“That’s right, you did,” Faith chimed in.
“Okay, so what’s been going on? Fill me in on everything.”
“Grace is in love,” Faith said quickly.
“What? Who is he? When can I meet him?” Charity talked a mile a minute.
“I’m not in love.” I hid my smile behind my hands
“Fine, Grace is in lust,” Faith said sarcastically.
“Seriously, when can I meet him?” Charity bounced on her toes.
“Never,” I grumbled.
Charity looked from me to Faith for a moment. “Okay, spill it.”
Once we were in the car, I filled her in on the whole situation.
“Wow, I’m a little surprised since you are so not the one-night stand kind of girl. You’re a hearts-and-flowers relationship kind of girl.”
“I know I am. The thing with Logan was a one-time thing; I’ll never do something like it again. I ended up worse for the wear. Enough about me, though, tell us about you and everything that’s been going on.” I squeezed her hand. My baby sister was back.
“School was challenging, which was exactly what I needed. The workload was insane, like no sleep ever.”
“Did you escape the library long enough to have a little bit of fun?” Hope called from the front seat.
“I did.” Charity’s eyes sparkled.
“Ooh, Charity met someone.” Faith grinned.
“I did. His name is Jude.” She smiled sweetly.
“How very British.” Faith laughed.
“He is very British. And amazing and handsome,” she gushed.
As much as I didn’t want to, I envied her. She had found someone who made her heart beat faster, and he felt the same way. They had something real.
The next couple of days were spent all together at Hope’s house. It was one big pajama party. We laughed and caught up with each other’s lives. The DeLeo sisters were finally back together—everything was right with the world.
Charity finally decided to stay with Faith and me for the night. After Hope went home and Faith went out for the night, we hunkered in to watch movies and talk.
“Tell me more about your mystery man.” Charity curled her feet under her legs on the couch next to me and put a Twizzler in her mouth.
“God Char, I wish you could have met him.” I sighed. “He made me feel alive for the first time in a long time.”
“Then why are you not going to go and find him again?” she prodded, throwing a Twizzler at me.
“He already let me leave once. I don’t know if I can live through that again.” I put a pillow over my face.
“Stop being so afraid all the time. What if he feels the exact same way you do?”
“I want to believe that. With all my heart I want to believe that.” My voice was thick with emotion.
“Why do you think it’s not true?”
“If he felt the same as me, would he have let me leave?”
“Maybe. Think about this, what if he does feel the same way, but it scared him?” She gestured with a licorice stick.
“Logan can have any woman in the world, Charity. Why would he want me?”
“Shut up. I’m not going to listen to this nonsense anymore. Scott was a dick, we all knew it right from the start. Stop letting him ruin your life when he’s not even in it anymore.” She looked angry.
This was the second time in a few days that my sisters had brought up Scott. The ex from hell. The man who broke my heart into tiny pieces. I was glad he wasn’t in my life anymore, even though the damage he inflicted was still healing.
“I really think you owe it to yourself to go. You’ll always wonder about him if you don’t.” She smiled.
“I’ll think about it.” That was the truth, I would most likely do nothing but think about it for the next few days.
FAITH WAITED A COUPLE OF weeks before she brought up Logan again. She and I were out at lunch, prior to an afternoon of shopping.
“You need to go see Logan, Grace.” She slid something across the table.
I opened the envelope and saw a plane ticket to New York, leaving in two days. “Are you kidding me with this?”
“Nope. Hope and I pitched in and got it. You need to do this. You will never be happy unless you explore what might be there. You know I’m right, Grace.”
“I know you are right, but it’s so scary. He’s this amazingly handsome, incredibly wealthy man who could have any woman he wanted. If he had wanted me, he could have asked me to stay, or even for my number. But he didn’t. He didn’t even say goodbye—he just let me walk away.”
Faith shook her head. “Don’t sell yourself short, cupcake, you're a hottie. He would be lucky to have you in his life. And haven’t you ever wondered if maybe he was scared of what he felt, too?”
I chewed at my lower lip. I had wondered about it—in between being pissed off and really sad. Had he felt it, too?
“Two days. That doesn’t give me any time to psych myself up for this. Are you coming with?”
“Hell yes, I’m coming. Do you think I would send you to New York by yourself? I’m not, however, going to go with you to meet him. That is all you. So, the question is, are you in?”
“Yes, I’m in. I think this is crazy, and I’m probably going to make a fool of myself in front of the most eligible bachelor in the United States, but let’s do it!”
“I was so hoping you would say that,” she beamed at me.
“You realize this is totally nuts, right?” I twisted my bracelet nervously.
“It is, but you have to do it.”
“I know I do.” I sighed.
“Now, let’s talk fashion. What are you going to wear when you see him?”
We spent a full hour going over all the details for our trip to New York. She and I would fly out on Wednesday evening, and I would go find Logan on Thursday, at some point. My stomach was officially in knots.
Faith dragged me through countless stores, making me try on various slutty dresses and delicious heels that were way too high to be anything but awful to walk in. But I loved them anyway.
