It wasn’t out of loyalty to Dax, she didn’t think Jen should be marrying him in the first place, but she still didn’t like it. She didn’t like that it was something Jen would do. The second thing though, and this was far more the issue than the first thing, was that she didn’t want to talk about Reagan.
Talking about last night would spoil things somehow. It would make it feel less special, and she wasn’t ready for it to feel less special. If her night with Reagan had been an actual physical thing now and not a memory, she would have scooped it up and tucked it away in her pocket so that nobody could get close to it but her.
And Jen knew her so well! It would take hardly any time at all for her to figure out that there was something going on, and Ella wasn’t exactly a world class liar. She would spill her guts, and then Pamela and Kristy would know everything about it, and then they would all interject their opinions. Ella didn’t want that and she was majorly tempted to just let the call go to voicemail.
That way she could continue to exist in her little bubble. But it was still Jen’s weekend, whether she was treating her engagement seriously or not, and Ella couldn’t just blow her off. Even if she should have, she just couldn’t do it.
“Hey Jen, what’s up?”
“Apparently you are. Finally.”
“What do you mean, finally?”
“It’s like, 1:30. In the afternoon. I thought you were going to sleep all day!”
“Oh my god, is it really? How is that possible?”
“I don’t know, you tell me. You’re like, totally late.”
“Late for what?”
“For lunch! We’ve been by the pool for forty-five minutes. Get your ass down here.”
“But-”
“Nope! No buts. Down here. By the pool. NOW. OK, bye!”
Jen hung up the phone without allowing Ella to say anything further. She just stared at the phone in her hand, her jaw open and feeling more than a little bit annoyed. People were always treating her like this! Always assuming she would do what she was told, always ordering her around. Part of her, the rational part, knew that the reason for that was that she let it happen, but it didn’t mean she liked it.
She was tired of it, and she had a feeling that someday soon there was going to be a blow up where she made that clear. For the moment, however, she would do what she had been asked to do. She stood, relishing the wobbly feeling of her legs (especially her upper thighs) and moved to her suitcase. On top of it, she found an envelope.
Her name was written across the front in an elegant, old fashioned cursive that reminded her very much of calligraphy and when she tore it open eagerly, she saw that it was a request from Reagan.
“Ella,
As I write this, you lay there sleeping. Each breath I watch you take is like watching a miracle unfold. To leave you this way is like agony, but I fear I must do so. I’ve business to attend to and it cannot wait. At the same time, I cannot stand the idea of not seeing you again, of not being near you again. Say that you’ll meet me tomorrow evening.
Or, as you are sleeping, let your heart cry out in agreement. I will wait for you. Outside of the Bellagio, in front of the fountains, I will wait for you. I’ll wait all night if I have to, but I hope you don’t leave me there that long. I hope to have you in my arms again as soon as possible. Yours Always,
Reagan Morgan”
Ella was stunned. As much as she had enjoyed the night before and as much as she believed that it meant something, it had never in her wildest dreams occurred to her that Reagan would feel so much that he would write her a letter like this one. She read it through a second time, a third, and found that her hands were actually trembling. She couldn’t remember ever having been so excited about something in her whole life, and here she was having to go down and socialize with Jen and two girls she didn’t really like.
She cursed her luck and pulled the first thing handy out of her suitcase, which turned out to be a little black sundress that was probably the most revealing piece of clothing she owned. She threw her hair up into a messy bun, swiped enough makeup on to not get a lecture about “going out like that,” and donned a large pair of Audrey Hepburn sunglasses.
She didn’t even bother looking in the mirror before sprinting out of the room. Later, she would spend plenty of time worrying over herself in the mirror. She would look at herself from every angle, examining, wondering if Reagan would still see in her the thing he had seen that made him want to write that letter.
But right now? Right now, she didn’t have the energy for it. She knew it was terrible, but she just wanted to get this over with. She loved Jen, but she was the last thing on her mind at the moment. All she wanted to do was think about Reagan, plan for their meeting, just bask in it.
Other girls did that all of the time, had been cancelling on her and putting her in the backseat since middle school. It was the first time she had ever been tempted to be selfish in that way, for god’s sake! Those were the kinds of thoughts she had in the elevator ride to the main floor. She thought about that while she walked to the poolside restaurant and waved the hostess aside since she already knew where her friends were.
She could already hear them catcalling her as she walked along the side of the pool, and Jen actually stood up and started to clap. Ella went red from her scalp to her toes, making frantic motions for Jen to SIT DOWN, for god’s sake! She did, reluctantly, but that didn’t stop her loud noises of appreciation.
“Jen, seriously! What are you doing?”
“Calm down. Besides, it’s not just me.”
“OK, then why are any of you doing that? What’s the big deal? Do I look terrible again? Go ahead and say it. I think I’m getting used to it.”
