. I look down, and the room takes a moment to catch up with me.
Oh crap.
“Try this.” Sammi cranks the volume on her own phone, trying to drown out Gabe’s pop song with something more electronica. “This is music!” she shouts over the din.
“Sounds like a bunch of noise.” Gabe sticks his finger in his ear, wincing.
“You’re both crazy.” Tyson jumps into the fray. “Neither of you know what real music sounds like.”
“And I suppose you do?”
Sweat prickles my back. Experimentally, I lift my hands off my knees and feel them both jittering madly. This is so not good. I glance at my watch, but the numbers seem to dance and I can’t be sure of the time. My insulin pump is still merrily dumping insulin into my bloodstream, and I don’t have any food in my system to take the hit.
This is so, so, so bad.
Suddenly the painful mix of Sammi’s and Gabe’s songs cuts off and Tyson brings up one of his own. I think I recognize the song, but my ears won’t make sense of it. Like I can’t be bothered to understand the words, even though they’re in English.
So. Not. Good.
I look around the spinning room. The trays of Christmas cookies I’d so carefully avoided are gone. I already know there’s nothing in the refrigerator. This is nuts. It’s a grocery store, for God’s sake. The place is full of food. But there’s nothing in the Break Room. With the store closed tomorrow, Agnes probably went on one of her cleaning sprees and tossed everything that could spoil.
I’m screwed. Shutting off my pump is the only answer, and it’s not even a good answer. I have to go back to the bathroom to do it in private, and I’m pretty sure I can’t make it that far. My blood sugar is tanking, fast. I can feel it with each droplet of sweat forming on my temples. Looking up, spots dance in front of my eyes.
“Does anyone have any juice?” I ask.
No one hears me over the sound of Tyson’s song, and Gabe and Sammi’s loud argument.
I try again, but my voice can’t push much past a mumble.
Zaina notices me and tilts her head like a curious dog.
“I need juice,” I say.
“What?” She leans closer.
I shake my head as best I can.
“Would you three be quiet?” she says loudly, startling the others into silence. Then she turns back to me. “What did you say?”
“I need juice,” I say.
“No shit, I’m hungry, too,” Sammi says. “They can’t keep starving us like this.”
Tyson gets up to open the small refrigerator where employees are allowed to keep their lunches. We looked in it earlier, so I know he knows it’s pointless, but he does it anyway. “Still just the Diet Coke in here,” he says. “Whose initials are these, anyway?”
I shake my head. “I need sugar.”
“I totally agree. That diet crap is worthless,” Gabe agrees.
“No . . . I . . . need sugar.” I lean forward, pressing my hot cheek to the tabletop.
“Are you all right?” Zaina asks.
I try to shake my head again, but it doesn’t work very well. It’s so unbearably hot in the room that everything seems hard. A high-pitched whining starts in my ears.
“Chloe?” Someone’s hand lands on my back.
“Chloe, are you okay?” The voice sounds distorted and slow.
I try to tell them I need some sugar right away, but the words won’t come.
“Chloe?” The voice is closer now. Much closer. I open my eyes and find Tyson looking at me from just inches away. “What’s wrong?”
“Diabetic,” I whisper.
“You’re diabetic?” he asks.
I nod as much as I can.
His eyes go wide. “Are you high or low?” he asks.
Low. My mouth forms the shape of the word, but I can’t make any sound come out.
“We need to get her something to eat. Now.” He stands, and I find myself staring at his pants. I close my eyes.
Their voices whirl around me, too fast to keep track, and then someone is lifting me by the shoulders. My head comes last, like it’s stuck to the tabletop with glue.
“God, she’s covered in sweat,” a voice says.
“Chloe? Open your mouth.”
My tongue makes a clicking sound when I open. I feel something against my lips and struggle to open my eyes. Tyson again.
“Hey!” He smiles encouragingly. “I’m going to put this on your tongue.”
Suddenly, I feel something grainy fall into my mouth. Deep in my jaw, something twinges in reaction to the pure sweetness. It’s a packet of sugar. When the tiny avalanche of crystals stops, I close my mouth, willing the glucose to go straight to my blood.
“Another?” Tyson asks, shaking one of the little packets.
I nod once and then his fingers are on my jaw, steadying me as he brings the paper envelope to my lips.
“Is this going to work?” Zaina asks.
“Yeah, but it’ll take a few minutes.”
