I brought Jamie close to me as he zipped up his X-Men onesie, and he squeaked in protest as I hugged him tightly.
‘Mummy, you’re hurting me,’ he said, and I blinked back the tears blurring my vision.
‘Sorry, poppet. Mummy just loves you so much, that’s all.’
‘I love you too, you’re the best mummy in the world!’ Planting a kiss on my cheek, he grabbed his teddy before running out to the hall to monitor his father’s culinary efforts. I checked my watch. It was almost time for me to go. The meeting had been set up at short notice, but I would not back out now. I checked my face in the mirror, now scrubbed clean with a light application of tinted moisturiser. I should have dressed up, but I couldn’t. I wasn’t that person any more. Jeans and a thick woollen sweatshirt would have to do.
I quickly replied to the Facebook message, saying that I’d be there soon. After one last glance in the mirror, I pulled on my puffer jacket in the hall, popping my head into the kitchen to tell Alex I was going out. He seemed surprised by my departure, and when he asked when I was coming back I shrugged and said I wouldn’t be long. My excuse of an evening appointment with a client was met with some suspicion, and as he looked me up and down, I told him that the bride seemed more comfortable with casual dress. Telling him I was catching the bus, I bade him and Jamie goodbye, satisfied that I was doing something to get myself out of this awful situation. After what happened in the car park, I still could not bring myself to drive. I knew my attention would not be on the roads today.
I bounced in my seat as the bus chugged across the Strood. Twilight had taken hold, casting the landscape in dull and colourless uniform grey. The tide had withdrawn, and an array of yachts bobbed against the lull of the water that gently lapped at their sides. I gripped my handbag tightly, trying to muster up courage for what lay ahead. For so many years, thoughts of Luke had terrified me, the mention of his name enough to send me into a tailspin. But time was running out. The executioner’s axe was swinging over me. If Luke didn’t hurt me, then I would end up hurting myself, swallowed by acts of self-destruction. Now, more than ever, I needed to be brave.
CHAPTER FIFTY-SIX
EMMA
2017
I wondered if it was a crime, pretending to be someone I was not. It wasn’t as if I could afford to get into trouble with the police. It was nothing short of a stroke of luck that I had found Noelle online. Either she hadn’t gotten married, or she had kept her maiden name. Luckily, there weren’t that many Priestwoods around Colchester. Once I’d found her advertisement online, I was able to get in touch on Facebook. She had lost some weight since our schooldays, but I recognised her straight away. I had no idea how she would react to me, given our brief encounter in our youth. After being dumped by Luke, I had tried to talk to her in town. But she had turned on me, screaming to leave her alone. I just hoped that today’s contact would provide a more favourable reaction. All I had to do was to befriend a mutual ‘friend’ and say I was interested in signing up to her network marketing business.
My nerves jittered as I walked into Wetherspoons, wondering if she would recognise my face. I had changed so much from the girl I used to be. Meeting Alex had turned my life around. It felt like a rebirth, going to university and living a normal life. It was only when I shared a house with other students that I realised my disruptive upbringing was far from the norm.
She had asked to meet in the Playhouse pub in Colchester. My profile picture had left her with little clue to my identity, but when I entered the bar I recognised her straight away. She had kind eyes behind her designer glasses and I could see a tiny bit of Luke in her. She was slimmer but not as tall as her brother, and her hair was a couple of shades lighter: brunette with a touch of sun-kissed blonde. The lines around her eyes suggested someone who was optimistic by nature. With her black dress and red court shoes, she made me feel underdressed. She extended her hand, gripping mine in a strong pumping action. I remembered my close encounter with my angry bride, imagining what Noelle would do with those fists if she were angry enough to take her frustrations out on me. But still, I felt a pang of sympathy for her. I knew what it was like to live without a family member, to feel the ghost of their presence, unable to move on. As we sat, I looked from left to right checking we had a quiet space.
‘You don’t remember me, do you?’ I asked, mirroring her smile.
