Leaving Salt Lake City

by Matthew Timion

  I kept talking to Courtney on the phone, glad to hear her voice. I was so happy I could talk to her again, even if she was in San Francisco and I was in Salt Lake City. She still was my dream girl. I hated that it had taken so much for me to see her for who she was, and I hated that I was way too late to do anything about it.

  | FIFTY FOUR |

  Karma

  May 2012

  It was May 20th and an eclipse was going to be visible in Utah. The sun was supposed to be 90% covered. I prepared for Manny and I to see this once in a lifetime event together.

  The eclipse began. Slowly. It was only 10% covered but it began.

  Manny and I went outside with our viewfinders from the planetarium. The entire neighborhood was outside waiting to see.

  We went down the street to a friend’s house to watch the eclipse with all of our children together. A man across the street was looking at the sky wearing a welding mask. I kept holding the viewfinder up to my eyes to take a look.

  I had missed Halley's Comet when I was in grade school. It came and went while I slept. I did not want Manny to miss an almost total eclipse.

  And then the sun began to be almost entirely covered by the moon. Manny and his friends all took turns looking into the viewfinder. Some of them had homemade contraptions made from shoeboxes and tinfoil to view the eclipse.

  It was breathtaking.

  As I watched two giant celestial bodies cross paths, my mind was heavy with Courtney and our past relationship. The relationship we had years before never really had a chance.

  Things were moving along with us, and although our phone conversations were only a new addition to our friendship, I was optimistic. I never stopped loving her after all of these years. I had recently told her that she was the one that got away. I knew it was true. If any woman in this world was “the one,” it was her. I had messed it up years ago. Just like the sliver of the sun poking through from behind the moon, I felt fortunate that I had a sliver of a shot with her. It was an opportunity I was not treating lightly, and one that I would not give up on.

  Viewing the eclipse, my world shifted into focus.

  We were all so small compared to the sun and the moon. If we were so small and insignificant, what did life matter? What was the point? I had been trying and trying and trying to make something work since Jessica had left. Anything. All that life handed me was more despair. Nothing was working.

  And then it all snapped into place. As I was looking at the eclipse through the viewfinder, I couldn’t help but think of the only person I wish I had been with to share it. It was Courtney.

  What mattered to me was the life I wanted to live and the person I wanted to share it with. What mattered to me was the pain I had caused her, and how something like that could never happen again. What mattered to me was how much I missed her in my life and how I could never let her go again.

  That day a celestial event happened, and the truth is that it wasn’t unique. Eclipses happen all of the time. But for one moment, for one singular second of heavenly bodies intersecting and making me realize how small we all were, I had no choice but to learn life can be meaningless, unless you give it meaning. Courtney was it. She had always been it. It was as clear to me as the crisp shadows on the ground. It was as bright to me as the sun in it’s full glory.

  The eclipse passed and the novelty wore off, but I remained affected. The perspective I had gained made me want to see the world, my world, through those lenses for the rest of my life.

  I threw away the viewfinder because I have little reason to stare at the sun again. What I gained that day, a little perspective about the important things in my life, was something I’ve thought about every day since.

  “I love you,” Courtney told me. We had been talking on the phone every night for weeks. It was late May of 2012. I was visiting my family in Las Vegas due to some unforeseen family issues. The entire situation was horrible and stressful to all of us. “I love you, Matt,” she said again. She already knew how I felt about her. She knew that I never stopped loving her. Her feelings were coming around too. We both loved each other.

  I spent my days elated. Happiness was something that was easily accessible now. The rejection by Michelle was no longer on my mind. Why would it be? I had someone better. I had someone that I had wanted for so long. I had a second chance. Well, it was a third chance, and it was a chance I was not going to mess up. Had I never reached out to her and apologized my third shot with her would not have been possible. The fruits of my actions were starting to become abundant. Good things really do happen to people who try to do the right thing.

  My normally plush garden was filled with weeds. My backyard was full of sticks and wood, and I didn’t care. Courtney was coming soon to see me for our lunch date. She was falling for me again, and I wouldn’t let anything get in the way. She was all that I wanted, and if it meant me and Manny moving to San Francisco to be near her I was going to do it. Salt Lake City was had worn out its welcome with me.

  Courtney visited in June, and then she visited again that month for my coworker’s wedding.

  “What I really want,” she told me one night on the phone, “is to end up in Chicago again. By this time next year I want to be in Chicago.”

  “I would like that too,” I replied. Suddenly my life had direction again. I needed to get out of Salt Lake City and get back to my roots. I needed to be closer to my family and the friends I had had since I was ten years old. It was time for a real change, and knowing that Courtney was going to be a part of it made my potential future that much better.

  At first I started thinking that I would wait until April of 2013 to move to Chicago, which was when my company offered it’s annual bonus. After a week or so of contemplating my options, however, I decided I needed to start looking for a way out right away. I figured I could start applying for jobs in Chicago and if I couldn’t find anything I would be in the same situation I was in at the moment, I had nothing to lose.

