by Jane Jamison
Here goes nothing. Or everything.
Letting out a breath, she lifted the glass of water, took a drink, and followed it with the pills.
See? That wasn’t so bad. Right?
Wrong. So very wrong.
And things were only going to get worse.
Pull yourself together. No one, but no one, sees you feeling sorry for yourself.
Straightening to feel taller and, hopefully, braver, she strode from the bathroom. She needed to get moving and make up for sleeping in.
Feeling awkward and hoping not to run into the men before she left, she followed the alluring aroma of fresh coffee into the kitchen and started calling for a taxi. But taxi service going so far outside Atlanta was too pricey for her limited means. She’d just hung up from getting a quote from a third cab service when Pop slid up behind her.
“Morning, Sunshine.”
She jumped, her heart going to her throat as she spun around. “You startled me.”
“Sorry. Didn’t mean to. Here. I’ll make it up to you.” He slipped a palm along her shoulder in a comforting, fatherly way then opened up the pantry and pulled out a box of cinnamon rolls. “I don’t let just anyone have one of my buns.” His tilted his head, making a show of glancing at his rear end and winked.
She couldn’t help but laugh and held up her hands. “I wouldn’t dare.”
“Sure you would.” He winked as he placed two huge cinnamon rolls on a plate, shoved them into the microwave, and punched the timer. “Grab the butter out of the fridge, will you?”
She did as he asked. “I wasn’t planning on staying for breakfast, but the smell of coffee lured me in.”
“And then what after you got your coffee?” He placed the hot rolls on the table then waved her into a chair. “I’ll get us both a cup.”
“Then home. And dealing with the insurance company and the repair shop.”
Not to mention starting the first day of my new life—for as long as it lasts.
“Are you all right, Sunshine?”
The best she could do was a forced smile. “Sure. I’m just tired from yesterday.”
“Are you hurting anywhere? We can run you to the clinic or back to the hospital.”
“No, I’m fine. A little sore maybe, but nothing that’ll kill me.”
Not like a heart problem will.
“Whatever you say, Sunshine.”
“Why do you keep calling me Sunshine?”
“Because you’re a ray of sunshine.”
She snorted. “Sorry. I don’t mean to be rude, but I’m not anything close to feeling bright and cheerful this morning. You’d be better off calling me Miss Dreary.”
“Not a chance. Besides, I can see the light inside you. It doesn’t matter if you’re frowning or feeling in the dumps. There’s a light burning brightly inside you that will never be put out. That’s why your name is Sunshine.”
A light that will never be put out? I can hope so, but I doubt it.
“Thanks.” Who knew? Maybe being called by his pet name would make her feel better.
“You’re staying a while, right? The boys would have my skin if I didn’t get you to stay.”
She couldn’t. Not after hearing what they’d said the night before. “I don’t know.”
“Of course you do. Now eat up.”
What was the point of arguing? Pop was the type of man who wouldn’t take no for an answer. Plus, she still had to find a way back home. Her gaze darted to the clock on the microwave. Since it was a Saturday morning, Kiley wouldn’t be up for another couple of hours. Until then, she’d have to hang out and try to stay out of their way.
The thought of going home was gone the moment she took her first bite. Warm, gooey cinnamon and sugary icing melted in her mouth. “Oh my God.” She continued to talk even with food in her mouth. “This is amazing. Where’d you get these?”
“I made them.”
She widened her eyes. “You’re kidding. Wow. You should sell these. I know I’d buy a box every week.”
“Nah, I like making them for the folks here. I don’t need the hassle of a business.” His eyes sparkled. “See? I knew you’d like my buns.”
Even laughing, she couldn’t stop eating. The rolls were the best food she’d ever tasted. They both dived into their breakfast, pausing once in a while to take a sip of coffee.
She wasn’t sure why, but she felt as though she needed to tell him. “I didn’t mean to snoop or anything, but I saw you and Bertram last night. While you were in the kitchen.”
He set his cup down. “You did, huh? So what are your thoughts?” Although he tried to keep a pleasant expression, his tone was guarded.
“I think you should get married, too.”
The relief rolling off him was palpable. “All I have to do is convince Bertie now.”
“I’m sure you will. Love always wins out.”
“Do you really believe that?”
Did she? Or was it only something she’d said. “Most of the time I think it does, provided people don’t get in their own way.”
“I sure hope you’re right. Bertie’s mine for as long as I live, but it would be nice to make it official.”
“With all the benefits, too.” She made a face. “Um, not just the sex. I’m talking about insurance and the like.”
“Exactly. Although Bertram is well off just like the guys are. How else would they keep a place like this going?”
“I assume they get donations and maybe support from the government.”
“They do, but I’ve seen the books. Those three don’t take a dime for their work. Instead, they channel money into the place.” He put a finger to his lips, dramatically signaling her to remain silent. “Don’t go spreading it around, but they’re independently wealthy.”
“Don’t worry. I’m good at keeping secrets. Still, it’s nice to hear. Not many people their age would do what they’re doing.” She couldn’t care less how much a man earned, but the fact that they gave both their money and their time to the ranch spoke volumes about their characters.
