The travois took shape in two days—the hardest bit was making a comfortable seat and then finding a way to let two men pull it without putting an intolerable strain on themselves, since travois were usually only pulled by pack animals. Kepi was sure he could make it work, though. Romi still muttered about the stupidity of trying to pull him when they could hardly keep themselves together, but at least it was only in Karik’s hearing.
There were other preparations that needed to be done before they could leave. Romi was right in that they would need more food to fuel their extra effort, and without his hunting skill, they would have to work harder to get the meat they needed to replace lost muscle. Stubborn fool that he was, he tried to push himself to be able to help, suffered a relapse, and was then forced to stay in bed all day to recover. “Now will you stop?” Karik said in exasperation. “You’re sick, Romi. All the determination in the world won’t change that.”
“You’re just getting your revenge for all the orders I gave you earlier.”
“Oh, believe what you want, you stupid arse,” Karik said crossly. “Just don’t get out of bed until I order it or I’ll tie you up. And don’t even think of pushing me to it,” he added as Romi looked about to come back with some idiotic comment. “I’d enjoy tying you up.”
Romi raised an eyebrow. “And here I was, thinking you were such an innocent.”
Karik was puzzled, but then, vaguely remembering a joke Kei had once made and what it had meant, he flushed to the roots of his hair. “You should be so lucky,” he said haughtily, and stalked off. What an enormous arse he was!
Staying Power: 30
Pulling Karik’s tail provided only a slight amount of amusement in what was a very unfunny situation for Romi. He’d never been seriously ill in his entire life, and had barely had a cold since he’d left childhood—never been badly injured, and had always been the fittest, fastest member of any team. Now the short walk to piss against a tree left him gasping for breath, thoroughly exhausted. He had no idea how to handle this situation, and with Karik unable to tell him how long it would last, and worrying over his team throwing away their only chance at survival for his sake, he was becoming depressed and short-tempered. Even eating a meal reminded him that he had not contributed to it, that he was a burden, and a dangerous one. He knew he had to stop the others endangering their lives so pointlessly. It was his duty to protect his people at whatever cost to himself. Give him five minutes alone and access to a knife, and it would be done.
He had to act soon. Karik and Taz were talking about leaving the very next day. Listening to them over lunch made his small appetite disappear, but even though Karik frowned at him, he couldn’t make himself eat. “Not hungry?” Karik asked, seeing his untouched bread and meat.
“Maybe later,” he said, forcing himself to smile. “I guess the marsh bug hit my appetite too.”
“Maybe something else—”
“Leave it,” he snapped. Karik stepped back, his expression blank. “Sorry. Don’t pester me, I can feed myself.”
“As you wish. Taz, I want to see if the fish traps have worked, and then we can do another trawl for water plant roots.”
Taz nodded. “You all right here with Kepi?” he asked Romi.
“Where would I go?” Romi said, again making himself grin. Taz smiled back and then headed off with Karik.
Kepi was putting finishing touches to the shelter frame they’d decided to take with them, to reduce the time it took to make the camp each night and thereby help with the fatigue their useless team member would cause them. All Romi could do was watch like an inert lump and wait for an opportunity, however small, to put his plan into action.
Finally he had his chance—Kepi left to find a little more wood, assuring Romi he would be gone only minutes. Minutes were all Romi needed. He threw the blanket off, staggered to Karik’s pack, where his own knife was stored. There, got it. He got his breath back, then moved away from the campsite, and slumped against a tree, panting. Maybe he should take his shirt off, someone could use it—but he didn’t have the energy even for that. Better get on with it then. Hand shaking, he raised the knife. Could he put it through his ribs? No, he might not make a fatal wound straight off—better in the throat, though it would make a mess and he was sorry for that. He closed his eyes. One...two....
“If you kill yourself, I will come after you in the next life and make it a pissing misery, Romi.”
He opened his eyes and saw Kepi standing there, white-faced and glaring at him. “Just let me do it, Kepi. It’s the only way.”
