by Erin Osborne
Irish’s Destiny
By: Erin Osborne
Copyright 2017© Erin Osborne
All rights reserved. This book or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner without the express written permission of the author except for brief quotations used in book reviews.
This book is a work of fiction. The names, characters, places, and incidents are products of the writer’s imagination or have been used fictitiously and are not to be construed as real. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, actual events, locales, or organizations is entirely coincidental.
Cover Design: KLa Boutique Swag
Editor: Jenni Copeland Belanger
Dedication
Based on the themes in this book, one of which I have personally been through in a few different relationships, this book has a two-part dedication. The first people that I would like to dedicate it to are the women, and men, that are unable to have children of their own for whatever reason. I can’t imagine what you feel hearing that news, and I won’t pretend to. However, I hope you all realize that there are other ways to make that dream a reality. For those of you that have taken the opportunity to give a child a home filled with love, you have my utmost respect and love. You are truly amazing men and women!!
The second part of this dedication goes out to anyone that has ever suffered any type of abuse. I have been there through emotional, physical, verbal, and mental abuse. Please know that there is help out there for you and there are ways to get away from the situation. If anyone ever needs an ear to listen, or to hear stories so you know you’re not alone, feel free to contact me through email or PM me on Facebook. I have no problem being there for anyone that has suffered through this.
Table of Contents
Dedication
Table of Contents
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
Chapter Thirteen
Chapter Fourteen
Chapter Fifteen
Chapter Sixteen
Chapter Seventeen
Chapter Eighteen
Chapter Nineteen
Chapter Twenty
Epilogue
Irish’s Destiny Playlist
Acknowledgments
About the Author
Taken By Temptation: Rage Ryders MC
Reese Black Tuxedos MC
Riding Resistance: Soul Shifterz MC
Part One
The Past
Chapter One
Caydence
TODAY IS THE DAY of our high school graduation. I’ve been ready to be out of school for so long now that I can’t wait for the ceremony to be over. Saying that I’m just passing is an understatement. Honestly, I’m surprised I’m graduating with the rest of my class. The only thing that I’ve cared about for the last four years is spending time with my man, Connor.
He’s been waiting for this day to come too. Now he can begin prospecting for the Wild Kings MC. His dad was in the club and he’s going to follow in his footsteps. Something that he’s known he was going to do since he was a little boy. Hell, most every picture there is of Connor is one of him with members of the Wild Kings or sitting on his dad’s bike. No, I’m not with him for a patch or anything like that. I’m with him because of the way he treats me and for the way he makes me feel.
We’ve been together since our freshman year and we seem to get closer, and closer every year. If we could right now, I’d marry this man in a heartbeat. But, he doesn’t want to get married. Connor watched the hell his mom put his dad through and he refuses to go through that with anyone. So, he says that it’s easier to just be with someone and if things don’t work out one of them can just pack up and leave with no messy divorce or anything else. The only thing he will consider is having kids. Granted, that means that whoever he has kids with is tied to him for the next eighteen years, but they don’t have to be together. Too bad he doesn’t know what I just found out a week ago.
My senior year of high school and I find out that I can’t have children. I have to have more testing done, but at this point I will never be able to have them. For two days, I laid in bed and wouldn’t talk to anyone. Not even Connor. He had no clue what was wrong with me and he still doesn’t. I don’t know how to tell him. We’ve honestly talked on and off about having kids, we don’t use protection, and I’m not on birth control. It hasn’t happened in the last year and now I know why. The doctor told me that even if I manage to get pregnant, the chances of carrying the baby to term are almost non-existent.
“Caydence, are you almost ready to go?” Connor asks me.
“Yeah. I just need to finish my make-up and we can go.”
“Is your mom comin’?” he asks, stepping up right behind me.
“Nope. She’s choosing to work instead of being there. It is what it is, and I’d expect no less from her,” I tell him, leaning back and resting against his hard stomach.
I want to tell Connor what’s going on with the news I heard at the doctor. I’m just scared to tell him and then have him leave me because he wants to eventually have children. It’s a fear that I’m not going to be able to get over, but I don’t know how I’m going to keep it away from him. We don’t keep anything from one another. This is killing me inside and it’s killing me knowing that I’m not telling him the truth.
“Babe, I know that there’s somethin’ goin’ on with you. Why won’t you tell me?” Connor asks me, breaking me out of my thoughts.
“I want to tell you. I really do, but I don’t know what you’re going to say when I tell you.”
“Unless you’ve cheated on me, we’ll work through it,” he tells me.
“I don’t know if we can work through this one babe. It’s big and I’m not dealing with it well. So, I really don’t know how you’re going to deal with it,” I tell him, leaning forward and putting my head down.
“I can’t answer that if I don’t know what’s goin’ on Caydence.”
