by Amy Mah
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RACE
Vampires don't suffer racial problems in the same way humans do, as our colour and racial looks are only a camouflage to hide our true form from the human prey. But we do suffer from the need for racial purity as a species, which is why weak Vampires are killed and Females in the Alpha class are told who they can raise their tails to!
RACIAL PURITY (see breeding contracts)
Of course weak Vampires have to be killed before they can breed - that's only right, as no sane Vampire would ever agree to inferior Vampires being allowed to live and breed. This is true irrespective of whether they're Male of Female. Of course turnlings are inferior, but they are sterile so cannot pollute the gene pool in the same way.
Some inferior Males do escape into the wild, and these are best ignored when you encounter them. You do not wish to be seen with one or you'll be ostracized by your friends and if your parents ever find out ….. let's just say that sitting down will be painful afterwards.
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RANK
Everyone has a position or rank in the Nest. The Alpha Council is at the top and the maids are at the bottom (cats are somewhere in between, but I expect a lot closer to the Council than to the maids).
Normally, the older you get the more respect you get. That's partly the nature of Vampires, and partly the way that older Vampires kill younger Vampires that forget to show them the necessary respect.
REARDON PUBLISHING
...is the only company that knew how important this book would be for teenage Vampire girls, so I have promised not to bite any of their staff.
RELIGION
Due to my human family I was brought up as a Buddhist, and the Buddha never said anything in his teachings about Vampires. Besides, what would Buddhist priests be able to do to Vampires? Perhaps throw holy oranges and hope they get them stuck in the Vampire's teeth! All the monks I have met are nice and friendly I've even helped give out leaflets on overcast Holy Days.
RENEGADE
Another word like abomination, which is a rude word in Vampire circles. The normal meaning is a Vampire without family or Nest, and someone who disregards the rules that other Vampires live by. Groups of Males not aligned to any Nest are renegades, and a Female who does not wish to be owned and lives away from her family is a renegade, and any Vampire not living like a normal Vampire is a renegade. It can also be used as an insult.
RESPECT
As young Females we have to respect: Older Females, All Males, The Council, The Rules etc, etc………….. Boring !!! Of course this is unfair, as the rules state how we should act when we are respecting them, and this usually means anything from a curtsy to the range of submissive positions which (calls for yoga classes) we have to take when meeting our superiors. When I first came to the Nest even the cats had a higher rank than I did ….. come to think on it, they probably still do! Anyone who's owned a cat will understand that.
RULES
Rules! There are rules for everything: Nest Rules, Etiquette Rules, Family Rules, Rules and more Rules including special Rules for girls - which is very unfair as you never, ever hear of having special rules for being a boy.
Rules for Girls include things you can't ask about, but which people expect you to know!
Don't tell a boyfriend that you have very strong jaws and that you like to crack walnuts with your teeth, as for some reason this makes him nervous.
Don't wear a very low cut top and a very short skirt at the same time when on a date. I think this is because boys can only think of one thing at the time and get confused, not knowing if they should drool over your boobs or your legs.
Some extra advice on what is too low or what is too short is as follows so listen carefully: .............
First A top is cut slightly too low when you have to paint your nipples to match your nail varnish.
A skirt is way too short when you have to colour coordinate your underwear with your shoes, look try finding pink shoes with bats on them in a size 3.
Don't show him your Fangs and Claws on the first date, as a girl should always keep some things hidden to add to the mystery of being Female.
Don't act inappropriately when wearing a short skirt or dress... and this doesn't just mean the obvious things like refraining from doing handstands.
Don't ask about things that are rude, even if you don't know they are rude until you ask about them! My boyfriend says he loves my small hands and that all Males love a girl with small hands as it makes them feel more Male, but he won't say why. I asked my uncle about this and he coughed so much he couldn't give me an answer, so it must be rude... but I still don't know why.
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SCENT (see PHEROMONES)
Everything smells or stinks. Being a Vampire means you have a good nose for smells, which is more of a curse than a blessing at times and especially so when down wind of the boys locker room.
The smell of Males is nice and heart-fluttering, while Females can smell so sweet it makes your teeth hurt, unless they are maids (dead meat smell), family or friends. It's something to do with territory and wanting to kill any Female that gets near you - don't worry, it's normal, but you shouldn't always act on it.
We all know the best way around this is getting our scent on them. The old way was mutual licking, as the scent glands in the mouth transfer our scent that way. Rubbing our bodies together also transfers scent and is one of the main reasons why Females sleep together (and maids like to bond with their Mistresses that way so that the Mistress does not kill them while in a bad mood).
There's truth in the old saying: 'go to bed with an enemy and wake up with a friend'
As Females are more social than Males it is generally encouraged that they bond regularly, but still our normal Vampire needs get the better of us, so we have lots of training and tournaments to try and kill each other in nice respectable ways. As Darwin says, it's survival of the fittest: no Male would want a Female that couldn't defend his young, so if you die at a tournament it just means you were not fit to breed. Death is nature's way of removing you from the gene pool.