“No. Stand down, captain.” He had little choice, as with two long strides, Kepi had reached him, taken the knife from him, and forced him to sit on the ground. Kepi crouched in front of him. “You pissing coward. How could you...we were watching you die!” He threw the knife forcefully into the soil, so it was buried up to the hilt. “You selfish, pissing bastard!”
“I’ll get you killed. All of you killed.”
“Our choice. Do you think we want to live at the price of your life? Did you drag us this far only to prove what a lousy coward you are? Answer me, you bastard!”
“Kepi, please.... I just want you to live,” Romi said helplessly. “There’s no way you can pull me to Selnozi.”
“Then at least we die trying, not betraying everything we swore as soldiers to do.”
“And do you make that choice for Karik? He’s no soldier. He’s got a family who need him, a daughter who needs him. Don’t ask me to make her an orphan.”
“Damn you, if you honestly think Karik would....” Kepi spat in disgust. “That man dragged you back from death with his bare hands, I swear it. Daughter or no daughter, Romi...you insult him.”
“What if I have to watch you die because you tried to save me?”
“Think we’re that bad at soldiering, do you?”
“We were barely hanging on even before all this,” Romi said, desperate to convince Kepi this was insane. “We always knew if one of us was injured, it would cripple the team. As captain, I’m ordering you to walk away now and leave me alone.”
“No. You’re not fit to be my captain anymore—and if you kill yourself, I’ll make sure people know about the great coward, lieutenant pissing Romi of pissing Temshek barracks!” Romi had never seen Kepi this angry before—he was usually so slow to rouse, he rarely ever even got cross with people. “On your damn feet, soldier—you’re under arrest for your own protection.”
“Oh, don’t be—”
“Don’t push me, Romi. If you weren’t so ill, I’d knock you down. Get up, you bastard!” Not waiting for him to obey, Kepi hauled him up by his collar, then retrieved the discarded knife. “Move your arse. Move!”
He was serious. He really was putting his own captain under arrest.
Worse was to follow. “You can’t,” Romi said, aghast as he saw Kepi retrieve one of their ropes and then face him with obvious intent to use it.
“Pissing can. I’d ask for your word of honour not to try anything, but obviously that means nothing to you. Sit by that tree.”
Stung by the accusation, Romi obeyed, glaring as Kepi efficiently and with no gentleness at all, tied the rope around Romi’s waist and then around the tree. “You’ve lost your mind.”
“Funny how one of my best friends trying to kill himself will do that. Now shut up.” Kepi put a blanket around his shoulders. Romi refused to help him adjust it, still incredulous that one of his soldiers could be so bull-headed and stupid. “Sit there, behave—don’t try to kill yourself.”
“Kepi—”
“Shut up! Damn you to all hells, Romi. It would have been me who found you. I hate your guts!”
Kepi stalked off, punching a tree as he passed. Romi sighed, tested the rope without much hope, and then could only sit, frustrated, angry and worried as the afternoon wore on. Kepi’s display had only convinced him he was doing nothing but harm by continuing to burden them with his crippled presence. Yes, Kepi would grieve, but he would get
over it. Karik and Taz would help him. With any luck, all that anger would push them on faster.
The others returned mid-afternoon—with good hunting, Romi noted, pleased for their sakes. It only proved that on their own, they could manage—but not with nearly two hundred pounds of useless deadweight behind them. He just needed to convince them of that.
Kepi took Taz and Karik away from the camp, but Romi heard him shouting anyway. The response of the others was inaudible, but Romi braced himself for more anger and more stupid sentiment which would get them killed. Why couldn’t they see he was trying to uphold his sworn duty to protect them?
After nearly an hour, it was Karik who returned, grim-faced and alone. Romi readied himself for the blast, but the man said nothing, merely crouching behind the tree—in a few moments, the rope was freed from around Romi’s waist. Then Karik came around in front of him, and, drawing his own knife, threw it to Romi. “There you go. Get on with it.”
Stiff and tired from hours of sitting and fretting, Romi used the tree to help himself stand as Karik moved a little way away. “Is this a trick?”
