Of course he is, The Brute said to himself. I hate you, Dan.
She continued her story. As she’d sat in the car chatting to Dan, she’d spotted a man she’d never seen before sneaking out from the back of her house. He’d peered around carefully, as if checking that no one was around, so she’d presumed he was a burglar. He hadn’t seen them as they were parked farther down the street, and Lauryn was about to get out of the car and confront him when Dan grabbed her arm and told her to stay where she was. He’d guessed the man wasn’t alone. Sure enough, ten seconds later two other men emerged, each carrying what appeared to be a heavy weight in a hessian sack. The sacks were wriggling. Lauryn realised that the only things that could be that size and struggling in that way were her mother Marie and the professor.
As she continued talking, The Brute’s thoughts drifted off. Colm and The Brute had met Marie briefly. She seemed like a nice woman, which The Brute thought was a good thing since if he ended up marrying Lauryn, which he planned to do once she’d copped on that Dan was a big tool, he’d probably be having Sunday dinners with her mother and it would make life easier if they got along. Of course that was only if they lived in America, but Lauryn would probably want to stay in the land where she grew up and, with him being the man and all, he’d have to do his best to please her. He wondered if he’d like America. It looked good on the telly, but they didn’t seem to play much hurling or rugby over there and those were two of his favourite things in life.
‘Hey, are you listening to me?’ Lauryn snapped. ‘I’m telling you something important here.’
The Brute nodded, snapping out of his little daydream. He hadn’t heard a thing she’d said in the last minute and he hoped that she wouldn’t ask him any questions or else he’d be caught out like he always was in school.
‘Sorry,’ said Lauryn, noticing his shame-faced expression, ‘I’m a bit on edge. That’s why I’m …’
‘Cranky?’ Colm volunteered.
‘Cranky. Yeah, that’s a good word for it,’ Lauryn said.
‘So your mother and Professor Drake were kidnapped, but you managed to avoid capture thanks to your boyfriend, Dan,’ Colm said, recapping for The Brute’s benefit. ‘Then you tried to follow the kidnappers, but you lost them. You didn’t know what to do, so you hid for a few days before sneaking back into your house. You didn’t even answer any of Dan’s calls ’cos you didn’t want to drag him into this mess.’
‘Do you recap every time someone tells a story?’ Lauryn asked. She kept her tone pleasant, but was thinking: I’ve teamed up with two imbeciles. She tried to remember if they’d been like this when they’d met before. From what she could recall, the guy who was in love with her hadn’t changed that much, except for his cool new haircut and fake tan, and the weird way he kept trying to show off his muscles. Her impression was that Colm had seemed smarter last time, although when she really thought about it, he’d been easily fooled at the start, yet had figured out most of what was going on in the end. Plus it had been him who had come up with the clever way to destroy the Lazarus Key. Maybe she was underestimating him.
‘Yeah, I hid out in an abandoned building like this one. It was a horrible place and I was kinda scared ’cos there was a lot of gang activity in the area, but I couldn’t risk goin’ back to the house in case those guys came back, so I waited a few days before returning. I knew I had to stay free if I was going to be able to help Mom and the Prof. To do that I had to figure out why they’d been taken and who took them. I had plenty of time to come up with an answer when I was sitting in that house day after day,’ she said.
‘And the answer you came up with was The Ghost,’ Colm said.
‘Yup,’ Lauryn said, thinking that she had underestimated him after all.
‘Who?’ The Brute asked.
‘The little rat-faced man, the one who wanted the key and took us into the woods to meet that zombie … thing,’ Colm said. There was no time to explain the whole vamumzompire saga to Lauryn. ‘We all thought that he was The Ghost and that he’d been killed by the creature. But I’ve been thinking. What if he wasn’t The Ghost?’
