His mouth flopped open and shut like a dying fish. I smiled.
The worst he could do was fire me. The worst I could do was much different. I could drink Charles’ blood and call him. I could join the vampires and then I could rip Shaun’s head off with my bare hands. I could have Simon eat him alive. Or I could just wait, if I was infected, and eat him alive myself. I didn't have to be Graffiti-Shirt. Jade Greene was scary enough, he just didn't know it.
“Why not?” he finally sputtered.
“Because it’s stupid,” I said. “This company is stupid, your policies are stupid. This fake meeting is stupid. And you’re stupid.”
He looked stunned. I waited for him to find his mouth again.
“Jade, I can understand that hearing your job is in jeopardy could upset you, but calling me stupid is not going to fix that. You’re taking this too personally. It’s not personal, it’s your job.”
“It is personal. Tell me, what exactly did Bob and Lars do to earn their raises? What did they do that I didn’t do better? Shannon pulls more weight than half of the men out there combined, so why didn’t she get a raise?”
He blinked at me. “The performance of your coworkers is not your business, it is mine, and if you continue to use abusive language, I’m going to have to-.”
I flung his desk lamp against the wall. It was a stupid lamp. If he needed more light on his desk he could just get better light bulbs. The shattered twisty bulb glinted from the floor. More broken glass in my life. This glass wasn't mine to clean up. It was someone else's mess. This was broken glass I could live with. Or rather, that I didn’t have to.
I stood, slowly. He turned his blonde head left and right, blue eyes flicking this way and that, reeking of fear even though I was smaller and his karate belts were proudly on display.
“What are you going to do, Shaun?” I challenged quietly. “What can you possibly do to me?” I felt my lip curl up in a snarl. I knew that my face was twisting into an ugly, angry mask of hatred.
At least my hair was still cute.
“I can f-.”
I laughed before he could finish the word. “Do it,” I growled.
He puffed his chest out in a comical gesture of confidence. “Jade Greene, I’m afraid I’ll have to ask you to leave. Permanently.”
A slow cruel smile twisted my lips, replacing the snarl. I let my shoulders relax.
“Then I have no choice but to leave,” I said, as pleasantly as I could. “Goodbye, Shaun. Permanently.”
I turned my back on him. Outside of his office, the pathetic festivities were still going on but I couldn't hear over the blood rushing in my ears. Someone jumped in my way, absurdly swinging his hips and strumming a cheap plastic ukulele. I pushed him out of the way with one hand.
Someone else got in my way, a woman with a pen in hand, aimed at me like a gun. I swept her out of the way, deaf to whatever she was asking, and kept moving. I clawed my way down the crowded aisle between rows of desks, trying to escape the colorful palms and surfboards that bombarded me from every side, in search of the door.
A security guard named Allen stood in my path. He was a nice guy, but that didn’t matter. I knocked him over as easily as the chairs that got in my way. A pair of security guards moved to block my exit. For a split second I thought that one was reaching for a gun. It didn’t slow my progress. I went through them, too, and I was relieved to see a radio fly out of his hand. Whoever he was calling crackled on the other end as the door swung itself closed.
I wanted to run.
I wanted to scream.
I wanted to go back and hurt someone. Not just knock them over so they broke a nail. I wanted to rip them apart.
As soon as I was home I dove under the covers and curled up into a ball. Maybe I'd been a little extreme. Maybe I should have played by the normal rules. I shook my head violently. Infected. What did that even mean? Did it mean that I was going to become a werewolf? Did it mean something different altogether? What would it even feel like? Could I be sprouting fur right now and not know it yet?
I threw the covers off, sprang out of bed and ran to the mirror. No fur, no fangs. Just Jade.
Where the hell was Simon? Would he know if I was infected, and with what? Where was he, and when would he be back? Ever?
I crawled back into bed, hiding my head under the comforter.
Maybe the better choice would be to drink the vial that remained in my top drawer, and join Charles and his henchmen. I could look bored for all of eternity, and do whatever I wanted. I didn't know if they could come out during the day. Would thinking about him this much be enough to invoke him?
I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to care that I just lost my job. I couldn't. All I could think about was Simon, infections, eternal life, and what to do about any of it.
Sandra got home early and found me still curled up in bed.
“Jade? Babe, are you okay?”
I pulled the blanket down, revealing my red puffy face and wild hair. “No.”
“What happened? Is it your ribs again?”
I sniffed. “No. I think I got fired today.”
She climbed onto the bed and wrapped her arms around me. “You think?”
I started crying again. “I told the supervisor that he’s stupid, and I threw a lamp.”
She opened her arms and searched my face. “You did what? What did he do? Do we need to go burn the place down or something?”
I sniffled and snorted, trying to convey the simplest sentence. “I- I—He told me- He said- my work performance- so I-.”
“Shh,” she held me again.
I took a breath, held it in, and tried again. “He threatened to fire me because I wasn’t wearing a Hawaiian shirt, and I called him stupid and threw a lamp.”
“Why would you do that? Jade, that isn’t like you. You’ve been acting strange lately.” She pulled back and looked at me. "Are you doing drugs?"
"What? No!" Why would she ask that? "Why would you ask that? No!”
