by Marie York
“Who said anything about your turn?” I asked, and stepped out of the dumpster, adjusting my dick.
She gasped. “You’re such an asshole!” Hayley stormed up behind me, but her words turned to fuzz as my eyes landed on Brooklyn.
She froze in place. I took my hand out of my pants, and even though I didn’t finger Hayley, I sniffed my finger to be the fucking asshole everyone thought I was.
Disgust splattered across Brooklyn’s face as she huffed and jumped in her car.
Hayley was still telling me how much of an asshole I was, but I ignored her, and went back to work.
Chapter 9
Brooklyn
I don’t know why it hurt so bad. Why I even cared who Nixon fucked. We weren’t together, hell we were barely acquaintances, but seeing the anger in his eyes when he spotted me with Melissa, the betrayal beneath the anger, it broke my heart.
Silly me was going to apologize until I saw him with that same girl. For all I knew that was his girlfriend, it’s not like I ever asked. He was my trainer, not my friend, or anything else for that matter. He owed me nothing yet here I was a crying mess, locked inside my apartment, wishing the floor would swallow me whole.
Despite his harsh persona, I enjoyed our sessions. He made me feel safe and beyond that he made me think I could be strong. It was all I ever wanted and I honestly thought he could get me to a good place, but after I panicked… I was ashamed, embarrassed. We were getting too close. He would eventually find out my secret and I had gone to enough trouble to keep it hidden. I couldn’t let that happen. I could let him get closer to me and drag him into the mess that was my life.
It was better this way. He had someone who liked to fuck where and whenever he wanted and I could go back to my isolation. It was safer that way anyway. I’d allowed myself to get too brave. I could’ve easily made a mistake and gave my location away.
I went into the kitchen and opened the cabinets, searching for something sweet to drown my sorrows in. I’d forgotten I’d given all the good stuff away and all that I had left was frozen vegetables, lean meats and stevia.
Tonight, at my shift, I was eating two pieces of pie damn it. The hell with Nixon’s meal plan. He could take all his health-conscious food and shove it up his ass for all I cared. I didn’t want it anymore.
I slammed the cabinet, annoyed with everything and headed to my bedroom. I had a couple hours before my shift started, so I climbed beneath the comforter and closed my eyes. Nixon’s face popped into my mind. The last few nights he’d been a welcome sight, but right now, he was the last person I wanted to see. His eyes didn’t make me feel worthy anymore. They made me feel anger and hurt. I didn’t want to be reminded that they would never belong to me. Or that I was a fool to think that I could leave my past behind and move on with someone who was completely out of my league.
Still, despite my insecurities, there was something between us, an electric current that couldn’t be ignored. Or maybe it was only me who felt it… No. I saw the way he looked at me when he took my hand. Felt the intense heat in his gaze as his eyes drifted over my body.
He was fighting it as much as I was.
I forced him out of my thoughts and shut out the world until all I saw was blackness. Then I let myself to slip into the only place where I could escape the hardships of my reality; my dreams.
***
Nixon
All I could think about was the look of disgust on Brooklyn’s face. In that moment, it was exactly what I wanted, but ever since, it had been tearing my guts to shreds. Since when did I give a shit about what a girl thought of me?
I pushed my glove into my eyes to get my focus. Brooklyn was the last thing I needed to be thinking about. I needed my head in the cage.
The ref came out to the middle of the ring, and I took my spot in the center with The Rat as the ref ran down the usual spiel. I knocked gloves with Lorenzo and headed back to my side.
I grabbed onto the cage and took a deep breath, channeling my energy. I focused on the anger that I’d been harboring. I thought about my sister, the spoiled brat, and how she stole everything from me. I thought about Beckham and his betrayal. About my parents and their constant disappointment. Then, I recalled Brooklyn and the hot raw anger I felt when she thought I was capable of attacking her.
I let go of the cage, letting that anger control me. I turned my head from side to side, cracking my neck.
