Chapter Twenty-One
Tuesday and Wednesday were not the most constructive days at work. Our photographer was ill, which had delayed the story I was working on. Claire had been assigned to one of the other journalists for the rest of the week, and that did not help me one little bit; I could have really done with her help.
On Wednesday I moved sluggishly around the office, hoping for a little bit of inspiration, but all I could think about was James and I and my party, and I kept wondering how everything was going to pan out between us.
My phone beeped with a new message; it was John. I sighed heavily and read the text, which requested that we meet. I realised that I had to confront him at some point and let him know that I had no intention of coming back. I’d felt more myself in recent days than I had in a long time. All my time with John I had been trying to be something that he expected me to be, and I completely lost myself in the process. It was nice to be me again, and I was not about to give that up so easily.
I arranged to meet John on Thursday lunchtime. I was not looking forward to it, but it needed to be done. I had received a text from Charles stating that he was shocked and surprised by John’s actions, but that he was certain it was a one-off and John loved me dearly. I wondered whether John had put him up to the task, but then realised that it did not bother me either way; I had already decided that John was not the man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. I had simply slotted into a position that he was happy with, and adjusted myself to please him at a time when I was vulnerable and needed to be close to someone. I sat at my desk and tried to think about what had made me so attracted to John in the first place, but quite honestly nothing sprang to mind. I had a clear vision of where I wanted to go and what I wanted to do now, and Northfield was a very large part of my future plan.
When I arrived back home that evening, making my own way there, I felt slight trepidation about tomorrow’s lunch meeting. I had had the time to reflect during momentary lapses at work, and I know that at some point in my past I had definitely loved John, but there was no denying that we had drifted apart and that work had become our primary focus. I wasn’t quite sure where it had all gone wrong, but I suspected it was not long after his proposal, when he realised the magnitude of being attached to one person for the rest of his life. I kicked off my shoes in the hallway and wandered down to the apartment, feeling instantly happier at the sound of both of my favourite men laughing. As I pushed the door open, I shrugged off my jacket and perched on the chair.
“Please can I have a glass of wine?” I pleaded as I rubbed my hands across my face.
“Bad day?” George asked.
“Long day, and quite honestly tiresome! Claire has been assigned to another journalist for the week and I cannot seem to get my head into gear,” I replied despondently.
“Is there any reason for this lack of concentration?” James enquired as George placed a large glass of red in front of me. I held up one finger, signalling him to wait, and took a large sip. It was smooth and velvety and heavenly to the taste buds. I sighed with delight.
“I had a message from John asking me to meet him. I cannot hide forever and so I have arranged to meet him tomorrow lunchtime. Not the nicest thought!” I remarked. James looked slightly agitated at my reply and George said:
“Would you like me to come with you?” I laughed a little.
“George, that’s so sweet, but this is one battle that I have to conquer for myself!”
“Alright, but you know where I am if you need me!” he replied, smiling.
“Likewise!” James then stated. “Not that I can do very much!” He looked annoyed at himself.
“Boys, thank you, but I will be fine. The sooner I do this the better; then I can get on with my life.”
“Cheers to that, what a good positive attitude!” George then said as he raised his glass. We chinked and then I took another large sip. “Hungry?” he then enquired.
“Starving!” I replied happily, knowing that the lovely smell radiating around the kitchen was bound to be from something delicious.
Rich steak pie with potatoes and vegetables was our dinner tonight, and as George placed the plate in front of me my tummy rumbled loudly. I placed a hand on it.
“Gosh, my tummy loves being here as much as I do!” I remarked. They both laughed. “I think we are going to have to talk about salad, George; if I keep eating these amazing meals, I am going to grow to the size of this house!” I said as I then placed a piece of meat onto my tongue. It was delicious.
“Rubbish; I am not eating salad on a regular basis – it is not the best source of energy! Besides, it will not harm you eating such food, you have been working hard all day!” he added. I gave James a look of ‘well that told me’ and he laughed before continuing eating.
We had a quiet night of reading in George’s lounge. It was entirely refreshing not having the television on, and instead just listening to the crackling fire. I had had a warm bath and was happy to be in my pyjamas and dressing gown, doing something I enjoyed – it was a much-needed change. I yawned heavily at ten o’clock, as I finished my book, and stood up and stretched. It still amused me that every time I moved, James stood. I was most definitely not used to the chivalrous gestures that he kept displaying, but I did love them.
“Gentlemen, I am very tired and so I am going to retire a little earlier tonight. I need my beauty sleep!” I concluded jokily.
“I doubt the latter; you are quite exquisite enough!” George kindly said as he stood and kissed me on both cheeks.
“You are far too good to me, George!” I remarked.
“May I see you to your room?” James asked. I nodded in agreement.
As we walked the long corridor to the hallway and I retrieved my shoes, I stood and looked around. “I still find it hard to believe that I partly own this place!”