“Damn straight. Most young guys their ages would be out partying on some yacht with all the women they could want. Instead, they’re here every day, working this ranch and helping these folks.”
“But I’m sure they have social life, right? With girlfriends?” She suddenly found her coffee cup very interesting. Until she heard the answer, she wasn’t sure she could hold her head up. If she did, Pop might realize how she felt.
How did she feel, anyway? She was attracted to them. What sane woman wouldn’t be? If she were truthful with herself, she’d admit that she’d given more than a passing thought to Hank during the past year. She’d even gone to the gym where they’d first met on the off chance she’d run into him again. Granted, she hadn’t stayed long. Not with all the sexy, skinny girls strolling around the place.
“Oh, sure, they’ve dated, and I’ll bet they’ve had their fair share of women.” He put his hand on top of hers, startling her. “But they’ve never brought one of them to the ranch. You’re the first.”
The first.
She had a difficult time imagining it, much less believing it.
“For the past year or so, they haven’t done much dating to speak of. It’s kind of like Hank told them about you and they just stopped. Almost as though they were waiting on you to show up again.”
Questions roared through her mind, unasked and, therefore, unanswered. What did he mean they’d been waiting on her? Had Hank been more interested than she’d thought? Could they have had something together? Maybe even with Walken and Grant? The idea was ridiculous, a silly girl’s fantasy. Even if she didn’t have a bleak future ahead of her, she had a rat’s chance in hell of making her dream come true.
Pop leaned back in his chair and patted his stomach. “How about we go take a look and see what the men are up to?”
“No. I really need to get back to town. The weekends are busy for real estate agents, you know.”
&nb
sp; “Do you have appointments scheduled today or tomorrow?”
She wanted to lie to him but couldn’t. “No.”
Knowing she’d faced going to the doctor on Friday, she’d cleared her weekend. As it was, she’d probably end up clearing her schedule for the next week. With business being slow, she couldn’t afford to take time off, but her heart had never really been into selling real estate. She’d needed a career, and real estate had been easy to get into. Now, with everything else that was going on, she was less inclined to care. Besides, she needed the time off to let everything sink in.
“Then it’s settled. Get up, Sunshine, and follow me. Watching these guys with the kids is something you don’t want to miss.”
A few minutes later, Cinda realized how right Pop was. All three of the men worked with the children while other employees helped the older clients. Walken waved at her as he spoke to a small group of boys and girls. Hank was too busy to notice her, his attention squarely on the teenage girl sitting on the back of a horse. He kept close by, giving her instructions and praise as the excited girl nodded and did exactly as she was supposed to do. More workers, all dressed in matching blue T-shirts with the Bright Futures Ranch rainbow logo on the left chest area were helping clients from very young ages all the way to an elderly gentleman being lifted by a harness onto the back of a horse.
Grant directed several children near the barn as they scurried to perform various duties. When he saw her, he spoke briefly to an employee then strode over to her.
The memory of last night hit her and she turned on her heel to get away. Where she was headed didn’t matter. It was too embarrassing to speak to any of the men.
“Hey, Cinda, wait up.”
She picked up her pace, trying not to run. He grabbed her by the arm and spun her around.
“Where are you going?” His gaze met hers.
She searched him, trying to see any kind of recognition of the men’s conversation in the silver eyes—and found none. But then again, why would it be there? He had no clue that she’d overheard them.
“Are you okay?”
If he wouldn’t let on, she wouldn’t, either. “Sure. Why wouldn’t I be?” She silently cringed. She didn’t need to prompt him into saying anything.
“No reason. But if I didn’t know better, I’d say you were trying to avoid me.”
She wasn’t sure how to respond. Instead, she changed the subject. “This is really a great place. I’ve heard the name before but never checked it out.” As a real estate agent, she should’ve known the area better, but most of her clients were homeowners living inside the perimeter and not in the smaller communities surrounding Atlanta.
“We don’t do much advertising. We keep it functioning thanks to a lot of generous donors.”
Thanks to Bertram, she knew the truth. “You must get a lot of fulfillment from your work. A lot more than being a realtor ever could.”
“So you don’t like your job?”
She’d convinced herself that she had, but now that she’d seen what a job helping others was like, she realized she’d only been fooling herself. “Not really. Less every day, in fact.”
“You could always quit and come to work here.” He took her by the elbow and pulled her toward the corral, where Hank was still working with the girl on horseback.
“I don’t think I’m qualified.”
“Sure you are. Some of the positions have to have certification and training, which you could get if you wanted, but some don’t. The most important skill is in here.” He patted his chest, directly over his heart. “A person’s got to care to do this kind of work.”
“Who do you help?” As far as she could tell, their clients were a wide variety of people. Some of the people had obvious physical problems. Others, however, appeared to be in full health.
“We help anyone we can. From a six-year-old with Down’s Syndrome or a teenager struggling with their parents’ divorce to a senior citizen recovering from a stroke. You’d be amazed at what horses can do for people.”
She took a fresh look around. Now that she knew even more, she had a renewed admiration for the men.
“Mr. Grant?”
The young girl couldn’t have been more than ten. She was small and frail, but her big green eyes were alive with energy.
