by John Aubrey
Ben Johnson, riding through Surrey, found the Women weeping and wailing, lamenting the Death of a Lawyer, who lived there: He enquired why so great Grief for the Losse of a Lawyer? Oh, said they, we have the greatest Loss imaginable; he kept us all in Peace and Quietness, and was a most charitable good Man: Whereupon Ben made this Distich:
God works Wonders now and then,
Behold a Miracle, deny’t who can,
Here lies a Lawyer and an honest man.
’Tis Pity that good Man’s Name should not be remember’d.
This account I received from Mr. Isaac Walton (who wrote Dr. John Donne’s &c. Life) Decemb. 2, 1680, he being then eighty-seaven years of age. This is his owne hand writing. I only knew Ben Johnson: but my Lord of Winton knew him very well, and says he was in the 6°, that is the upermost fforme in Westminster Schole. At which time his father dyed, and his mother marryed a bricke-layer, who made him (much against his will) to help him in his trade. But in a short time, his scole maister, Mr. Camden, got him a better imployment, which was, to atend or accompany a son of Sir Walter Rauleyes in his travills. Within a short time after their returne, they parted (I think not in cole bloud) and with a love sutable to what they had in their travills (not to be comended) and then Ben began to set up for himself in the trade by which he got his subsistance and fame. Of which I nede not give any account. He got in time to have 100 pounds a year from the King, also a pention from the Cittie, and the like from many of the nobility, and some of the gentry, which was well payd for love or fere of his raling in verse or prose, or boeth. My Lord of Winton told me, he told him he was (in his long retyrement and sickness, when he saw him, which was often) much afflickted that hee had profain’d the scripture in his playes; and lamented it with horror; yet, that at that time of his long retyrement, his pentions (so much as came yn) was given to a woman that govern’d him, with whom he livd and dyed nere the Abie in West mimster; and that nether he nor she tooke much care for next weike, and wood be sure not to want wine; of which he usually tooke too much before he went to bed, if not oftner and soner. My Lord tells me he knowes not, but thinks he was borne in Westminster. So much for brave Ben.
When B. J. was dyeing King Charles sent him but x pounds.
He lies buryed in the north aisle in the path of square stone (the rest is Lozenge) opposite to the Scutcheon of Robertus de Ros, with this Inscription only on him, in a pavement square of blew marble, about 14 inches square,
O RARE BENN JOHNSON
which was donne at the charge of Jack Young, afterwards knighted, who, walking there when the grave was covering, gave the fellow eighteen pence to cutt it.
RALPH KETTELL
* * *
[Born 1563. Don. Scholar of Trinity College, Oxford, 1579; Fellow 1583; Master of Arts 1586; Doctor of Divinity 1597; third President 1599. He was vigilant in dealing with College estates and discipline, and he rebuilt Trinity College Hall. Died 1643.]
RALPH KETTELL, D.D., was borne in Hartfordshire. The Lady Elizabeth Pope brought him in to be a Scholar of the House at eleaven yeares of age (as I have heard Dr. Ralph Bathurst say.)
I have heard Dr. Whistler say that he wrote good Latin, and Dr. Ralph Bathurst (whose grandmother he maried) that he scolded the best in Latin of any one that ever he knew. He was of an admirable healthy Constitution.
He dyed a year after I came to the Colledge, and he was then a good deal above 80, and he had then a fresh ruddy complexion. He was a very tall well-growne man. His gowne and surplice and hood being on, he had a terrible gigantique aspect with his sharp gray eies.
Mr. Edward Bathurst of Trinity College, Oxon, drew a Picture of Dr. Kettle some three Years after his Death, by sole Strength of Memory, he having so strong an Idea of him impressed on his Mind, that it well resembled him.
He was, they say, white very soon; he had a very venerable presence and was an excellent Governour. One of his maximes of Governing was to keepe-downe the Juvenilis Impetus. He was chosen President, the second after the foundation of the College.
He was a right Church of England man, and every tuesday in Terme-time, in the morning, the Undergraduates (I have forgott if Baccalaurs) were to come into the Chapell and heare him expound on the 36 Articles of the Church of England. I remember he was wont to talk much of the Rood-loft, and of the wafers; he remembred those times. On these dayes, if anyone had committed a fault, he should be sure to heare of it in the Chapell before his fellow Collegiates.
