by J. M. Lamp
“I’m not going anywhere.”
“I don’t want you to regret this later in life, Ethan.”
“He doesn’t want to see me,” I say. “He made that clear years ago.”
“Maybe he regrets it all,” she says.
“He hasn’t tired contacting me once since I left for college.”
“You do what you want,” she says. “You only have yourself to blame if you feel like shit once he’s gone.”
“I’ll be sure to take note of that, Had.”
My phone vibrates on the table and I flip it over, expecting to see a message from Cody.
Soon.
It’s from an unknown number and my stomach instantly turns sour as I wonder who in the fuck it could possibly be.
“What?” Hadley says as she notices the look on my face.
I push my phone over to her and she squints her eyes as she focuses in on the message.
“What the fuck?” she says.
“I don’t know,” I say.
“Is this the first time you’ve gotten something like this?”
“Yes.”
“Ethan…”
“I swear,” I say, throwing my hands up in front of my chest. “Maybe it’s just Elliot messing with me. They’ll be back in a few weeks.”
“Or maybe it’s some sick fucker who is planning to do something to you.”
“Or maybe it isn’t.”
“If it happens again,” she says, “make sure you tell me.”
“I will.”
She takes a picture of the screen with her own phone and shoves the phone back over to me. I realize that it probably isn’t Elliot and that she’s right; someone’s planning to do something to me and I can’t handle the idea of what that is or who is going to do it. Hopefully, though, it is Elliot because I can’t take any more stress.
***
I get home from work and immediately plop myself down onto the couch. I close my eyes and debate on whether to take a nap or wait for Cody to get off of work.
My phone starts ringing and it’s someone Skyping me. It’s Elliot and I instantly smile with glee because I haven’t talked to him in weeks.
“Well,” I say, “how’s my favorite Britt doing?”
“He’s good,” he says. “Should have the accent mastered by the time I’m home.”
“I can’t believe you’ll be home the weekend after next. I’ve missed you, buddy.”
“I’ve missed you, too. Sorry I haven’t got a hold of you for a few weeks. I’ve been working nonstop and trying to get things figured out with a publisher in Chicago for when I come back over seas.”
“Are they going to merge?”
“Yep,” he says. “Thank God. They had no problem with my going back home because I interviewed my replacement for over here yesterday, but they’re still sad I’m leaving.”
“So what, you’re going to run things over here?”
“They’re adding on, I guess you could say, and I’m going to lead all the new stuff and there will be two of everything.”
“Is Will excited?”
“He can’t wait to come back,” he says, laughing. “He’s practically creaming in his jeans when he looks at the calendar. He misses his sister and he hasn’t got to see his nephew since he was born.”
“Well,” I say, “that will be good.”
I look across the room and don’t say anything. He notices me dazing and says, “You OK? I know you weren’t feeling great the last time we talked.”
“I’m fine,” I say. “I finally told Cody everything.”
“Everything?”
“I mean, not every single thing that ever happened, but he gets the gist of it all. He officially hates him, I think. He didn’t say anything after I told him, but he was really red and I can tell when he’s pissed off. He doesn’t know what Rick looks like, though, so there really isn’t anything he can do.”
“Well, good,” he says. “Maybe he’ll beat the shit out of him.”
“By the way, did you text me today? Just one message that just had the word soon? It was a number I didn’t recognize.”
“No,” he says, laughing. “Why would I do that?”
“I don’t know,” I say. “I didn’t figure that it was you, but I just wanted to make sure.”
“Who do you think it was?”
“I don’t know,” I say. “I don’t know if I even want to know.”
“That’s weird, Ethan. Maybe you should have it traced or something. It would be different if they were asking you out or even just saying hey, but the word soon?”
“I was with Hadley when I got it and she took a picture, so I figure she has that taken care of already.”
“Do you think it’s—“
“I don’t know.”
“I’m sure it isn’t,” he says. “Honestly, don’t worry about it. How’s Cody?”
“Good,” I say. “Relived, I think, because he knows what’s wrong with me now.”
“There’s nothing wrong with you, Ethan.”
“I know,” I say. ‘I meant the things I’ve been going through. He came home last night and told me that he loved me and that he would always be there for me. I broke down and just laid it all out for him.”
“Well, good,” he says. “Take it from me, not telling him things and not telling him how you’re feeling is worse than actually telling him. Not knowing makes you jump to conclusions that are stupid and, most of the time, completely different than what the truth actually is.”
“Any more news about the wedding?”
“No,” he says. “I’m letting Will handle all of that. I don’t care what we do - I just want to get married. He wants to have a little celebration, though, with you guys and his sister. Which is perfectly fine, I just hope he doesn’t have some big thing planned.”
“Why not?”
“I just don’t want it all,” he says. “I just want Will and all that money that would go into a wedding can go towards other things like the house that we are planning to buy once we get back.”
“That’s exciting,” I say, smiling. “Please let me come with you and your hot fiancé to pick one out.”