Grant squatted down, getting eye-level with her. “Hey, Penny. How’s my best girl?”
Penny’s cheeks colored with pink as she giggled. “Could I give Mystic a carrot?”
“You mean you haven’t already given her one today?”
Penny shook her head, vehemently denying it. “Uh-huh. Not today. That was yesterday.”
Grant stood up. “Well, no wonder she’s been cranky all morning. You’d better give her one before she kicks down her stall. Stay away from her hind end and make sure Miss Linda’s with you, okay?”
Penny was off and running. At least for a short distance. All at once, she slowed down to a walk, her shoulders lifting and falling as she took long, hard-won breaths. She clenched and unclenched her hands, her need to get to the barn as fast as she could showing in the gesture. Grant motioned toward one of the workers, letting her know Penny was coming.
“I take it Mystic’s a horse?”
“She’s a paint horse we’ve had for about two years. Penny loves Mystic like there’s no tomorrow.” His expression grew solemn. “Which, sadly, might be the case.”
“Why?” She watched as Penny followed Linda into the barn. “Is there something wrong with Mystic? You’re not selling her, are you?”
“We’d never sell Mystic.” His sigh was fraught with resignation. “It’s not Mystic I’m talking about. Penny was born with a heart defect.”
Cinda sucked in a hard breath. He couldn’t have surprised her more if he’d struck her in the chest. “No.” She struggled to keep back the tears suddenly burning her eyes. “But she’s going to be all right. Tell me she’s going to be all right.”
“I don’t know. God willing.” He pivoted on his heel and started toward the house.
She followed along, like a pet dog sticking to his heels. “She’s getting treatment, isn’t she? Medications? Surgery? Something.”
He caught her arms, his gaze drilling into her. “That’s the shitty part about this job. Sometimes there’s nothing you can do to help. There are limits to what we can do, what anyone can do. Penny’s not going to live to grow up and ride horses. She’s never going to get married and have kids. The way it is, every day she’s with us is a miracle.”
Cinda had cried over her own diagnosis, but knowing Penny’s devastated her even more. “You’re telling me she’s going to die.”
“We’re all going to die, darlin’. It’s just a matter of when and how. For now, she’s happy and getting to do what she loves, like feeding Mystic.” He caressed her cheek as though trying to make up for the horrible news. “I’ve got to make a call to one of our clients. Promise me you’ll stick around.”
She glanced at the barn. Suddenly, her embarrassment of last night seemed so trivial. Her own problems didn’t matter any longer. Not when children like Penny were suffering.
“Cinda, tell me you’ll stay.”
She gave a slight nod. “For a little while longer.”
He smiled then started to kiss her before pulling back. “If the kids weren’t around, I’d carry you into the house and make you mine. Don’t you go anywhere.”
He spun around on his heel and left her, standing alone in a crowd of people. She wouldn’t go. She couldn’t. Not yet.
He was going to kiss me.
Yet, knowing about Penny clouded her joy.
* * * *
“Chow time, everyone,” called Pop. He waved at Cinda, welcoming her over to the stagecoach with several grills set up around the wagon. The stagecoach was a replica, one the children loved to climb on. Clients and employees alike hurried toward the fragrant hot dogs and burgers trailing thin lines of smoke into the air. Huge ice coolers sat nearby with cans of
soda and water sticking out of the melting ice. Long picnic tables rested under a grove of shade trees away from the grills and stagecoach.
She’d spent the morning watching the activities of the ranch. Hank and Walken had both stopped to chat with her. Thankfully, neither one of them acted as if they knew she’d overheard them talking on the porch. They hadn’t stayed long and had needed to get back to their work, but she’d enjoyed the short time they’d given her.
I should’ve gone home by now.
And yet, every time she started to pull out her phone to call Kiley or another friend to ask them to pick her up, she ended up getting caught up in whatever was going on around her. The longer she sat there, the less she wanted to leave.
Although she hadn’t done anything to earn the food, Pop kept waving her over, trying to get her to eat. Hungry, she decided it would be okay to join in.
“Dog or burger, Sunshine?”
“Dog.” Did it matter any longer whether she ate the right things or not?
“What do you want on it?”
A sweet voice answered for Cinda. “Everything.”
Cinda shifted to find Penny next to her. The small girl held her sturdy paper plate with both hands. The plate was loaded with a hot dog covered in chili, cheese, and onions along with a pile of chips and a huge pickle.
“Everything, huh?” She reached out, starting to brush the young girl’s hair away from her shoulder then stopped. What if Penny didn’t like being touched by strangers?
“That’s what Mr. Hank says to do.”
“Then I guess I’d better do it, too. I wouldn’t want to make Mr. Hank mad at me. A dog with all the trimmings, please.”
“Sure thing.”
Penny scrunched up her face. “Mr. Hank wouldn’t get mad. He’s nice.”
“You’re right. He is.” Cinda couldn’t help but search for Hank, Walken, or Grant, but they hadn’t been around for several minutes. Disappointed, she tried not to show it. “Want to sit with me, Penny?”
The girl grew thoughtful then nodded. “Okay. But I want to sit on my lucky rock.”