"You have been pretty weird lately. You're always eating but you're losing weight. You've been aggressive to everyone over the smallest things. I mean, we're walking on eggshells around here. It's been this way since you started hanging out with Simon. And now you quit your job? How are you going to pay rent? You normally think about these things. It's not rocket science here."
"You-." I stopped and sobbed. You are supposed to be my friend, I thought. You are supposed to know me. You're supposed to be on my side.
"Jade?"
My blood rushed into my ears. Again I got the urge to run. This time I obeyed.
I threw the covers off and bolted out the door. I didn't bother with my shoes, I just ran in my socks.
The only sound in the world was my own blood and the only feeling was the dull sting of my feet hitting the pavement. I ran.
It should have calmed me. I should have run out of breath and turned back. I should have felt the pain in my feet as real pain, and not some distant knowledge of pain that was probably happening to someone else.
I ran.
I ran until I reached a clearing that bordered the hills. I ran into the clearing, breaking twigs under my feet and collecting stickers in my socks.
I was angry and sad and sick all at once. I felt crowded and alone. My rib cage popped again, and hurt as badly as the first time my cartilage tore. I kept running until the pain slowed me down and I doubled over. I tried to scream, but it wouldn't come out.
My back echoed the pop in my ribs and I pitched forward, head over heels. The sky was getting dark and the moon sagged huge and golden behind me and safety was only feet away. If I could get over the top of the hill, I would be out of sight.
My guts wrenched and my left arm twisted horribly.
Thick, dark grey fur sprouted from my arms.
"No," I said aloud. "No, no, no."
I pushed myself awkwardly to my feet and forced my feet to carry my unsteady weight up the hill. If I could get deeper into the hill
s I would be safe. The trees and the crickets and the other animals would keep me safe. Nothing would hurt me when I had a place to hide.
My back popped again and again, every vertebrae expanding, forcing my barrel chest to collapse, pulling my shoulders forward like a hunchback.
The hills, I thought. The hills. Safety. Freedom. Home.
When I reached the crest of the hill, my leg bones twisted and grew suddenly and I lost my balance. I swayed backward, but threw myself forward, tumbling down into a valley while the changes kept happening. Pain blinded me, every thud against the earth took away my senses before giving them back for a split second.
Thick, gunmetal fur padded my fall and large clawed hands helped to push me up onto my powerful legs.
I rose on my monster feet and shook my maned head. I snorted the dust from my snout and pulled my powerful shoulders down to lift my chest and throw my head back.
I drew a deep breath.
I howled.
In the howl was everything that I wanted to say when I was in my own weak body. It was everything that words could not express. It was declaration, question, defiance and apology. It was pain and joy and rage. It was everything that I was, in one long, low, note.
I caught the scent of something delicious. It wasn't familiar, it was something I knew would satisfy the hunger that everything I’d been trying to eat couldn’t. There was real food, and I had to find it.
I ran.
It took some time to get used to the new shape of my body, but after crashing into a few trees I felt freer than I ever had in my life. Every step covered as much ground as four or five steps would have. I could jump into a tree and grab a branch halfway up. I could leap from tree to tree and run circles around my prey. I could stand still until it got close enough and burst out of the brush to surprise it.
It ran, and I ran after it.
chapter 14
I woke up, trembling in shock.
It took tremendous effort to raise my head and look down at my naked body. Leaves and morning dew clung to my bare skin, mingled with dirt and dried mud. A distant feeling of being cold started to feel closer and more real.
I dragged myself up to my feet and looked around for my clothes. I couldn’t remember if I took them off or if they fell apart somewhere. I didn’t bothered to think about them, or where I was going the night before. I was free then. I was wild.
Now I was naked and alone, with fingers of fear slowly working their way around my heart.
I held my arms over my chest and moved as fast as I could, searching for anything familiar or anything to cover my body. My head jerked toward the sound of a passing car and I went toward it. The road. I kept the road to my left and searched high and low for my clothes. I found nothing.
Close to the road I saw some abandoned cardboard boxes. They would be my best chance if I didn’t want to expose myself to the world. If I could make it to a payphone, or an emergency call box, I could get a call to Sandra somehow. It would be hard to explain, but she was the only one I had.
I crept toward the road and almost fainted at my stroke of good luck.
Yard Sale.
A tarp covered in neatly folded clothes laid inconspicuously between a table of knick-knacks and a huge pale armoire.
The owners were still setting up, but that didn't stop people from crowding the driveway and swarming over the lawn. It wouldn't get any less traffic until the late afternoon, and I didn’t have that kind of time.
It's Los Angeles, I told myself. They must have seen stranger things than a girl in a cardboard box coming out of these hills.
I took a breath to steel myself and went directly to the tarp, picked up the first top and bottom I saw under the sign that said "Med. Ladies" and hid behind the armoire to struggle into them without dropping my boxes. The lady of the house tilted her head and squinted at me, like she wasn’t sure what she was seeing without her glasses. The people on the street and most of them in the yard couldn’t see me, but from inside the open garage I was completely visible.
"I'm sorry," I rasped. "I'll bring you the money as soon as I get home."
