by Jo Cotterill
CONTENTS
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Bonus Bits!
Chapter One
It was a hot day, and Hani could hear her breath as she jogged around the school running track. Another two laps to go! “I used to enjoy this,” she thought to herself.
Running was her thing; it was what she did, what she loved. Or it used to be.
But now? Now it just felt like an effort. One foot in front of the other. Ignore the pain in one ankle. Keep the breath steady.
Hani looked up as she passed her teacher, Mr Okombe. He was looking at his stopwatch and frowning. “Pick it up a bit, Hani!” he called to her.
Hani increased her speed a little. Not too much – she needed to save energy for the last lap. She was so bored!
Running never used to be boring. It used to be fun. She felt happy when she beat her personal best. But what was it all for, really?
By the time she finished, Hani was in a bad mood. Panting, she went over to Mr Okombe and began her cool-down stretches. “Not one of your best today, Hani,” he said, making a note of her time on a clipboard. “Any particular reason why?”
Hani shook her head as she bent forward.
“Is that ankle giving you trouble again?” asked Mr Okombe.
“No, not really.” A twinge was not ‘trouble’. Hani had been running long enough to know when it was time to take notice of a pain. Pain was part of training. Most of the time you just got used to it.
“Not – er – the time of the month?” asked Mr Okombe.
“No!” Hani felt her face heat up. PE teachers had to know everything, it seemed! Well, maybe they did when their student was the best runner in the school. Mr Okombe had to know about anything that might affect her performance.
“Well, maybe it’s the heat,” said Mr Okombe. “It’s hot for this time of the year. You’re not used to it. If you lived in Ethiopia, every day would be hot.” He smiled at her.
Hani tried to smile back. Her grandparents lived in Ethiopia, though Hani had been born right here in England. Everyone knew that Ethiopia produced some of the greatest runners in the world. Most people had even heard of her grandma and her epic marathon running, years before women were supposed to compete. Hani had been named after her, though they’d never met.
Grandma wrote letters sometimes, saying how proud she was that a granddaughter of hers was going to be a runner too.
Mr Okombe was writing something else now. He handed her a slip of paper. “This will get you out of study time twice this week so that you can get some more training in. We don’t want you falling behind.” Hani’s training schedule was pretty full-on. Every Sunday she worked with a national coach. She said it wouldn’t be long before Hani was ready to compete at national level – and then maybe even the Olympics!
Hani took the slip. “Oh,” she said. “Um… well, I don’t want to get behind on my homework either.”
More training! It was the last thing she wanted right now.
“Homework can wait,” Mr Okombe said. “Just tell the other teachers I said so.” He winked. “Make sure you do the cool-down properly, OK?”
Hani sighed as he walked away. Then she felt bad. He was only doing his best. But she just couldn’t bring herself to care about running any more.
“Your grandmother would be ashamed of you,” she told herself. “You share a name! You know what you have to live up to.”
Hani finished her stretches and headed back into school to meet her friends. Maybe they would understand.
Chapter Two
Hani could hear her friends’ voices as she reached their dormitory. It was called the Nest because it was one of the cosiest bedrooms at Hopewell High, and it was right at the top of the building.
“Just cut it really short up to the line,” Daisy was saying.
“But what if I make a mess of it?” Alice said, sounding panicked.
Hani opened the door and two startled faces turned towards her. Daisy, who had long black hair, was sitting on a chair with her back to Alice. One hand held most of her hair up on top of her head, leaving just the back part hanging down. Alice, blonde and wide-eyed, was holding a large pair of scissors.
“What on earth are you doing?” asked Hani in surprise.
“Daisy wants me to cut half her hair off!” Alice said. Her hands were trembling.
Daisy made an annoyed noise. “Not half of it, Alice. Honestly, you’re such a drama queen. You’re not on stage right now, you know. I just want the back part cut really short – you know, Hani. Like those celebrities who have it shaved.”
