This wasn’t Nick’s scene. Not in the least. But he liked the DIY aesthetic behind most of what he saw in the fliers and the merch. Some of the people in the crowd reminded him of the old indie scene he used to frequent but hadn’t since moving for his PhD. Instead of most of the crowd praising Social Distortion or Anti-Flag with patches on their backpacks, most of the kids here were covered in rainbows or badges for bands like Grimes and Sleigh Bells. Nick felt a bit off-kilter in his punk T-shirt and tight skinny jeans, but no one paid him any mind. Once he walked beyond the bouncer, and he was more immersed in live music, it was just like coming home.
Over the Empire’s logo of a tower cut in half by a lightning bolt was displayed behind them. They were about halfway through their set, judging by how much sweat was on their foreheads. The singer kept her face close to the mic, singing so fast most of what she was saying could have been considered slam poetry. People moshed in the crowd, but most of them were pressed close to the band, reaching out their hands, until the woman grasped onto them. The bass player stage-dived at one point, causing the keytar player to take over both instruments. Nick hung around the back, where the bar was, without drinking. The other people around him bobbed their heads along to the music. This wasn’t like a club where most people were here to have a new place to drink. These people genuinely wanted to see the bands and be a part of the show.
All around where Nick looked, though, he still didn’t see Katie. He ordered himself a Coke, since it was the cheapest thing at the bar, and sunk back and waited for Over the Empire’s set to complete.
“Thank you,” the singer said after another five minutes. Her hair was matted to her forehead, dense curls even darker against her skin. “We’ve had a wonderful time, Toronto. Please give it up for the Hellcats after a short break. Come buy merch. Please! Some of it glows in the dark! Come see.”
As the band left the stage, the crowd lulled a bit. Those at the front didn’t leave their prime spot, but many of the moshers dispersed. In between two girls in baby-pink vests with spikes sewn on the back, Nick caught a glimpse of a white leather jacket he was starting to think was more like the white rabbit from Alice in Wonderland. Nick finished his Coke in two swallows and made his way towards the jacket.
“Katie?” Nick touched the woman lightly on her elbow. She jerked away at first, glancing over her shoulder with a fierce expression that melted when she recognized him.
“Nick!” Katie’s face lit up. Her voice seemed different now; hoarser almost. Probably from singing along. Her bangs were wet with sweat, some of her lipstick and eye makeup running slightly. She seemed to feel her mascara clumping under her eyes and quickly ran a finger to touch it up. “Oh, no. How bad do I look?”
“You don’t,” Nick said. “You look like you’re having fun.”
She gave him a now-familiar smile. “I’m so glad you came. Your thing finish early?”
“More or less. I have to say, when you invited me, I wasn’t expecting this type of show.”
She placed a hand on her hip with sass. “Oh? What were you expecting?”
“More . . . punk.”
“And this isn’t punk?”
“I don’t know of any punk bands with a keytar.”
“Oh, that’s it.” Katie pushed her still-damp hair over her shoulders. “We’re going to have to have a talk after this show. You have clearly been missing out on stuff.”
“Hey, I have the most important bands covered, right? The Bouncing Souls.”
“Yes, but you can’t live in the nineties. Or eighties, as much as you want to.”
Nick was about to call her out on her own aesthetic—wasn’t half of her wardrobe based on some dated Sassy magazine spread?—when the house lights were lowered again. Katie reached out and grabbed his arm, her smile lopsided.
“Fuck, I wanted to go to the bathroom before they started. Now I’ll miss the show.”
“I can hold your spot,” Nick said.
She gave him a doubtful glance. “I doubt it. Besides, I should hang around with you now since you came for me.”
“I came for the music . . .”
She squeezed his arm knowingly. “And yet, you stay at the back, drinking at the bar before scaring the daylights out of me by grabbing my elbow. So, come on. Get over yourself because we’re going to dance. I’ll show you what punk can be like with a keytar.”