She smiled warmly. "Don't worry about it. Do you need a ride somewhere? I'll get my husband out to watch the sale. Bob," she called into the house.
Bob? Oh, no, he can't see me like this. No one can see me like this.
"No, thank you," I said, regaining control of my voice. "My car is just around the corner."
I started to edge away and almost escaped before Bob emerged from the house, carrying a large box.
"Yeah, Honey?" He set the box down. It was not the Bob I knew. How stupid had I been to think that of all of the Bobs in the world, this would be the one I worked with?
Formerly worked with.
"How about shoes?" the woman asked, pointing with a coffee cup toward rows of old shoes. "They're not exactly stylish but there might be a pair that fits you okay."
"Thank you," I said.
"What's your name?"
"J-Julia.”
"What happened to you, Julia?" She had a way of talking that made it seem like we were the only people around. The crowd on the lawn had stopped to watch from the moment I ran across the street wearing a pair of cardboard boxes.
I couldn't think of anything so I jammed a pair of moccasins on my feet and said "Thank you, but I have to go now. I'll bring you the money to pay for these."
She wanted to help me. She would have invited me in and offered me a cup of coffee for the chance to save me. She couldn't save me from my demons. They weren't drugs, or booze, or a bad husband. They were real demons- monsters, and I was one of them. I wanted to run, but I didn’t know which way to go. I had no money, no phone, and no idea where I was.
I walked in one direction until I saw a familiar street name and followed it away from the hills. Eventually the street took me to a strip mall. I looked down at my clothes and was embarrassed by what I saw. Purple satin billowed out like a mushroom below my hips above where elastic bands gripped my thighs. A black and green hooded tank top hung straight down off of my chest, almost floating over the mushroom shorts. All I needed was a tin foil hat to complete the look. I already had the fringy leather moccasins.
The cloying scent of burning sugar turned my stomach when I opened the door of a donut shop to ask for directions to the bookstore that was near Sandra's house. I would be able to find my way from there.
And then what?
I worked on my plan on the several mile walk. Sandra deserved an apology of course. After that, it depended on her reaction. I went through every possible scenario. My best hope was that she wouldn't be home. I would be able to shower and change my clothes, and then come up with a real apology. Maybe even an explanation.
Sandra and Jack were seated at the kitchen table. They rose when I walked through the unlocked door.
"Jade."
I smiled shyly. My six mile plan was already out the window. I had nothing to say. They both stared openly at my clothes.
"Where were you?"
"And what are you wearing?" Jessica's voice added from the hallway.
I hadn't counted on everyone being there. I hadn't counted on Jessica starting a pot of coffee while Cole started the oven. Six miles was not a long enough walk to dream up this nightmare scenario. Jack and Sandra caught me by the elbows when I realized that I was falling, suddenly too weak to stand on my own.
They guided me to a chair and I realized that all I wanted to do was sleep. I needed water. I croaked for it and it appeared.
"Jade, you know we love you, right?" Sandra started.
I nodded, gulping the water and the refill that took its place.
"We need you to take a drug test," Jack said bluntly.
I nodded and reached for a third glass of water. "Okay."
They looked around at each other, waiting for the other shoe to drop, for crazy Jade to get violent.
"Like, right now?" I asked after downing the fourth glass and feeling finally satisfied.
Jack nodded. I could tell by his rumpled hair and the bags under his eyes that he had stayed up with Sandra talking about what they were going to do with me when I got home. They seemed a little disappointed that it was so easy. "It's all ready to go in the bathroom. You just have to pee in the cup, put the lid on and turn it on its side."
Sandra and Jack eyed me warily. Jessica smiled warmly after me with her green eyes glittering and Cole slid a tray of scones into the oven. I peed in the cup, secured the striped lid and tipped the cup on its side on top of the toilet tank. I looked into my haggard face, realized there was nothing I could do about it and washed my hands. Longing to change my clothes, I rejoined the group at the table.
"Anything else, guys?"
"Don't get all defensive about this now," Sandra warned. "We're just looking out for you."
Jessica poured coffee for everyone and sat down next to me, smiling. "Did you really call your boss stupid?"
"He's not my boss," I said. "He's the supervisor."
"But he fired you," Sandra pointed out.
"That's great," Jessica grinned. "I wish I had the balls for that."
"It is not great," Sandra said. Her tone was harsh, but there was a little glimmer of amusement in her eyes. I knew that she wished she'd been there to see it.
A timer went off and Sandra and Jack got up. I assumed they were checking my results. Of course I would be clean. At-home tests don't check for "werewolf."
Werewolf.
I was a werewolf.
Another timer went off and Cole pulled an oven mitt on.
"So if it's not drugs, what is going on with you?" Sandra asked when they returned.
I couldn't think of a lie fast enough. I couldn't tell the truth. I clammed up.
"Jade! I can't have you living here if I don't know when creepy drug dealers or Mafia guys are going to be showing up at my door! You're really scaring me." Sandra was dangerously close to breaking.
"I-." How could I prove anything? I couldn't transform in front of them. I didn't know how to. Maybe that wasn’t even possible. What could I say? I'm a werewolf, just give me a month and I'll show you?
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