Brody glanced down at her, amusement sparkling in his gaze. “What does it look like?”
It looked foolhardy. “And your pain on a scale of one to ten?”
Brody looked away again. “I’m not going to tell you.”
He was the most stubborn patient she’d come across, and that included an old man who believed that her place was in the kitchen. What was she coming out here for every day if he wasn’t going to listen to her or give her the information she needed to do her job? They were paying her for medical care, and that was what she was trying to provide.
“Brody—”
“Can’t you stop being my nurse for a few minutes and just be my overly serious Kate again?”
His words stopped her short, and she felt heat rise in her cheeks. It had been a long time since he’d called her “overly serious.” She remembered how he used to needle her when she was trying to study—anything to distract her. She’d put up a token fight, but they both knew he’d win.
“You hated it when I was serious,” she said.
“Not true.” He cast her a wry smile. “You were a challenge.”
A challenge...but he’d been in love with her sister. He might have spent hours sitting around with Kaitlyn, but he’d only been there because he was picking up Nina. And once Nina was ready, she and Brody disappeared into the night, and Kaitlyn had been left at home with her textbooks. She might have had Brody’s company and jokes, but her sister had been the one in his arms.
“So what am I supposed to do, if I’m not allowed to be your nurse right now?” she asked.
Brody shrugged. “Just stand there. Look at the cattle. Breathe.”
He had a point—she’d been so busy with school and nursing jobs that she’d gotten used to her hectic pace. In some ways it was easier to be busy, because that way she didn’t have time to feel sorry for herself. When she dropped into bed at night, she liked to fall asleep right away, because lying there, alone with her thoughts, reminded her of what she was missing.
She saw the tip of the Valentine card poking out of his front pocket and felt a smile come to her lips. He still carried it?
“My Valentine,” she said softly.
“Hmm?” He looked down at his pocket and nodded. “Yeah. I kept it.”
It was sweet that a simple little gesture had meant that much to him—enough to keep it through his training, his deployment, his mission...
“Why did you keep it?” she asked.
“I don’t know.” He shook his head. “You struck a cord, I guess. You called me brave.”
“It was true.” It wasn’t the truth she would have liked to say, but she’d made do with that.
“You might need to give me a new one,” he said with a short laugh. “I need one that says, ‘The scars are hardly noticeable, Valentine.’”
Kaitlyn laughed. “No, I’ll stick with brave.”
He nodded, his expression sobering. “We all had something that we held on to for good luck. Jeff had his daughter’s hair ribbon.”
“Jeff is a friend of yours?” she asked.
“Was.” Brody cleared his throat. “He died.”
There was something in his stance that sank at those words. His gaze turned leaden and he looked away. There was more to Jeff’s death than the loss of a buddy—she could feel it.
“In the same explosion that wounded you?” she guessed.
“Yeah.”
They were both silent for a few beats as Kaitlyn considered this new information. What had happened out there? What had those men been through?
“I saw it—it was like slow motion. Jeff’s boot hit the wire, and I saw it flex and pull. I didn’t have time to do anything. If I had, I would have pulled him back, but he was out of reach, and...” He sighed. “I’ve gone over it a thousand times since. Could I have warned him?”
“Oh, Brody...” Tears misted her eyes and she put a hand on his forearm. “I’m so sorry.”
“It wasn’t just him. Two other guys died in the same blast—Steve and Raj. The four of us trained together and were posted in the same unit.”
She remained silent—she had no answers or platitudes to offer. He’d seen things she couldn’t imagine, and she couldn’t make any of this better.
“Jeff had three kids. Raj was newly married. Steve didn’t have any kids—like me—but he was paying for a nephew to go to a school for gifted children. That boy could do calculus in his head at the age of five, and if Steve weren’t paying his way, he’d have fallen through the cracks in public school.” He sucked in a deep breath. “If I could have traded places with one of them...”
Did he think no one would care if he’d lived or died? Did he think his presence in this town meant nothing to the rest of them?
“You have people who would have been broken, too, if you hadn’t come back.”
“Like Nina? I think it would have made things easier for her.”
Like Nina? No, Nina was capable of guilt, too, and she would have carried her own burden for the rest of her life. His parents would have been a wreck. Dakota, too.
No one would have thought of Kaitlyn—of that she was positive—but she would have grieved more deeply than anyone imagined. Worrying about Brody, praying for his safety, going through the motions of facing each day without him coming by the house or calling for something or other...it had made her realize how much she’d loved him and how desperately she needed to let go of that.
“Like me.” Kaitlyn’s voice shook as the words came out, and she blinked back tears that welled up in her eyes. “So don’t you say that you don’t matter, because if you’d died over there—”
She was saying too much, and she bit back the words. What was she going to do, confess that she’d been in love with him for the two years he’d been dating her sister? It didn’t matter. He’d made his choice.
“Hey...” His voice was a low rumble, and he put a finger under her chin and tipped her face up so he could look into her eyes. His gaze moved slowly over her face. “You saying you missed me?”
