My orgasm started. I’d been holding back too long, and the sensations spread in waves through my stomach and across my breasts. My hips bucked up and down, but Derek never let go. He rubbed my clit harder and harder until I was shouting his name in one long wail.
I was still coming, but off the peak enough to talk. “Now, Derek. Now, please. Please. You can make me come again if you take me now.”
He was a little clumsy when he climbed on top of me, but I barely noticed. I reached down to help guide the head of that wonderful cock to the right place. “That’s it. Go slow. God, you’re big.”
He bit his lip in concentration. Inch by inch, he filled me. He was thicker than any other lover I’d known, and longer than any of the toys under the bed. The feeling was incredible. I hadn’t even imagined it would feel this way. Stretched and full, I almost cried from the exquisite sensations.
At last he was inside of me. “Is that all right, Van?”
“It’s more than all right. It’s the best.” A millimeter longer and he might have hurt me, but as it was, we were perfectly matched. I rocked my hips, gently, in short, little movements. He matched me, still looking at my face. I nodded. He increased the depth of each stroke. I moaned my approval.
He pulled most of the way out, and sank all the way back down with a cry. He did that over and over, until I was squirming and clutching at him.
“I can’t hold back much longer,” he panted.
“Then don’t. Take me. Take me hard.”
That broke his control. He drove into my willing cunt, hard and fast. I came after the first few thrusts. The waves of sensation rolled again and again through my body. My face was numb, but every other inch of skin was alive and tingling.
Derek came a moment later. He slammed into me one last time, and I felt his entire body stiffen. His mouth was open in a silent cry. His body arched back, and I felt his balls quivering against my tender skin and his cock jerking deep inside.
He collapsed over me. His weight felt good against my chest and along my thighs but his bare skin felt even better. I sighed. I put my arms and legs around him to hold him as close as I could manage.
I would have slept that way if my thighs weren’t so completely unused to being spread so far apart for so long. I winced, and Derek immediately pulled back. “Am I hurting you?”
“No, I’m hurting me. There are some muscles I haven’t used in a billion years.”
He smiled and leaned down to kiss me. “Hold still.” He disengaged, much to my disappointment. I closed my eyes. A moment later, I heard him return. I felt the warm wet washcloth between my legs. He cleaned me tenderly and thoroughly, and gave my clit a quick kiss when he was done. I jumped and laughed.
I heard him rinse out the washcloth and decided now was the time to take off the boots and my skirt. I was under the covers and starting to doze when he joined me. The queen bed had seemed too big when I’d woken up that morning, and now it was perfect.
He sighed. I reached out for his hand. “Derek, that was fantastic. Thank you.”
“You mean it?” He propped his head up on his elbow. With one hand he traced the line of my jaw and brushed my hair away from my face.
“I mean it. If you hadn’t told me you were, you know, I wouldn’t have known.”
“That’s good. Oh, Van. I’ve always wanted it to be you.”
“I feel bad that you waited so long.”
“I wanted this night to be special. I didn’t want to just find some random woman and get it over with. I’ve always…always cared for you. Hoped you could see me the way I see you.”
Tears came to my eyes. “I’m so glad.”
“You know that what I want most is to make you happy, right?”
“I’m very—” An enormous yawn escaped me. “Sorry. I’m very happy, just tired after all that exercise.”
He reached out for me. “Come here, sweet girl.”
I cuddled close against him. “I can’t believe how well we match up.”
“I can.”
I smiled, but I was fading fast. “Good night, Derek. I’m glad you’re here.”
He said something else, but I was asleep before he finished his sentence.
Chapter Nine
The shower was running when I woke up. Strange, strangled noises drifted out of the bathroom every few minutes. It sounded like someone trying very hard not to sing, forgetting to be quiet, and choking off the music mid-warble.
I tapped on the door and poked my head inside. “Derek?”
“Hey, you’re up!”
“Yeah. So go ahead and sing, silly man.”
A medley of hair metal’s greatest love ballads burst forth. I shook my head and shut the door. Derek was handy with tools and a natural in the sack, but he couldn’t carry a tune in a bucket.
I had breakfast on the table when he came downstairs. “Hope you’re in the mood for donuts and fruit, Der.”
“Whatever you have to give me.” He grabbed my hand and kissed it on his way to his chair. “Sorry to be up so early. As usual, I need to head out and feed the horses.”
“I guess you wouldn’t already know, would you? I’m usually up around nowish.”
He pretended to write that down. “Gotcha.”