I ask him to go sit on my bed and give me a minute. While he’s doing this, I turn my mirror away so I don’t have to look at him while I’m telling him what’s going on. Taking a deep breath, I tell him what the doctor said to me. How my periods were so bad, and hurt me so much that my mom finally pulled her head out of her ass long enough to notice. I tell him how the doctor told me that more than likely I would never be able to have children and if I get pregnant, I’ll more than likely lose the baby.
When I’m done telling Connor what the doctor said, he doesn’t say anything for a few minutes. I start to get worried about what’s going to happen and I’m fully expecting him to get up and leave the house. Surprisingly, he comes over to me and wraps his arms around me. I cry into his chest while he holds me and just let the pain seep out. Well, as much of the pain as I can. Because there’s no way that I’m ever going to get over this.
I’ve always wanted to have a lot of kids. I grew up as an only child and I didn’t want to put my own child through that. So, I’ve always wanted at least three. I don’t care what they are, I just knew how many. Now, I’ll never get to have that. As long as Connor is with me, he’ll never get to be a father. I’m taking this away from both of us. Maybe I should be the one to leave him.
“Baby, we’ll get through this. It’s not as bad as you think. I don’t care if we have to adopt our children, if we choose to have them, we’ll find a way to make it happen.”
“I don’t want to adopt a baby. If I can’t have one the natural way, I don’
t want one at all. There’s too much that could go wrong with adoptions and things like that. People change their minds all the time and I couldn’t survive that.”
“We’ll talk about it when this isn’t so fresh in your mind. What’s the next step to find out exactly what’s wrong?” he asks, making me face him.
“I have to go in next week for testing. Hopefully I’ll get results from that. I think the first one is going to be an ultrasound,” I tell him.
“I’ll be there. I’m not sure what’s goin’ on at the clubhouse, but I’ll talk to my dad and make sure that I can leave to be by your side,” he tells me.
“I don’t expect you to. You can find someone that can give you what you want and need babe. I’ll be fine.”
“You know how I feel about it. I’ve always said that if it happens, it happens. If it doesn’t happen, then we’ll have one another and the kids of members of the club.”
“It’s not the same thing and you know it,” I tell him, looking away and finishing getting ready. “I don’t want to talk about it anymore.”
“That’s fine babe. But, we will talk about it again when we find out exactly what’s goin’ on and what your options are.”
The ceremony is over and we’re all getting ready to go celebrate. Bailey, Connor, Dec, Levi, Mason, and Logan are all going out to a club. Well, after we get done with the party at the clubhouse. Our parents are going all out tonight throwing a celebration for us. Even though it’s a joint party, I wouldn’t have it any other way. It’s not like my mom is really a mom to me. The members of the Wild Kings MC are the only family that I have.
Unlike some kids I know, my mom isn’t a drug addict, she doesn’t change men like her underwear, she’s not an alcoholic, or anything like that. She just simply decided one day that she was tired of being tied down with a child. I can’t remember exactly how old I was when she made the decision for me that I was old enough to take care of myself. I just remember that she simply quit doing anything for me and with me. If I need a ride, I need to find my own. When I need money, I better find a way to get it. I’ve been doing my own laundry, cleaning the house, cooking, and finding odd jobs around town to make money for as long as I can remember. That’s how I met Connor and the rest of the Wild Kings members to begin with.
I think that’s another reason why I have depression. Now, I haven’t been to a counselor or doctor to diagnose me, that would mean my mom would have to do something for me, but I know the signs of it and I have a lot of them. The news that I’ll never have children is just making it worse right now. Connor and the rest of the people I hang out with know something is wrong with me, but I’m getting better at pretending everything is fine a little more every day. Well, other than with Connor. He can read right through the fake smiles, laughing and joking around with everyone, and all the other little things I do to pretend I’m normal.
Tonight, for example, I don’t even want to go out to the club with everyone. But that’s what everyone wants to do, so I’m going along for the ride. If it were up to me, I’d be home in bed with the covers pulled up over my head. I wouldn’t talk to anyone and I wouldn’t do anything other than cry. But, that’s not something I can do right now. I have to act like a normal and happy eighteen-year-old.
“Where are you planning on getting ready for tonight?” Bailey asks me.
“I don’t know. Probably at my house. Why?” I ask, looking away.
“Just wondering. Connor doesn’t seem to think that you want to go out.”
“I don’t. But, it was decided that that’s what we’re doing, so I’m going.”
“What’s going on with you Caydence?” she asks. “You’ve always been like a loner, the last week or so it’s been worse. You know you can talk to me, right?”
“I know I can. I just don’t want to talk about it,” I tell her, looking out the window of her car.
I rode to the ceremony with Connor, but the members of the club brought brand new bikes for the guys to ride back to the clubhouse. That’s what they got as graduation presents. The rest of us have to wait until we get to the clubhouse to get ours I guess. Personally, I don’t need anything. I never have, and I never will. Maybe it’s because I’m so used to depending on no one but me. Who knows? So, now I’m riding with Bailey to the party.