He arched an eyebrow, and a smile flickered at one side of his mouth. She was saying a whole lot more than that—at least she had been before she’d wisely shut up. Brody ran his thumb along her jaw, the movement slow and deliberate.
She didn’t answer him. He was joking around, wasn’t he?
And while she wasn’t certain a second ago, the moment suddenly deepened, and she caught her breath. His gaze dropped to her lips, dark and hungry, and she’d never felt less in control. She was his nurse, but he was not acting like her patient. She could only imagine how much pain he was in right now with his weight on his bad leg, but his gaze didn’t waver.
Kaitlyn licked her lips, and Brody leaned closer, his thumb coming to rest on her chin, just under her mouth. He tugged down gently, parting her lips. She longed to just close her eyes and lean into his arms, but she didn’t dare. Brody wasn’t backing down, either, and just as Brody shifted his weight and closed the gap between them, the heat of his body settling against hers, the growl of an engine came up the back road and a horn tooted cheerfully. Brody pulled back, and Kaitlyn’s knees nearly buckled right there. Given another moment uninterrupted, would he have kissed her?
Would she have let him?
She closed her eyes and swallowed hard. He was toying with her—at least it felt that way. If he knew how she really felt about him, he wouldn’t play so freely, but he probably felt safe in the fact that he was the one in control and he could pull away anytime he liked. She was “overly serious Kate,” and maybe he thought he was doing her a favor, getting her to lighten up. But her heart didn’t play these games so smoothly, and she didn’t have time to examine her own feelings right now. She pasted a smile on her face as the old beat-up ranch truck came up over a hill and Dakota waved from the driver�
�s seat.
Frankly, she was grateful for Dakota’s timing. Kissing her patient wasn’t professional, but more than that... While she’d dreamed of Brody seeing her as more than Nina’s little sister, seeing the woman in her the way she saw the man in him, it wasn’t right. She knew that look—the very look he’d given her sister before he’d driven off for the bus station that last time, heading for boot camp, her small gift of a Valentine’s Day card tucked in the side pocket of his duffle bag.
Kaitlyn would never be a man’s consolation prize—not even Brody Mason’s.
Chapter Seven
When they got back inside the house, Kaitlyn busied herself with Brody’s medication charts—double-checking her work—but her mind kept wandering. That moment by the fence had her feeling rather breathless still.
Brody was in the other room, which was what she needed right now—a physical distance between herself and the wounded cowboy, because the sparks hadn’t been one-sided this time...
She poured herself some coffee into the first cup she grabbed from the cupboard. It was a joke mug that read Déjà Moo: when you’ve seen this BS before. She smiled wryly. The mug might prove prophetic. She’d seen friends pine over cowboys who never gave them a second look, only to have their hearts broken when a weak moment and a beer too many fanned sparks that had no hope of igniting without the alcohol. Pining was pathetic, and Kaitlyn had determined not to be that kind of woman, yet here she was.
And he’d kept the Valentine...carried it with him. What did that mean? Was it just a soldier thing—a good luck charm that had carried him through tough times? Because while he’d carried that card with him—unknown to her—he’d never hinted at feeling more than friendship for her in their emails. It was only today, standing by the fence, that he’d seemed to feel anything stronger.
He was going to kiss me...
Or was he? If Dakota hadn’t driven up when she had, he might still have come to his senses and pulled back. She was his nurse, after all, and he wasn’t an idiot. Maybe—and this thought came with a stab—he’d only contemplated the idea because of her resemblance to her sister. And she didn’t look that much like her sister, so the momentary lapse would have stayed very momentary.
What Brody needed was to get over Nina, and distracting himself with her—the only woman he’d had contact with for the last couple of weeks whom he wasn’t related to—wasn’t the answer. Kaitlyn knew this, so why was it so difficult for her?
“Kate.”
She turned to see Brody standing in the doorway to the kitchen. He leaned one shoulder against the wall and his dark eyes drilled into her.
“Do you want a coffee?” She raised her cup.
“No, thanks.” He took a deep breath, then cleared his throat. “Look, out there—”
“Don’t mention it. Nothing happened.” She gave him a tight smile and brought her coffee to the kitchen table. She’d go through his prescriptions and see which needed refills. That should keep her grounded.
“Things are different now,” he said quietly.
“That’s an understatement.” She couldn’t help the sarcasm that leaked into her tone.
“I mean between you and me.”
“The only difference I can see,” she said, “is that my sister isn’t here.”
Brody didn’t answer, but he did cross the room and sink into a kitchen chair opposite her. How on earth was she going to keep working as Brody’s nurse if they couldn’t get some of this straightened out? She had feelings for him, but she also had several years of experience in pushing them down, so she was relatively confident she could continue with that...as long as he continued treating her like a buddy. That had been their arrangement—and what almost happened by the fence couldn’t happen again.
“See, you keep saying that I’ve changed,” Kaitlyn went on. “But I haven’t. I was right under your nose looking exactly like this—”
“You wore more ponytails back then,” he interrupted.
“As if that’s the defining difference.” She shook her head. “Hair back or down, I’m pretty much the same, Brody. The only thing that’s changed is that Nina isn’t around. If she were, trust me, you’d still see me as that little sister in a ponytail.”