Hani rolled her eyes. Daisy was always trying to follow the latest trend. Her makeup collection filled a small suitcase, she had so much stuff. And as for hair straighteners, curling tongs, hairspray, gel, dye… well, they needed a suitcase of their own!
“Daisy, are you insane? It’ll take years to grow back,” said Hani.
“I know that,” said Daisy crossly. “It’s my hair, and I’ll cut it if I want to. I don’t want to fork out loads of money to have it done at a salon. It’s an easy enough job.”
“I’m really not sure,” said Alice, biting her lip.
“Where’s Samira?” asked Hani, looking around for the fourth member of their group.
“Studying,” said Daisy and Alice at the same time.
Hani nodded. Samira was the most hard-working student in the whole school. “Oh, give the scissors here,” she said with a sigh.
Alice handed them over.
“You realise,” said Hani, stepping behind Daisy, who looked delighted, “that this is a really stupid idea? And if you get into trouble for this, I had nothing to do with it. Right?”
“Right,” agreed Daisy, as Hani carefully cut off all the hair at the back of her neck, right up close to her head. When she’d finished, Daisy let her mass of black waves fall down, completely hiding the fact that there was a bald strip underneath. “I love you, Hani.”
“Yeah, I love you too,” said Hani. “Idiot. Make sure you get rid of all the hair on the floor before Miss Redmond sees it.”
Daisy went to hug her and then stepped back. “Yuck. You’re all sweaty.”
“Been training,” Hani said. “I need a shower.”
Daisy sighed. “You three are such high achievers. Alice is going to be a film star, you’re going to be Olympic Champion of All Things Running, and Sammy has the biggest brain ever and will someday be prime minister. What’ll I be?”
“Married,” suggested Alice.
Hani smiled. Daisy was crazy about boys. Her current boyfriend was called Storm, but things hadn’t been going well lately, and if history was anything to go by, Daisy would soon have her eye on someone else.
Daisy hit Alice with a pillow, and before long the two of them were whacking each other in a play fight. They could never stay angry with each other for more than five minutes.
Hani watched them for a moment, then sighed and went off to the shower. Olympic Champion of All Things Running?
That’s what Daisy thought of her. It was a good dream. But what if you didn’t feel it was your dream any more?
She got back to the room to find it empty. Daisy and Alice must have gone to the Common Room. Hani sat down on her bed with a sigh. Supper felt like a long time ago, and it would be bedtime soon. She checked the door. No one was around, were they? Quickly, she reached under her bed and pulled out a bag of snacks.
They were supposed to be for emergencies only, but Hani didn’t care. Lying on her bed in a towel, she bit into a mini roll. Ahhh, chocolate cake! Chocolate mad
e everything better, everyone knew that.
Hani was on her third cake when the bell rang for bedtime. She just had time to hide the empty wrappers before the other three came into the room. “Chocolate!” said Daisy, pouncing on the bag. “Wow, you’ve got all my favourites. Oh, give me something, I’m starving!”
Hani let them help themselves.
“Chocolate helps your brain,” Samira said as she bit into a muffin. “I read about it on the internet.”
“Aren’t you having one?” Alice asked Hani. She picked up a chocolate bar and held it out. “Go on, you deserve it after all your training.”
Hani hesitated. The other girls didn’t know she’d already stuffed herself! “Oh, all right,” she said, taking the bar and unwrapping it. “Just one.”
Sitting there with her friends, feeling the sweet sugary chocolate slide across her tongue and down her throat, Hani felt happy.
This was what life was about, right? Being with friends and sharing nice things?
But later when the other three girls were asleep, Hani lay awake, filled with guilt. FOUR snacks? What was she thinking? That was no good!
All of a sudden, Hani knew she couldn’t bear to have that much chocolate in her stomach any more. Quickly and quietly, she got out of bed and went to the bathroom.
