Tales Before Tolkien

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Tales Before Tolkien Page 10

by Douglas A. Anderson


  “Puss-cat Mew jumped over a coal,

  In her best petticoat burnt a great hole;

  Puss-cat Mew shan’t have any milk

  Till her best petticoat’s mended with silk.”

  They all three looked round, and beheld the hateful face of Jumper, gleaming with malicious pleasure. Joe rushed out, but the Dwarf was off at the top of his speed, and there was no chance of catching him. Poor Joe Brown! He threw himself on the ground in the deepest misery, and his parents’ efforts to console him were all in vain. His loved, his beautiful wife was gone—gone for ever—and probably in the power of her enemies. He felt that life without her was impossible, and his first impulse was to kill himself in the quickest way he could. However, on reflection, he remembered that this would do neither himself nor Puss-cat Mew the slightest good, and would, moreover, please her enemies more than anything else. He took a second and a better resolution, and this was to devote the rest of his life to the endeavour to recover his lost and loved one.

  From what the Fairy Queen had told him, it was evident that the forest was the place in which alone this could be accomplished, and the question was whether he could manage to get the petticoat mended in the forest without being slain by the Ogres or entrapped by the crafty Dwarfs. His old father had often told him that “courage overcame difficulties,” and although both father and mother were very much averse to his leaving them again, yet when they saw that he was quite determined to do so, and remembered how much he owed to Puss-cat Mew, they could say no more; and, after tenderly embracing and blessing him, bade him farewell.

  This was a very different starting from his last, when he had nothing to think of but the adventures of which he was in search, and was as light-hearted and merry as could be. Now, his heart was heavy enough, and his hopes were all set upon the recovery of his lost treasure. The petticoat was safely tied up and fastened to his waist, and with a stout oaken staff in his hand he set out for the forest.

  As he walked along, however, he thought long and anxiously as to what would be the best course to pursue; for, after all, he could hardly hope to escape his enemies and succeed in recovering his wife, unless some help could be found. Whilst he was thinking, he drew nearer and nearer to the forest, until he was quite close to it; and at that moment he perceived a Fox standing at the edge of the wood, and looking steadily at him. The animal did not run away, or appear the least frightened, but, on his coming near, sat up on its hind-legs and began to talk to him at once—

  “Joe Brown,” it said, “you are come upon a dangerous business. I know your story, and am come to give you all the aid in my power; for I pity you from the bottom of my heart.”

  “Thank you, Mr. Fox,” replied poor Joe; “if you really can help me, I shall never forget your kindness.”

  “Well,” rejoined the animal, “you know that foxes are by no means fools, and I hope to show you that I am not a friend to be despised. Take these three hairs from my brush, and be careful to remember what I now tell you. These are the means by which your dearest wishes may be accomplished; but first you must place each one separately upon the palm of your left hand, and pronounce the magic word ‘Leeneitz.’ ”

  Joe took the three hairs as he was told, and laying the first one upon the palm of his left hand, pronounced the word as the Fox had done, when the hair immediately turned into a bright steel dagger, sharp and strong.

  “This,” said the Fox, “is a dagger which even the tough hide of an Ogre cannot turn aside; it will stand you in good stead in the hour of need.”

  Joe then tried the second hair, which, upon the magic word being spoken, changed into a snuff-box, full of such strong snuff, that, even though the lid was shut, it set Joe sneezing at once.

  “Now,” said the Fox, “this snuff makes you sneeze, it is true, but it also sends any one who smells it to sleep very shortly; and if your enemies have once taken a good pull at it, they will be quiet enough for a few hours, I’ll warrant you.”

  Joe then tried the third hair, which, somewhat to his surprise, became a left-hand glove.

  “Do not despise it, Joe Brown,” said the Fox; “when this glove is upon your left hand, you will be invisible. Thus you have three powerful weapons to use against your foes, although you must remember that you can only use one of them at a time; but as I notice that your oaken staff there is tipped with lead, I think you are really so well armed, that only common courage and caution are needful to give you every hope of success.”