Nick’s mouth felt dry. The crowd surged as the music crescendo’d, knocking their bodies together. The bass and the guitar—and yet another keytar—appeared on stage, and the familiar hums of a concert beginning filled his ears. Katie looked up at him with her wide, blue-green eyes, a silent question in them. As skeptical as Nick was, he didn’t want to miss this.
“Okay. So what are you going to show me?”
“Shh!” Katie pressed a finger to his lip, then turned her attention towards the crowd. “You have to wait and see.”
The lead singer of the Hellcats, a tall woman with long blonde hair, got on stage and placed a foot high up on an amplifier. Her thick-heeled boots were impressive; even Nick could see it took a lot of practice to walk—and play a show—in anything so daring. She surveyed the crowd, and then seemed to catch someone’s eye. She blew them a kiss—and Nick was surprised when Katie beside him seemed to catch the kiss, and returned it.
He glanced around the audience, wondering if anyone else tried to “catch” the gesture, but it was only Katie. She was definitely the recipient of the kiss. Nick felt a sudden jolt of jealousy run through him. Why? It’s not like you want her.
“All right, Toronto,” the lead singer began. “I’m Maria. And we are the Hellcats. Pick your partner to your left, and let the revolution begin.”
“Revolution?” Nick laughed. “Through keytars and blinding neons?”
“Oh no,” Katie said. “Revolution as in . . .”
The band shifted into a new song, one that was built around a sampled track from something else. Nick laughed as soon as he realized it was the lead-in music to the chorus for the song “You Spin Me Round” by Dead or Alive. Katie, along with a couple of other women in the back, started to spin around like Maria requested. Maria and one of the guitarists spun together, encouraging the crowd as the sample track played over and over.
Nick tried to stifle his laughter for several moments before it came bursting forth. Not even his attempt to impress Katie could keep his guffaws tame.
“What’s so funny?” Katie asked, still moving next to him.
“This is ridiculous,” Nick said, now matter-of-factly. He gestured to the stage again. “I mean . . . come on.”
“What?” Katie repeated. She smiled wryly, obviously playing dumb. “Why’s it ridiculous?”
“Because . . . it’s so . . .”
“Spin for me,” Katie said, cutting Nick off. “Spin like your favourite records, Nick.”
He laughed, but followed her orders. More people in the crowd were spinning, some with a partner, and others without, making him feel a little less ridiculous. Soon, the sample track faded out and the band’s song began in earnest. Maria thrashed on the stage, screeching about a lost love and a cosmic ocean, and some other things Nick wasn’t paying attention to because Katie was holding his hand again. She tugged him to the side as the crowd surged, leading them to a safe spot where no one could bump into them, but they still felt a part of the music.
“See? Definitely not a revolution that’s gonna change the world.” Katie stepped close to Nick so she could be heard over the music. “But revolution as in spinning, as in having fun. Punk, you know.”
“I don’t know about that,” Nick said. “But I will admit that eventually it was fun.”
“Oh, come on. You gotta give me more than that.” She knocked her hip against his, their bodies brushing extra close again. “It’s not 1977 anymore, and it never will be. Part of resistance is having fun. You know that, right? Even Karl Marx said idleness in the land of capitalism was a revolutionary act.”
; Nick tilted his head. “You read Marx? I didn’t see him in your book bag.”
Katie sighed. “Oh, Nick. You’re missing the point.” She circled around him now, letting go of his hand and teasing him to follow. She cheered and sang along to some lyrics before turning back to him. “You’re not into it? The Hellcats, I mean?”
I’m into you. Nick didn’t dwell on the thought. “I like it. I just don’t know if I understand it.”
“What is there to understand? Have fun. Get wasted—or not, whatever. It’s fun. It’s a party. It’s a night where you can forget about who you are and what you do.”
“Then what about Marx?” Nick asked. “Why bring him up?”
“Because you’re a smart guy. PhD candidate who probably reads all the time. So I know the way to get you to relax, or believe what I say, is to quote what you know.”
“Oh yeah? What else do you know?”