Chapter Three
“Cross-country today,” Mr Okombe told Hani a week later, handing over a map. “You’ve done this route a couple of times, but have a look to remind yourself.”
Hani looked quickly at the map. She had an excellent sense of direction and she remembered the route. “Just me?”
“No,” said Mr Okombe. “Six of you. Ah, here come the others.”
Hani was surprised to see Daisy heading towards her along with four other keen runners. “Daisy? What are you doing here?”
“Now, now, that’s not very encouraging,” Mr Okombe tutted. “We welcome anyone who wants to get fit and healthy, don’t we, Hani? Not everyone can be a winner. It’s not about being the best. It’s about…”
Hani sighed. She’d heard her teacher give this speech many times before. “Yes, I know. Sorry. Hi, Daisy.”
Daisy smiled. She was wearing a brand new vest and shorts. “Hi! I thought it was about time I did a bit of exercise.”
Hani was amazed. Daisy hated PE lessons!
Mr Okombe led a warm-up and then set them off. “It’s not about hitting a time today,” he told them. “Just get yourselves round and I’ll see you back here.”
Hopewell High had a huge sports field but today’s route went into nearby woodland. The runners soon separated out, and Hani hung back to keep her friend company. Daisy was puffing like a steam train. “This… is… crazy…” she panted. “Why… do you… do this?”
Hani smiled. “We’ve hardly started! What are you really doing here, Daisy?”
Daisy stopped, one hand on her hip, breathing hard. “I told you, I want to get fit.”
Hani just raised her eyebrows.
“Oh, all right,” said Daisy. “I fancy a lad at the gym in town. Every time I go past, he’s on the treadmill in the window. He’s so hot, Hani!”
“What about Storm?” asked Hani. Storm and Daisy had been together for a while now, longer than Daisy’s other relationships.
Daisy looked sad. “I dunno, Hani. I think he’s too clever for me. He’s always on about coding and programming and I don’t understand a word. It’s like he’s on another planet. I worry he thinks I’m stupid. He laughs at me sometimes.”
“Oh.” Hani didn’t know what to say. “That sounds really mean.”
“But this lad at the gym is just gorge,” Daisy went on, looking brighter. “And I want to go in and use the treadmill next to him, but I’m soooo unfit! I need to get some practice in before I go. Will you help me?”
Hani laughed. “All right. We need to start at a gentle jog. You mustn’t try to do too much too soon.”
They two friends jogged on for a bit, but before long Daisy was wheezing again.
“I’m holding you back,” she said, between gasps for air. “Look, you go on ahead. I’ll walk the rest of it, and do a bit of running when I can. I didn’t realise it was going to be this hard!”
“Are you sure?” Hani asked. “I don’t want to leave you behind.”
“I’ll be fine,” Daisy said, sinking to her knees. “I’ll just have a bit of a sit down, and then I’ll set off again. I don’t want to be back just yet anyway. Miss Redmond saw my hair earlier, the bit I cut off, and now she’s on the war path. Wait for me at the end, OK?”
Hani looked at her. She really, really didn’t want to run the course. But on the other hand… in her back pocket, she had a chocolate bar. She could run a bit and then reward herself with chocolate before speeding up for the final stretch. Chocolate would give her energy, wouldn’t it?
“All right,” she said, and waved goodbye to Daisy. Then she forced her legs to move. How far before she could find a spot where no one would disturb her? Ten minutes later, she reckoned she was safe. There was no one around. Hani pulled the chocolate out of her pocket and unwrapped it, keen to take a bite.
There! That was SO much better. She sank down, her back against a tree, and looked up at the sunlight through the leaves. Maybe this was just a blip. She knew that’s what Mr Okombe would say – and her coach on Sundays. Everyone goes through a time when they don’t want to train. Everyone finds it hard.
“But I hate it,” she thought. “I really hate it. I hate missing out on time with my friends because I have to go running.