“What do you think of these?” I walked carefully in a pair of sky high black heels.
“They make your ass look amazing. You want your ass to look amazing when you see him again, don't you?”
I sighed. “Yes, I really do.”
In the end, I got two new dresses, a skirt and blouse, and three pairs of heels. I was going to look amazing. Even if my heart got smashed to pieces, I would at least look good when it happened.
Later that night, I was over at Hope’s house sitting on the floor with Grayson while Hope made dinner.
“Tell me what you’re feeling?” she called over her shoulder at me.
“I’m so nervous. What if it was all in my head? He probably does that sort of thing all the time, why should I have been any different to him?”
“I don’t really know the answer to that. But you owe it to yourself to find out if it was real.”
“My head knows you’re totally right, but my heart is terrified to be smashed to pieces. He’s amazing, the whole damn package. Sexy, funny, and great in bed.” I sighed unhappily.
“Don’t forget rich beyond all reason,” Hope chimed in.
“Yeah, but I knew he was rich before,” I shot back.
“Now you know exactly how rich, though. Does that change anything for you?”
“Not in the way I feel for him. It just freaks me out a bit more.” I grimaced.
“Why does it scare you?” She turned to look at me.
“It’s just a little bit daunting. He can have anyone he wants, why would he want me?”
“Stop it. I won’t hear you disparage yourself like that. You are amazing. Smart, and beautiful. The whole damn package. He would be lucky to have you.” She pointed a wooden spoon at me.
“What if none of this was real?” I said softly. “If I built it into something in my head?”
“What do you really think? Do you th
ink it was nothing, or do you think it was something?”
“I think it was something.” I sighed and snuggled Grayson against my cheek.
“There’s your answer, then.”
My sisters were totally right, there was no way I could move on with my life if I didn’t take this leap and go find him. I would always regret it if I didn’t go.
“Why couldn’t things have gone differently before?”
“Because honey, life isn’t always easy. Even when you get your happy ending, you still have to work for it.” A shadow crossed her expression.
I set Grayson down in his playpen and went to sit on the counter. “What’s going on with you?”
“What? Nothing. Why would you ask that?”
“I ask because I’m not blind. You’ve been off for a couple of weeks. Tell me what’s going on.”
A tear leaked down her cheek. “I don’t know what’s happening. I feel like he’s slipping away.”
“John?”
“Yes,” she whispered.
“What’s been happening?” I put an arm around her shoulders.
“He’s so distant. I can never get a hold of him anymore. He’s been working nonstop, or at least that’s where he says he is. I wish I knew what the problem was so I could fix it.”
My heart broke to see her like this. She and John were always so solid, what we all aspired to have.
“After Gray was born, it was hard. I’m not going to lie and tell you things have been perfect. As a new mom, I lost myself in him. It was all about the baby.”
“Honey, that’s understandable. It was a lot for you to take in all at once.”
“I’ve never stopped loving him, or wanting him.”
“Have you told him that?”
“So many times, over and over. I don't know what I would do if he left me.”
“He’s not going to leave you. John loves you, and he loves Grayson. I’m sure it’s just work that has him stressed out.” I hoped to God that’s all it was. I couldn’t imagine John stepping out on her, but you never could tell with people.
“I just hate feeling like this. I want to trust him, he’s never given me a reason not to. But something feels weird. This isn't him, or how we are with each other. I feel like it’s all going to fall apart.”
“You need to talk to him. Be honest about how you’re feeling.” I wanted to reassure her, but at the same time I wanted to beat the shit out of my brother-in-law for making her feel insecure in their marriage. Here I was giving my sister advice, yet I didn’t want to follow it. They were right, I did owe it to myself to go see him. I needed to find out if this could really be something.
“Okay, enough of me being silly. Tell me more about your trip and all the clothes Faith made you buy.”
I rolled my eyes at the mention of the clothes and launched into the whole shopping story.
I WAS PACKED AND LYING in bed with my now, very worn copy of Forbes, staring at Logan’s face on the page. Would he even remember me? I almost talked myself out of going, but something in me squashed that fear. I knew that I would never move on unless I had closure.
I still remembered the feel of his lips against mine and his hands on my skin. The thought of him rejecting me, and never feeling that again, was not something I wanted to dwell on.
Hope picked us up the next day to take us to the airport.
“I think you’re doing the right thing.” Hope hugged me tight.
“I hope I am.” I smiled weakly. The previous night I hadn’t slept a wink.
“Go and find your man.” She squeezed me one last time before turning to hug Faith. “Make sure she doesn’t chicken out.”
“I can promise you I won’t let that happen. There’s no way in hell that we’re flying all the way there for her to not at least talk to him.”
I tended to be a nervous flyer, so Faith’s solution was to get me a bit tipsy before we boarded the flight.
“Come on, let’s hit up one of the crappy bars they have here.” We wheeled along our carry-ons and headed for the nearest bar to our gate.
“I don’t want to drink,” I protested when Faith slid a shot in front of me.
“Yes, you do. You’ll feel better once you drink it.” She grinned and tossed hers back.