Katie sighed, seemingly exacerbated, but still playful. “I know that the concept of a revolution is dead. It’s not going to work anymore. But what does work, even in the face of all that’s terrible around us, is to have fun. And if you can’t have fun at a concert, where can you? Which is why I’m concerned that you’re not even attempting to sing the lyrics back.”
“I don’t know them, though.”
“You can probably guess.”
Nick laughed. He still might know absolutely nothing about her, but he had to admit: Katie was intriguing. She was smart, apparently well-read, and completely into music—no matter what music it was. And it wasn’t like the Bouncing Souls were all that intense or political anymore. Had they ever been? Hell, Nick’s favourite record was How I Spent My Summer Vacation. Vain and vapid. And so were his favourite films. Even the poets he studied in school were often ridiculed for being sentimental sops. So why couldn’t he let go and let loose at this neon-coloured party?
Especially when Katie was so, so pretty.
“What do you say, Nick?” Katie asked, reaching down and linking with his hand. “Will you spin with me?”
Nick’s heart thundered in his chest. He wanted to tell it to shut up, that he was gay, that he couldn’t do this—not with her. But what did it matter? A concert was a concert, and he was having fun. He grasped Katie’s hand and gave her a twist.
“Spin again,” he said as she began to twirl. “And then it’s my turn.”
By the time the show was done, they were both covered in sweat. Katie’s makeup hadn’t run any more, but her cheeks were red, as if she’d jogged a mile in a heat wave, and her smile was brighter than Nick even thought possible.
“Thank you very much, Toronto,” Maria said. “You’ve been a great city. We are the Hellcats and we’ll be at the merch table if any y’all want to hang out. Don’t go home yet. Or if you do, don’t go to bed. Stay up a while longer. Have fun. You only have one life, guys.”
A few people clapped as they left the stage. Katie placed a hand over Nick’s again.
“I’m sorry,” he said. “I’m probably covered in sweat.”
“So are most people, sweetie. Are you okay? Do you want me to get you a water?”
Nick shook his head. Space opened up around them as the band left the stage area, though a few people lingered by the bar. Nick’s stomach clenched with the realization that the night was probably over. He didn’t know when the next GO Bus was scheduled, but he didn’t want to consider it.
“So, are you hanging around?” he asked, trying to be cool about how much he still wanted to talk to Katie.
“I usually do when the Hellcats are around.”
Nick’s jealousy came back in a wave. “The lead singer and you are pretty close, right?”
“Yeah. We’re good friends.”
“Just friends?”
Katie narrowed her eyes. “Were you upset by that little kiss?”
“Uh . . . No.”
Katie smiled, like she realized he was lying, but moved on from it. “Maria and I used to date, yeah. But the road is not conducive to relationships, and I’m not touring. Ever again. I like where I am now, and I’ve had enough buses.”
“Fair enough. Do you want to hang out with her tonight, though?”
“No. Unless you want me to go? Or you want to meet her too?”
“No, thanks. To be honest, I think I’d rather hang around you.”
As more people headed out around them, neither Nick nor Katie made a first move. Nick didn’t even know if there was a move to make. It was clear that Katie sometimes dated women, and maybe their queerness was their only connection. If Katie was gay, Nick would actually be relieved. His attraction to her could be like his attraction to Tucker: neutral, good, because they both dated people society didn’t always understand, or they didn’t date anyone (which society still didn’t understand). Everything would make so, so much more sense. And maybe he and Katie could really be best friends.
But if she liked men too . . . Nick couldn’t think. His mind was swimming.
“Maybe I should get a water,” he said. “I think I’m getting dizzy from dehydration.”
Katie snorted. “I’ll get it for you. I know how to get free stuff here.”
“Okay. Thank you. And then?”
“And then,” she said, “we could get out of here. Together?”
“Um . . .”
“Just for a walk. A place to relax after having so much fun. So you can maybe tell me more serious things again.”
“Or you could quote more Marx.”
Katie rolled her eyes. “Sure. Whatever you’d like, Nick. I’ll leave it in your hands since you came to the Hellcats.”