“It is quite something, although a little unlived-in at the moment. Perhaps we should use some of the other rooms now that you are here? It would be nice to be able to spend more time in them; I do love George’s apartment, but I miss being able to enjoy the main house,” he remarked as he looked around. “So many memories!”
“You know I would love that. I have always felt very fond of the day room in which George and I first conversed; it is very opulent.”
“I agree entirely. So I will speak with George and we can start retiring into that room in the evenings if you so wish?” he suggested as we walked up the stairs.
“You know, as long as George doesn’t mind, or think that we are not fond of his apartment, I would really love that. I do not want to make more work for him, though!” I replied, thinking that George had enough to look after.
“I am sure that George will not mind; he has commented regularly on the lack of use of the main house. I hope one day to be able to be a part of it again,” he said with sadness.
“As do I!” I simply replied as we arrived at my door. “I have had a lovely evening, so thank you!” I said as I turned the large doorknob.
“You are entirely welcome!” he replied with a large smile. “I do hope that you rest well!” he then said as I entered my room.
“How can I not, in such a magnificent room? It’s more relaxing than I can tell you!” I replied with as large a smile as I could give. He simply nodded and turned to walk away.
As I got into bed and pulled the plump covers up to my chin, I let out a large sigh of contentment. I thought about my mum, and I knew that she would be so happy that I was trying to help both James and George. I was also positive that she would be proud of me for standing up to John. I missed her so dearly, but also felt like I had adopted a new family and home. It just felt so right – like it was meant to be – and I was happier than I had been in a long time. I smiled to myself and replied to a few texts – one specifically from Claire, asking if I was alright – and then I set the alarm and drifted into a most peaceful slumber.
I bounced down the stairs the next morning, feeling compl
etely refreshed and ready to get my head into gear at work. I had deadlines, and Claire or no Claire I had to pull my socks up and get on with it. I had renewed inspiration and a fighting ambition back in me this morning, which I think was mainly to do with the fact that this was a new beginning for me – firstly by getting John to understand that I could not even begin to think about spending the rest of my life with him. I had a brief sudden thought about the fact that John had very probably been spending time consoling himself with Nadine, and I shuddered quickly and then snapped myself back to reality. Very soon it would not be my problem anymore, and I could focus my precious time on James and George entirely. I smiled and waltzed down to George’s apartment, but found that he was not there as usual. I made a coffee and got myself a bowl of cereal; when James appeared, I offered to make him a coffee too, as he looked tired.
“Are you alright? It’s strange not to meet George first thing in the morning!” I pointed out.
“Yes, sorry we are perfectly fine – we spent most of the night chatting!” he then replied.
“It’s good that you both still talk in depth!”
“It is, but when you retire at 3.30am it’s a tiring start!” he replied, straightening his shirt and then running his hands through his hair.
“Gosh, I’m so sorry – that would probably normally not happen if it wasn’t for me and my trials and tribulations!” I remarked.
“Absolutely not! We talk regularly until well into the early hours – after all, what else is there to do!?” he then tried to reassure me as he rubbed his face numerous times.
I placed the coffee at the end of the counter and no sooner had I returned to my seat than the reflected copy was there waiting for him. He turned, took a long sip and then sighed.
“Coffee, it has to be said, is quite medicinal when you’re tired!”
“It works for most people!” I commented as he continued to drink. “Has George decided to sleep in this morning?”
“George, I fear, would be devastated to find that we are helping ourselves this morning. He does take his role very seriously and that usually means him being in control. I do worry that he is getting weary though so a rest will do him no harm!” he kindly said.
“I love the fact that you care for him so much!” I remarked. He smiled.
“He is all I have left of my family! He is my family!” he then said. We both continued drinking and I ate my cereal. I felt I needed to get moving and with George not being around it made the transition a little quicker. I stood and quickly washed up my crockery, then turned and looked at James.
“Well, wish me luck! It’s a busy day for me today!” I stated, trying to sound positive. He stopped for a second and then looked at me as he placed his mug back onto the island.
“Yes, I hope that you do not feel too upset about the impending meeting with your fiancé?”
“I feel quite confident that after today I will be moving forward. Fiancé, I know, will be a long-distant word! That, I feel, is a good thing!” I replied.
“Well I hope it goes well for you!” he replied.
“Me too!” I said as I stood taller and straightened my clothes. “I will see you tonight, and I hope that George feels well rested when I get home.”
“I am sure that George will be back to his old self upon your return this evening,” he then said as he gestured for me to walk to the hallway.
I retrieved my work things, put on my coat and then realised that George usually took me to the station. I turned and looked at James and he raised his eyebrows in question.
“I have no George to take me to the station!”
“Of course! How silly of me!” He raised his hands in acknowledgement of the obvious. “Please take the car and park it at the station; George should have no need for it today.” He pointed toward the keys on the hallway table, resting in an intricate glass bowl.