The ref signaled the start of the fight, and I bounced in, ready to find my release. I went in quick, not giving Lorenzo a second to plan. I jabbed getting him right in the jaw. He went to jab back, and I swatted his hand away. I moved forward, kneeing him in the stomach, as he grabbed my hands, and held them down.
I pulled away and swung again. Lorenzo tucked under, trying to take me down. Above everything, he was a wrestler, and I knew he was trying to get me on the mat. But if he wanted me on the ground, he would have to try a hell of a lot harder than that. He hugged me to him, and I took it as my opportunity to knee him again.
Lorenzo pressed toward me, looking for the takedown. I gave him a short elbow to the side, but it didn’t deter him. He pushed me up against the cage, and I kneed him again. I caught his strong arm with mine, locking it in place.
He landed an uppercut to my side, but it felt more like a tickle than a punch. He continued going for my middle, wrapping his arms around me, and trying to get me on the mat.
I lifted my knee into him, knowing that eventually the blows would wear on him. I was hoping this would be a quick match. He’d come at me, and I’d take him down with a few punches. But, as much as I hated to admit it, I wasn’t completely on my game. I was trying to feed on the anger inside me, but Brooklyn’s damn face kept popping into my head. Instead of anger, I was feeling guilt.
Never in my life had I ever felt guilty, or regretful, for any of my actions. I revealed Beckham’s biggest secret to my sister, and I found pleasure in it. I thrived off of destroying people. Of making them feel like shit. I could make a girl suck my dick, leave her behind a fucking dumpster, and not feel an ounce of remorse. But I saw that look of disgust on Brooklyn’s face, and I couldn’t let it go.
Get out of my fucking head!
Lorenzo went in, grabbing me around the midsection, and took me down. Fuck! He pushed my head into the cage, but I wouldn’t just lie on my back, and take it. His forearm pushed into my throat, reminding me of Brooklyn’s freak out. The anger surged through me and I fought back with all that I had. Grabbing his arms every time he went at me and holding him off until I got my chance to get out of it.
I managed to jump out and get a few jabs and kicks in before the end of round one.
I went to my corner and sat down. Mark, my coach, came up to me and handed me a bottle of water. “What’s going on? You should’ve had more hits this round,” he said, as if I needed him to tell me. I was fucking there, and I was more than aware of what should’ve happened and what didn’t.
Kevin placed bags of ice on me to cool me down. Sal came up to the cage and started screaming nonsense into my ear. I tuned them all out. I didn’t give a fuck what they had to say. I was the goddamned fighter and I knew how to win a fight.
“Dress up those kicks,” Mark said, as I finally let the noise back in. “Get a few hard ones in there and this match is yours.”
I nodded and took another swig of water before heading back to the center. The second round was better than the first. Lorenzo didn’t get me on the ground, but he did get a nice blow to my face. I could feel the swelling starting, and the bruise forming, but the pain was my driving force. I kicked his ass, and the round would have been the end of it all if I had thirty more seconds. Unfortunately, I didn’t and had to wait till round three.
I slumped into my chair, my body buzzing to get back out there, and finish this damn thing.
Mark grabbed my shoulders. “Keep doing what you’re doing. He’s wearing down. Just take him down when he least expects it. They don’t call you Viper for nothing
.” He patted my cheek. “Got it?”
I nodded to Mark, and Kevin pressed a bag of ice to my chest. “You’re doing good,” Kevin said. “Whatever was on your mind earlier seems to finally be gone.”
It was… until he fucking said something. Dammit to hell. I smacked myself in the head as if that would get Brooklyn and her stupid fucking look of disgust to disappear. Who the fuck did she think she was anyway? She actually had the nerve to judge me? She was the one who was fucked up. Losing her shit on me like she did. I did nothing but try to help her. I wasn’t the ass wipe who fucked her up in the first place. Though, I would like to get my hands on whoever that was. Just thinking about someone causing Brooklyn harm set me off. I felt an overwhelming need to protect her and beat whoever caused her fear and sadness to a bloody pulp.