“Anything I want?”
“Within reason,” Katie said coyly. “Be civil, now.”
Nick bit his lip. He knew the perfect spot. “Yeah, that sounds good. I’ll definitely take you up on that.”
“I have to say, I didn’t expect you to take me here.”
“Why not?” Nick ran a hand through his hair. The back of his neck was still wet, but their walk from the club down Queen Street to Nathan Phillips Square outside the Eaton Centre had cooled them both off significantly. They shuffled into a small crevice next to a second-storey landing. The structure they rested on surrounded the (now empty) ice rink, which had been transformed into an open park for the summer months. High-rises and the large mall loomed on the skyline, while traffic passed by below them to their left. “What’s wrong with this place? It’s always felt like a hideaway ever since I discovered it.”
“Nothing is wrong with this, actually. I kind of love it here. I’m definitely a fan of hideaways. You just never seemed like the kind of guy who needed to hide.” Katie stared wide-eyed at the buildings around them. Though it was well past midnight now, many of the high-rises had lights on. The streetlamps around them gave off enough light so Nick and Katie could see each other, even if they were secluded. “Places like this remind me that city life is often better at night. Prettier. Like we have our own light show up here.”
“Yeah,” Nick said. “Without this nice spot, all Toronto is in the summer is hot and smelly.”
“Oh, pfft. Right now it’s not even bad. You clearly weren’t here for the garbage strike. Or were you?”
“I was actually,” Nick said, laughing. The garbage workers in Toronto had failed to get their requirements met by the city, so they went on strike for thirty-six days in the grueling heat of summer. Garbage had been around every corner, the smells mixing with the warm air and making one of the busiest cities in Canada nearly uninhabitable. “Oh, wow. That was a long time ago. In 2009, right? I was still in school then, so I was definitely here.”
“What a horrible life. I was also here, obviously. I couldn’t walk on the streets without gagging, so I stayed in my friend’s apartment twenty-four seven.”
Nick nodded and shared his own experiences from the strike period, going on about how his university had refused to hire any scab workers, so all summer school classes had been cancelled. When some silence passed b
etween them, Nick dug the water bottle out of his pocket so he could rehydrate. Now that his day was mostly over, his body relaxed—and his exhaustion came over him in a wave. He didn’t want the night to end, though.
“So, I was in Toronto for school,” Nick said. “Why were you? Do you live here or in Waterloo?”
“I live in Waterloo.”
“And you go to school?”
Eventually, Katie nodded. Nick wanted to ask what she studied, what she liked to do, if she had a part-time job to help with tuition, and why she was in Toronto for a small concert, but Katie seemed to clamp up.
“Is it okay to ask you?” Nick said. “I don’t know too much about you.”
Katie laughed. “You know plenty. More than I tell most.”
“Still, I’m curious about you.”
Katie smiled. That was all she did for quite some time. “Well, other than the Hellcats show, I was planning on seeing my friend Ilana this weekend. Actually, I know this is going to sound really weird, but can I take a picture of you? Of us together?”
“Um.” Nick glanced down as Katie took out her purple iPhone and held it by her side.
“I know it’s an odd request. This is just for safety. Ilana knows I was heading out tonight, but when I told her I was taking off with a guy after the show, she got in her mother-hen mode. She probably sent me a dozen texts as we walked, but I haven’t wanted to look. She wants to be sure I’m safe. And well, a selfie with me will at least give the police something to work with if I go missing.”
Nick laughed, but dialled it back when he saw how serious Katie was. Her smile had shifted to an awkward grimace as she held her phone. She clearly wasn’t going to take no for an answer, but she seemed upset that she couldn’t. Nick was about to ask more questions, when he remembered his younger sister, Shannon, and her friends. They had worked out an elaborate texting system to alert one another if there was a creepy guy at a bar. He’d marvelled at it over Christmas break, especially when she’d told him a story of how her group of friends had pretended to know a random girl being harassed at a bar to get her out of trouble. Women had to stick together in a way Nick couldn’t understand even as a gay man.
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