Romi’s knees couldn’t sustain the position they were in, and when he shifted, Karik freed himself and got to his feet. “Sorry. I know I shouldn’t keep getting so worked up about it.”
Romi sighed in exasperation. “No one’s disputing your right to throw a complete tantrum if you want it. We just don’t know how to help.”
“You can’t. I have to handle this myself. You won’t be here forever, and I can’t rely on other people to solve things for me.”
Romi was a little stung, though it was only the truth, only exactly what he had been telling Karik for weeks now. “Well, while I’m here, I’ll do what I can. If they catch Soza, at least he’ll have to allow a mind-speaker to examine him, and the truth will come out.”
“If,” Karik said bleakly. “Come on, I want to speak to Kei.”
They found him in the sitting room with Arman. He looked up, expression worried. “Karik? I can’t—”
Karik raised his hand. “Please don’t apologise to me. You were lied to, same as me. You, I trust.”
“I’m still sorry, more than I can say. Will you sit, both of you? I want to tell you something.”
To Romi’s surprise, Arman went to the little cabinet at the side, and broke out four small glasses. “I think, under the circumstances, some Prijian wine might be appropriate.”
“Are we celebrating something?” Karik asked, frowning. Romi could imagine Karik thought this was highly inappropriate, as did he.
“Well, in a way, nephew. Let Kei tell you.”
Kei waited until the glasses of dark, heavy wine were distributed, and took a sip as if to steady himself. He looked very pale, and rather distressed, but his hands were steady. Romi couldn’t guess what was going on, but was prepared to be patient.
Finally, Kei cleared his throat. “Karik, what Jezinke has done in this situation is a complete scandal. As you know, I’ve always respected him greatly for his learning, but his pastoral care is abominable. To me it shows how important it is that the head of the academy is someone whom the staff and students can trust completely, and whom their colleagues can trust. Jezinke has lost my confidence, and I intend to make that very clear to him when I resume my role as academy master.”
Karik gasped. “Kei! Really?” But then he frowned again. “Why now?”
Kei glanced at Romi. “Because a leader only has the power his subordinates grant him willingly. People trusted me to lead them—I let them down, and I’ve left them vulnerable to predators like Soza. I want to be sure no one like that comes anywhere near our academy here. I can do nothing for Urshek, but I can keep our people safe here in Darshek.”
Karik set his glass down and went to Kei’s side, hugging him enthusiastically. “Oh thank you. Gods, can you feel how happy I am?”
“Yes, dear nephew, I’m getting a very good idea. I’m sorry, Ka-chi. So very sorry for all of it.”
“Stop it,” Karik whispered. “I understand. You did what you felt was right, and you’re still doing it.”
Arman cleared his throat. “So now you understand why I wanted us to have some wine. Karik, Kei’s not going to go back full-time until you and Romi leave for Ai-Albon. You should really take leave until...you know, you and Romi....”
Now it was Kei hugging Karik, before pushing him gently back to Romi’s side. “Yes, nephew. You two should spend as much time together as you can.”
Karik nodded. Romi took his hand, grateful his hosts understood the problem, and that they weren’t pushing things. “One thing—what about this stolen material?”
“Oh that will be returned if I have to go to Urshek myself and tear it from Jezinke’s hands,” he said with a rare scowl defacing his fine features. “Even if he’d been entirely ignorant of Soza’s nature, there’s no way he couldn’t have realised that Soza had been dishonest over that. The arrangements regarding the dispersal of that material were very clear from the start.”
“My counterparts in Urshek will make sure this happens,” Arman added. “Jezinke’s stock will be very low at the moment.”
But Karik seemed less than happy about something. “There’s something I need to know.”
“Yes, Ka-chi?”
“Are you going to quit again if something else happens to me? Do I have to worry about this every time I go collecting? Because if I do, I’m quitting right now. I’ll go back with Pa and work with him. I’m not working for you if you won’t allow me to make my own choices, and take my own risks.”
“Karik, you can’t expect me to be unaffected if your death was reported again, or you were really killed. You can’t ask it of me.”