For some reason Males do not sleep together (when I ask why, my Uncle starts to cough) but have very strict rules of etiquette to follow that stops them killing each other in the Nest. Plus, the smell of the Nest somehow calms them down, and other Males that smell of the same Nest smell like family. Not that I'm saying they don't hate other family members just because they smell like family, though, so they have to spend a lot of time out of the Nest.
A Male can mark you with his scent in different ways, by letting you taste his blood (his scent then comes out of your pores) or by sex. Both ways tell the world that you have been marked for future ownership, but it wears off after a while, this is helped by long hot baths, which we take often so we never stay marked for long………… hehehehe ……..
Every Nest has its own smell, and that means the smell is on everything living in it. This is a perfect way to know who should be entering a Nest, as you can only enter a Nest if you belong there, or you'll be killed. It's just like a insect Nest in that respect, and could be why the Crumblies named it a Nest and not just a home.
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SCHOOL
Vampire learning is very haphazard. If you haven't already, you will discover that your parents trick you into learning things. I was grounded for ten years with just three TV channels, one of which was a cartoon channel, and that means I can now speak fluent Japanese from watching thousands and thousands of Japanese anime films. Things were so bad I even had a crush on Naruto! I mean, that just shows my lack of confidence, as Sasuke is the hot sexy one... but I did not want to fight Ino and Sakura for him! Just don't ask what the other two channels were or I will start doing wild animal impressions for you.
Human learning is very different. I was in a human high school before I was rescued, and I still live in fear of being found and dragged back. Cutting school for a day is fine, but I cut it for ten years by being grounded to my bedroom, so I have not fully finished h
igh school and being stuck at the same age will mean if I ever go back I'll be in the same class with ten years' of homework to hand in!
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SEX
Males like to take human girls as sex pets, promising them immortality and other such lines to get them to drop their panties on a first date.
It's a mystery to me why they need to go out and do this when the house maids would more than willing satisfy their needs. And besides, the maids never wear panties, so they don't even have to talk them into dropping them.
Females have unfair limitations, being controlled by Males - be it father, brother or mate. Not that the rules stop any Female intent of raising her tail to a Male, it's not as if we get pregnant unless we're on heat. And the limitations are not so much rules as guidelines... well, the Males think they are rules, whereas the Females take them as guidelines.
When on heat the tables are turned in our favour, as the Female on heat can legally take any Male until her needs are satisfied. Males are very uneasy around female that are coming on heat as the rules say no permanent harm must ever be done to a Female of childbearing age, and for the sake of the Nest no harm at all can ever be done to a Female on heat or pregnant.
At first it may sound good to a Male that a Female coming on heat will want to have lots of sex with him, but it is soon pointed out by friends that she will not care where she is - so the good looking Males are always worried that a Female on heat will jump on him in a public place. He's afraid that she'll rip off his clothes and force him to have sex with her for hours until she is satisfied, and if he doesn't satisfy her she will attack him tooth and claw until he dies trying. He is not allowed to reject her, as the Nest must have new young.
Females can sleep with other Females, and this is quite normal. They may also sleep with their own maids. This is nothing to do with sex (cough, cough) just companionship... plus, with the maids, it's also a nice snack without having to get out of the bed. In my case it is also for comfort - my maid Bambi is so cuddly and my bedroom gets so darn damp and cold. OK, so we sleep naked, but that's only because Bambi has sensitive skin.
Unwilling sex is not allowed and you should know your rights with this. Just because a Male is stronger than a Female, horny Males would be wise to stick with the maids as unwelcome advances can be meet with fang and claw, and as I said he may be stronger but he is not allowed to damage us as we will carry the next generation. If he doesn't respect this he will soon discover that the Council will arrange a short holiday in the sun for him!
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SEX (in Dreams)
My Aunt says it is normal for a girl my age and nothing to worry about, then she took a look through my movie collection and removed all of the …er… more spicy ones.
SILVER
The metal silver is a problem to werewolves and us. Why? Well, perhaps something about its place on the element table, er... between palladium and cadmium that makes it poisonous, and for some reason stops us from healing. That's why silver bullets can cause us so much damage, and when we fight each other we have silver set into our blades. As with all weapons it's not the block of silver which is dangerous, it's the two legged meal which is trying to hit you with it!
SILVER BULLETS
Mostly used against werewolves but they can kill us, too, as silver stops us healing so a silver bullet in the heart or head is terminally inconvenient.
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SLAPPING
If you need to give someone a good slapping - like when a boy rudely asks to see your family brand, knowing that to do so you have to lift your nightdress so high up that you don't just prove you're a girl but he can see what you had for breakfast!
You partly extend the claws so that the slap will give him 5 neat cut lines across the face. You are fully within your rights to show your displeasure at his rudeness, so if he foolishly tries to block the slap then you should bite him hard. Boys can be a little slow at times so it's a kindness to bite very hard so that he understands not to block a slap in future.