I grimaced and followed suit, coughing like crazy as it burned its way down my throat. She was right, I felt a bit calmer already.
An hour later, they called our flight, and I wobbled slightly as I hopped off my stool. The flight was over before I knew it, and we were in a cab on the way to our hotel. I had never been to New York—so I was your typical tourist, my face pressed to the window taking in the sights.
I didn’t even care where we were staying; I had left it up to Faith. I was too nervous about finding Logan.
Faith talked me into exploring the city with her once we were settled in. We were staying near Central Park, so we took a carriage ride through the park and then walked down to Times Square. We walked back up 5th Avenue, stopping to see the window displays at Sak’s, detouring to see the Rockefeller Center, Radio City Music Hall, and St. Patrick’s Cathedral.
“Is it like you imagined it would be?” she asked me.
“You know, the buildings are bigger, but the area of the city is so much smaller than I imagined. I had no idea we could walk everywhere.” My head was on a swivel the entire time, I wanted to see everything.
I had no idea where we were, Faith said it was the financial district, but who really knew. Tons of buildings and men in suits getting in and out of cabs and shiny black cars.
Faith was laughing at something, her attention focused on a display window, when I saw him. Standing across the street with a group of men. I stilled and put a hand on Faith’s arm to get her attention.
“What?” She got a look at the shocked expression on my face.
“It’s Logan,” I whispered.
She followed my gaze. “Shit. He looks good doesn’t he?”
“Very.”
For the briefest second, our eyes met across the busy street. His expression turned to one of surprise. The barest hint of a smile on his lips.
“Are you going to go over there and say something?” Faith nudged me.
“I…”
Before I could answer, he was climbing into the waiting limo. Not even a second glance spared in my direction.
“Um. What was that?” Faith asked.
“He didn’t want me. I knew I was right.” My heart sank to my feet.
“No. You don’t know that for sure. What if he didn’t realize it was you? There were a lot of cars between.”
“He smiled at me, Faith. He knew it was me and didn’t come over here. He just left.” I had to stop myself from crying.
“Give him the benefit of the doubt, honey. Go see him tomorrow and see what he says.” She put an arm around my shoulders.
“Yeah, okay,” I mumbled and let her lead me through the streets.
“Come on, we still have tons of stuff to see.” She put on a cheery smile and pulled me along after her.
Just before midnight, after eating greasy pizza and a ton of gelato, we dragged our butts back to the Westin to get some sleep.
We woke up to rain. Not exactly the omen I was looking for, although it sort of went with my mood. Seeing him yesterday had messed with my head. I started to panic. I hadn't brought anything for rain. Faith shooed me into the shower and went out in search of a sexy coat for me to wear.
About an hour after I emerged from the bathroom, showered, made-up, and with my hair done, Faith returned victorious with a cute, black, knee-length belted trench coat that looked amazing with the red dress I planned on wearing.
“Are you ready for this?” Faith hugged me tight.
“No, but I’m going anyway. Wish me luck?” My heart hammered in my chest.
“You don't need it, honey. Go and knock his socks off!”
I hopped in a cab and told the driver to take me to the McFadden building in Lower Manhatta
n. My heart was in my throat the entire drive. This was it; I was really going to do this.
The McFadden building was huge, bigger than any of the buildings surrounding it. I knew Logan was rich; but seeing this, a building with his name on it, really made it sink in. The lobby was a hive of activity, people milling around everywhere. How was I even going to get to Logan? I didn’t know what floor he was on; and even if I did, would they let me through to see him?
I walked to the directory, next to the elevator banks, and looked for his name. I scanned the entire list, but I didn’t see it or an Administrative Office. Well, crap, this threw a wrench into my plans.
I found a seat in the lobby and tried to figure out what my next move should be. That’s when I saw him walking through the lobby, toward the elevators, with a group of men. God, he looked sexy as hell in a suit. Just as good as I remembered. My pulse sped up. I wanted to either cry or throw up. My nerves were going to be the death of me.
I gathered my courage and stood up as they walked past. Now or never.
“Logan?” I called to him. My voice stronger than what I felt on the inside.
He stopped and turned around, a slightly annoyed expression on his face that quickly gave way to astonishment.
“Excuse me, will you?” he said to the men with him and walked toward me.
Oh God, was this the wrong choice? Was he pissed that I was here? I waited for him, unable to move from the spot I was planted in.
“Come with me.” He took me by the arm and led me outside and into a limo that was parked on the street in front of the building.
“I shouldn’t have come. I’m sorry I bothered you.” He obviously didn’t want to be seen with me and was sending me away. My heart sank.
“Damn it, Grace,” he growled getting in behind me. “I’ve thought about you every day,” he murmured, as he pulled me onto his lap and claimed my mouth with his.
“Every day?” I was breathless. Giddy.
“Every damn day, Grace. How the hell did you even find me?” He hugged me tight against his chest, showering me with kisses.
“I saw you in Forbes.” I pulled back a little so I could see his face.
“Al, take us to my loft, please.” He pressed a button on the side panel.
Never Let Me Go: Part 1 Page 4