“Of course, Ethan,” I hear Will say behind him.
I instantly get red and laugh. Will closes the front door and walks over to the couch.
“I was just telling your lover that I can’t wait to see you two get married,” I say.
“He’s being stubborn,” he says, kissing Elliot on the head and sitting down on the couch. “He just wants to go to the courthouse when we get back, but I want people to see it and celebrate it with us.”
“I agree,” I say. “I’d be pissed if I wasn’t there.”
“See,” Will says, looking over to Elliot. “We have to have a wedding - that’s all there is to it.”
“We’re going to have dinner with you and Cody once we get back, by the way,” Elliot says.
“Okay,” I say. “That sounds like a plan.”
“I’m gonna go, buddy,” he says, “but I’ll talk to you later. And if you need anything, make sure you call me.”
“I will.”
“Bye, Ethan,” Will says as he gets up off the couch.
“Bye, guys.”
***
“Ian said that he’s free Saturday night,” Cody says. He sits down beside me on the couch and puts his feet up on the coffee table.
“That’s fine,” I say. I lay into his shoulder and he rubs my head as he flips through the channels on the TV.
“Did you have a good day?” he asks me.
“Yeah,” I say. “I went to lunch with Hadley and work was fine.”
“Good,” he says.
“I talked to Elliot today, too.”
“Oh?” he says. “Are they doing good?”
“Yeah,” I say. “They’re coming back next weekend. He wants us four to have dinner.”
“That’s fine,” he says. “I don’t work next weekend, either.”
I’m
not going to tell him about the text. It will only worry him and after what I told him about Rick, I don’t want to add any reasons for him to worry about me more than he probably is right now.
“My brother called me today,” he says.
“Did you answer it?”
“No,” he says. “He left me a voicemail. It said that he needed to talk to me about something.”
“Maybe you should call him back,” I mumble.
“If he has something he needs to tell me that bad,” he says, “then he can leave it on the voicemail.”
“Hadley told me today that our dad is sick.”
“Like, dying sick?”
“Yeah,” I say. I lean off his shoulder and put my hands behind my head. “Mom told her that he probably doesn’t have much time left.”
“Are you gonna go see him?”
“No,” I say.
“Why not?”
“Why won’t you talk to your brother?”
“Never mind,” he says. “It’s your choice, obviously, but you might regret it if you don’t go is all I’m getting at.”
“I know,” I say, “but I just don’t care right now. Honestly, I don’t have any feeling about the fact. I haven’t talked to him since I left years ago.”
“We haven’t talked about your dad,” he says. “I mean, I know why you dislike him so much, but you’ve never really told me about him, in general.”
“We haven’t really talked about your brother, either,” I say back, raising my eyebrows.
“There isn’t much to him other than what he did to my mom.”
“There isn’t much more to my dad, either, besides the fact that he doesn’t support that I’m gay.”
“My brother isn’t dying, though,” he says.
“You don’t know that.”
“Fine,” he says.
He takes out his phone and holds it up to his ear. I realize that he’s calling his brother and I sit back and smile as he gets off the couch and leans against the wall.
“Hey,” he says. “I’m fine. What’d you need?”
I can hear a voice on the other end, but I can’t make out what he is saying.
“When?” he says. “Well, good for you.”
He pauses again, waiting, and says, “We’ll see.”
He hangs up the phone and sits it on the coffee table. I look up at him as she leans against the wall again and I say, “Well?”
“He’s fine,” he says
“What’d he need?”
He makes his way back towards the bedroom and says, “He’s moving to Chicago.”
Chapter Six
Cody
“S O,” ETHAN SAYS, PUTTING HIS WALLET and phone in his pants pockets, “dinner, and then just us two for the movie, right?”
“Yep.”
“By the way,” he says, “I’m going to give him Hadley’s number. She thinks he’s cute and he seems like a decent guy.”
I laugh and he says, “He’s not gay, right?”
“No,” I say, “I just can’t see them working out. They’re both pretty outspoken and they will probably clash.”
“Hadley likes a good challenge,” he says.
He walks by me and smacks my left ass-cheek.
“That hurt,” I say.
“Good,” he says, leaning over and kissing me. “So, you want to talk about Nathan?”
“I’m good,” I say.
“You could at least tell me when he plans on moving here.”
“In a few months,” I say. “You ready?”
***
“So,” Ethan says, “how did you guys meet anyway?”
Ian tips his beer back and says, “I dated Carrie in college. We were awful together, but she came to my gym and she brought Cody one day and we just hit it off as friends.”
“He was one of the first non-gay friends that I ever had in the city,” I say, laughing.
“And he was my first gay friend, ever,” Ian says. “Changed my whole perception of how a gay guy acts.”
“Yes,” Ethan says, pointing to me. “The masculinity is strong with this one. So, why didn’t you and Carrie work out?”
“We both say exactly what we think,” he says, “and neither of us liked that about each other. We always took each other way too seriously.”