Karik folded his arms—Romi recognised the stubborn expression, and suppressed a grin. Kei had no chance of winning this. “Oh? Why not? I’m supposed to allow other people, other nephews, sons and lovers to go out and find the drugs to save my family’s lives, my friends’ lives, but oh no, my pretty little arse is too precious to risk?”
Arman made a choked noise and hid his mouth behind his hand. “Well, uncle? Why am I to be protected at the cost of the entire academy, but other people can go into the field and put their lives in danger to find the drugs we need? Will we say to the next person with bej fever, ‘sorry you’re dying, but the man who might have found the cure is currently wrapped in lemul wool on a shelf somewhere’?”
“Karik, you’re...you are too precious to me to lose.” Arman laid a hand gently on his lover’s shoulder. “I know it’s not logical—”
“Damn right it’s not. It’s also unfair and unjust and you’ve always told me you value fairness and justice. If you won’t risk me, you shouldn’t risk anyone.”
“I don’t want to risk anybody. That was the whole problem!” Kei was roused now, bright spots of colour in his cheeks betraying his emotion. “I wasn’t any more delighted to find Sibu scarred for life than I was to learn of your death. That was my fault too.”
“No it wasn’t, Kei! Damn you, you’re not dealing with dolls. We’re all adults, all capable of making choices. Sibu knew the risks, and she accepted them, gladly. She told me before our group split up that I had to go on to Mount Arzha, to make her sacrifice worthwhile! If you’re going to say you want the material but you don’t want anyone hurt, then you’re saying the battle’s not worth fighting. You’re the only one who believes that. I don’t want my children dying from a disease I could have found the cure for. I’m the best pissing plant collector in the whole of pissing Darshian, and I want to do my pissing job, damn it!”
Kei blinked. Romi handed his lover his wine glass, and Karik knocked it back like a seasoned drunkard, which made Arman blink. “Perhaps some more,” Romi murmured.
“Indeed,” Arman muttered. He busied himself with the decanter. Kei continued to stare at Karik as if he’d sprouted feathers. Karik glared back, his colour high and eyes flashing in a manner with which Romi had become very familiar over the previous year. He wondered if Kei had ever seen his nephew in a temper before—from the look on his face, it seemed unlikely.
Arman topped up the glasses, and set the bottle down where it could be easily reached, before sitting and taking his lover’s hand. “Kei, I hate to say this—but he’s quite right. In Karik’s position, I’d say the same. If you can’t trust in the bravery of your leader, he’s no business leading you.” Kei turned and gave Arman a hurt look. “Look—a good leader tries to minimise the risks, plans well, and doesn’t ask more than is reasonable, or that he would do himself. But after that, his men have to be allowed to make their decision to follow. Abandoning them mid-battle is the worst crime of all, and this battle is far from over. Isn’t that right, lieutenant?”
“Yes, my lord. And a leader who decides in advance that only certain soldiers are allowed to die, is a filthy rotten cur.”
“He certainly is.”
“Fine, then I’m a cur,” Kei muttered, going to stand, but finding himself restrained by Arman’s hand on his arm. He turned to his lover again. “Are you seriously expecting me to let Karik die? A
m I not allowed to have any feelings at all?”
Arman pulled him close, and his shoulders shook as he buried his face in Arman’s shoulder. Karik took a sip of his wine, his hands clenching tight on the glass. Romi hoped his lover was up to the end game here. Giving in now would mean he would never win this, and for everyone’s sake, he had to.
Arman stroked Kei’s hair. “A good leader has feelings. A good leader weeps for his dead soldiers and makes sure their families are cared for. But a good leader has to know when the battle is worthy, and then engages in it whole-heartedly. This is the most worthy battle of all.”
Karik left his chair and knelt before his uncle, laying his head on Kei’s knee. Kei laid his hand on Karik’s hair. “It hurts so much, Ka-chi,” he whispered.