“No trick. Do it.”
Romi looked at him warily, still suspecting a trap. “You don’t need to watch.”
“Oh, yes I do. I want to be sure you’re dead this time. No miraculous recovery to give me hope. I want to know the lying, oath-breaking traitor who claimed to be my friend and who asked me to trust him, is dead. Then maybe the man I knew will come back from wherever he’s hiding and this shit will be over!”
Romi let the hand holding the knife fall to his side. He was so tired—couldn’t they just let him go? “I didn’t want to hurt you,” he whispered.
“You’re not hurting me. For you to hurt me, you’d have to be my friend, and I don’t want any more friends who ask me to trust them and then stab me in the back. Just a little tip, Romi—I’d rather you raped me too next time. It doesn’t hurt half as much as watching you die.”
Karik turned his back on him, but Romi could tell he was trembling. “I’m sorry, Karik—”
The other man whirled, eyes flashing with rage, colour high in his cheeks. “You’re not! You’re just an arrogant arse, thinking you know best, that you’re better than all three of us put together and that just because things have got a little difficult for you for the first time in your charmed life, you want to escape, and be damned to the rest of us! You’re selfish, you’re cruel, and you’re a pissing cowardly liar. So stick the knife in your neck and spare us the spectacle of your hypocrisy.”
He couldn’t stand any more—it had been an exhausting afternoon and he was at the end of his strength. He slumped down against the tree again and stared up at his furious companion. “You don’t understand.”
“What don’t I understand, Romi? That you’re sick? That everything, every movement is difficult? That you’re worried, frightened—depressed? Oh no, I’d never understand that. I was only nearly beaten to death by the children in our village, nearly stabbed to death by a madman, because I have blond hair, not brown. I was only drugged, raped and nearly murdered by the man I trusted as a friend and a mentor. Of course I wouldn’t understand being helpless or frightened or wanting to die. I’m just an idiot.”
Romi had never heard such raw scorn in anyone’s voice before. Karik walked over and leaned down, staring right into Romi’s face. “But you know? If I had killed myself when I was sixteen, my daughter would not have been born. If I’d killed myself after Visiqe—and I wanted to, I really, really did some nights—you all would have starved to death by now. So it’s a really good thing that I’m too stupid to understand such things, don’t you think?”
Romi closed his eyes. Could he just sleep before he died? So very, very tired.... “Is that it?”
“That’s it. Now get on with it.”
Romi raised the knife and pointed it at his throat. “Please don’t watch,” he whispered. “I’m begging you.”
“You don’t get to tell me what to do any more. You lost my respect when you lost my trust.”
He swallowed, then swallowed again, and as the tears trickled down his cheeks, he let the knife fall from his fingers. “You don’t understand. You don’t understand. I’m sorry.” He covered his face with his hand and rubbed his eyes. “Just trying...I’m sorry. I don’t want you to die, Karik. I’m sorry, so sorry....” He couldn’t stop the tears at all, and really, he wasn’t one for crying...he....
Strong arms pulled him close and cradled him, and his tears soaked into a worn, smoke-scented shirt. “I don’t want you to die,” Karik murmured against his ear. “Why can’t you see that? You promised to take me home. You can’t take me home if you’re dead.”
“But you’ll die if I stay.”
Karik pulled his head back and looked at Romi. “I’ll die if you don’t,” he said quietly. “Please. Give us a chance to prove we can do this. We deserve the chance. We fought for it. Please—you said you trusted me. Can you not trust me a little more?”
“I...don’t...I just want to keep you all alive. I don’t know any other way it can work.”
Karik stroked his fingers down Romi’s face. “Because you’re sick, you’re tired and you’re worried half to death. You’re not in the best state to make any judgements, let alone something this important. You’re a sick man who needs time to get well.” He took Romi’s hand in his, gave it a squeeze. “You need to let us show you what we can do, and if we die, we die with honour, knowing we did our very best. We can’t do that if you take the choice away. Please, Romi? I don’t want to lose my friend. I came too close the other night. Don’t make me go through that again. Not after....” He swallowed, and looked at Romi with eyes bright with tears. “Who will save me in the night this time?” he whispered.