“Are you sure?” I asked.
“Indeed, please do; it will make your journey easier!” He smiled.
“Okay!” I replied as I picked up the keys and simply stated, “Fingers crossed then!” I took a deep breath and then opened the main door to a brisk hard wind.
“I wish you well today!” he then called and I smiled and left before I changed my mind.
Remarkably I found a parking space with ease, and the train journey into work was hassle-free. It was a good start to the day, I felt; it was necessary to remain as calm as possible until my meeting with John, I did not want to cry, raise my voice or become anything resembling a raging woman scorned. I had decided that I wanted to rise above the hurt, torment and embarrassment and just lay down my thoughts and opinion of where our relationship lay.
Work was actually quite satisfying. I threw myself into it, most probably to keep my mind from anything else. When people in the office started moving around and putting on jackets, I realised that the inevitable had arrived – it was lunchtime – and so I stood and put on my coat, retrieved my bag and quickly told Claire where I was going. She could not have been happier; she had never had a lot of time for John. She was extremely busy and so had decided to continue working and eat on the go. I slowly made my way to the small bistro near to work that John had agreed to meet me in. At least if things got too difficult it was a short journey back to the office.
As I turned the corner and tried to breathe in and out deeply, whilst running through what I wanted to say, I peered through the window to see if John was already there. As I suspected, he was sitting at a seat near the window, looking very nervous. I felt remarkably better. I had not expected him to be so anxious; usually he was so sure of himself. It put me at ease, and as I walked through the door, I mumbled to myself: “Here goes.”
Chapter Twenty-Two
“You’re here!” were his first words.
“Did you expect me not to be?” I asked with annoyance. I thought that I was a more reliable person than that! He poured me a glass of water.
“I’m... I’m just surprised is all!” he then stated hesitantly.
“Well, I am here, John, so let’s get this over with!” I remarked, hoping this wasn’t going to take long. Three months ago, I would have fallen apart, but with renewed enthusiasm in something I believed in, it felt remarkably easy!
“What can I say? I made a huge mistake – a stupid mistake. I am an idiot and it meant nothing. However, you didn’t help, did you?” he then said. I shook my head and then raised my eyebrows.
“I’m sorry, how is this my fault?” I asked, reasonably.
“Well, you’re not exactly easy and then you go and buy a completely inappropriate property with all of our money. What am I supposed to think?” he said. That was it, right there, right then – I realised how shallow he was. I laughed.
“John, let me point out the obvious to you – you proposed to me; I accepted because I loved you. You proceeded to enter into a relationship with a work colleague, which in your eyes was obviously satisfactory, even though you were engaged. It is not ‘our’ money, it is ‘my’ money, and I will spend it how I choose, whether you like it or not. After your recent behaviour I really do not think that you have any say in the matter, do you?” I asked with conviction. He stuttered:
“I didn’t mean to have a relationship with someone else!” he shouted. I looked around the bistro, realising that others were listening in, and beckoned for him to come closer.
“But you did, which says how little you thought about me!” I replied in a whisper. I pulled out the ring that he had given me. “This unfortunately is where I give this back to you, because quite honestly I don’t want it anymore!” I then finished as I placed it on the table in front of him.
“Can’t we talk about this?” he pleaded, and suddenly I felt at ease.
“No! We can’t! We’re done! So I wish you well, John, with Nadine or whoever else, but that’s it!” I replied with confidence. He rubbed his head.
“It’s your birthday next week. I’d hoped that we would spend it together!” he the
n said. “And did I hear you’re having a party at that house you bought?” “Northfield, John! Get used to the name because I am not selling it. Yes I am having a party there and I am sorry to say that you are not invited!” I happily said as I stood. “I really don’t feel like lunch. I think we’re done!” I finished as I put my coat on and started to leave. John stood up quickly.
“That’s it? After nearly two years, you have nothing else to say to me?” he asked. I tied the belt on my coat and turned to him.
“I don’t think you have the right to ask me that, do you? Surely you knew this was coming? I’m not some pushover, John! Enjoy life, but I’m not coming back, so move on! I will be over to collect some more clothes this weekend, and will arrange moving anything else that is mine soon.” I pushed open the bistro door and the wind that hit my face felt like a gentle pat on my cheek to say well done. I was happy and I walked away, feeling like I had achieved a great deal of self-respect.
As I walked past a wine bar I often visited, I felt the sudden need for a celebratory drink, so I entered and spoke to Hamish behind the bar and asked for a shot of his very best brandy. It was heavenly, and as they sold liquor I bought a bottle of it to take home. Celebrations were in order!
When I returned to work, Claire was eyeballing me from the conference room, which had glass walls, and I knew she was happy to see that I was not crying or upset in the slightest. At the first opportunity, she was out of that room and at my desk.
A Different Reflection Page 24