by Mia Ashlinn
“You’re there one minute, mad the next, then you’re gone. I swear I have whiplash.”
Brett didn’t turn to face Sam. He only muttered, “Poor, poor, pitiful you.”
Ethan, however, whirled around and pinned Sam with a glare that would have fried a pan of bacon to a crisp. “Welcome to our world, Sam.”
Excuse me? “What is that supposed to mean?”
Ethan crossed his toned arms over his big, wide chest. His entire demeanor screamed Hands off. “It means you’ve gone from friend to stranger then back to friend again in a matter of months. Last night you became our lover. Now you’re what? A friend? A stranger? A lover? Tell me because I’m getting confused with all this back and forth.”
That was easy. “I’m your friend and your lover.”
Brett’s silence broke. He spun around and in a flash, he was in Sam’s face. “No. A friend would have called and told us what was going on instead of standing us up. A friend would have invited us over for coffee with his brothers. And by God, a lover would have told said brothers the truth. A lover would have held our hand in public, not treated us like we were intruders on a private conversation.”
Intimidated by Brett’s anger, Sam took a step back. “So you’re pissed that I didn’t tell my brothers about us?” He tried to keep his voice calm, neutral, and completely even—despite the tornado of emotions ripping through him. But he failed dreadfully.
Ethan came at Sam from the other side, his tense body invading Sam’s personal zone. “I’m not pissed about that. I couldn’t care less whether they know or not. Frankly, it’s none of their goddamn business.” Aggressively, Ethan pressed his rock-hard chest to Sam’s and leaned into him. The pressure his lover exerted sent Sam back another step. But his retreat didn’t stop Ethan from following him forward. “I’m pissed because you left us out. You were scared your brothers would find out about us or you were worried we would tell them or some other bullshit. Honestly, I’m not sure it was. But rather than taking the risk, you chose to leave us out entirely. Do you have a clue what that felt like?”
No, Sam really didn’t. But admitting that would end badly. So he closed his mouth with a click and clamped his jaw shut. Then he said nothing at all.
“I’ll tell you,” Brett snapped. “It felt like the day we came home and you were gone. That’s what it felt like.”
Brett’s naked confession slammed into Sam, and he gasped. “I—”
“No.” Ethan interrupted. “You can’t justify what you just did. And even if you could, you wouldn’t. God knows you haven’t told us why in the hell you left us five months ago.”
Sam groaned. Ethan was right. He hadn’t said a word about his disappearance. Truth be told, that was the only discussion he’d dodged—time and again. But it wasn’t because he didn’t want to talk to them about why he left. It was because he was ashamed of why he had. He should have stayed. He should have told them. And shit, he should have fought. But he hadn’t. Now he couldn’t bear for them to know the truth. He couldn’t stand the thought of the two strongest men he’d ever known seeing his weakness.
Sam’s heart took off like a cheetah galloping through the grasslands. “I...” he trailed off to suck in several bolstering breaths. Then bracing himself, he went on, “…need a drink.” Damn it. He hadn’t really said he needed a drink. Had he?
When Brett cursed and Ethan stormed away, Sam knew he had.
“Why don’t you go get that drink then?” Brett’s words could have been a question or a suggestion. Sam really wasn’t sure which it was. “I have no doubt your brothers would be more than happy to keep you company.” Sam didn’t miss how Brett stressed brothers.
“Fine. I will.”
As soon as the words were out, Brett flinched. But other than that tiny action, he didn’t give away anything going on his head. “Good,” he clipped out. “I hope you have a hell of a lot more fun than Ethan and I will be.” With that, Brett took off in the direction Ethan had gone, leaving Sam in the dust.
Seeing Brett and Ethan’s upset, watching them leave like he’d left them months ago, sliced Sam to the deepest recess of his soul. He had to bite his lip to keep from crying out, yelling for them to come back. He gnawed on his own flesh to stop himself from making a spectacle of himself in front of everyone.
“Son of a dickless Douche Lord,” Sam spat. His heart was breaking, and he was worried about embarrassing himself in public? What the hell was wrong with him? I’m a motherfucking moron. That’s what.