“I hate the thud of my feet on the ground over and over and over again. I hate the effort, and the aches and pains, and the sweat. It gives me nothing any more.”
The sunlight blurred and Hani realised she was crying. “I’m letting you down, Grandma,” she thought. “I can’t live up to you…”
“Hani? Hani, what’s the matter?” Daisy dropped down next to her, surprising Hani. Daisy put an arm around her. “You’re crying – I don’t think I’ve ever seen you cry! Hani, what’s going on?”
Hani shook her head, wiping the tears away. “Nothing. It’s nothing, I’m fine.”
“You’re not,” Daisy said firmly. “Come on, you can tell me.” She spotted the half-eaten chocolate bar. “You should finish this. Chocolate is good for you.”
“Not when you eat so much you have to make yourself sick,” said Hani quietly.
Daisy stared. “You did what?”
“Oh, Daisy, I’m such a mess,” sobbed Hani. “I don’t know what to do any more. I don’t even know who I am!”
“You’re Hani,” said Daisy, “the best runner in the school and a future champion.”
“What if I’m not?” asked Hani, sniffing. “What if that’s not who I want to be?”
Daisy was confused. “Who do you want to be then?”
“I don’t know!” Hani cried. “I’ve always been a runner. It’s the Ethiopian blood in me, that’s what everyone always said. If I’m not running, who am I? What do I do?”
“What’s this about making yourself sick?” asked Daisy.
“I’ve been eating too much cake and chocolate,” Hani confessed. “I know I shouldn’t. It’s the only thing that comforts me right now. But then I feel guilty for eating too much, and I… well. I throw it up.”
Daisy frowned. “You shouldn’t do that, you know. It’s really bad. You could get an eating disorder.”
“I’ve only done it a few times,” Hani added. “It’s not like I do it every day.”
“That’s how it starts,” said Daisy. She crossed her legs and looked up at the trees. “That’s how it started for Samira, remember?”
“Sammy hasn’t got an eating disorder,” said Hani.
“No,” said Daisy, “but do you remember when we found out she was cutting herself? She said everything had got too much. Hurting herself made it easier to cope. But it started small, not very often. And then she needed it more and more.”
“It’s
just chocolate,” Hani said sadly. “And this isn’t the same. Sammy’s dad makes her work too hard. No one’s telling me to do this.”
“I bet you hear voices in your head telling you to live up to your grandma,” Daisy said, raising her eyebrows.
Hani looked down at the ground.
“Look,” Daisy said, “maybe you just don’t like running any more. People don’t like the same things forever.”
“But you said it yourself,” said Hani, “I’m Hani, the best runner in the school and a future champion!”
Daisy shook her head. “Well, maybe you’re Hani, the something else now.”
“The what?” asked Hani.
“Oh, I don’t know!” Daisy sounded like she’d run out of patience. “I can’t hold your hand and tell you the future, can I?” She got up and brushed herself off. “Come on. I’m no good at being agony aunt. You need Alice for this kind of thing.” She reached down to help Hani up. “Don’t stress. Stress is bad for you. Chocolate, that’s what you…” She stopped. “No, maybe not that.”
Hani couldn’t help a small smile. “Cheers, Daisy. You’re a ray of sunshine.”
Daisy gave her a big smile back. “I totally am.”
Chapter Four
It was later that evening, and the four friends were together again in the Nest. They were trying to think of other sports that Hani might like more than running.
“What about netball?” suggested Samira.
Hani pulled a face. “No thanks.”
“Hockey?” asked Samira.
“Trampoline?” said Alice.
Hani looked horrified. “Did you know you can kill yourself if you fall off one of those things?”
“Fencing,” said Daisy. “It’s cool and you get a SWORD.”
“Not at this school,” Hani said, shaking her head.
“Does it have to be sport?” asked Samira. “Maybe you need to find a completely different hobby. Er… playing the piano?”
Hani looked at her as if she were mad. “Piano?”
“Maybe not,” Samira said.