  After applying for just a few jobs in Chicago I was surprised by the response I received. I started receiving calls from giant companies all over the country. I received calls from Home Depot, Walgreens, Sears, Adobe, and Apple. I started to feel pretty important again. I felt desired.

  Courtney and I both went back to Illinois for the fourth of July where we introduced each other to our respective families. Things between us were difficult, especially considering the distance and our history. We were both determined to make it work. It was during this trip that I drove up to Chicago and had a number of job interviews. I walked into one interview thinking it was not going to be a good match for me. And then I walked in the door. It was perfect. The people were perfect. The environment was perfect. They thought I was perfect too. They gave me a job offer on the spot.

  I had two weeks to get my affairs in order. My new job wanted me to spend a week in Chicago for on-the-job training. They were going to fly me to Chicago and pay for my hotel. I felt like a rock star.

  I had had no idea that my skillset and experience would elicit so much praise and attention. I still had to deal with selling the house and paying off my delinquent debts. Somehow though, it all made sense. Somehow I was going to do it. I had just enough money to retain a lawyer to file for bankruptcy. That was my plan. Wipe the slate clean and start over.

  But I had to do it just right. I couldn’t just leave. I had to tell Jessica. I had to give her proper notice. Jessica had just moved to Arizona because Vince had changed military bases. This meant Jessica was closer to me and Manny. Her being closer was something I wasn’t okay with.

  Luckily though we were moving far away.

  Jessica was talking about taking Manny for a month during the summer. The visit was supposed to happen every year. This time Manny’s visit would be to Arizona, and when Manny went to see Jessica and Vince, he would fly out with his step-sister who also lived in Utah.

  I would have loved to have protested the visit but I could not. It was her legal right
to take Manny. I needed the break. I needed alone time to just be an individual. I needed to get ready for my move - our move - away from Salt Lake City and all that had caused me pain over the years.

  We went to the airport. My plans for the summer included my first week at my new job in Chicago and a trip out to San Francisco to see Courtney. Without Manny's trip to Arizona, I would not have been able to do any of those things. I put Manny on the plane and met Vince’s ex-wife for the first time. I saw Manny’s step-sister, who I had not seen since she had come over to my house with Vince for Easter years before.

  The plane took off and I went home sad. I hated it when Manny was away, even if it meant I could get so much accomplished. Courtney called me. I cried to her about my son being gone. She wanted to see me. She had booked a flight to come out to Utah so she and I could just have some time to ourselves without Manny. She was doing everything she could to make “us” work.

  Jessica had called me to tell me that the flight was diverted due to weather conditions. I wouldn’t know when Manny landed in Phoenix for a few hours more. Courtney and I planned our childless weekend together. The phone rang again. It was Vince’s ex-wife. I had to get off of the phone with Courtney and answer the call.

  “This is Alison. Did you get a call?" She sounded upset.

  “Oh, the flight was diverted." I assumed she was calling about the flight being diverted because of weather. There was no other reason for her to be calling me.

  “No, Matt, from the police." I went into panic mode. Why would the police be calling me? What happened? Alison quickly gave me the phone number of the police officer who had called her. I called right away.

  “My name is Matt Timion. I am told I needed to call you.”

  “Yes, My name is Officer Smith. Do you know a Jessica Jacobs?”

  “That is my ex-wife.”

  “She came to pick up your son at the airport completely intoxicated. We would like your permission to send your son back on the next flight.”

  It looked like Karma was affecting more than me.

  | FIFTY FIVE |

  Download Spiral

  July 2012

  “I’m calling just to apologize to you. Matt. I’m sorry for what is happening." It was Vince on the phone. “I just want to call to apologize for Jessica’s actions. I am sorry." At least he was man enough to take some responsibility for his crazy wife, Manny’s mother.

  Just thirty minutes before Vince had called I was on the phone with Officer Smith. He was explaining the situation to me.

  “This is just nuts,” Officer Smith said, “I’ve never had to deal with anything like this before." In the background I heard Jessica alternating between yelling and sobbing. “My husband is in the parking garage!”

  “Do you understand what is happening here?" The officer in the background asked her.

  “Wait, what? Can we leave now?" It sounded like Jessica didn’t even know where she was.

  “We’re sending the kids back home to Utah." The officer’s voice was stern and unwavering as if he were telling a three-year-old that eating toothpaste was not a good idea.

  “I’m not drunk!” She started sobbing again. “What’s going on? My husband is in the parking garage waiting for us." Officer Smith told me they had sent a patrol car to the parking garage in search of Vince. He was nowhere to be found. His absence surprised me since Jessica had told me just weeks before that Vince was going to take the entire summer off to spend with Manny and his daughters.

  From: Jessica Jacobs

  To: Matthew Timion

  Sent: Wednesday, July 11, 2012 12:27 PM

  Hi Matt,

  Here are the details for Manny's flight. He'll be flying unaccompanied this Saturday. We have him sitting next to Sarah on the way down and I'll pick them up in Phoenix. Percy will be down a few days later because of her band activities. We have a BBQ set for Sunday with my Dad & Beth, my uncle Dan and family, and some neighbors that Manny might remember from Alabama (John-John and Lauren) as well as some new neighbors. We had a delay with housing on post, they just got us in and delivered the household goods as of yesterday. We have a playground directly behind our house and all the neighbors seem to congregate there in the evenings. There are TONS of kids and the adults are very nice and social. Manny is going to have a great time :) And, Vince will be on leave for the entire time Manny is here, so we have a lot of stuff planned... observatory, wildlife, hiking, biking, pool, etc...