“Um, no, actually. It’s kind of the opposite.”
Ella, who had been about to try and say something that might get these girls off of her case, stopped in her tracks. She eyed Pamela suspiciously, trying to figure out if she was for real or if this was some new way of telling her that she had been judged, and that she had been found lacking. But Pamela looked back at her without a hint of irony on her face, and Jen nodded along with her vigorously. Even Kristy looked mildly engaged, which was pretty unusual from what Ella could tell. So maybe they weren’t bullshitting her.
“Seriously, Ella, you look...amazing. What’s different with you? What’d you do?”
“What do you mean? Nothing.”
“Uh uh. Nope, you’re lying. You wanna know how I know?”
“No?”
“Hickey!”
Jen pointed at Ella’s neck and before she could do anything to deflect the attention, her best friend’s finger was highlighting a mark on her neck. That was when Ella remembered what she had noticed in the last moments of consciousness before slipping into sleep. He had nicked her with his teeth, a sign of passion if there ever was one.
Except that she wasn’t really sure that it was a nick. Because now that Jen, Pamela, and Kristy were all looking at it and her own hand had moved up to the small wound, she found that it didn’t feel like an accidental nick. It felt more precise than that.
It felt like a bite, but one in which only two exceptionally sharp incisors had broken the skin. She couldn’t have explained why, but to Ella it seemed like something that had been done with intent. Thank god her friends only saw the bruising that must have popped up around the bite and not the bite marks themselves. If they had seen that, they would have freaked out to such a crazy degree that there would have been no calming them down. Or, more importantly, no shutting them up.
“Spill it. Spill it, spill it, spill it!”
“Spill what, Jen? There’s nothing to spill.”
“No way! You are not getting off the hook that easily. We’re not dumb, OK? You didn’t give yourself that hickey. What kind of trouble did you get up to last night?”
“Nothing! Honestly, guys, it was nothing.”
Ella had never wished she was a good liar more than she did in that moment.
She knew that her face was giving her away, and there was nothing she could do about it. She was just so pale! Anytime she got embarrassed, upset, or angry, it showed in the bright splotches of color that would form in her cheeks. This moment was no exception, and Jen scooted closer to her, practically sitting in her lap at this point.
She had that look on her face that Ella knew all too well, the look that said “we are not done with this until I say we are.” Jen wasn’t an overly ambitious girl, but when she decided she wanted something, it was virtually impossible to dissuade her. Just like a pitbull, Ella thought to herself forlornly.
“She’s totally lying. I saw her leave Tao with a guy last night.”
Kristy spoke softly and with an air of boredom, maybe even disdain. Out of her three interrogators, Kristy was by far the least interested. Or, if she was interested, she did a fantastic job of hiding it. That almost made it worse. It made her more believable, somehow, her not caring. Ella wanted to tell her that she had been mistaken, but the look on Kristy’s face told her that what she had said wasn’t open for discussion.
“Oh really?” Jen chirped, her entire body practically vibrating with excitement. “Now isn’t that interesting?”
“I guess so. I thought it was more annoying than anything else.”
“What? How come?”
“Because. I tried to talk to him before he came onto her. I would totally have gone home with him, which I pretty much told him, but he wasn’t interested. He hardly even looked at me. He was looking at her. He was watching her across the room like she was some kind of a movie star or something. He was super beautiful, too. He might actually have been a movie star. Or a model or something. He was seriously that good looking.”
“Holy shit!” Jen crowed, jumping up out of her seat and doing a little happy dance. “This is like, the best thing I’ve ever heard in my life! You have to tell me everything. Really, like every single detail. I can’t believe this is happening! You didn’t even want to come to Vegas, and you’re already being the baddest one of all of us!”
Suddenly, Ella felt a very uncharacteristic surge of rage. Jen was talking about her like she was some kind of kid sister, some kind of a side show freak for everyone to gawk at. It was that “aw, isn’t she cute?” attitude, and Ella hated it. Not to mention the fact that Ella was in NO WAY the baddest of them all. Jen must have been assuming that nobody had seen her leave the club with a man who was decidedly not her fiancé, but she was dead wrong.
Ella had seen it, and she had seen the way Jen had been throwing herself at the guy. She knew what that kind of behavior meant from Jen. They had definitely not just gone off to have a cup of coffee and a lively chat, that was for sure. Why was she allowed to cheat on her fiancé at her own bachelorette party, and Ella, who was legitimately single, wasn’t allowed to meet a guy? She was getting pretty damn sick of not being allowed to be a normal twenty-five year old girl.
“Excuse me.”
“Wait a minute! Where are you going?”
“The bathroom.”
Ella heard the coldness of her own voice, but she didn’t regret it. She didn’t feel bad about it at all, nor did she feel bad about the shocked looks on the three girls’ faces. At some point, they were going to have to stop treating her like a baby, and it would be just fine with her if that sometime started now.