“Coffee? Tea? Tranquilizers?” I didn’t mean to sound flippant, but this ebullient mood was a new one from him.
“No, thanks. I’m high on life.”
I laughed when he gave me a bawdy wink. “We’ll have to talk about increasing your dosage, then. Say, once every night?”
There was a thick slice of cantaloupe on his plate. Instead of answering me, he licked the juice off the inside curve of the fruit. He took his time doing it, too.
My pussy clenched. “Mmm. I think I’ve created a monster.”
“I’m trying to decide if I know how to roar convincingly.”
“Practice, practice, practice.”
“I will.” He wiped his mouth on his napkin and stood up. “Wish I didn’t have to bolt. Thanks for breakfast.”
“You’re welcome.” I stood up to kiss him.
His tongue against mine had a new quality this morning, compared to the night before. When he pulled away, breathing heavily but smiling, it occurred to me that the difference was the same as the one between hunger and starvation.
I stumbled a little, and he steadied me. His arms held me close in a confident embrace. One hand came up and stroked my hair. I moved against his chest, hoping I could get him back into bed.
“Did I ever actually thank you in person for my roses? Stuff keeps happening.”
He pretended to look around, as if the giant bouquet wasn’t the focal point of the room just off the kitchen. “Oh, that little trifle over there? It’s nothing.”
“Nothing, my ass! It almost gave the delivery guy a hernia.”
“You deserve a gift as beautiful as you are.”
“Flattery will get you everywhere.”
“Really?”
“Well, anywhere here in my house.”
“I really do wish I didn’t have to go. It’ll be easier when we’re under the same roof.”
“What?”
He looked at me, startled. “What?”
I stepped back. “You said when we’re under the same roof.”
“Out loud?”
“Yes, out loud!”
He reached out and took my hands. “Okay, that was a slip of the tongue. But now that it’s out there, haven’t you thought about where this is going?”
“It’s so soon. I—” Suddenly it was too soon. What was I going to say? A few months ago I’d decided I wanted to have sex, and I couldn’t face another night with a vibrator? I was lonely and dating strangers was too much trouble? I thought we could both stand to get laid?
I thought I was just going to have sex with a gorgeous guy who was also a good guy. Discovering that there was a Derek I hardly knew under the dependable friend had complicated things. He was a lot closer to my ideal than I’d realiz
ed. I didn’t know what I’d have done about the stalker without him. He was warm, protective, brilliant, great in bed, and he was a true partner.
With a pang, I realized I hadn’t thought of Luke once in the last two days. Derek wasn’t anything like my Luke, the only man with whom I’d planned to spend my life. Yet…hadn’t I been spending my life with Derek already? He’d become my companion, my friend and finally my lover.
Still, how could Derek possibly know that I was long-term material, without a single bit of context of his own?
My silence had dragged on too long. His face reflected my own confusion. “You never wondered where this might take us?”
“Oh, maybe.” I came closer, still holding his hands. “I’m okay taking things as they come.”
“That’s a little too casual for me, Van.”
“Hey. Who was it telling me that this was all new to him, needing a little time or whatever?”
He leveled a steady gaze at me. “You’re right. But I still thought you were looking for a serious relationship. I couldn’t believe it, at first. I needed time to believe that the woman of my dreams was finally seeing me the way I’d always… I thought you were falling in love.”
“I think I am. I don’t know. Why do I have to know for sure? I care so much about you, Derek.” I pulled free and walked over to the flowers.
“You can care about lots of people.”
“Yeah, so?”
“So don’t you think some relationships should be more than that?”
“Why are you pushing me so hard about this?”
“Did you want me, or did you just want to get laid?”
I hated how he could read my mind. “Can’t it be both? I wanted to sleep with you. I didn’t want to sleep with anyone else.”
“I’ve never slept with anyone else, because after this long, I didn’t want it to be cheap.”
“So I’m cheap?”
“No, damn it, that’s not what I’m saying. Van, I wouldn’t have had sex with you if I’d known you weren’t thinking long term.”
“Can’t take the Catholic out of the man, is that it?”
“Don’t you dare make it out like my waiting for true love was some kind of weird religious thing. Just because I have a little respect for the value of a sexual relationship—”
“Don’t you dare make it sound like I’m a slut. I haven’t had sex with anyone since my husband died. I only slept with my husband, not every drunken frat-rat down on Main Street, so I guess I ‘value’ my sexual relationships just fine. You can take your insinuations and stuff ’em.”