‘I have to say your face rings a bell, but not your name. You’re local, aren’t you?’ Noelle said, tilting her head to one side.
‘Mersea Island,’ I said quietly. ‘I knew your brother, Luke, from school.’ I waited for an outburst, or at the very least some mumblings of disbelief. Instead, she took out her business folder, spreading a set of leaflets on the table in front of us.
‘Oh there’s lots of interested clients in Mersea Island, you should make a killing out there. There’s lots of people keen to supplement their income selling aloe vera, especially when it works so well.’ She spoke in full business patter mode, barely stopping for breath. She had either not heard my comment about her brother or she was deliberately choosing to ignore it. Being a businesswoman myself, I could see that her focus was on getting me to subscribe to her network marketing team. By the end of her presentation, her fingers were positively twitching as they held the pen for the sign-up form.
‘Have you heard from Luke lately?’ I said, my gaze falling to the paperwork on the table.
‘Why do you ask?’ she said, her smile fading.
I glanced at her, trying to mask the guilt I felt inside. ‘Oh, no reason. I heard he went off the radar and I was just wondering if you’d been in touch.’
It felt like the air was being sucked out of the room as she scrutinised my face. Like a worm baking under the sun, I squirmed under the heat of her gaze.
‘Has Luke sent you? Because if he has, I don’t want to know.’ She snapped the paperwork from the table, giving me nothing to look at as I tried to divert my eyes. Her chest was heaving now, as if she were short of breath.
‘I told you, I’m an old friend. Why, is there a problem with that?’ I straightened in my chair. I had been assaulted once already, I did not want to make a habit of it.
But Noelle wasn’t having any of it and tucked away her paperwork before getting in my face. ‘You’re not interested in these products at all, are you? Mum told me to be careful meeting strangers online.’ She shook her head. ‘Has Luke sent you? Run out of money, has he? Is that it?’ But each word seemed difficult for her to express as her breath became strained. She fumbled in her bag, the colour draining from her face as she searched for something inside.
I was grateful for the precious seconds that gave me time to work out what to say. I had not expected this response at all. Luke’s family had supported him when he’d taken out the injunction against me in school. Noelle was chalk white with fear. What had happened since then to turn things around?
With obvious relief, she pulled a blue-tipped asthma inhaler from her bag. It was similar to the ones my dad used to use before his emphysema was diagnosed. Giving me a weary glance, she attached it to her mouth and delivered two short puffs of air.
‘I’m sorry,’ I said, ‘I didn’t mean to waste your time. Luke didn’t send me, but I do need to know where he is. Does he still live in Colchester? Have you heard from him since he disappeared?’ My words fired out at an alarming rate. I told myself to slow down, but I couldn’t help it as my anxiety took hold. Was he alive or not? I wanted to shake her until she told me what I needed to know.
She gathered up her things, almost toppling over her chair in her haste to get away. Grabbing her bag from the floor, she pulled a set of car keys from her pocket.
I rose too, ready to follow her out. But Noelle had other ideas. She spun on her heel to face me. ‘Why are you following me? I don’t know where he is, and if I did, I wouldn’t tell you. The best thing you can do is steer well clear of him.’
I followed her as she made her way out, under the steady
eye of the barman. Her feet pounding the pavement, she beat a retreat towards her parked car. Anger flared inside me as I trotted beside her in an effort to keep up. ‘It’s a shame you didn’t think that way when he was taking an injunction out against me.’
Noelle came to a dead stop, a glimmer of recognition in her eyes. ‘You’re . . .’
‘Emma Hetherington. Luke taught me in school.’
‘He did more than teach you, from what I remember,’ she said, her brows knitting together in a frown.
I flushed. ‘Yes, well . . . that’s in the past. I’m married now, trying to get on with my life.’
‘Well then why are you following me?’ My time up, she continued her walk to the car.
‘Because I’m scared,’ I blurted. ‘Please. I need your help. He’s tearing my family apart and I don’t know what to do.’