‘I agree with you. That’s what I think too. And I also think the real Ghost is behind all of this. Who else in this world would have something against the three of us? It’s not like we hang out together. We don’t even live in the same country. No, this has to be something to do with that night. He took my mom and the Prof. If he was coming after my family, then he’d be going after yours. I decided I needed to be here in Ireland. That was where everyone else involved in the situation that night was. I guessed that’s where my mom and the Prof would be taken too. I went back home and got the emergency pack the Prof and Mom had prepared for a situation like this – money, fake ID, stuff like that – then I caught a plane to Dublin. I’ve been hanging out near your house for the last two days. Freezin’ my butt off. I wanted to talk to you, but I thought it’d be better to observe from a distance, see if anything strange was happening. For forty hours there was nothing interesting, other than you coming home stinking up the place real bad. But then I saw Mikey appear and run around in circles for a while, before he launched himself through your restroom window.’
So I didn’t outrun the dark figure after all, The Brute thought glumly. Of course, if I’d known it was Lauryn who was following me, I wouldn’t have taken off in the first place.
‘He looked like he was on the run, like he was escaping from something, so I hung back, thinking that whoever was after him would show up sooner rather than later. An hour later I saw those three guys going into the house.’
The Brute was impressed. Hugely impressed. Lauryn had managed to evade capture, and survived on the mean streets of Philadelphia and the slightly less mean streets of Colm’s housing estate. Not only that, but she’d caught a flight by herself, using a false passport. She was like a super spy. If he hadn’t been in love with her before, he’d have fallen for her that very moment. He wondered if he should kick Colm out of the house and tell her how he felt about her. Or maybe he should compose another poem first, praising her beauty and stuff. Chicks loved poems, didn’t they? He wasn’t sure. Girls were hard to understand, especially when you never spent any time talking to them.
‘Wow, you must be wrecked,’ Colm said to Lauryn.
‘Yeah, I’ve hardly slept and when I did catch some z’s it was on rock-hard ground beneath some shrubbery. Not the most comfortable bed ever created, but when you’re tired you’ll sleep anywhere. That doesn’t matter now. We’ve got to figure out where this guy has taken Mom and the Prof.’
‘Michael’s mam and stepfather have gone missing too. And I can’t get in touch with my own parents,’ Colm said.
‘It’s worse than I thought then. We need to plan our next move carefully.’
‘I hope you have some ideas,’ Colm said.
‘No. I don’t. Not yet. But we’ll come up with something. We’re young. We’re smart.’
Colm stared at her with a blank face, while The Brute, who was still daydreaming about how he would share his feelings with Lauryn, was looking particularly dopey in the torchlight.
Lauryn revised her opinion. ‘Well, we’re young anyway,’ she said. ‘I think the first thing we need to do is figure out where they’re keeping your parents. Of course all my cool slayer-type emergency stuff is hidden back near Colm’s place. I left it there when I followed the thuggy triplets into your house. Guess I didn’t think that through. Anyway, sitting around here is only going to drive me crazy. I hate staying still. We need a lead. A clue. Or just somebody whose butt I can kick.’
The Brute, who had dragged himself back to reality, slowly raised his hand in the air. It hadn’t been easy to work up the courage to say something; after all, every time he did it seemed to upset Lauryn and he didn’t want to do that again. Not if he could help it. He cleared his throat.
‘Ahm, can I … ahm …’
‘We’re not in school, Mikey. You don’t need to ask permission.’
‘I just, y’know, want to make this all clear in my head,’ The Brute said. ‘We think this Ghost fella hired the rat-faced man to get the Lazarus Key which was buried in the woods near the hotel?’
‘Yeah,’ Lauryn said.
‘And we stopped Ratters and destroyed the key?’
‘So far, so good.’
‘And now we think The Ghost is getting his revenge on us for stopping his plans?’
Colm and Lauryn both nodded.
‘Right,’ he said. ‘I might have a lead. I think,’ he continued, waving his mobile phone in their direction.
The others looked at him expectantly.
‘That guy who turned up at the house, the same guy who was at the hotel that night. Remember we saw the name on the car-rental form – Cedric Murphy. Well, I just Googled him and it turns out he’s a private detective. The woman who was with him the last time – at the hotel I mean – her name is Kate Finkle.’
They seemed surprised. Or was it more than that? Was it respect in their eyes? It was hard to tell; he didn’t know what respect looked like.
‘That’s great work–’ Lauryn began.