A burning rage exploded inside of me. It was different than the usual rage I had grown accustomed too. This was uglier and a thousand times more ferocious than anything I had ever experienced. Unable to focus on anything else, my surroundings faded to the fury in my mind. All I saw was red, dark bloody red, and I wasn’t going to be happy until it was pouring from Lorenzo’s face.
“Hey, you in there?” Mark asked, grabbing my face and forcing me to look at him. “You need to focus!”
I was focused all right. Focused on unleashing whatever this was brewing inside me. It was ripping me apart, and I needed to release it before it consumed me.
I went in swinging with a fucking vengeance. I got Lorenzo good in the jaw and he stumbled back. I didn’t let him have a moment to recover. Instead, I landed punch after punch, and his eyes lost focus. He tried to swat my hands away. Blood spurted from his eyebrow, and dripped down my glove, but it didn’t stop me. It was like I didn’t control my hands. They took on a mind of their own, punching and destroying my opponent until he was nothing but a bloody barely conscious rag doll.
The ref grabbed me, trying to pull me off, but my hands kept striking. Two more guys latched onto my arms, and dragged me off of him. Mark joined them, screaming at me, but his words were lost. I heard nothing. There were too many thoughts in my head to allow a single word in.
I got shoved into the seat in my corner, and Mark smacked me across the cheek, jolting me out of the dark place I fell into.
“What the fuck was that?” he screamed. “You win, you get out. You don’t try to fucking kill the person!”
My eyes came back into focus, and they drifted to Lorenzo, being picked up from the mat. Blood streamed down his face from too many angles that I couldn’t quite tell where the blood started.
“I don’t know what happened,” I managed.
Mark shook his head, his hands planted firmly on his hips as he paced in front of me. He took a deep breath and stopped in front of me. “You better take care of whatever’s going on in here.” He smacked the side of my head. “Because this shit isn’t working.” Frustration was evident in the way he ran his hands through his hair. He linked his fingers behind his head and let out a breath. “Channel the anger, but for fuck sakes, control it. You got it?”
“Yeah.”
“Good.”
Ten minutes later, after they cleaned Lorenzo up, I was declared the winner. We met in the middle, and I almost felt bad for the damage I did to his face, but then I reminded myself to stop acting like a pussy and be proud of my work. The ref raised my hand and I put on my show of victory, before I took off. Mark was right. I needed to take care of a few things.
It was a quarter to nine, and if I hurried, I could catch Brooklyn leaving work.
“Viper, I need to talk to you,” Sal said, but I waved him off.
“Call me!” I yelled over my shoulder.
I jogged out to the parking lot, hopped into Tanya, threw her in reverse, and peeled out onto the street.
Brooklyn worked at a diner across town. She had mentioned it a couple times, and to my surprise, I actually paid attention enough to remember.
I pulled into the diner’s lot and saw Brooklyn walking to her car. It was the first time I hadn’t seen her in sweat pants. She was in black pants that showcased every beautiful curve. Her white shirt was only buttoned up halfway, and even though she wore a shirt beneath it, it couldn’t hide those tits.
She spotted my car—kind of hard not to—and her steps became more hesitant and planned. I jumped out of the driver’s side and stormed up to her.
“What do you want, Nixon?” she asked, using my real name, which hit me low in the gut. She got close enough to see my face. Her eyes widened, and though I didn’t look in a mirror, I knew it must’ve looked gruesome. If I took a second to calm down, I’m sure it would hurt like a bitch.
“You’re in my fucking head,” I yelled and ran my hands through my hair, because if I didn’t, I might’ve punched something.
“What are you talking about?”
“I almost lost a fight because you’re in there.” I jabbed my finger at my temple. “And I don’t know how to get you out. I have never felt guilt in my life, but you…” I stormed away then turned back, coming to a halt inches from her face. “You give me one fucking look of disgust, and I can’t stop thinking about how awful I feel about it.”
“You’re a pig. Deal with it,” she spat, and I wanted to put my hand through the fence.