“So, you don’t like someone who challenges you in that way?”
“It’s not that,” he says, “we were both young, I guess. I was just getting started with the gym and she was about to graduate and didn’t know whether she was going to stay around here or not. We ended it before it got out of hand so we could still manage to be friends.”
“Which worked out well because I wasn’t put in the middle,” I say.
Ethan pulls out a piece of paper and hands it to Ian and says, “Here, I know it’s random, but my sister is a great person and I mentioned your name to her the other day. She thinks you’re cute, but she doesn’t want to just fuck you. So, if you get bored, you should give her a ring.” He pulls out his phone and shows Ian a picture of her.
Ian smiles and says, “I’ll think about it.”
“I’m warning you, though,” he says, “she’s a challenge. She’s outspoken and will also tell you exactly what she thinks.”
“No harm in trying again, I suppose,” Ian says.
“Well,” Ethan says, “I apologize in advance if she’s a bitch. But you’re welcome if you two fall in love.”
Ian laughs and says, “I’m going to go get us another round.”
I turn to Ethan who looks over at me and smiles. He takes a drink of his beer, sets it down and looks towards the window on the other side of the room outside. He freezes and his eyes grow wide. I look over at the window to see what he’s looking at, but there’s nothing there.
I wave my hands in front of his face and he says, “What?”
“Are you OK?”
“Yeah,” he says. “I have to go to the bathroom.”
I get out of the booth and Ethan rushes past me, walking straight to the hallway towards the bathroom. I sit back down, confused, and Ian comes back with our drinks.
“Where’d he go?”
“Bathroom,” I say. I scratch my forehead and glance back down towards where the bathrooms are again.
“Everything OK?”
“I don’t think so,” I say. “I don’t know. We were sitting here and he looked outside and then he just went blank for a second.”
“Maybe you should go check on him?”
I get up and make my way back to the bathroom. As I open the men’s room door, I hear someone puking in one of the stalls.
“Ethan,” I say, knocking on the stall door. He unlocks the door and it swings open as I see him kneeling on the floor with his hands around the toilet seat.
“I’m sorry,” he says.
“What’s wrong?”
“I just felt sick for some reason,” he says. He wipes his mouth and flushes the toilet. I move out of the way as he moves past me to the sink.
I stand behind him and lean against the wall by the door as he washes his hands and looks up at me in the mirror.
“What’d you see outside?”
“Nothing,” he says. “I thought I saw something, but it wasn’t what I thought it was. It just took me by surprise, I think, and upset my stomach.”
He dries his hands and I stand in front of the door as he throws away the paper towels.
“Let’s go,” he says.
“You sure you’re OK?”
“I’m fine, Cody.”
“We can go home after this,” I say, opening the door.
“No,” he says.
He makes his way out of the bathroom and back towards Ian who is talking to our waitress.
She smiles and says, “I could’ve gotten those for you guys.”
“I didn’t want you to work too hard,” Ian says.
She laughs and says, “You’re too sweet.” She makes her way towards another table and Ian rolls his eyes.
“We miss anything?” Ethan says, scooting over to the wall in the booth.
“I was trying not to be rude and flat out tell her how shitty of a waitress she is. She could’ve gotten us drinks, but she’s so slow that I thought it would be better if I did. Are you good?”
“Yeah,” he says, “sorry. I’m not feeling very good.”
“So,” Ian says, “tell me more about this beautiful sister of yours.”
Ethan laughs, grabs my hand under the table and says, “She used to be a detective, but she stepped down. It got pretty stressful and she wants to focus on having a love life and a family and all that. That’s why I said she wasn’t just looking to do it.”
“A family could be nice,” he says. “I have a brother and a sister and they both have kids and all that. I’ve always liked the idea, but I’ve just never found anyone that made me want to try enough, I guess. What about you two?”
“What about us?” I say.
“Kids,” he says, “and marriage and all of that stuff. Do you want it?”
“We haven’t really talked about it,” I say, looking over at Ethan.
Ethan smiles and says, “One day.”
I wonder if he means it and if he really does want that with me. I know he loves me, but what I don’t know is if he’ll ever be able to fully trust me enough to give himself to me fully in all of those ways.
“I’m glad Cody met you, Ethan,” Ian says. “Before you, all he did was go to work and then come work out at the gym. “
“There’s nothing wrong with focusing on bettering yourself,” I say.
“No,” he says, “but you have to have a little fun. Life is about more than working and lifting. I’m just glad you guys found each other.”
“Me too,” I say, pulling Ethan in closer to me.
“You sure you don’t want to go to the movie with us?” Ethan asks Ian.
“I have to get the gym locked up,” he says. “I’m tired, anyway from today. I’ve been training a bunch of wannabe-fighters and it’s starting to exhaust me.”
“You’re good, though,” I say. “That guy won the tournament last year because of you.”
“He was just good,” he says. “I had nothing to do with it.”