With a weary sigh, Sam turned his back on the retreating Brett and started walking in the opposite direction. Each step he took was more agonizing than pulling teeth with rusty pliers. Nevertheless, he didn’t allow the excruciating pain to stop him. He had to go back in the Book Nook, face his brothers, and do something, something drastic that would fix his massive fuck-up. He just didn’t know what that would be.
Chapter 16
Before Sam’s ass hit the bottom of the booth seat, his brother was already launching an attack on him. “Damn it,” Miah cursed. “What are you doing back here?”
Shocked, Sam’s eyes shot straight to the middle Carrington brother. “Excuse me?”
“Shit, Sam. Everyone knows how the three of you feel.” Thom scrubbed his face with his hand then sighed. “And if they didn’t before, they do now.”
“Excuse me?” Sam repeated. “What the hell are you talking about?”
“Everyone in here knows what just happened between the three of you,” Thom explained.
Sam blinked. “How?” he croaked. Sure, he’d known the gossip would spread like the plague—quickly and without qualm. But seriously, he’d been back in the Book Nook for all of a minute. And people were already talking? That was a bit much, even for Luscious’s busybodies.
Thom gestured over his shoulder with his thumb. “The blond guy followed you with his cell phone and gave the brunette lady a play-by-play over the phone. Let’s just say she’s a talker—to anyone who will listen.”
Sam growled. “I can’t—”
“Shut up, Sam,” Miah interrupted. “Just shut the hell up. That crap doesn’t matter. What matters is your ass needs to get in gear and go after Ethan and Brett before the damage is done.”
Sam wasn’t so sure the damage hadn’t already been done.
“Yeah Sam,” Thom agreed. “Don’t be stupid and let them go because you’re afraid of what people will think.”
Miah scoffed. “He’s not scared of what people will think.” His voice was so thick with anger, so raw with anguish that Sam ached for his brother. “He’s scared of what we’ll think. He’s worried about what Dad will think.”
Sam’s jaw came unhinged and dropped down. He gaped at his surprisingly intuitive sibling. “What makes you think that?”
Thom laughed without the slightest hint of amusement. “Because, little brother, you’ve always been the good son, the devoted brother. You’ve made everyone happy but yourself.”
That was true. Sam had hated it. He’d hated himself because he’d allowed his family’s opinion rule his life. Now he was at a point that it was either what they thought or Brett and Ethan. It was a no-brainer. He loved his family. But he loved Brett and Ethan more. They were his life, his soul, the very air he breathed. “I—”
“No,” Miah interrupted again. “You need to listen to me.”
Something about the way Miah spoke struck Sam odd, and he was compelled to listen. “Okay. Talk.”
“Are you sure you want to do this?” Thom asked Miah. “Really sure?”
Miah nodded. “Yes, Thom. I should have told him years ago.”
Feeling out of the loop, Sam had to take a sip of his now lukewarm tea to keep from pleading with them to share the big secret. He gulped down half the cup as he waited. Then finally, Miah started to tell him a story.
“A long time ago, I was in love.” Miah gulped. “He was everything I wanted—smart, handsome, and by some miracle, he loved me. But he was…someone I couldn�
�t be with.” He turned his face away so Sam couldn’t see him. “David and I were lovers, Sam.”
Sam gasped. “David?” His brother had been in love with Brett’s brother? The boy they’d hero worshipped had been hiding a damn big secret from them—of all people.
Licking his lips, Miah nodded. “As you know, we were close when we all lived in Pennsylvania. Then he moved to Texas to be with Elena, and I followed him.” He cleared his throat. “Obviously, I couldn’t stay with him all the time, especially not once you, Brett, and Ethan moved in at the ranch. So he, Elena, and I would meet every chance we could get.”
“Elena, too?” Sam couldn’t help asking.
“We shared Elena—the entire time. From their first date until the day they died, Elena belonged to both of us.”
Damn. Sam hadn’t known that. And even if he had, he probably wouldn’t have believed it. His bad boy brother with David and Elena? He just couldn’t picture Brett’s goody-two-shoes brother and his sweet, innocent wife with Miah.