“Are you saying that having Nina in the city hasn’t changed things for you?” he demanded.
Kaitlyn frowned and put her pen down with a click. “I’m more visible. That’s about it.”
Brody sighed and leaned back. “I get it. I completely overstepped out there, and I’m sorry.”
It wasn’t only him. She could have stepped back at any point, but she hadn’t. She’d wanted to simply let herself go in the moment and regret it later. She could tell herself otherwise all she wanted, but that was the truth. She knew every single reason not to kiss Brody, and she’d been willing to let all of them go.
“It’s only because you miss Nina,” she said with more confidence than she felt.
“No, it isn’t.” His voice was low, and when she looked up, his dark gaze was fixed on her. “For once, that had nothing to do with your sister.”
Kaitlyn pulled in a shaky breath. Could she believe that? Brody obviously did, but he wouldn’t be the first man to deceive himself.
“Are you sure about that?” she asked with a small smile. “I know the impact my sister has on men, so—”
“It wears off.”
Kaitlyn frowned. “I thought you were crazy about her.”
Brody sighed. “I’m moving on. What would you have me do, Kate?”
Fair enough. What did she expect him to do, exactly? Pine forever to prove his loyalty to a woman who didn’t want him?
“I let myself get carried away earlier,” he said. “And maybe you’re right—maybe you’re just as gorgeous as you always were, and I just never saw it. But for whatever reason, I’ve been noticing lately. You’re not the kid sister anymore.”
“Thank you.” Heat rose in her cheeks. “It’s nice to be noticed. But I’m your nurse, Brody. I’m the one who takes care of your injury, and blurring those lines makes things really complicated. Trust me on that.”
“I know.” He didn’t elaborate, and she found herself wondering if he was imagining the same thing she was—namely, that he’d give her a few toe-curling kisses and then realize that she comforted him when he needed it but that was all it was, and they’d be awkward together ever after.
“I know you’ll move on...probably a few times...and it’s Nina’s loss.” Kaitlyn swallowed hard. “But I’m not available for that, Brody. I’m here to be your nurse. We need to keep those boundaries solid.”
“Not a friend?” he asked quietly.
“And a friend... Of course, we’re friends. But when I’m taking out your stitches and you’re swearing at me for making you stretch in ways that hurt like crazy, you’re going to be glad that I’m your nurse and nothing more.”
“I got carried away, that’s all. I don’t think I’ll be sticking around town anyway once I’m healed, so it’s just as well. It won’t happen again.”
She stared at him for a moment, and the blood rushed to her head so that all she could hear was a ringing in her ears. Dakota had mentioned the same thing, but hearing it from him brought the possibility down with the pressure of a branding iron. She shouldn’t be surprised. This was exactly why she needed to keep her professional reserve. She swallowed, looked away and then said, “Speaking of stitches, we should take those out today.”
Kaitlyn was used to this feeling—being in love with a man she’d never have. She could shoulder this for the both of them. Brody was shouldering horrific memories of his own, and that was part of his sacrifice for his country. The least she could do was protect him from any further indignity.
And she needed to protect herself, too, because while Brody had experienced some pass
ing attraction, she was trying to get over feelings that went much deeper. They were both nursing broken hearts...and only one of them could admit to it.
* * *
WHEN KAITLYN LEFT, leaving him to rest, Brody stood at the kitchen sink for a long time. He was tired and his leg ached, but he was upright, and that was what mattered. If army training taught him anything, it was no pain, no gain.
He didn’t blame Kaitlyn. Look at him—wounded, limping and certainly not the man she remembered from a year ago... He couldn’t blame her if she hadn’t felt the same attraction that he had. He’d been looking into the warm and sensitive eyes of a woman who’d only grown more beautiful. And she knew exactly what kind of man she deserved.
Not him.
That stung, but it didn’t surprise him. He’d come home with nightmares, pain meds and a track record of not being enough for his buddies or for his fiancée. And while he couldn’t quite understand why he hadn’t been able to see exactly how alluring Kaitlyn was before he left, he could only suppose it was because he was loyal.
Nina hadn’t been perfect, and neither was Brody, but he was the kind of guy who stayed true to the woman he was with. He didn’t stray. He didn’t play the field. And he certainly wasn’t the kind of guy who made a move on his nurse.
He grimaced. What had he been thinking? Kaitlyn had put him in his place pretty firmly, and he’d been telling God’s honest truth when he promised it wouldn’t happen again. He was determined that it wouldn’t. While she’d seemed equally drawn to him out there by the fence, once she’d been able to think it through, she’d changed her mind. While he liked a challenge, he didn’t like being the guy that a woman knew was terrible for her, even if he could tempt her to ignore her gut a few times. He wasn’t a snake with an apple. He was a man who wanted the real thing—love, home, family.
His thoughts were interrupted by the sound of his father’s boots on the steps outside. Ken came in with a blast of cold air and a swirl of snowflakes that melted on the linoleum floor. He shook the snow off his hat and hung it up, running a gnarled hand through his silvered hair.
The Cowboy's Valentine Bride Page 8