  “I thank you,” said Joe, “from the bottom of my heart; but, oh! can you tell me where I shall be likely to find my wife—my own beloved Puss-cat Mew?”

  The Fox shook his head solemnly, and replied—“That belongs to others to tell. I have performed my part, as directed by One who has a right to direct me, and I can say and do no more for you.” With which words he darted after a hare which was sauntering by at the moment, and was out of sight instantly. But Joe felt more cheerful after what he had heard and the gifts which he had received. He boldly entered the wood, and shaped his course towards where he supposed the Fairy Spring to be. As he went along, however, something suddenly dropped upon him from a tree and lighted on his shoulders, with its legs one on each side of his neck, while a voice at the same time exclaimed, in rough tones of exultation—

  “I’ve nabbed him! I’ve nabbed him!”

  In an instant Joe recognised the voice of one of the Dwarfs, and, dropping suddenly upon his knees, sent the little man flying over his head; but, not knowing how near the other Dwarfs might be, he then put on the left-hand glove as fast as he could, determined to try its powers. The Dwarf jumped up in a fury, but his face expressed blank astonishment as he looked at where Joe had been standing, and where indeed he was really standing still, but the Dwarf could not see him. It was Juff who had made this attack and been so roughly thrown on the ground, and he now exclaimed, in a voice of mingled anger and surprise—

  “Why, where on earth has the fellow got to? Vile Mortal—where are you?”

  Joe stood quite still, delighted to have proved the power of his glove, and the truth of the Fox.

  “This must be seen to,” said Juff, and ran growling off in a rage.

  Joe could have probably slain him, as the little villain seemed to be all alone, but he was full of anxiety to reach the Fairy Spring, where he hoped to hear news of his dear one; so he thought not of pursuit, but pushed forward till he came close to the spot. He stepped sadly on to the green space. The fountain seemed no longer to sparkle so brightly and play so merrily as it had done when he first saw it. There was something mournful in its appearance, and the stream seemed to sigh as it slowly trickled away into the forest.

  Joe sat down upon the ground, and fairly sobbed aloud. At last, in a sad tone of voice, he said—

  “Oh, Fairies, tell me of my darling! tell me how to recover my adorable Puss-cat Mew!”

  Soft and low came the voice this time, in sweet but plaintive strain, and Joe clasped his hands tightly and listened:—

  “Puss-cat Mew in dungeon pines:

  Every day the Ogre grim

  On the flesh of Mortal dines,

  Boasting none can conquer him:

  Boasts he too, that villain dread,

  Shortly he will capture you,

  And will lay your bleeding head

  At the feet of Puss-cat Mew.

  Should this monster, whom we hate,

  In the forest take thy life,

  Know the solemn doom of Fate—

  Puss-cat Mew must be his wife!

  Speaking only Ogre tongue,

  Fairy music all forgot,

  Doomed to nourish Ogres young—

  Can there be more cruel lot?

  Mortal! steel thy gallant heart,

  Be thou cautious, bold, and true,

  From the forest ne’er depart

  Till thou rescue Puss-cat Mew!”

  Joe jumped up with a bound, and raised his oak-staff high in the air.

  “By
everything I hold dear!” he cried, “never will I turn back from this venture till I rescue my true love from so terrible a fate. Courage! I should be a recreant knave indeed if I had it not. The blood of all the Browns foams and boils in my veins. I am ready for the fray!” and without more to say or do, he walked out of the green and marched boldly forward.

  He had not gone far before he heard footsteps, and looking round, having first put on his glove, he perceived the Dwarf Juff, with two of the Ogres, talking eagerly.

  “Why don’t he eat her?” said the Dwarf.

  “You little hop-o’-my-thumb!” growled one of the Giants, “you can’t eat a Fairy, you know, or he’d have made but a mouthful of her. But if he catches that lout of a Mortal whom she is so sweet on, he can eat him, and then he has the right to marry her. But I know one thing—I wouldn’t marry such a squalling Cat for ninepence-halfpenny. The row she makes after that Joe! I wish I had him here! I’d Joe him! Wouldn’t you, Mumble-chumps?”