He’d have at any him that had a white Cap on; for he concluded him to have been drunke, and his head to ake. Sir John Denham had borrowed money of Mr. Whistler, the Recorder, and after a great while the Recorder askt him for it again. Mr. Denham laught at it, and told him he never intended that. The Recorder acquainted the President, who, at a Lecture in the Chapell, rattled him, and told him, Thy father (Judge) haz hanged many an honester man. In my time, Mr. Anthony Ettrick and some others frighted a poor young freshman of Magd. Hall with conjuring, which when the old Dr. heard of: on the next Tuesday, sayd he, Mr. Ettrick (who is a very little man) will conjure up a Jackanapes to be his Great-grandfather.
He sawe how the Factions in Religion in those dayes drew, and he kept himselfe unconcerned. W. Laud, Archbishop of Canterbury, sent him one time a servant of his with Venison, which the old Dr. with much earnestness refused, and sayd he was an old man, and his Stomach weake, and he had not eaten of such Meate in a long time, and by no meanes would accept of it; but the servant was as much pressing it on him on the other side, and told the President that he durst not carry it back againe. Well, seeing there was no avoyding it, the President asked the Servant seriously, if the Archbishop of Canterbury intended to putt in any Scholars or Fellowes into his College?
One of the Fellowes (in Mr. Francis Potter’s time) was wont to say that Dr. Kettel’s braine was like a Hasty-pudding, where there was Memorie, Judgemente and Phancy all stirred together. He had all these Faculties in great measure, but they were all just so jumbled together. If you had to doe with him, taking him for a Foole, you would have found in him great Subtility and reach; è contra, if you treated him as a Wise man you would have mistaken him for a Foole. A neighbour of mine, Mr. St. Low, told me heard him preach once in St. Marie’s Church at Oxon. I know not whether this was the only time or no that he used this following way of conclusion: But now I see it is time for me to shutt up my Booke, for I see the Doctor’s men come-in wiping of their beardes from the Ale-house. He could from the pulpit plainly see them, and ’twas their custom in Sermon to go there, and about the end of Sermon to returne to wayte on their masters.
He had two wives, if not three, but no child. His second wife was a Villiers (or rather I thinke the Widow of Edward Villers, Esq.) who had two beautifull daughters, co-heires. The eldest, whom severall of good estate would gladly have wedded, he would needs dispose of himselfe, and he thought nobody so fitt a husband for this Angelique creature as one Mr. Bathurst, of the College, a second brother, and of about 300 pounds per annum, but an indifferent Scholar, red fac’d, not at all handsome. But the Doctor’s fashion was to goe up and downe the College, and peepe in at the Keyholes to see whether the Boyes did follow their books or no. He seldome found Bathurst minding of his Booke, but mending of his old doublet or breeches. He was very thrifty and penurious, and upon this reason he carried away this curious creature. But she was very happy in her Issue; all her children were very Ingeniose and prosperous in the world, and most of them beautifull.
Sir John Suckling
From the portrait by Theodore Russell in the National Portrait Gallery
James Harrington
From the portrait by A. van der Vinne in the National Portrait Gallery
One Mr. Isham (elder brother to Sir Justinian Isham) a gentleman-commoner of this Howse, dyed of the small-pox. He was a very fine Gentleman and very well-beloved by all the Colledge, and severall of the Fellowes would have preacht his Funerall Sermon, but Dr. Kettel would not permitt it, but would doe it himselfe; which
the Fellowes were sorry for, for they knew he would make a ridiculous piece of worke of it. But preach the Dr. did; takes a Text and preaches on it a little while; and then takes another Text for the satisfaction of the young Gentleman’s Mother and anon takes another Text for the satisfaction of the young Gentleman’s Grandmother. When he came to the Panegyrique, sayd he: He was the finest swet young Gentleman; it did my heart good to see him walke along the Quadrangle. We have an olde Proverbe that Hungry Dogges will eate dirty puddings, but I must needes say for this young Gentleman that he always loved Sweet, he spake it with a squeaking voice, things, and there was end.
He observed that the Howses that had the smallest beer had the most drunkards, for it forced them to goe into the towne to comfort their stomachs, wherefore Dr. Kettel alwayes had in his College excellent beere, not better to be had in Oxon, so that we could not goe to any other place but for the worse, and we had the fewest drunkards of any howse in Oxford.