“You don’t believe him?” Thom asked, his tone terse. His face was a mask of bitterness. “Well, I can vouch for it. The three of them and their little boy were a family.”
Miah swallowed noticeably. “It’s my fault that he doesn’t believe me. I made damn sure no one suspected a thing. Hell, I even begged David and Elena not to tell.” He drove his visibly shaking hand through his hair. “On the night they died, I was fighting with them. I was on the phone with them. I heard the pain in their voices. I heard their screams, the squealing of their tires. I heard it all.”
For the first time in Sam’s life, he saw his brother tear up. And he couldn’t bear it. He hurt for Miah. And he ached for David, Elena, and their baby boy, Jeremy. “Miah, you don’t—”
Miah stopped Sam with a dismissive wave of his hand. “I do. If I’d told you back then, you would have been with Brett and Ethan all this time. But I didn’t, and now that is on my conscience.”
“Miah—”
Again, Miah dismissed him. “Listen, Sam. I’m not dredging up the past to hurt you or me or anyone else. I’m trying to make you see that love is more important than anything, even pleasing me or Thom or Dad.”
Sam’s heart tripled in speed. Dad. “Did he know?”
Apparently, Miah realized exactly who Sam was talking about. “I told him the day we buried my lovers and our son.” Miah finally looked Sam’s way. His eyes begged for Sam’s understanding. “See, I wasn’t as strong as I thought I was. I didn’t stand up for David, Elena, Jeremy, or myself. When I had to stay away from the funeral for fear of what people would think of the sobbing, drunken mess I was, I put a gun in my mouth.” His brother choked up. “Dad found me that way. He and I both knew I wouldn’t pull the trigger. But still, it forced me to talk to him, to explain everything.”
“What did he say?” Sam asked. “How did he respond?”
A sad smile tilted Miah’s lips. “He didn’t mind. He said he wished I’d told him sooner, and he held me. For the first time, Dad consoled me. But it was too late. My real family was gone—my husband, my wife, and my son—and there wasn’t a damn thing I could do to change that. There wasn’t a fucking thing I could say to change the past. I lost everything.” He wiped at the wetness gathering in his eyes. “And if you keep this up, your real family will be gone, too. Please don’t let that happen. Don’t lose Brett and Ethan, not for anything. You grab them and you hold on. Everything else will work out.”
Miah’s please broke Sam’s heart into tiny shards. He’d never known his hard-ass brother had feelings. Now he saw the truth—Miah had a heart. He’d just locked it away.
“I’m so sorry,” Sam whispered. He reached for his brother’s hand then stopped short. He didn’t know how Miah would respond to his unusual display of sibling solidarity. They weren’t exactly best friends. “I wouldn’t have cared if you loved David. I loved him, too. Having him as a brother would have been nice.”
“If you feel that way, what makes you think we’ll mind? Or Dad?” Surprisingly, Miah was the one to show Sam support. He patted his hand, the touch awkward but kind, before drawing away. “I honestly think he would be proud of you for admitting what we’ve known all along—that you love Brett and Ethan as much as they love you.”
A relieved smile touched Sam’s lips. “Thank you. I needed that. But I have to go. I need to talk to my partners. I need to lay my pride at their feet. I have to chase them this time.”
“Ethan’s going to love that,” Thom remarked. “If he takes pictures of you groveling, let me know. I’ll pay big money for blackmail photos.”
Sam could barely discern his brother’s teasing over the roaring in his ears. And after that, he heard nothing at all because he was out of the booth, jogging for the door. He was barreling outside and running straight for his lovers’ arms—if only he knew where they were.
* * * *
“Where are we going?” Brett asked as Ethan let him in his Silver BMW coupe.
That was a good question. Ethan didn’t know where they were going. They didn’t have a lot of options. They could return to Serenity like a couple of puppies with their tails between their legs. Or they could go back to the Paisley House and commiserate over their loss of Sam. They could whine and moan then rant and rage then have hot, angry sex. Yeah, ’cuz that’ll make everything all better. And there was always The Luscious Lady. As long as Sam wasn’t there with Thom and Miah, he and Brett could get shit-faced. That would help. Right?