  “Yes,” returned the other Ogre, to whom he had spoken; “yes, brother Munch’emup, I think we could show him a trick or two worth mentioning.”

  “Why don’t you do it, then?” said a loud voice close to them; and Joe, with his glove on, hit Juff such a crack on the head that the little wretch rolled over like a ninepin.

  “Help, oh, help me!” he roared in agony, as Joe dealt him another blow; but the Ogres could see nobody, and therefore did nothing, whilst Juff lay there bellowing.

  However, Joe, finding how well he was concealed by his glove, and being highly indignant with the Ogre Munch’emup, who had spoken so disrespectfully of Puss-cat Mew, dealt him a blow across the shins with his staff, which made him jump.

  “What do you mean by kicking me, Mumble-chumps?” asked he.

  “I didn’t touch you,” answered the other, to whom Joe at the same time administered a like blow.

  “But I’m not going to stand being kicked by you!” and as Joe dealt them another blow apiece, the two monsters furiously attacked each other, each believing that his friend had assaulted him.

  Joe stepped back and watched the fight with interest, until a blow from Mumble-chumps felled Munch’emup to the ground, where he lay senseless. Joe now thought that he had better play out his part in the game, so he saluted the other Ogre with a tremendous stroke on the wrist, which was nearly broken by the lead-tipped staff.

  The Giant roared with fury, but could see no one to strike, and another blow on the inside of the kneecap brought him on his knees. Then Joe struck him on the head with his full force, crying out as he did so—

  “Puss-cat Mew sends you this!” and the Ogre toppled over with a groan.

  To make matters safe, Joe (having taken off his glove) took his steel dagger, and put an end to the two murdering villains who lay there. As to the wretch Juff, he begged hard for mercy, and Joe was inclined to spare him on account of his size, and would probably have done so had not the old voice at that moment sounded in his ears, less softly and sweetly than ever before—

  “Spare not the Dwarfs! for they are sent

  Down to that dungeon day by day;

  With jeers they Puss-cat Mew torment;

  Wherefore ’tis justice bids thee slay!”

  “Say you so?” cried Joe; “then, by my grandmother’s petticoat, this rascal jeers no more!” and he raised his staff over his head.

  “Oh dear, oh dear!” yelled Juff, “I didn’t do it—I didn’t mean to—I wasn’t there—it was somebody else.” And he howled in abject terror; but Joe, having once invoked his grandmother’s petticoat, which was the most solemn form of adjuration known among the Brown family, hesitated no longer, but dashed out the brains of the miserable Dwarf with his staff immediately.

  But the mention of the garment which had caused all his troubles made Joe recollect that it was still fastened to his waist, and indeed he had found it rather inconvenient during his late exertions. Moreover, he had now fully made up his mind to attack the Ogres in their castle, but he did not see how he was likely to get the petticoat mended with Fairy silk there, and he determined to retrace his steps to the Fairy Green and there leave it. The spring appeared to bubble up rather more merrily when he stepped upon the green, but there was still a melancholy look about the place. Joe spread the garment carefully out before the spring, and, as he found the Fairies always spoke in rhyme, thought he would try his own hand at it, and accordingly spoke thus—

  “With Fairy silk this petticoat,

  They tell me, must be mended;

  And thus the girl on whom I doat

  Will find her sorrows ended.

  To get it mended therefore now

  My one incessant care is;

  So please inform me where and how,

  You dear delightful Fairies!”

  And Joe felt rather proud of himself after this first attempt at rhyming, which was duly answered by the friendly voice—

  “Leave the sacred garment here;

  Leave it, youth, and never fear.

  To the fight thyself devote,

  Leave to us the petticoat!”

  Thus reassured, Joe left the petticoat on the green, shouldered his oaken staff, and marched on. Through the wood he toiled up the gradual ascent, till, without interruption, he came very near to the castle of the Ogres.