I’m such a damn fool, Romi thought, now shaking uncontrollably and feeling so very, very cold and tired. “Me. I’ll always save you.”
“Thank you.” Karik smiled at him, though moisture still glinted in his green eyes. “You look like shit.”
“I feel like shit. I’m sorry.”
“I know. I forgive you because I know you mean well, and we won’t be having this conversation again, will we?”
“No.” He had lost. He had nothing more he could try, and could only give in. It was a mistake, but it was too late for anything else.
“Good.” Karik stood and offered him a hand, pulling him up and putting an arm around his waist. He helped Romi back to the shelter and suggested he lie down. “Rest. Get well.”
“Will I ever get better?”
“I believe you will,” Karik said firmly. “It might take time, and we might have to get you back to Darshek before you fully recover, but you will. Damn it, have some faith in us, and some faith in yourself,” he said, shaking his head in exasperation. “Now, get some sleep. I’ll wake you for supper—you need to eat.”
“All right,” Romi said tiredly. Karik put his hand on Romi’s forehead and stroked it gently, and with that touch offering him a little comfort, he slipped away where there was peace.
~~~~~~~~
Karik waited until Romi was soundly asleep, his tired face free of tension at last, then rose quietly, went to where Romi had dropped his knife, sheathed it, then leaned against the tree, resting his cheek against it. “Gods,” he said. His hands were shaking again. What an incredible, brave, stubborn arse.
He only took a few moments to collect himself, then he walked back to where Kepi and Taz were waiting anxiously. They had put their trust in him when he’d asked to try and deal with Romi—and if he’d got it wrong, they would have all lost someone very precious to them. “He’s asleep,” he said as Kepi stood, fists clenched with the stress he was feeling. “It’ll be all right, I think.”
Taz swore quietly. Kepi slumped against the tree behind him. “Gods. Thank you. I just didn’t know what to do. How could he even think we would want him to die?”
“He’s very ill and depressed,” Karik said. “In his mind, he’s thinking as cle
arly as ever—but you and I know he’s not. I think I’ve made him realise he’s not up to making big decisions. You know how hard it is, being helpless, being so sick—even my Pa becomes a complete idiot when he’s injured.”
Taz gave him a wry grin. “Mine too, come to think of it. Romi’s just like him in that way.”
“Well, who wants to be dependent?” Karik said with a shrug. He closed his hands—they were still trembling a little. “Now he’s had the short sharp shock, I want you to be very, very gentle with him. He’s pretty fragile—physically, mentally. He’s at the limit of what he can take. So if you consider him a friend, now’s the time to be one.”
“I was so pissing angry with him,” Kepi said. “I couldn’t believe he would do that. I mean...gods, Romi, of all people.”
“And that tells you just how sick he is. You know that’s not like him,” Karik said. “Now, he’s going to rest, and I think we’d better wait one more day to leave, Taz. I don’t think he’ll try this again, but if he gets too stressed or upset again, I can’t make any guarantees.”
“We need to keep a close eye on him,” Taz said. “Well done, Karik. I hope he realises one day what you did for him.”
“If he ever forgives me for some of the things I said to him, he might. I was pretty horrible to him.”
“So was I,” Kepi said. “But it did no good.”
“I think it did,” Karik said. “One of us on our own may not have been enough. But let’s put it behind us. He’s right—it’ll be tough, and if he sees us failing, it’ll just make him depressed. Our success will keep him alive, literally.”
“True enough,” Taz said, getting to his feet. “Right, then I’ll check our snares and set them again, if we’re here another night. You lads get on, and I’ll be back soon.”
“Be careful, Taz,” Karik warned. “We really can’t afford another one of us hurt.”
“I’m always careful,” Taz scoffed.
“Oh, yes?” Karik pointed at his recently injured arm. “Be careful, you nitwit.”
Staying Power (Darshian Tales #3) Page 42