Noelle stilled for a second time. She leaned against her car, her fingers digging into her bag, gripping the inhaler for another puff.
‘Get in,’ she said, nodding towards the passenger seat of her grey Ford Focus.
I pushed away an empty Coke can with my foot and settled in the passenger seat. My nerves were bubbling up inside me as I wondered if this was such a good idea after all. What if Noelle drove off and brought me straight to Luke? I could be walking into a trap. I took a deep breath.
‘I don’t want to bring any trouble to your door,’ I said, encouraged by the sympathy in her eyes. ‘But I need to know where Luke is. I’m scared he’s come back.’ I filled her in on the recent events, omitting the incident four years earlier.
‘I don’t know where he is,’ Noelle said, tapping her fingers against the steering wheel. ‘And I don’t want to know. Luke’s . . . well, he’s bad news. I’m sorry we didn’t believe you before. We underestimated him.’
‘When’s the last time you heard from him?’ I said, my eyes on the footwell of her car.
Noelle exhaled a lungful of breath. ‘Three . . . four years ago? I’m sorry I shouted at you, but you put the wind up me. The last thing I need . . . the last thing my family needs is to see Luke again.’
I gave her an imploring look, desperate for a semblance of help. ‘Can you tell me what happened? Give me some idea of what I’m dealing with? Luke said he had a difficult childhood. Maybe if I knew more about him I’d know what I’m up against.’
‘Pfft,’ Noelle said. ‘Tough childhood my backside. When did he tell you that?’
‘When we met,’ I said. ‘I used to talk to him after school.’
‘And were you by any chance telling him about your own difficult childhood?’
‘Yes,’ I said. ‘But what’s that got to do with anything?’
Noelle’s mouth jerked upwards in a sardonic smile. ‘He was mirroring you. Luke’s an expert manipulator. That’s what makes him so dangerous.’
‘But why?’ I said, gesticulating my confusion with my palms splayed wide open. ‘Why is he doing this?’ Outside, a bus rumbled past, followed by a string of cars. Noelle seemed to be mulling over my question, working out if she could trust me with the response. She looked at me glumly before responding, her elbow on the inside window frame as she leaned on her right fist.
‘He’s a sociopath, pure and simple. The world revolves around his wants and needs. The rest of us are just here for his amusement.’
I frowned. ‘But he said that he was abused. Did he make the whole thing up?’
Noelle looked me in the eye, her expression resolute. ‘The only abuse here is how he’s bled my parents dry over the years, manipulating them into parting with their money. A university education, the latest gadgets, a brand-new car.’ She glanced around her own worn-out vehicle. Through the crack in the windscreen she probably couldn’t afford to repair. But her face held nothing but concern as she mentioned her mother’s ill health. ‘I’m sure it’s the stress that’s caused Mum to become ill. She got divorced five years ago and it’s been tough for her, having to adjust – especially financially. She’s virtually penniless. The last thing she needs is Luke turning up at her door.’
I bit my lip as I realised the implication of her words. ‘He lied about everything. Luke said he came from a single-parent family, just like me.’
‘It’s messed up, isn’t it? He’s always had a fascination for schoolgirls. It’s wrong, all wrong.’
‘So why did I get the blame for what happened in school?’ I said.
A faint smile rose to Noelle’s lips. ‘You’re not exactly snow-white, love. I was forever looking out my window and seeing your face in the street below. Besides, he was my brother. I only saw the worst of him after he was kicked out of school.’
‘For what happened to Sophie?’ I said. Sophie Smith was the girl in the year below me who had replaced me as the focus of Luke’s attentions. That was why I had kept up monitoring his whereabouts, long after I accepted he had finished with me. It was also why I had written an anonymous letter, telling her parents what was really going on. It had taken me a long time to gather up the strength to fight him, after he’d threatened me in my own home. But I could not stand by and watch him destroy another life.
‘That used up the last of my mum’s money, paying them both off so they wouldn’t call the police. Mum was such a sucker for Luke’s sob stories, blaming everyone else, saying he was misunderstood. After the money well ran dry, he disappeared. But not before he got his own back on me.’