“Then don’t go back,” Karik said, equally quietly. “If it hurts that much, I don’t want you to be in pain. But if you go back, it has to be the whole way. I’m just one of a hundred people who work at the academy. Every one of us is precious, and every one of us wants to win this battle. You want to protect us, but you also have to let us fight the good fight. Besides, people keep trying to kill me and failing. Maybe there’s a reason for that.”
Kei’s mouth twitched a little, but he didn’t manage the smile. “Am I just a fool?” he murmured.
“No. You’re my uncle and my friend and I’ll love you whatever you choose. But I can’t work for you unless I know I’m just a foot soldier.”
“Not a foot soldier—what was it, ‘the best pissing plant collector in Darshian’?”
Arman smiled at Romi. “His manners have deteriorated atrociously under your influence, lieutenant.”
Romi raised his hands. “Wait a minute—he spoke like that before I got anywhere near him! He just acts all nice and polite, but he’s got a mouth like a beast manager.”
“Pa’s a beast manager and he doesn’t speak like that,” Karik said, lips quirking in an almost-grin. “Kei? Maybe think about it for a while?”
Kei touched his cheek. “No, I’ve decided. I’m going back because my people need me. And...if you’re determined to risk your life again, I won’t stop you. But I will damn well tell you if I think you’re being foolish.”
Romi smiled with relief. “That’s also a good leader’s role.”
“Don’t forget,” Arman said, looking seriously at them all, “any plans have to be approved by me. And I damn well won’t be letting anyone throw their lives away in a foolish manner, nephew or no damn nephew. We can’t have the best pissing plant collector in Darshian being lost for no reason at all.”
“I’m not going to live that down, am I?” Karik muttered.
“No, nephew, you’re not,” Kei said, patting his shoulder. “However crudely put, it happens to be true, but don’t get a swelled head about it. You still have a lot to learn about being a healer.”
“Well, I leave that to you.” Karik got to his feet. “Are we done? I don’t want to fight with you any more, Kei.”
“Me neither, Ka-chi.” He made Karik lean down so he could kiss his forehead. “You scare the living daylights out of me, you know.”
“Don’t mean to.”
Arman coughed. “Well, now that’s all settled—let me propose a toast to Kei, and to Karik. May the battle be well fought, and the victory sweet.”
Romi was glad to drink to that. He could foresee pain ahead, and more hard decisions, but he had faith in the bravery of both men, and their innate good sense. He only wished he could fight by their side, but it wasn’t to be his fate. He would have to be one of those left at home to worry and to wait. Unfortunately, waiting had never been something he was good at.
Staying Power: 51
Lazy day followed lazy day, and Karik, who’d not had much leisure over the past six years, was learning to appreciate it. Romi and Kei still spent the mornings together, because Kei enjoyed it and Romi wanted the company, but now as Karik was coming back from the academy, Kei was heading to it—Arman suggested it was better for him to go in the afternoons, because if he went in the morning, his plan of being part-time would go out the window. Once Kei got into his work, he tended to lose all track of time, and at least this way, Arman’s arrival to collect him would ensure he stopped.
The news of Kei’s return had filled everyone with pure joy. Pitis smiled constantly, and there was a spring in his step which looked a little odd in the otherwise dignified man. It had made all the difference to Kei too, and he was now, at least superficially, the man Karik had always known. One had to know him very well indeed to see the pain behind his eyes—pain that belonged not to Karik, but to Karik’s Ma. But that was something Karik could do nothing about, at least not yet. Talking to his Ma through mind-speech had been singularly disastrous. He was hoping Pa would have some answers, because he was fresh out.
He almost wished things were less wonderful with Romi, that there would be some reason to be glad this interlude had to end soon, but no, the bastard just had to be kind and sweet and make every day a delight, damn him. Karik didn’t know how he’d live without Romi at his side—with him, the terrors of the assault had faded almost to nothing, and he’d had only one more panic attack since Kei had spoken to them about it. A lot of that was to do with Romi’s gentle patience over sex, but also that Karik felt safe with him near. When he thought about the fact he could run into Soza at any time, his blood ran cold, but Romi would just hug him or squeeze his arm to distract him, and Karik could push the fears back again. Would he be able to do that on his own?