“I didn’t insinuate a damn thing. I said, very clearly, that I didn’t want a casual relationship with you, and I also clearly said I didn’t want a casual sexual relationship with anyone at all.”
“Fine. Don’t have a relationship with me.”
He jerked his head back. This time his was the silence that dragged on for years.
I reached out a faltering hand. “Derek, I’m—”
“Don’t be sorry. You’re probably right.”
“But I—”
“I’m going to go before you say something I’ll regret.”
The back door closed behind him with the faintest possible click. I took a step toward the door and froze.
Outside, his car started up. The sound of the engine receded with dignity, no roar of a floored accelerator. I felt almost hollow.
I replayed the last few minutes, and all I could hear was him saying he didn’t want a relationship with me. I stomped back into the kitchen to clear the breakfast dishes. I might have been a jerk, but if he didn’t want to argue, he could have let me apologize. Anything, except what I’d actually said.
As a matter of fact, if he was going to just walk away he could have done it with some gusto. What kind of milquetoast, ineffectual wimp doesn’t slam the door when he’s leaving on bad terms? Who doesn’t push back when he’s got every reason to be mad?
If he wasn’t going to fight for me, I didn’t want him.
Hey, and why should I apologize, anyway? I wasn’t a virgin at practically forty. Oh, no, stop the presses and imply that something is wrong with me. The more I thought about it, the more pissed off I got.
I kicked the dishwasher shut. The sponge hit the sink with a wet plop, even though what I really wanted was to break some glass.
It was Saturday. I needed to get out. I’d given over my Saturdays to that big cowardly jerk for so long that I didn’t know what to do with myself. My girlfriends mostly had husbands and kids and Saturday plans. I wasn’t going to call Anthony. Besides, this was my chance to do something insane, something Derek would never do. Like skydive or bungee jump or doodle in the margins of a library book.
I went to the mall.
In my defense, I’d bought nothing new in nearly three years. If I wasn’t going to be dating Derek, I was going to need flirty blouses and some jeans without that velvety horse’s-nose texture that comes right before they get holes. I needed something exciting, with bold color and dramatic lines. And lingerie. I was going to need lingerie to entice someone who didn’t make a little friendly sex into a big hairy deal. Shopping was necessary.
Four hours later, I was at the food court surrounded by my plunder. A listless veggie wrap sat in front of me. Like every other decision I’d made this morning, I wasn’t sure I’d made the right one. I stared at it and took a big bite.
“Vanessa?”
I nearly choked. Anthony stood in front of me holding a cup of soda. I chomped my mouthful as fast as I could. “Anthony!”
He beamed. “I was just thinking about you, and here you are.”
“Here I am. Join me?”
“Where?” He gestured at the sea of bags.
“Just shove something on the floor.”
“I shouldn’t be so rough on—” he paused and glanced into the square pink bag, “—er, your delicates.”
I rolled my eyes. “They’re just clothes. Have a seat.”
“So…what’s going on?”
“I’m turning over a new leaf. I’m going to start dating again and I needed some bait.”
“Er, didn’t we have this conversation?”
“That’s not what you’re supposed to say.”
“Right. I meant to say that’s fantastic, Vanessa. About time.”
“Yeah. Now I just need to start meeting people. Which bars really do check ID? I don’t think I can handle accidentally hitting on a freshman.”
He snickered. “Vanessa Bingham, the cougar.”
“You so did not just go there.”
“I so did.” He winked at me.
I made a face in return and took another bite of my wrap.
“Do I want to ask about Derek?”
“I don’t know what I was thinking. He is totally, one hundred percent, under every possible circumstance, not my type.”
Anthony put his hands in front of his face as if he were preparing for an explosion. Then he peered around his outspread fingers. “Will you hit me if I say I told you so?”
“No. I’m too depressed to hit anyone.”
“Well, then, do you want me to kick his ass? I’ve been itching to take a swing at him for a while.”
That mental image didn’t amuse me, however improbable that it was. “No, thanks.”
“You know, there are great guys out there who will be thrilled to have a chance with you.”
“Yeah. Like Mark.”
He winced. “I wasn’t thinking of him, I promise.”
Our conversation ran out of steam. The only sound was the hollow slurp of his soda straw.
“Well—”
“So—”
We chuckled. “Jinx, you owe me a Coke,” I said.
“Deal.”
“I guess I’m going to head home, start cutting tags off.”
He reached out and grabbed my wrist. I looked at him in confusion, and he blushed. He let go. “You know, you never answered me on Thursday, about dinner.”
He looked very strange. “How about tonight?”
Her Kind of Hero Page 10