  As he came up to the gate, he heard a great noise, and having put on his glove, he quietly entered the courtyard, in which he found the two Ogres, Grindbones and Smashman, playing at bowls with petrified men’s heads; whilst their three remaining servants, whose names were Grimp, Grump, and Gruby, were in attendance, and the two Dwarfs, seated on a low stone bench, looking on. There, then, were all his enemies at once; but Joe knew that caution was necessary. When invisible, he could only use his staff, or his course might have been easier; but no two of the three gifts could be used at the same time: moreover, he mistrusted Gandleperry, whose cunning was evidently superior to that of all the rest. He therefore remained quiet, silently turning over in his mind what was the best thing to do next, when, to his disgust, Grindbones presently turned round and said aloud—

  “Now, you Dwarfs, it is time for you to go and tease Puss-cat Mew. Where’s that fellow Juff? Man’s eyes and cheeks! he is never here to the time!”

  With a wily leer Gandleperry replied—

  “He is out after that poor fool of a Mortal, whom he will probably entice here soon; but Jumper and I are enough to tease that conceited Fairy minx. I wish our power was great enough to allow us to touch her; wouldn’t we tear her flesh for her, and make that pretty face rather different!”

  And with a fearful scowl he and Jumper left the seat and entered the house.

  Joe instantly perceived that this was his chance of discovering his darling. Keeping on his glove, he followed the two Dwarfs into the house, down a stone passage, till they came to a flight of stairs—at the top of which Gandleperry suddenly stopped, and exclaimed to his companion:

  “Did you hear anything, Jumper? I thought I heard a step; and there’s an uncommon smell of Mortal here, too!”

  “No,” replied Jumper, “I heard nothing; and as to a smell of Mortal, I should be surprised if there wasn’t, for don’t you remember how the alderman, whom the Ogres caught yesterday, was chased up and down by the servant Ogres to make him tender? Here it was they worried him at last, and I should think the place would smell for a week.”

  Gandleperry made no reply, but taking a lucifer-box from a shelf in the wall, struck a light, and, with candle in hand, descended the steps, and Jumper after him. Joe cautiously followed, and counted thirty steps, at the bottom of which they came to a low door, which Gandleperry opened by means of a key which he took from Jumper, who carried it at his belt. They all three entered, and Joe could hardly restrain his passion at the sight which met his eyes. On a low chair, in the middle of a vaulted room, lighted only by a dim lamp fixed in the wall, sat Puss-cat Mew. She seemed only the wreck of her former self. Her tortoiseshell skin was no longer b
right and glossy, her eyes no longer sparkled with their old joyous, loving light; she sat with her head supported by one of her paws, and sorrow and suffering were written on her countenance. A tin can of cold water was by her side, and an untasted loaf with it.

  “Now, prisoner,” said Jumper, “how are you to-day, my minnikin Miss?”

  Then Gandleperry seated himself cross-legged opposite her on the floor, put a thumb into each waistcoat-pocket, approached his face so near to her that Joe longed to attack him, and with a malicious grin, leering up into her face, thus accosted her—

  “Pettikin, dear, how is she this nice, bright day? Oh, how lovely it is in the forest! Birds are singing, the sun is shining, flowers are blossoming—oh, so delightful it is! And here is poor Pussy sitting all alone in a nasty damp dungeon! Where’s her Joe now, eh? You little meek-faced beast!—you can’t get out!—no, not a bit of it! And, I say, what do you think? Here’s a bit of news for you! Joe’s caught! Oh yes, he is! Such a go! Ain’t the Ogres just pleased! Joe-giblets for soup! Joe’s feet and ears cold for breakfast! Roast loin of Joe for dinner! Joe and onions for the servant Ogres, and Joe’s head and brains for the dear little Dwarfs! And then Puss-cat Mew will have to marry the nice, kind, handsome old Ogre that beats all his wives till their bones are broken and their flesh is tender, and then has them made into pies to take but for luncheon when he goes shooting! O you pet Puss-cat!—Miaw-aw-aw.”

 

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