  Hope your Illinois trip was fun, call/email if you have any questions or concerns.

  Jessica

  “Sir,” I interrupted the police officer while he was talking with Jessica. “I have primary custody of my son. I want him back now."

  “Wait, you have primary custody? Why?" This was a common question I received. Why would a man have primary custody of a child? In hindsight I should have responded with, “Well, look at her,” but instead I told him our entire history. I’m sure he really didn’t want to hear it. “You have primary custody, are you certain?”

  “I can email you the divorce decree right now.”

  “Okay, I’m going on record right now acknowledging that you’re telling me you have primary custody of your son." He turned the phone away and spoke to Jessica, “I’m talking to your ex-husband, and he says he has custody of your son. We’re sending him back to Utah.”

  “Noooo!” She screamed. “I have custody. My son was only visiting his dad for a little while.”

  “Are you certain you have custody?" He was asking me again. Understandably he had to do this to be thorough. I told him again that I would email the divorce decree at a moment’s notice if he needed it. “We’re sending them back,” he told the other officer.

  I hung up the phone. Everything I had planned for the summer was looking like it wouldn’t happen. It was all going to be ruined because Jessica couldn’t stay sober long enough to drive the children back from an airport. I just couldn’t shake that woman. She was going to keep ruining my plans and Manny’s life as long as she continued breathing.

  Officer Smith called me back later that evening to tell me that Jessica had been charged with Child Neglect. They then put her in a cab to go to a hotel. I wished they had arrested her. This was going to be the proof I needed if the charges stuck.

  ***

  Months later I was able to procure the police report. Jessica apparently was escorted down to the lobby to get a cab. The police officer noticed that she had urinated herself during all of the commotion. She was put in a cab to go sleep off the alcohol in a hotel. While the police were writing their report, they received a call about a drunk woman walking around the parking garage trying to get into her red Dodge Durango. The police sent out a patrol car and found Jessica sitting in her car. Since she had no keys in her hand they could not charge her with DUI. The police did, however, send her to a drunk tank for the night.

  ***

  I spoke with Vince’s ex-wife Allison and we both knew where we would be that evening. We went to the airport to pick up our kids. We sat next to each other in the terminal and compared war stories. “Vince knows she’s crazy Matt. He sat me and my husband down one day and told us about everything she’s done. We told him to run and that she was nuts. He told us, ‘What you’re telling me is exactly what people with three letters after their name have told me, but I love her.’”

  Vince knew she was crazy. He knew knew about her mental imbalance going into the marriage. He knew she was unfaithful, a pathological liar, and a severe alcoholic. He knew she was capable of everything she had just done to both our children. He still let Jessica drive four hours to pick up my son and his daughter knowing what could happen. Vince knew that Jessica would be attracted to alcohol like a moth to a flame and could never be left alone.

  Alison told me that she didn’t really know Jessica too well though. “What about Christmas when they stayed at your house?" I remembered Manny, Vince, and Jessica stayed with her just six months before.

  “They
didn’t stay with us. Vince wanted to but Jessica didn’t. They stayed in a hotel." Over the years I had wondered why someone would lie about having stillborn babies, working for the CIA, or being a professional mixed martial arts fighter. The kind of person who lies about those things is the same kind of person who lies about having custody or where she was sleeping for a few days. Deception was as much a part of her daily life as drinking four cups of coffee a day was to mine.

  Earlier that evening I had tried to call Jessica’s father when I initially heard what was happening at the airport. My call went straight to voicemail. I found out later that Jessica had called her dad completely drunk while at the airport bar. Instead of protecting his grandchild from being driven home by a drunk woman, he turned off his phone. Jessica’s family had always viewed her bout with motherhood as nothing more than a phase or a show she was putting on. Manny was merely a prop to show off to other people. She wasn’t a real mother, and as a result Manny wasn’t really part of her family. Her father’s indifference was proof of how little Manny meant to him.

  The plane landed and except for a few janitors Alison and I were the only people in the terminal. Our kids were the first off of the plane. Manny’s step-sister was crying. Her eyes were swollen, and she was still sobbing. She had witnessed the entire altercation between crazy-drunk Jessica and the police. She was terrified. Manny looked at me confused. He thought I had called the police and asked for him to be sent back as if I suddenly changed my mind about his summer trip. “Why am I back, Dad? I want to see my mom." Manny had sat in the police station at the airport while his mother yelled and slurred her speech, but he had no idea what had happened. He had witnessed her stumbling all over herself and being confused about what was happening. Manny had zero comprehension of what it all meant. If you think telling your child Santa Claus isn’t real is difficult, try explaining to your nine year old that his mother got drunk and messed up their summer.