The Brute cut her off, his confidence growing by the millisecond as his thumbs worked furiously on the mobile’s keypad. ‘I’ve just found Kate’s address. I think we should pay her a visit.’
‘Definitely,’ Lauryn said. She jumped to her feet, a spring in her step, even though she was exhausted. ‘Let’s go, guys.’
‘Are we driving again?’ Colm asked.
‘How far away is this Finkle woman’s home?’
‘About ten miles,’ The Brute said.
‘Then we’re driving,’ Lauryn said.
Colm’s heart sank. He had hoped he wouldn’t have to face imminent death again for some time, but thinking about Lauryn’s dangerous driving raised an important question.
‘One thing: why is The Ghost going to all this trouble? He’s this all-powerful criminal. Wouldn’t it have been easier for him just to have us killed?’
‘True,’ Lauryn said, ‘but maybe he has something worse planned.’
‘Worse? What could be worse than death?’
‘I don’t know, but I’ve got a feeling that we’re going to find out,’ she replied.
‘You’re absolutely right,’ said a voice through the open window.
Twenty
Cedric awoke in the dark with the smell of damp in his nostrils and severe cramp in his calves. He tried stretching his legs in an attempt to ease out the pain, but his way was blocked by something solid and immovable. He waited a few moments, letting his eyes adjust to the blackness and his nose to the musty odour. Where was he? The last thing he could remember was Pretty Boy rushing towards him, a toaster in one hand, a kettle in the other, his face twisted in rage. No need to speculate as to who had won that particular battle. He’d been so stupid. He’d sacrificed himself to save some kids. Again.
What was wrong with him? ‘I’m an idiot,’ he said aloud.
‘Cedric?’ said a woman’s voice.
‘Mum?’
‘No, you self-absorbed gorilla. It’s me. Kate.’ ‘Where are you?’
‘I’m right beside you, Mr I Detect Things for a Living. Here, put out your hand.’
Cedric reached out into the darkness. His hand encountered something soft and more than a little gooey.
‘Take your fingers out of my nose,’ Kate said, her voice sounding more nasal than usual.
‘Sorry,’ said Cedric. He hastily withdrew his hand and wiped it on his shirt.
‘I know we’re close, but that’s taking it a bit too far,’ Kate continued. ‘Friends shake hands, maybe even give each other a peck on the cheek …’
‘I said I was sorry,’ Cedric said sulkily. Then the oddness of their predicament hit him. ‘What are you doing here?’ he asked.
‘Oh, y’know, just some shopping, wondering whether I should go and get my hair done or maybe just relax and go for a cup of coffee … what do you think I’m doing here? I was kidnapped.’
‘Kidnapped,’ Cedric repeated, letting the word swirl around in his confused mind for a moment.
‘Yes, my genius detective. Wait, why are you acting like it’s a surprise? Why else would you be here if you didn’t know I was kidnapped? I presume you found out where I was, got overpowered by my captors and then they stuffed you into this box with me.’
‘Ah … I … well … funny story …’ he began, before trailing off lamely.
‘You didn’t know I was missing?’ Kate said, her voice sounding deeper, more booming and more unpleasant than it usually did. And let’s be honest, it didn’t sound melodic, not even on a good day. Birds wept when they realised their wonderful songs existed in the same universe as Kate’s voice.
‘Of course I knew you were missing. How could I not?’ Cedric blustered, then decided to go with the truth. She was a big girl and he didn’t want her to stay angry with him, especially when they were in a confined space and he had nowhere to run and hide. ‘No, I didn’t know.’
‘But how did you find me then?’
‘Ahm …’
Cedric waited while Kate’s brain caught up with the way the conversation was going.
‘I don’t believe it,’ she gasped.
‘Kate …’
‘Just tell me what happened, Cedric Murphy,’ she snapped.
Cedric was glad that the darkness prevented her from seeing how embarrassed he was. ‘Do I have to?’ he replied in a small voice. He could sense her rising anger even in the suffocating silence. ‘I got beaten up. Just a stroke of luck that I woke up here with you.’
‘A stroke of bad luck. So, both of us have been kidnapped,’ Kate sighed. ‘Wow. That’s depressing. And it makes our detective agency look really useless.’