He went to Mila for her second cycle, and promised that if she had not caught, he would continue to help them until she did. Part of it was wanting Jes to have a brother or sister, but part of it was also thinking that maybe, if anything did happen to him in the future, the new child would offer a little comfort to his parents and his uncles. Despite Kei’s promises, Karik’s death would cause terrible grief, and he would do anything he could—short of giving up his job—to prevent that.
The new year’s celebration consisted of bonfires on the beach, and mugs of hot spiced beer drunk to the health of one’s friends and neighbours. Reis took them all flying that night, high over the harbour, while Neris threw fireballs across the sky, to the amazement and delight of the crowd. Jes, experiencing this miracle for the first time, clapped her hands with delight and insisted on more, which Neris, pretending to be annoyed, readily supplied. Romi was like a child himself, staring in wonder at the sight, and grinning madly.
“Beats Mount Arzha, don’t you think?” he murmured as Reis took them even higher, with the moon rising behind the Kislik Range, and the bonfires twinkling brightly below them.
“Almost,” Karik said. “Although I wish I could see it explode.”
“Nephew, you are not allowed near exploding volcanoes. I’m putting my foot down about that.”
“Yes, Master Kei,” Karik said meekly, giving Arman a sly grin. Arman winked back, looking as happy as Karik had ever seen him. It was so good to have Kei back in charge.
Two days after new year, Seiki sent them a message that Karik’s father was just a few minutes from the barracks where he would stable his beast and cart. Arman said he had no difficulty with abusing his position by sending a calash down to collect their friend, and after a bit of shameless bullying, Kei agreed to go with Karik, though he looked nervous, and clearly thought this was a very bad idea. Karik had more faith in his Pa than that, though he didn’t expect it to all go smoothly. For that reason, Romi was to wait at the house with Arman, to let Karik and Kei absorb the first reactions. As they drove along in the Rulers’ best carriage, Karik wondered when his family interactions had become so complicated.
Tiko and his Pa were waiting at the barracks’ gate as they pulled up. Karik leapt from the vehicle and ran straight into his father’s waiting arms. “Oh, son,” Pa murmured against his ear. “Never thought I’d hold you again.”
“There were times I didn’t think so either, Pa.” He pulled back. Pa looked exhausted, and
it wasn’t just the journey. “I’m sorry.”
“I should say so too, young man,” he said, forcing a grin. “Where’s...?” He turned around, and saw Kei standing by the carriage, looking ill at ease. “Excuse me, Karik, but there’s something I need to do.”
Karik released him, but then held his breath. Don’t hurt him, Pa, please don’t hurt him. His father walked over to Kei, paralysed by his approach. Then, without the least hesitation, Pa pulled Kei into a crushing hug and wouldn’t let him go.
“Now that’s what I was hoping to see,” Tiko said quietly, coming to Karik’s side. “Didn’t think your Pa would turn Kei away.”
“Me either, but Kei didn’t know for sure. I don’t know what to do about Ma, though.”
“It’ll come right, you’ll see. Going home soon, then?”
“A week or so, I guess. Romi too,” he added casually.
Tiko wasn’t fooled. “Damn, but I wish he would transfer up here. Good man, your lieutenant.”
“He says he’d have less responsibility if he moved up here, and have less chance of promotion.”
“That’s true enough, sadly. Those small barracks can be the making of a young officer, if they’re willing to put the work in, and Romi’s done a lot with his chances. No, if he stays down there, he could make colonel. No chance here—too many young studs fighting for the same chance. He’d be lucky to make captain in ten years, though if there was any justice, he would. Hard on you though.”
Karik shrugged and tried to be nonchalant. “We knew this was coming, Tiko. Looks like Pa’s ready to go.”
Tiko clapped his shoulder. “Then see you tomorrow, maybe. Good luck with everything.”
Staying Power (Darshian Tales #3) Page 63