He was irreconcileable to long haire; called them hairy Scalpes, and as for Perriwigges (which were then very rarely worne) he beleeved them to be the Scalpes of men cutte off after they were hang’d, and so tanned and dressed for use. When he observed the Scolars haire longer than ordinary (especially if they were Scholars of the Howse) he would bring a paire of Cizers in his Muffe (which he commonly wore) and woe be to them that sate on the outside of the Table. I remember he cutt Mr. Radford’s haire with the knife that chipps the bread on the Buttery Hatch, and then he sang (this is in the old play of Gammer Gurton’s needle):
And was not Grim the Collier finely trimm’d?
Tonedi, Tonedi.
Mr. Lydall, sayd he, how doe you decline tondeo? Tondeo, tondes, Tonedi?
He was constantly at Lectures and Excercises in the Hall, to observe them, and brought along with him his Hower-glasse; and one time, being offended with the Boyes, he threatened them that if they did not doe their excercise better he would bring an Hower-glasse two howers long.
One time walking by the Table where the Logick Lecture was read, where the Reader was telling the Boyes that a Syllogisme might be true quoad formam, but not quoad materiam; said the President (who would putt-in sometimes) There was a Fox that spyed a Crowe upon a tree, and he had a great mind to have him, and so getts under the tree in a hope, and layes out his tayle crooked like a Horne, thinking the Crowe might come and peck at it, and then he would seise him. Now come we (this was his word) I say the foxe’s tayle is a horne: is this a true proposition or no? (to one of the boyes). Yes, sayd he (the Dr. expected he should have sayd No; for it putt him out of his designe); Why then, sayd he, take him and toot him; and away he went.
As they were reading of inscribing and circumscribing Figures, sayd he, I will shew you how to inscribe a Triangle in a Quadrangle. Bring a pig into the quadrangle, and I will sett the colledge dog at him, and he will take the pig by the eare, then come I and take the Dog by the tayle and the hog by the tayle, and so there you have a Triangle in a quadrangle; quod erat faciendum.
He dragg’d with one foot a little, by which he gave warning (like a rattlesnake) of his comeing. Will Egerton (Major General Egerton’s younger brother) a good witt and mimick, would goe so like him that sometimes he would make the whole Chapell rise up imagining he had been entring in.
He preach’t every Sunday at his parsonage at Garsington, about five miles off. He rode on his bay gelding, with his boy Ralph before him, with a leg of mutton (commonly) and some colledge bread. He did not care for the countrey Revells because they tended to debauchery. Sayd he, at Garsington revell, Here is, Hey for Garsington! and hey for Cuddesdon! and hey Hockley! but here’s nobody cries, hey for God Almighty!
Upon Trinity Sunday (our Festival day) he would commonly preach at the Colledge, whither a number of the scholars of other howses would come, to laugh at him. In his prayer (where he was, of course, to remember Sir Thomas Pope, our founder, and the Lady Elizabeth, his wife, deceased) he would many times make a willfull mistake, and say, Thomas Pope, our confounder, but then presently recall himselfe.
He sang a thin shrill high Treble, but there was one J. Hoskyns who had a higher, and was wont to playe the wag with the Doctor, to make him straine his voyce up to his.
He was a person of great Charity. In his College, where he observed diligent boys that he ghessed had but a slender exhibition from their Friends, he would many times putt money in at their windowes; that his right hand did not know what his left did. Servitors that wrote good hands he would sett on worke to transcribe for him, and reward them generosely, and give them good advise.
The Parsonage of Garsington belongs to the College and this good old Doctor, when one of his parish, that was an honest industrious man, happened by any accident to be in decay and lowe in the World, would let his Parsonage to him for a yeare, two or three, fourty pounds a yeare under value.
You must knowe that there was a great Faction between Dr. Kettle and the Fellowes; and one time at a Scrutiny, the Doctor upbraiding them for their direspect to Him: Qd, Oh! you are brave gallant Gentlemen, and learned men, you dispise, and snort and fart at your poor President: I am an old blind-sincks: but who was it proposed you to be fellows from poor raskall-Jacks, and Servitors: Was it not your President: and yet none of your Friends were ever so gratefull to present me with so much as a wrought Night-cap. I cry you mercy (Mr. Dr. Hobbs!) indeed. I remember, your Mother sent me once a Gammon of Bacon.
Mris. Howe, of Grendon, sent him a present of Hippocris, and some fine cheese-cakes, by a plain countrey fellow, her servant. The Dr. tastes the wine: What, sayd he, didst thou take this drinke out of a Ditch? and when he saw the cheesecakes—What have we here, Crinkum, Crankum? The poor fellow stared on him, and wondered at such a rough reception of such a handsome present, but he shortly made him amends with a good dinner and halfe-a-crowne.