“I don’t know,” Ethan replied as he slammed the passenger side door shut. With a frown in place, he trudged around his car then got inside. But he didn’t retrieve his keys. He merely sat there, staring out the windshield at nothing. “I wish I knew.”
Brett exhaled voluminously. “We could…” He shrugged. “I’ve got nothing.”
“Me eith—”
“Unless…”
“Unless what?”
“Unless we kick Sam’s ass.”
Ethan shook his head. “No.”
“It worked when we were kids.”
“But we’re not kids anymore. We’re adults.”
“We’re pissed off adults. Doesn’t that count for something?”
“Brett…”
When Ethan trailed off, Brett glowered at him. “If I can’t kick his ass, can I spank it? Paddle it? Something?”
“Are you kidding me? He’d like that.”
“Not the way I want to do it right now.”
Brett was full of shit, and Ethan knew it. “You wouldn’t hurt Sam, not for anything.”
Brett rubbed his severely short hair. “Apparently, he doesn’t have a problem hurting us.”
“Brett—”
His lover seared him with a look. “Don’t go there. I need to be pissed right now.”
“I can’t defend him?” Ethan gawked at Brett. “You do it all the time.”
“It’s different.”
“That’s a fucking double-standard, Brett.”
“No, it isn’t.” Brett’s eyes fell away from Ethan. “If I let the anger go, the pain comes in. Right now, I can’t handle the pain because I’m afraid of what I’ll do.” The unclouded vulnerability on Brett’s face showed the truth of his words.
Ethan grimaced. “You wouldn’t hurt him.”
“You’re right. I wouldn’t. But I would walk away. And I’m not sure that I’m ready to do that yet.” He breathed out heavily, harshly. “I don’t know. Maybe I am.” With a shrug, he added, “I’m just tired of this yo-yo relationship. As cheesy as it may be, I want us to be together, forever. And I want the whole world to know it. Maybe that’s selfish of me.”
Ethan didn’t have a chance to respond because an unexpected knock on the driver side window jarred him. He snapped his head to the left to see who it could be. But he had no clue who the two men were. Both of them were tall, dark, and handsome. And they were serious, brooding, and severe. Just looking at them made Ethan nervous.
Squirming as inconspicu
ously as possible, he tugged his keys from his pocket then jabbed them into the ignition. With a turn, he switched on the car and rolled down his window. “Can I help you?”
The taller of the two men nodded. “Yes, you can. You can promise that you’re not going to leave.”
Confused, Ethan asked, “Huh? What are you talking about?”
“I know a man whose about to run when I see one,” the shorter, stockier man explained. “I’ve been there and done that. I’d hate to see you make the same mistake.”
“Why do you care?” Brett inquired. “You don’t know us. You don’t know Sam.”
The tall one frowned. “We care because Tate cares.”
The shorter guy added, “I love Tate, and he’s good friends with Sam. So I’ll do anything to keep Sam from getting hurt because Tate hurts when his friends hurt. That’s just the way he is.”
The pain in the man’s voice resonated with Ethan. He’d obviously been hurt badly. And from the way he was acting, Ethan suspected he’d run away. By his expressions, he’d probably lived to regret it, too.
“Why?” Brett asked. “We’ve done everything, and he won’t accept us or our love—because we aren’t the people his family expects him to be with. Maybe it’s just better to walk away.”
“Leaving is never the right thing to do.” The vehemence in the stranger’s voice was unnerving and slightly agonizing. “Stay. Fight. In the end, you’ll come out better for it. Believe me, if you walk out on the man you love, you’ll spend the rest of your life regretting it. And one day, you might change your mind. Then what? He might not want you anymore. He might not love you or he might fall in love with somebody else. Can you deal with that?”
Hell no. Ethan couldn’t. And he wouldn’t. “Thanks,” Ethan mumbled before turning to Brett. “We may be pissed and Sam may be a pain in the ass, but we’re staying. We’re not giving up. We’re going to fight for him—whether he damn well likes it or not. And frankly, the rest of his family can go fuck themselves if they won’t accept us as his lovers.”
A slow smile spread across his face. “I’m with you all the way. But when we wrangle our man, we are so spanking that ass of his.”