She stood, smoothing her dress out carefully, before turning and walking away from the three. She brought her purse with her. She really was going to the bathroom, but she had no intention of rejoining her group. She needed some room to breathe. Jen, however, seemed to have other plans for her. She had hardly made it into the restroom before the door opened behind her.
“OK, what the fuck, Ella? What’s your problem?”
“My problem? Do I have to have a problem to go to the bathroom?”
“No, but that’s not all that was, and you know it. What’s going on with you? First you get super drunk, then you hook up with some guy, and now this attitude? I don’t get it.”
“What’s to get? You know that I’m just a twenty-five year old girl, right? Just like you and your friends. Why is it that I’m supposed to act one way while you guys get to act different?”
“Because, that’s just who you are. The way you’re acting here, it’s not you.”
“Who says?”
“Um, everybody?”
Ella stared at Jen in disbelief. She had her hand on one hip and a haughty look on her face, which was usually the expression she wore when someone was disagreeing with her. This is my best friend, Ella thought, and she can’t let me change at all. She’s my best friend but she needs me to stay the same person I’ve always been. I don’t know why, but she can’t have me change, even if it’s what’s best for me.
Ella took a deep breath, doing her best to keep it together, but this latest realization was both heart-breaking and infuriating. She wanted Jen to be there for her, maybe even be happy for her that she was finally letting loose and having a good time. Instead, all Jen had to offer was criticism.
“Well, then maybe everybody is wrong. Maybe you’re wrong. I don’t have to stay the same way for my whole life. Can’t you see that I’m excited about this? Can’t you see that I like this guy? Who knows, I may even love him someday. You should be happy for me.”
“Please,” Jen scoffed, “in love? Come on, Ella. Be realistic.”
“Why? Why couldn’t I be in love with him? Do you think I don’t understand the concept or something? It’s not like you invented it. Besides, you can’t really love Dax all that much anyway.”
“Excuse me?!”
“I saw you last night, Jen. I saw you leaving with that guy, and the two of you definitely weren’t on your way to a rousing game of Scrabble. If you really loved Dax, would you cheat on him? Would you betray his trust that way?”
The next sound was that of a dull slap as Jen’s open palm struck Ella in the face. Both girls were panting furiously and both wore expressions of disbelief. Neither one had meant for things to go this far, but once the floodgates were open, they hadn’t been able to stop. Sometimes it was like that with really old friendships. If you allowed things to go unsaid for long enough, it could poison the relationship in the end.
It wasn’t all Jen’s fault, either. They were both at fault. But that didn’t change the way Ella felt. It didn’t change the fact that Jen was trying to keep her in a little box and now, now that Ella was finally ready to expand her horizons, Jen didn’t want to let it happen. And the thing she had said about Dax, while maybe a bit of a low blow, was also completely true. Whether Jen liked it or not, what she had done was wrong.
“If you honestly think you understand what it’s like to be in love because a good looking guy finally noticed you, you’re deluded. If you want to act out some weird alter ego because you’re in Vegas, go for it. We both know you’ll be the same old grandma librarian when we get back to Texas. And if you’re lucky, I may even still let you be in the wedding.”
With an exaggerated flip of her blonde hair, Jen exited the bathroom. Ella was left standing there, totally shocked by how quickly everything had gone downhill. She hated fighting with people, just hated it, and her first instinct was to run after Jen and beg for forgiveness. She would give it, too. Ella knew that because it was exactly how each of their previous fights had gone, ever since they were children.
She even went so far as to open the door and take a couple of steps in Jen’s direction, almost called out for her to stop. But this time was different. This time a little voice inside of Ella told her to let Jen go. If they were really friends, if they were as good of friends as Ella had believed them to be, they would mend this. But it didn’t have to involve her grovelling for forgiveness. Jen really did need to understand that Ella was growing up, that she was changing.
If she couldn’t understand that, then their friendship really might not make it. That would be awful, heart-breaking even, but it would be the case. Because Ella was changing. She
could feel it in her blood, and it excited her. She was the most excited about her life in this last day than she had been for all of the rest of it, and that was something she was not about to give up exploring. Things would fix themselves or they wouldn’t with Jen, but in the meantime, Ella had other things to think about.
Like a certain man who would be waiting for her beside a certain famous fountain later that evening. Just thinking about that made her stomach do little flips of anticipations and Ella thought to herself merrily that this must be what people meant when they talked about having butterflies in their stomach.
Once she thought about that, she realized that she was too freaking excited to worry about Jen and the nasty things she was undoubtedly telling Pamela and Kristy about her now. She was too excited to do anything but go back to her rooms. She ordered some room service, feeling very posh and extravagant as she did so, knowing that she needed to eat something despite the fact that she wasn’t hungry in the slightest.
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