SLEEP WEAR
Again treat the rules as guidelines where it says Males have to wear nightshirts and Females have to sleep nude.
Forget the maids, they have perfect bodies and would be quite happy going shopping in the nude, let alone sleeping in the nude. I personally wear PJs when sleeping alone, (I do tell Max (boyfriend) that I always sleep in the nude ……. hehehe .....As it will give him something to dream about!)
On checking around can share a little about my family's habits. Only my Uncle wears a nightshirt in bed. My boyfriend tells me he just wears a smile in bed, but his sister says he wears shorts and she wears a T-shirt and shorts. As to my Aunt, she wears more in bed than she does during the day, including about 5 cats which sleep on or around her.
SLEEPING
Sleeping may be a strange heading but if you plan to go out into the human world it may be useful to point out that your body clock works the opposite way round to humans.
Even out of the sunlight you will always want to sleep during daylight hours and be full of energy during the hours of darkness. Strangely, human teenagers can fit into our style better than the human adult.
As most of the maids (see FAMULA) were still teenagers when they were turned, so they have the same sleeping habits as normal full blood Vampires.
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SPEED
Vampires are fast. Yes, this is one human belief about Vampires that's actually true. With practice you can change your body mass, so when you jump off a building you can land like a feather... but you notice I did say practice, because if not you'll just be an interesting stain on the sidewalk.
Running - Leaping - Jumping
The momentum you have when you start moving will carry you forward very fast when you change your weight. Why? I have no idea. My Uncle says it's to do with the blood, but he always says that, or for me to ask my Aunt, and this is followed by "get out, can't you see I'm busy!" ... so I'm not sure he understands, either.
SPIT or SWALLOW (no, I don't mean that!)
As I have pointed out elsewhere, dating humans can be a problem. Just because they can look like a Male, they're not, they're just a nicely wrapped food supply which should be treated with respect but not romance.
You may tell your friends you love hamburgers but they will still be surprised if they find you in bed with one.
Humans are only animals, so try not to get attached to one or you will only end up hurting it. They do not have the good sense to wear a tag saying what blood group they are, so think how embarrassing it is to sink your teeth in to a human only to discover you do not like his blood type!
So there he is lying on the ground and you are straddling him with a mouth full of blood wondering if it would upset him too much it you just spat it out, well what is a girl to do? Spit or swallow? If you swallow you will end up making a strange face of someone trying not to throw up over him, so my advice is spit it out with the excuse that it is very fattening and you have just started a diet and want to stay slim for him.
SUNLIGHT
Sunlight is deadly to a turnling (a human turned into a Vampire) and it is not a pretty sight to see one forgetting the time and stepping out into a nice sunny day.
True Vampire also find sunlight a problem as all races of Vampire are very sensitive to the UV radiation, and we get very bad radiation burns. Some say our species came from a different world or dimension where the sun was not so dangerous to us, and others say the herbs which give us such long life only grow in darkness, and they make the sun harmful to us.
So give up all ideas of wanting to lay out on a beach in a bikini and get a sun tan! Nowadays we have 24hr drugstores which stock all sorts of fake tan creams, again only in human fantasy films do we Vampires have to look pale and sickly as we can now have an all over fake tan. As Vampires we can go into the daylight if we are very careful, dull overcast days are not a problem but it is always best to take precautions: I suggest 100 percent sun block, anti UV sunglasses, gloves, an
d a hat.
It depends upon the race of Vampire that you belong to as to how much sunlight you can take. I'm lucky in that I can take UV radiation better than most Vampires, but I'm still not quite a real daywalker, as even with sun block it still gives me a terrible rash. At least acne only makes you a social leper, and is not terminal like bursting into flames.
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TAIL
In the past it was said that we all had tails and I bet some of you think it would be cool if we still had them. Well …….. have you thought of the problems in having a tail?
1 Cutting holes in all your pants to poke your tail through
2 If you tuck it away so it is not seen you will end up sitting on it and it will start to go numb.
3 Never being able to wear skirts or dresses for fear of flashing your panties as your tail flicks from side to side as you walk.
4 And as for someone treading on it or worse shutting a door on it - ouch!!
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But even though we don't have tails any more, we still like to talk about raising them (see SEX...).
TOURNAMENT
Very popular with young Females as we can show off our bodies (with very tight clothing) and skills (of fighting) to the Males watching. You wear protective clothing such as the Fighter suit, which looks like a 'kevlar' body stocking with a metal bodice to protect the heart. Even wearing the right clothing, it's still dangerous as the blood wants us to kill any competition: when someone gives you a weapon and points you towards a Female, the blood says KILL. The rules say you can not kill other Vampires while in the Nest, but if you kill her in a tournament then it doesn't' count as killing - she has committed suicide by not trying to defend herself better.