We pull up to the clubhouse after making the half hour drive and I see the parking lot packed to capacity. I honestly don’t know where we’re going to park until one of the prospects tells Bailey to follow him. He leads us around the side of the building where Kenzie’s car is already parked. She made the decision half-way through the year that she wasn’t going to attend graduation. None of us know why, we just know that she changed. Started distancing herself from all of us, and wouldn’t tell us anything about her life anymore. She’s Logan’s cousin so he’s taking it really hard.
Ma is the first person that comes running over to us. She wraps us both in big hugs and the tears are running down her face. The one thing she’s always told all of us is that she wanted us to graduate high school. Whatever we choose to do now is up to us. If we want to go to college, she’ll support us. If we want to simply find work, then she’ll support us in that decision too. I don’t know what I want to do yet. My future is up in the air and I don’t know what to do.
“I’m so proud of you guys!” she gushes.
“Thank you, Ma,” we both tell her.
Out of everyone involved in the club, Ma is the one that is the closest to us. She helps us with whatever we need help with. If we need a shoulder to cry on, an ear to listen to us, or anything else Ma is the first person to step up. She’s been more of a mother to me than my own mother has been. Her husband, Pops is the same way. I just can’t bring myself to talk to either one of them. Not about anything that’s going on with me.
“Caydence, you know we all know something is bothering you. One day, you’ll tell me what it is,” Ma tells me, leaning in close so no one else can hear her.
“I doubt I’ll tell you. I’m sorry, I know you want to help me out, but I just don’t talk about things to anyone. It’s hard for me to even talk to Connor about things.”
“I know that too. I see more than what you think I see honey.”
With that, Ma walks away. I know she’s heading back to put the finishing touches on the party. She just wanted to make sure that she was the first one to congratulate us as soon as we got here. Now, it’s just a matter of time before Pops finds us. He’s the one I want to hide from though. He truly sees things that you don’t want him to see. Pops will know without a doubt that something is wrong, and he won’t stop asking and prying until he finds out what’s going on with me.
As soon as we step foot in the door, everyone greets us and gives us hugs. It’s honestly like this every time we step foot in the clubhouse. The only difference is there’s a few people from other chapters here to help celebrate, including Brock. He’s not with a new chapter just yet, but he’s already said that he wants to go to a new one. According to him, there’s too many guys in this one, and he wants to be somewhere smaller. I’d love to pack up and leave to go somewhere smaller. But, I won’t leave Connor. His family is here and there’s no way he’s going to leave just so I can go to a new town and forget about everything here.
Pops makes sure that he’s the last one to pull us in for hugs. When he gets to me, he leads me out the back door. This is what I didn’t want to happen. Now, I’m going to have to answer a ton of questions about things that I don’t want to talk about. Or, he’s going to be able to guess what’s going on without me saying a word to him.
“I know that you’ve been fightin’ a battle none of us can help you with,” he starts. “I’m not blind to it. I need you to get the help that you need to though honey. Connor is goin’ to need you to be strong for the prospectin’ he’s about to start doin’.”
“What are you talking about?”
“You’re goin’ through a depression. Somethin’ has made it worse. I se
e you tryin’ to be normal and act like the rest of the kids, but it’s somethin’ that you’re not successful with. I still see the pain and torture behind your eyes. I’m beggin’ you to get the help you need before it’s too late.”
“I don’t want to talk to anyone about what’s going on though. I’ll just learn to cope and deal with everything on my own.”
“That’s not gonna be enough. You’re gonna have to talk this shit out honey. Especially whatever you got goin’ on now.”
“How do you know what I’m going through right now though?”
“I don’t know exactly what you’re goin’ through. I just know that it’s somethin’. It’s somethin’ big and you’re not goin’ to be able to cope with it on your own.”
“I’ll think about it then,” I tell him, trying to make him happy.
I’m not stupid though, and I know that he can see right through the lies I’m telling him right now. He is going to hound me until I get the help he thinks I need. So, I’m going to have to continue to make up excuses as to why I’m not talking to a counselor, and getting put on whatever drugs they want to force down my throat. I’ve heard the side-effects some of them have and I’m not willing to go through that shit. I’d rather stay depressed than do that.
We’ve been at the clubhouse for hours and I’ve been drinking for the last hour and a half. Connor’s been watching me, so I know he knows I’m drinking more than just soda, but he won’t say anything. He’ll just figure that I want to forget what I told him earlier and I’m starting a little earlier than the rest of them. What he doesn’t know is that I’ve been drinking faster and more than what he realizes.
“Caydence, you ready to get dropped off at your house?” Kenzie asks me.
“Yeah. Who’s picking me up to go out?” I ask, just to make conversation.
“I think the guys are all picking us up. Why don’t you ask your man?”
“He’ll call if he’s the one that’s getting me,” I reply, not really wanting to go talk to him right now.