“What should we do?” Micah asks. “Should I call nine-one-one?”
Adrenaline powers me to gasp out, “No!”
“She’ll be okay,” Tyson says. “Let’s lie her down.”
Zaina wrinkles her nose. “On the floor?”
“I don’t see another option, do you?”
“We should at least spread out some coats or something.”
My head is propped against somebody’s body. Not sure who or what part of them I’m leaning against, but it’s easier to let it rest there with my eyes closed while I wait for the hit of sugar to do its job. It’s not going to be enough, but it’s a start.
“Chloe.” Tyson’s voice again. My stomach flutters, but I don’t think I’m going to puke this time. “Come on, let’s lay you down.” He hooks me under the armpits, and the world tilts crazily and then I’m lying on the floor, with a slim layer of parkas beneath me. There’s something lumpy under my lower back, but I don’t have the energy to rearrange it.
“Chloe? Are you okay?” Zaina’s voice.
I struggle to open my eyes and fight for focus while two Zainas stretch out and snap back together.
“I’m okay.” My voice is choked with the unfamiliar coating of sugar in my throat.
“What do you need?” Gabe’s face pops into view, upside down. I roll my eyes up to see him.
“My monitor,” I croak. “In my locker.”
Can this really be happening? All the time I spent not talking about my diabetes, and now I’m in the middle of a hypoglycemic attack on the floor of the Break Room?
“What’s your combination?” Sammi asks from across the room.
I think hard, my fingers moving with muscle memory as I bring the combination up from the depths of my brain. I tell her the three numbers and hear the telltale clunks of the lock releasing and the door opening. It takes a little back and forth, but she finds the meter in my bag and brings it to me.
“I can do it,” Tyson says when I reach for it with violently shaking hands.
“No—” I start, but he cuts me off.
“My grandma has diabetes. I’ve done this a million times. This is one of the arm ones, right?”
I nod.
He’s gentle as he pushes back my sleeve. A few seconds later there’s a slight pinch from the lancet and then the feathery pressure of the test strip against my skin. He’s going to be a fantastic vet someday. I open my eyes again, finding everyone that I can see focused intently on the meter. The electronic beep announces a result.
“Forty-two,” Gabe reads. “What does that mean?”
“It means she needs more food.”
It means I was in dangerous territor
y before the sugar. Way too low. It’s a miracle I didn’t pass out completely.
“Well, let’s get her some freaking food,” Sammi says.
“The fridge is empty,” Tyson reminds her.
“It’s a grocery store; I’m sure we can find something,” she retorts. I don’t have to see her to know she’s rolling her eyes.
“I’ll go with you,” Gabe says. “What do you want, Chloe? Cookies or something?”
“She needs protein, not sugar,” Tyson says.
“Wait. What?” Sammi says.
“Protein?” Tyson says slowly.
“A turkey sandwich,” I whisper. “Sugar-free yogurt . . . some cheese or . . .”
“Too complicated,” Sammi declares. “We’ll just bring you along.”
“What?” I crane my neck, trying to see her. The sugar is already starting to work and my eyes can focus a lot better. The ringing in my ears is quieting, too.
“She’s shaking like crazy,” Tyson says. “She can’t move.”
Sammi frowns. “Fine, we’ll put her in a cart.”
Chapter 17
TOP TEN MOST ANNOYING THINGS PEOPLE SAY WHEN THEY FIND OUT I HAVE DIABETES
10. “Wow, you don’t look like you have diabetes!”
9. “I bet you miss sugar.”
8. “I thought only old people got diabetes.”
7. “Oh my God, I couldn’t poke myself! I hate needles!”
6. “How do you get rid of it?”
5. “Is your foot going to fall off?”
4. “Aww, it must be because you’re so sweet!”
3. “Does it bother you when people eat cake in front of you?”
2. “Is it the bad kind?”
1. “But diet soda’s so bad for you!”
The cart is padded with coats, but it’s still not exactly comfortable. The child seat is digging into my shoulders, and there’s no good way to arrange my legs. But the others are so pleased with themselves, I’m not about to complain.
It took some fancy talking on Sammi’s part to convince Kris I didn’t need an ambulance when she ran out to bring a cart back to the Break Room, but he cooperated. Not only that, he told us to take what we needed and not worry about the cost. The registers are closed, but as Sammi pointed out, nobody wants to be responsible for sending a minor to the hospital because they wouldn’t give her any food in a grocery store.