(Dr. Thomas Batchcroft did out-doe Dr. Kettle. One sent this Doctor a Pidgeon-pye from New-market or thereabout, and he askt the bearer whither ’twas hott, or cold?)
In August 1642, the Lord Viscount Say and Seale came (by order of the Parliament) to visit the Colleges to see what of new Popery they could discover in the chapells. In our Chapell, on the backside of the Skreen, had been two Altars (of painting well enough for those times, and the Colours were admirably fresh and lively). That on the right hand as you enter the Chapell was dedicated to St. Katharine, that on the left was of the taking our Saviour off from the crosse. My Lord Say sawe that this was done of old time, and Dr. Kettel told his Lordship: Truly, my Lord, we regard them no more then a dirty Dish-clout; so they remained untoucht till Harris’s time, and then were coloured over with green.
’Tis probable this venerable Doctor might have lived some yeares longer, and finisht his Century, had not those civill warres come on; which much grieved him, that was wont to be absolute in the colledge, to be affronted and disrespected by rude soldiers. I remember being at the Rhetorique Lecture in the hall; a foot soldier came in and brake his hower-glasse. The Dr. indeed was just stept out, but Jack Dowch pointed at it.
Our Grove was the Daphne for the Ladies and their gallants to walke in, and many times my Lady Isabella Thynne (who lay at Balliol College) would make her entry with a Theorbo or Lute played before her. I have heard her play on it in the Grove myself, which she did rarely; for which Mr. Edmund Waller hath in his Poems for ever made her famous. She was most beautifull, most humble, charitable, etc., but she could not subdue one thing. I remember one time this Lady and fine Mris. Fenshawe (her great and intimate friend, who lay at our College) would have a frolick to make a visit to the President. The old Dr. quickly perceived that they came to abuse him: he addresses his discourse to Mris. Fenshawe, saying, Madam, your husband and father I bred up here, and I knew your grandfather. I know you to be a gentlewoman, I will not say you are a Whore; but gett you gonne for a very woman.
Mris. Fenshawe was wont, and my Lady Thynne, to come to our Chapell, mornings, halfe dressd, like Angells. The dissoluteness of the times
, as I have sayd, grieving the good old Doctor, his dayes were shortened, and dyed and was buried at Garsington.
Seneca’s scholar Nero found fault with his style, saying ’twas arena sine calce [mortar without lime] now Dr. Kettel was wont to say that Seneca writes as a Boare does pisse, scilicet by jirkes.
I cannot forget a story that Robert Skinner, Lord Bishop of Oxford, haz told us: One Slymaker, a Fellow of this College long since, a fellow of great impudence, and little learning—the fashion was in those dayes to goe, every Satterday night (I thinke) to Joseph Barnes shop, the bookeseller opposite to the west end of St. Mary’s, where the Newes was brought from London, etc. This impudent clowne would alwayes be hearkning to people’s whisperings and overlooking their letters, that he was much taken notice of. Sir Isaac Wake, who was a very witty man, was resolved he would putt a Trick upon him, and understood that such a Sunday Slymaker was to preach at St. Mary’s. So Sir Isaac, the Saterday before, reades a very formall lettre to some person of quality, that Cardinal Baronius was turned Protestant, and was marching with an Army of 40,000 men against the Pope. Slymaker hearkned with greedy Eares, and the next day in his prayer before his Sermon, beseeched God of his infinite mercy and goodnesse to give a blessing to the Army of Cardinall Baronius, who was turnd Protestant, and now marching with an Army of forty thousand men, and so runnes on: he had a Stentorian voice, and thunderd it out. The Auditors all stared and were amazed: George Abbot (afterwards Bishop of Sarum) was then Vice-cancellor, and when Slymaker came out of the Pulpit, sends for him, and asked his name: Slymaker, sayd he; No, sayd the Vice-canc., ’tis Lye maker.
Dr. Kettel, when he scolded at the idle young boies of his colledge, he used these names, viz. Turds, Tarrarags (these were the worst sort, rude Rakills) Rascal-Jacks, Blindcinques, Scobberlotchers (these did no hurt, were sober, but went idleing about the Grove with their hands in their pocketts, and telling the number of the trees There, or so).