‘You?’ I said, wondering if I had heard her right. ‘What did you do?’
‘Tried to stop him. Told him I was going to the police. He tampered with the brakes of my car.’ She lifted the left sleeve of her black dress. A long white scar ran down the length of her inner arm. ‘That’s a result of the accident. I have nerve damage. It’s permanent. But it’s nothing compared to what could have happened that day.’ She gazed at me, her eyes filled with renewed conviction. ‘That’s what I mean when I say he’s dangerous. He’s got unfinished business with you. That’s one angry hornets’ nest you don’t want to be poking.’
‘It’s too late for that,’ I said flatly, my stomach churning at the thought. ‘I think he’s already here. That’s why I asked if you’d spoken to him, so I could at least know what frame of mind he’s in.’
Noelle’s head swivelled from left to right as she checked the street outside. ‘Then I suggest you get as far away from him as possible.’ Leaning over me, she grabbed the car door lever and pushed the door open. Straightening herself in her seat, she turned over the car engine and waited for me to depart. ‘I’m sorry, but you’re on your own.’
CHAPTER FIFTY-SEVEN
EMMA
2017
Alex met me at the front door, looking over my shoulder before letting me in. I had witnessed him experience the whole gamut of emotions since I’d confessed to burying Luke in a shallow grave. He was usually so easy to read it was painful. From shock to fear to fierce protection as he tried to work out what to do for the best. Today his anger was evident.
‘Where have you been?’ he said gruffly, closing the front door behind me. ‘Because I know you weren’t meeting a client at the shop. I’ve been ringing non-stop. Then I got Theresa to check and she said you weren’t there.’
I tried to brush past him, but he grabbed me by the forearm. ‘Emma, did you hear what I said?’
I stiffened. ‘What’s the point? You won’t believe a word I say.’ My eyes flicked to the grandfather clock as it chimed in the hall. ‘Is Jamie in bed?’ It was only eight o’clock, but I knew he was tired from his exertions in school. I hated missing kissing him goodnight.
‘He’s asleep,’ Alex said, loosening his grip. He followed me into the kitchen, where the smell of garlic and tomato still hung in the air. I took in the dirty frying pan and the unwashed plates piled in the sink.
Pushing up my sweatshirt sleeves, I turned on the tap. We didn’t own a dishwasher because there was no room in the kitchen to plumb it in. It had always seemed unnecessary, given there were only three of us
at home.
‘For God’s sake, stop messing around with the dishes and look at me!’ Alex shouted, making me jump.
Shutting off the tap, I slowly turned to face him. My eye twitched in a nervous tic as I absorbed the anger emanating from his body. ‘What do you want?’
‘What do I want? You’re joking me, aren’t you? I’ve been worried sick. Why don’t you start by telling me what’s going on?’
‘I’m sorry,’ I said, feeling like I had not slept in a month. ‘I went to see Luke’s sister to find out if he’s alive, but she doesn’t know where he is.’
‘What?’ Groaning, Alex rubbed his forehead with his hand.
I folded my arms, my back against the kitchen counter. I hated seeing him like this, but all the fight had left me. I didn’t want to argue any more. ‘I had to do something,’ I said. My words were slow and deliberate. It was as if I’d had too much to drink and were pretending to be sober. I could not look Alex in the eye, for fear that I might laugh out loud. It was something that would probably frighten me later, but for now, detachment felt preferable to facing up to what I had done. ‘Anyway, she couldn’t tell me much. She’s too scared of him to find out where he is.’
Alex threw me a glare that conveyed he was not entirely convinced. ‘Please tell me you haven’t done anything to hurt her.’
‘Of course not,’ I said. ‘What do you take me for?’ I tried to give him a reassuring smile as I realised the irony of my statement. It quickly dropped from my face as I took in the extent of his anger. He was in a foul mood, and nothing I said would ease it.
‘So, everything you said about meeting a client was a lie.’
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