“That’s the problem. I never had to deal with it because I didn’t give a shit. And then, you walk into my life, and now all of a sudden I have…I have…” I had no idea what I had, but it was something that was fucking with my mind.
“You have feelings,” she said, in an almost a mocking tone.
I didn’t say anything, just growled.
“I don’t know what you want from me.” She tucked her curls behind her ear.
“I don’t either! But thinking that someone could have hurt you...” That blinding rage pushed to the forefront and I forced my fist against my lips, trying to contain it. “Not being your trainer. Not teaching you how to fight. I know I don’t want that. I need to know you can take care of yourself. I need to know you’re okay. Dump Melissa. Come back to me. Please.”
“You said a horrible thing and did the unthinkable with that girl. You might as well have fucked her in front of me. Wait… you already did that.”
“That doesn’t count. I didn’t even know you then.”
“You didn’t, but that just shows me what type of person you are, and that’s not someone I need in my life right now. I’m sorry.”
She got in her car and drove away, as I stood there, staring at her taillights as they disappeared into the distance.
I had no idea what I expected when I came here, but it was definitely not that.
Chapter 10
Brooklyn
Tears streamed down my face as I drove away from the diner and Nixon. I stayed strong while in front of him, but as soon as I was safely hidden in my car, I couldn’t hold myself together any more. Pain, regret, disappointment and so many other emotions consumed me and it took all I had to stay focused on the road.
I was right. He felt something too. That electric current was definitely there between us, but I couldn’t let him know. It would have been so easy to let my guard down and let him pull me in for a kiss, say the hell with it all, and kiss away the pain from his eyes, and make him forget the ache that the bruises on his face must’ve been causing. But I couldn’t, so I said horrible things to keep him away.
Meeting Nixon changed me, but I had to remember why I went to him in the first place. My intention was never to fall for him. I needed him to teach me to fight, to protect myself, because I was in constant danger. It would be selfish of me to willingly let him step into my world without knowing the truth. And the truth wasn’t something I was ready to talk about with anyone. Not now and maybe not ever.
But that didn’t mean I had to write him off completely, did it? Why couldn’t we go back to our original agreement, trainer and trainee.
I still had so much to learn before I felt strong and confident enough to not fea
r leaving my apartment or parking in a spot that had two big trucks on either side of it. I wanted to be able to do normal everyday things without that voice in the back of my head telling me to be aware of my surroundings.
I wanted to know what it felt like to walk down the street and not fear it might be the last steps I take. Mainly, I wanted the chance to find the courage to open up and finally tell someone what I was so scared of. Divulge the secrets I kept so tightly guarded inside of me, because I was afraid they’d bring pain and suffering to all who knew.
I wanted my life back.
And the only way I knew how to get it back was to continue doing exactly what I was doing. Baby steps. The only problem was Nixon was a huge part of those baby steps. I was willing to forgive, to forget and to move forward as long as he was willing to do the same.
But first, I needed ice cream.
***
Nixon
Brooklyn wasn’t the only one who was making me feel guilt. Ever since I yelled at Sassy, I’d been treating her like a queen. Even bought her a bed so she knew this was her home and I wasn’t going to take her back to the dumpster like I’d swore I would.
I guess a part of me always knew I never would, but was too fucking thickheaded to admit it to her or myself. I picked Sassy up, and scratched at her scruff before putting her back down.
She curled up in her bed, and I headed out to work. I’d already got my run in and was looking forward to getting another workout in between clients. Last night, after whatever that was with Brooklyn, I went home and went to bed. I thought about going to a bar, getting drunk, and fucking the first slut who approached me, but Brooklyn’s words reverberated in my head.
Just shows me what type of person you are, and that’s not someone I need in my life right now.
I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. It was like somewhere along the way I gained a conscience. Not like it mattered. Brooklyn made it perfectly clear she wanted nothing to do with me. It hurt in a way I wasn’t expecting, but I wasn’t going to dwell on some shit like that. There were plenty of other girls out there. Girls who wanted me just the way I was, and who were willing to do anything I wanted. Brooklyn was a complication I didn’t need.