Cedric decided now wasn’t the right time to let her know she was no longer a part of the agency. ‘I do know why we’re here, if that’s any consolation,’ he said.
‘Good, I was hoping you’d say something about that. Because that’s what’s really important right now. Explanations.’
Cedric got what she was saying. Better to escape first, then they could worry about why they’d been taken hostage. Yeah, she has a good head on her shoulders, has old Kate. Let’s hope it stays there, he thought with a shudder. If it was The Ghost who was after them, then he was certain that something unpleasant lay in their future. Wasn’t that always the way with these evil villain types? Not once did they say, ‘You know what, I think I’ve gone a little bit over the top there with all that killing and maiming stuff. Of all the paths I could have chosen in life, I don’t know why I picked that one. My mum wanted me to become an accountant, but you know what it’s like: you kill one person, then another, and before you know it, it’s become a habit. A bad one admittedly, but a habit nonetheless. It seems cruel to torture you now, so for a change of pace I’m going to let you go free. Off you go, you little scamps.’ That never happened, did it? No, there was nothing else for it. They were going to have to get out of there by themselves. And fast. He decided to be upbeat for Kate’s sake even though he was a cynical pessimist by nature.
‘Don’t worry, Kate. I’m going to get us out of here,’ Cedric said.
‘Thanks, I was terrified there for a minute, but now that I know you’re on the case all my worries have magically disappeared. It hardly matters that you didn’t even notice your own assistant was missing, or that you got captured quicker than a particularly stupid mouse being pursued by a clever cat in a well-lit room. Why would that be a concern? You’ll sort everything out. Why, my poor little female heart is all aflutter with gratitude. Whatever would I do without you, Cedric Murphy?’
Ah, he thought, almost dreamily. One hundred percent pure sarcasm. He’d missed it.
‘It’s good to be with you again, Kate,’ he said.
Kate punched him in the ear. ‘Stop being such a wimp.’
As Cedric checked for signs of blood he was sure she muttered: ‘Good t
o be with you again too, Ced.’
He smiled briefly.
‘Do you have any idea where we are?’ he asked.
‘A wooden box. That’s as much as I’ve been able to determine,’ she said.
‘Like a coffin?’
‘It’d want to be a pretty big coffin to take two lumps like us,’ she said with a chuckle.
There was a sudden silence and when she spoke again there was a note of panic in her voice. ‘What if it is a coffin? Oh, Ced, what if they’ve buried us alive?’
‘No, look. Just above your head. I can see little chinks of light. And we’re breathing freely, so there must be fresh air getting in here somehow.’
‘You’re right,’ she said, a little calmer. ‘Sorry, I haven’t smoked a cigar in at least a day. You know how my nerves get at me when I haven’t had my smoke.’
‘Yeah, you’re a barrel of laughs.’
‘I remember what you were like when you were on that diet. A psychotic hippopotamus would have been better company,’ Kate said.
‘OK, we’re both horrible when things aren’t going our way, but can we stop arguing and get out of here so we can be horrible to the people who really deserve it?’
‘Agreed. Now that there’s two of us here, maybe we can try kicking our way out.’
‘Subtle plan,’ said Cedric.
‘You got a better one?’
He racked his brain. Nuts. Nothing.
‘Yeah, I thought so,’ Kate said. ‘We start kicking on three.’
Cedric drew his aching knees up to his chest.
‘One,’ she said.
Kwwwakkk. A scraping sound coming from somewhere outside their wooden prison. As if someone was moving something out there. Cedric tried to put it out of his mind. Focus, he told himself. We might only get one shot at this.
‘Two.’
The sound was growing louder now and Cedric heard a voice and a low moaning.
‘Three.’
Colm had expected his journey in the boot of the car to be very uncomfortable and he wasn’t disappointed. He’d been thrown into all four corners of the dark and dank space as the car had turned left and right, sped up and slowed down. He’d given up counting the amount of bruises he’d received once he’d reached seven. He felt every bump in the road, but he knew that now wasn’t the time to feel sorry for himself. If he was going to get everyone out of this situation he would have to do something. And quickly. But short of leaping out of the boot of a moving car, he didn’t know what that something could be.
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